An Instant Messenger exchange between my brother Jeff and me:
JEFF: [Someone we know] is very much like that [other] weiner, in that she dances from one subject to another without ever addressing the criticisms of what she says.
ME: Yeah, that’s true.
JEFF: In addition to the obvious similarity of both being idiots.
ME: And wieners.
JEFF: Is that how you spell it?
ME: I before E, my friend.
JEFF: I know that’s the general rule.
JEFF: I guess wiener is the one word in the English language I don’t know how to spell.
JEFF: I knew there must be one.
ME: I’m glad we found it.
JEFF: It used to be asphalt.
ME: It’s too bad it’s not an exception to the I before E rule… then the mnemonic device to remember them all could be, “The weird foreigner seizes neither leisure nor weiners.”
JEFF: For that reason alone, I propose an official change.
ME: I don’t even know who to write to about that.
ME: The Queen?
JEFF: Ms. Miriam Webster.
ME: Good one.