So I was over in the warehouse today, checking on the Laotian kids who work in my sweatshop, and I discovered a startling fact: Every bit of Eric D. Snider-related merchandise is nearly GONE!

And then I realized something else startling: Once these are gone, there won’t be any reprints.

In the case of the CDs, it’s not cost-effective. The place that does them for me is reasonably priced, but it’s not like I can have them dash of 10 copies here and there. The quantities need to be in the hundreds — and while you may have visions of my popularity resulting in hundreds of CDs being sold every week, sadly, those visions do not reflect reality.

Considering how long it’s taken to sell the huge number we got in the first place, and considering that most of those sales were shortly after the CDs were released, it would be YEARS before I turned a profit if I were to order another batch. So that’s not really an option.

Here’s the bottom line: If you’ve ever considered buying any of the crap I’m selling, NOW IS THE TIME. When these are gone, they will truly be gone. I’m not trying to get rid of them (you’ll notice I haven’t lowered the prices); I’m just sayin’, at the regular rate at which these things sell, it won’t be long before they’re sold out.

CD: “Will Make Jokes for Food” (2003) A fine assortment of musical comedy recorded in front of an audience. (12 6 COPIES LEFT) $10

CD: “Monkeys and Pirates Are Funny” (2006) A second fine assortment of musical comedy recorded in front of an audience, albeit a different one. (28 4 COPIES LEFT) $10

CD: “The Snide Remarks Collection Vol. 1″ (2004) In which I read 15 “Snide Remarks” columns. Like a book on tape, except it’s columns instead of a book, and it’s a CD. Really, there’s no reason for this CD to exist anymore, since I’m doing the exact same thing every week with the “Snide Remarks” podcast. So buy it as a curio, an artifact, a relic, a memento of days gone buy. (ONLY 2 COPIES LEFT!) SOLD OUT! $7

BOOK: “Songs” (2004) This is piano sheet music (with guitar chords) for 10 of my original songs. Now you can play just like me, wrong notes and all! (10 8 COPIES LEFT… I could print more at Kinko’s without too much trouble, but this was a pretty niche-market item to begin with….) $10

BOOK: “Snide Remarks II: Electric Boogaloo” (1999) Not to brag or anything, but this sold THOUSANDS of copies at Brigham Young University, back in the day. (Specifically, 1 1/2 thousands.) Now I’m left with about 50 copies. BUY THEM! $5

The merchandise-buying page.

(P.S.: Yes, I’ve thought of selling my songs on iTunes. Unfortunately, while it is easy to say, “I want to sell my songs on iTunes!,” actually doing so is much harder when you are not affiliated with a major record label. Apple has seen to that. Also, since a lot of my songs are parodies — i.e., someone else wrote the music — there are royalties issues that make it even more complicated.)