An Instant Messenger exchange between my brother Jeff and me:

JEFF: [Someone we know] is very much like that [other] weiner, in that she dances from one subject to another without ever addressing the criticisms of what she says.

ME: Yeah, that’s true.

JEFF: In addition to the obvious similarity of both being idiots.

ME: And wieners.

JEFF: Is that how you spell it?

ME: I before E, my friend.

JEFF: I know that’s the general rule.
JEFF: I guess wiener is the one word in the English language I don’t know how to spell.
JEFF: I knew there must be one.

ME: Wow.
ME: I’m glad we found it.

JEFF: It used to be asphalt.

ME: It’s too bad it’s not an exception to the I before E rule… then the mnemonic device to remember them all could be, “The weird foreigner seizes neither leisure nor weiners.”

JEFF: Totally.
JEFF: For that reason alone, I propose an official change.

ME: I don’t even know who to write to about that.
ME: The Queen?

JEFF: Ms. Miriam Webster.

ME: Good one.

Oh, this is rich.

On April 15, 1994, Dick Cheney was asked about the United States’ actions during the Gulf War three years earlier — specifically, whether we should have pressed on into Baghdad and toppled Saddam Hussein then, as some people had wanted or expected.

Here’s what Cheney said (transcript after the clip):

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