With all of pop-culture-savvy Mormondom (that’s about 50 people) abuzz over news of filmmaker Richard Dutcher’s announcement that he has left both the Mormon cinema movement and the Mormon church, it was only a matter of time before the man himself stepped forward to offer some clarifications. And now he has done so, not by writing another commentary in the Daily Herald, but by posting a comment on a blog. (See, mainstream media? Blogs ARE important!)

The site is By Common Consent, and it’s a smart, Mormon-faithful group of thoughtful writers. One of them, Taryn Nelson-Seawright, wrote a stirring essay about Dutcher’s work, prompting a lively Dutchergate discussion. Then Dutcher himself piped up. His comment is #77, and this link should take you directly to it.

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Today the mailman brought me a package postmarked Orem, Utah. I know plenty of people there, but the name and address were unfamiliar. Was this the mail bomb I’ve been expecting for so long?

I opened the package to find a lovely card addressed to me, and a beautiful gift bag. I read the card. It said, in part:

I loved your “Muckoo for Mocoa Muffs” column. Imagine my delight when, that very day, I walked into Harmon’s grocery store and saw the best-named fake Cheerios ever on the end-cap of one of the health food aisles. I bought a box, intending to send it to you, but I have a little procrastination problem and am only just getting around to it.

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We’re celebrating the 10th anniversary of “Snide Remarks” with a forgotten column being spotlighted every Wednesday, and this week’s “Snide Remarks” Classic is short, goofy, and Christmas-themed! Reading it today will be like having Christmas in whatever month this is!

It’s #139, “A Bowl Full of Telly,” published in the Daily Herald on Dec. 15, 2000. It has a few Utah-specific jokes, all of which are explained in the post-column comments … which makes the comments run longer than the column itself. But never you mind! Read it, and get yourself into the holiday spirit! Ho ho ho!

Kieth Merrill: You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.

Richard Dutcher’s commentary in last Thursday’s edition of the (Provo, Utah) Daily Herald sent shockwaves throughout the Mormon blogging community. (Of course there’s a Mormon blogging community. There’s a blogging community for everything.) I recommend reading it in its entirety, but here are some key excerpts:

The church would never allow shoddy, inexperienced architects and builders to create one of its temples. In its sacred commitment to excellence, the church searches for and employs those with the necessary talents, non-Mormons and Mormons alike. Some day, church leaders also will understand the power and potential of film. The cinema of a movement as great as Mormonism must be directed by great artists, not by inexperienced committees. Imagine the potential of images to convey the deepest, most sacred doctrines of Mormonism.

Look at the movies that play on the screen of the theater in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. These films are the introduction of Mormonism to hundreds of thousands of people from across the globe. Shouldn’t these be the most powerful films on the face of the earth? For whatever reason — nepotism, ignorance … who knows? — this opportunity is squandered. Why not share with visitors the beauty and power of Mormonism, rather than treating them to polite, remedial and not-so-factual recitations of Mormon History and scripture? Viewers should leave those films weak in the knees, their minds reeling, their spirits soaring. Film has the power to do that.

He also said he is no longer a practicing Mormon (a big shock to most readers), but he loves the church and its doctrines and has simply gone a different direction, spiritually.

On Saturday, the Herald ran a viewpoint by Chris Heimerdinger, a popular LDS novelist whose book “Passage to Zarahemla” is being made into a film to be released this summer. Heimerdinger’s comments don’t really interest me, so I’m not going to talk about them.

The real juicy response to Dutcher’s article was published right next to Heimerdinger’s, both covered by one central headline: “Answering Dutcher.” This one was by Kieth Merrill (misspelling of “Keith” is correct), who won a Best Documentary Feature Oscar in 1973 for “The Great American Cowboy.” He was a little annoyed by Dutcher’s dismissal of the films that play at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. These movies, first “Legacy” and most recently “The Testaments,” are hour-long motion pictures that depict stories, dramatized but fact-based, pertaining to Mormonism. Dutcher described them as “polite, remedial and not-so-factual recitations of Mormon History and scripture.” This offended Merrill because, um, he wrote and directed them.

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More on the Richard Dutcher/Mormon cinema/Kieth Merrill brouhaha later — I’m doing some fact-checking that’s proving onerous — but in the meantime, you must, simply MUST, watch this 2 1/2-minute film called “The Landlord.” It features Will Ferrell, his longtime friend and collaborator Adam McKay, and McKay’s daughter, Pearl. It contains a bit of PG-rated language. It is incredibly funny.

(It’s on YouTube, too, but the video quality on its originating site, which I’ve linked to, is much better.)

Richard Dutcher in his upcoming film “Falling.”

Richard Dutcher, whose 2000 film “God’s Army” launched a new wave of Mormon-themed theatrical features, announced two things last week: that he’s leaving Mormon cinema, and that he’s leaving the Mormon church.

This is big news to followers of LDS cinema, and small news to people who didn’t realize there was such a thing as LDS cinema. But in Utah there has been no bigger film-related story in this decade than Mormon cinema — films made by, for, and about Mormons.

“God’s Army,” released March 10, 2000, was the first. Its $2.1 million gross showed Utah filmmakers that a movie with a niche audience (Mormons comprise only about 2 percent of the U.S. population) could be successful, provided they kept costs low and turned out a good product. Dutcher himself made the movement’s second entry, “Brigham City” (2001). By the end of 2003, 10 more non-Dutcher LDS films had been released, some good, some bad, some profitable, some not. As of this writing, another dozen or so entries have been filed, including Dutcher’s third film, “States of Grace” (2005), which is far and away the best of the lot and one of the best films of any kind of that year.

Most of these played only in Utah theaters. A few did well enough to move into other locations, mostly in the western U.S., where the highest concentration of Mormon audiences is. None ever managed to be the illusory “crossover success” that many directors were hoping for; in general, non-Mormons have shown no interest in watching movies they perceived as being for Mormons only.

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Monday again? Already? Didn’t we just have one of these like a week ago?!

Because it is Monday, here is your “Snide Remarks,” with the podcast version embedded right there on the page. I was going to write about the Don Imus thing, but then I decided to just make a casual, careless reference to it instead.

ALSO! Here are reviews of Friday’s not-screened-for-critics “Slow Burn” and “Redline.” The reason they weren’t screened for critics, of course, is that they’re bad movies, but in this case I think that plan may have backfired. “Redline” made only $4 million this weekend, debuting in 11th place, while “Slow Burn” managed just $800,000 and about 19th place. Those numbers suggest a lack of public awareness. If they’d been screened for critics, there would have been reviews in all the papers and online on Friday. Yeah, most of the reviews would have been negative — but at least it would have increased the films’ visibility. Ultimately, all publicity is good publicity.

“Redline” has an amusing backstory. As reported by the Los Angeles Times, it is the brainchild of Daniel Sadek, a millionaire real estate mogul who wanted an excuse to show off his fancy cars, and also to give his actress girlfriend a starring role. He dreamed up the story and handed it over to an unknown screenwriter and director, appointing himself producer and financier. He put about $55 million of HIS OWN MONEY into the film’s production and marketing, and is distributing it himself, too. (Usually, people who produce movies independently sell them to studios to handle the distribution. That’s what Sundance is all about: “Here’s this movie we made; will you please use your money and resources to put it into theaters for us?”)

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‘Tis a busy weekend at the movies, and none of the options are very good! It’s like going to an all-you-can-eat buffet at T.G.I. Friday’s!

The best of the new releases is “Disturbia,” and that’s only a C+. They get worse from there: the absurd Halle Berry thriller “Perfect Stranger”; the tiresome and padded-out “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” movie; and the laughable Vikings-vs-Indians epic “Pathfinder.”

Two more opened without being screened first, which suggests they may be as bad as the things they DID screen. “Redline” is about street-racing, and “Slow Burn” is a “Usual Suspects”-style thriller about a prosecutor who shoots a man she claims was trying to rape her. Look for reviews early next week, theoretically.

A note on the “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” movie. From a business standpoint, I’m perplexed that it even exists. The show it’s based on is a hit in Cartoon Network’s “Adult Swim” programming, but “hit” is a relative term when we’re talking about basic cable. The TV series averages about 380,000 viewers between the ages of 18 and 24. If every single one of them buys a ticket to the movie, with the average ticket price in America being $6.58, that’s a gross of only $2.5 million. I can’t imagine anyone who isn’t already a fan going to see it, and I doubt every single one of the fans will go, either. Granted, that 380,000 number is only for 18-24-year-olds, but even if there were an equal number of viewers older than 24 — which is doubtful — that’s still a MAXIMUM gross of only $5 million.

Basically, I’m wondering how they’re going to make any money on this film. Production costs, advertising, and so forth must have been at least $2 million. Then they had to pay another $2 million to the city of Boston over that ridiculous “bomb scare” in January (where little boxes meant as promotions for the movie were mistaken for explosive devices). That’s $4 million. On average, movie theaters keep about half of the box office gross, with the other half going to the distributor. So “Aqua Teen” has to gross at least $8 million for it to turn a profit, and I just don’t think that’s possible. I mean hey, good luck to them, but I’m glad it’s not my money they’re spending.

This week’s “In the Dark” podcast can be found here. If you do not know what “In the Dark” is, or if you know but have not yet subscribed to it, then you can remedy either situation here.

The Oregonian published a letter to the editor on Monday that I want to address. First, though, a warning: This letter contains references to towns such as “Happy Valley” and “Boring.” Those are the real names of these places, not sarcastic nicknames.

And now, the letter:

Every time I sit in traffic on Interstate 205 through Clackamas into Portland, my blood begins to boil. You see, construction work has begun to bring light rail to Clackamas Town Center. Precious land is being wasted on something that will never reduce congestion on I-205 (just look at the Interstate 84 corridor through Portland).

The urban growth boundary expansion into Happy Valley, Damascus and Boring will add a significant amount of growth to an area that is primarily serviced by I-205. All of these cars will end up on I-205, creating another traffic nightmare like we see on Interstate 5 every day.

Light rail will cost hundred of millions of dollars for approximately seven miles of track. With that kind of money, I-205 could easily be expanded to four lanes in each direction. This would be smarter growth and money well spent.

People will never give up the comfort and freedom of their cars in favor of public transportation, especially in a climate where it rains seven months a year.

ALAN GROSSO
Happy Valley

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This week’s “Snide Remarks” Classic is called “Best and Worst” (#128; Oct. 6, 2000). It’s one of several columns I wrote during my time at the Daily Herald in which I made fun of the Daily Herald itself. In this case, it was for a reader survey they’d tried to do that had been a complete disaster and would have been embarrassing if anyone in upper management at the time had been capable of feeling shame.

I always wanted to make fun of the paper more than I did, of course. I should have kept track of all the silliness that went on so I could share it after I no longer worked there. As it is, I’m sure I have forgotten many hilarious anecdotes. Let that be a lesson to you: Wherever you’re working now, keep a journal of your workplace’s foibles so you can laugh about them later.