Friday movie roundup - Jan. 11
The biggest new release this weekend isn’t new, technically. It’s “The Bucket List,” which opened in New York and L.A. on Christmas so that it could eligible for the Oscars … Oscars that it probably won’t be nominated for, since it blows. I guess they were thinking that if it starred Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman and was directed by Rob Reiner (”A Few Good Men”), then of course it would get some Academy Award attention! My review of it is at Film.com.
The other new wide release is “First Sunday,” an African American comedy that is clearly a rip-off of the Tyler Perry genre of comedy/melodrama/religion mishmashes. It’s the worst movie of the year! So far!
It’s interesting that “The Bucket List” and “First Sunday” both have the same major thing wrong with them: They are ill-equipped to handle the abrupt shifts in tone from buffoonish comedy to serious drama. I even used some version of the word “buffoon” in both reviews. It is very hard to switch from cartoonish, unrealistic comedy to down-to-earth melodrama, and these movies do not pull it off.
Still in limited release but expanding to more theaters today is “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly,” a true story about a man who suffered a stroke that left him unable to move anything other than his left eye — and with that left eye he established a means of communication and dictated a book. It’s very inspiring. If nothing else, it will give me a kick in the butt the next time I’m complaining to myself about writer’s block. This guy couldn’t even move and he still wrote a book.
Finally, we have two of HOLLYWOOD’S SHAMEFUL SECRETS© (movies that are not screened for critics, which almost always means they’re lousy):
“In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale” is from notorious German director Uwe Boll, widely considered the worst filmmaker currently working. His previous films have been either video game adaptations (“The House of the Dead,” “Alone in the Dark”) or fantasy-and-swords crap (“BloodRayne”); this one appears to be both!
“The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything: A Veggie Tales Movie” is a Veggie Tales movie. I have no idea why anyone over the age of 4 would be interested in seeing it. Perhaps that is why they did not screen it, as most critics are over the age of 4.
(Actually, I’m told that it was screened in some cities. But if it was screened in Portland, the publicist neglected to tell us, so I’m callin’ it a Shameful Secret©.)
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January 11th, 2008 at 8:35 am
My daughter got the “Best of” Veggie Tales DVD for Christmas. It was weird since I don’t think my wife nor I (or I - I always get the grammar there wrong) had ever considered exposing our daughter to the series.
Anyway, it has the “theme song” to the movie on it. Well, there is a song called The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything. It may be the most bizarre thing I have ever seen. Really.
I don’t know why I had to share that. But, I did.
January 11th, 2008 at 8:59 am
You guys are nuts. Veggie Tales is the best thing to happen to children’s television since Sesame Street went all politically correct and started having Cookie Monster tell kids that “Cookies are a sometimes snack” and added Elmo to the cast. Veggie Tales is still funny for kids AND adults. There are so many jokes in there that kids won’t get, that are there solely for the parents. It’s also full of bible stories told in a way that kids can understand, and I don’t see any harm in that. Anyway, I just felt that, as a long-time veggie tales fan (since before I had kids), I should put it out there that it’s not as dumb as it appears. Or that, if it is, it’s dumb in a funny, entertaining way. I haven’t seen the movie, and I don’t think I want to spend $8 on it when my little girl is too young to sit through a movie, but we’ll probably get it someday when it’s on video.
January 11th, 2008 at 9:50 am
By the by, BloodRayne was also a video game.
January 11th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Eek, Uwe Boll is still around? I can’t believe the German Government hasn’t cut off his “artistic” funding yet. January must already be a nightmare for movie critics, having to endure a Veggie Tales movie, an Uwe Boll disaster, and a ripoff of Tyler Perry’s train wrecks.
January 11th, 2008 at 9:58 am
I’m over 20 years old and I rather enjoy Veggie Tales (the ones I’ve seen). It’s cute, entertaining, and best of all, not annoying. I have no intention of seeing anything related to Veggie Tales in theaters because I’m cheap and patient.
January 11th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Don’t tell my wife about that Veggie Tales movie. She loved the original Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything song. And, yeah, Bloodrayne was a video game; peptidefarmer beat me to it.
January 11th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Oh, and Dungeon Siege (the game on which the movie is based) is a fun game but widely known to be lacking of any real story (even the creators basically said it just had enough of a paper-thin story to tie the levels together). Why it was chosen for a movie is beyond me. Then again, even if it had the best plot of any game ever, the movie would still suck with Boll in charge.
January 11th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Veggie Tales is so clever.
January 11th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
We are the pirates who don’t do anything!
we just stay at home, and lie around
and if you ask us, to do anything
we’ll just tell you, we don’t do anything
well I’ve never been to Greenland
and I’ve never been to Denver
and I’ve never buried treasure in ST Louie or ST Paul
and I’ve never been to Moscow
and I’ve never been to Tampa
and I’ve never been to Boston in the fall
For those of you who have heard the song, you are welcome for getting it stuck back in your head.
January 11th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
I love VeggieTales. When my son gets older, he will definitely be watching VeggieTales instead of Barney or Telletubbies.
January 11th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Okay. I like the Veggie Tales. I will admit it. And even if you do not want to like them, you should still see their take-off of Lord of the Rings (Lord of the Beans), because it is pretty hilarious. How can you not like a short film that includes the evil wizard creating a hybrid army of Sporks? (Actual quote [said in that ultra-serious Lord of the Rings style]: Sporks. Half-spoons, half-forks. They are his utensils.)
January 11th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Well I’ve never plucked a rooster
And I am not too good at ping-pong
And I’ve never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall
And I’ve never kissed a chipmunk,
And I’ve never gotten head lice
And I’ve never been to Boston in the fall
Huh? What are you talking about? What’s a rooster and mashed
potatoes have to do with being a pirate?
Hey, that’s right! We’re supposed to sing about piratey things.
January 11th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Yes, I have little kids; and no, I wouldn’t go see or rent or buy the movie if I didn’t have kids. But if you have to go see something with your kids, make it something clever and interesting (like Veggie Tales or Enchanted) rather than something stupid and dull (like most of what’s out there that is supposedly for little kids).
January 11th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
And I always thought it was
I’ve never been to Greenland and I’ve never been to __Denmark__
but I might be wrong.
January 11th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
I played and enjoyed Dungeon Siege. But man, even the COMMERCIALS look awful.
What kills me is the Uwe also managed to get rights to FarCry, a really fantastic game with a fun (albeit cliché) story.
January 11th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Veggie Tales biggest audience is pre-schoolers. Their second biggest audience is 20-something college-aged people.
Not only was the last Veggie Tales theatrical release brilliant (”Jonah”), but the DVD was superb in its special features. The in-character commentary by Larry and Mr. Lunt is still the funniest DVD commentary I’ve ever heard, and the other two commentaries were still interesting and fun. There were all kinds of neat easter eggs and other things too. Yeah, so my roommates and I really, really liked that movie in college…
It was good in theaters, but if you haven’t bought the Jonah DVD you’re really missing out. I’m sure the new movie will be good in spite of being a “shameful secret.” I have a lot of faith in Big Idea productions.
January 11th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Well, now I want to see “Uwe Boll’s Veggie Tales.”
January 11th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
It seems like a few of the others already beat me to it, but that’s not going to stop me…
“Bloodrayne” WAS a videogame adaption.
By the way, “Postal” is getting a straight-to-DVD release, right?
January 12th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Something I’ve always wondered: Is “Hollywood’s Shameful Secrets” actually copyrighted, or do you just like saying it is?
January 14th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Hi, my name is Heli, and I am an adult Veggie Tales fan.
“Hi, Heli.”
I started watching with my friends, who actually had children. Sure, it started out small; just an episode now and then, maybe singing “His Cheeseburger” in the shower, but then it spiraled out of control.
Larry Boy action figures, pilgrimages to Big Idea Studios.
But now, with the support of my friends and family, and the love of a good woman, I’m climbing back from that abyss.
Actually, now I just have a kid, so I can use her as my excuse.
January 14th, 2008 at 11:37 am
You can’t copyright “Hollywood’s Shameful Secrets.” It’s too short. What you want to do is put (TM) after it to claim it as a common law trademark. Then you can register it, after which you can put the (R) after it.
[Yes, I'm really, for real required to say this]. I am an attorney, but this post is just my personal opinion and is not legal advice and should not be relied on by anybody for any reason whatsoever and is not endorsed by Jackson Walker LLP, its agents, or its partners.
By the way, for Heli, I’m curious. Just a few days ago I was thinking about the name Heli, because I thought it was a neat name. And then it occurred to me that I had never met anybody named Heli. I thought maybe this was because it’s a very Jewish name (a derivative of Eli), but its only real historical or cultural significance is that Heli was Jesus’s grandpa. So Jews have no motivation to use it because it doesn’t play a role in their culture, and they’d probably rather go with Eli (though he didn’t turn out so well). And Christians don’t seem to use it because it just sounds Jewish. So what is your religious/cultural background? How did your parents settle on Heli?
January 15th, 2008 at 11:06 am
Sean, that is very interesting.
I’m sorry, though, that I have to disappoint you; Heli isn’t my real name; it’s just what I go by online. And even then, it’s not as cool as your version; it’s just short for “helicopter,” which is the nickname my cousin gave me when I was bemoaning the fact that I’d never had a nickname.
I wonder if I could convince my wife to name a potential future kid Heli, though. Hmm.