Some kids don’t understand the Internet. They see their favorite celebrity’s name mentioned in a movie review, and they think whoever wrote the review knows that celebrity personally. So they write to the reviewer and ask, “Do you have Raven-Symone’s e-mail address?”

This causes the reviewer to post a blog entry making fun of these people — which only makes the problem worse, because now when you Google “Raven-Symone e-mail address,” the reviewer’s site comes up even higher on the search results. This causes more dumb kids to write asking for Raven’s address.

This causes the reviewer to post ANOTHER blog entry, which of course exacerbates the problem even further, Google-wise.

Finally, the reviewer posts a blog entry saying, “Here is Raven-Symone’s e-mail address: symone.raven@gmail.com. By the way, that’s not really her address. I registered it myself; the e-mails come to me. I’m posting it to see if you idiots actually write to it, which I’m sure you will, because you probably are not reading this sentence.”

Post-finally, people reprint that e-mail address all over the Web (without the “it’s not real” disclaimer, of course), and “Raven” gets hundreds and hundreds of e-mails. They are reprinted for you here, with the best parts in bold type, as:

CHILDREN’S LETTERS TO RAVEN-SYMONE

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Do you like reading columns about retarded dogs that poop everywhere? If so, then you’re in for a treat today! This week’s “Snide Remarks” Classic, entitled “Stuff Happens,” is an entry from Feb. 2, 2003, that addresses that very topic! It’s about the week I spent dogsitting for a friend and coworker. She thanked me with a $50 gift card at Nordstrom, which was very thoughtful of her. However, the psychological scars linger to this day, and no amount of overpriced department store merchandise can compensate for that.