New column! ‘Eric’s Bad Movies’
Over the years, many readers have expressed great fondness for my highly negative reviews of highly bad movies. They are fun to write, and I’m glad people like them. They help heal the pain inflicted by the films themselves.
The problem is, sometimes we’ll go for weeks at a stretch without a new F-grade movie being released, and negative-review-loving readers feel deprived.
The solution? Start going after the bombs I missed the first time around.
Today I am delighted to introduce “Eric’s Bad Movies,” a new weekly Film.com feature devoted to the contemplation and evisceration of Hollywood’s terrible mistakes. Every Thursday I will watch and review something awful that I have not seen or reviewed before. The inaugural edition: “Super Mario Bros.” (1993), the very first video-game-based movie, and a frightful omen of things to come.
Longtime readers might recall that I wrote a similar column years ago for the online literary journal White Shoe Irregular. That column was called “In the Dark” (I eventually chose that title to encompass all of my reviews), and “Eric’s Bad Movies” is its natural successor. I’ve been wanting to do something like this for a long time, and I’m grateful that my Film.com overlords have given me the opportunity (not to mention money, which justifies the time and energy involved).
I welcome suggestions for films that should be addressed in future editions of “Eric’s Bad Movies.” The only criteria are that they need to be films I have not already reviewed; they need to be awful; and they need to be available on DVD. I’m trying to avoid obvious “worst movie ever” selections like “Plan 9 from Outer Space” and “Showgirls,” as those have been written about too much already. Feel free to post or e-mail your suggestions.
In the meantime, I hope you enjoy the new column!
UPDATE: Another stipulation: I want to stick to movies that readers will generally have at least heard of, if not actually seen. Trolling the video store for obscure films would no doubt yield some awful movies, but where’s the fun in that? I want to go after films that a major studio actually expected people to pay to see. In my worldview, underground titles, straight-to-DVD flicks, and made-for-TV movies don’t deserve quite the same punishment that, say, “Kazaam” does.
April 3rd, 2008 at 11:45 am
Deadlock II is my top choice. You may be thinking, “I didn’t know there was a ‘Deadlock I,’” and you’d be right to think it. I can’t imagine how bad # I must have been to have been followed by # II.
April 3rd, 2008 at 11:47 am
I loved this movie, but I acknowledge that it was horrible - The Pest (1997). And like SMB, it starred John Leguizamo.
I’ll also nominate Spies Like Us and Mazes and Monsters (which technically was a TV Movie, but I’d call it Tom Hanks’s breakout role). I’m sure I’ll think of others.
April 3rd, 2008 at 11:47 am
I would recommend “Ladybugs” starring the late, great Rodney Dangerfield. I remember watching it back when I was a teenager. I remember that it involves a boy dressing up as a girl and something about Rodney not getting the respect he deserves. Terrible, TERRIBLE movie.
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Brainsmasher, a Love Story (Starring Andrew Dice Clay and Terri Hatcher)
Gone Fishing.
I remember Ladybugs. That blond girl that the kid likes was a hottie.
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:08 pm
“The Arrival” starring Charlie Sheen was so bad I actually had to go back to the theater a 2nd time with friends to share the pain. Just a terrible movie. So bad, in fact, that they made a sequel (which I haven’t seen).
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Kull the Conqueror, starring Kevin Sorbo and Tia Carrere. Do I really need to say any more?
I will grant, however, that “starring Andrew DIce Clay and Terri Hatcher” is a far scarier phrase, and one I hope to never see or hear again.
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:24 pm
I nominate “Who is Harry Crumb?” It’s the worst movie I’ve seen (part of) recently.
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Airborne (1993) is a must see for you new venture. Seth Green and Jack Black both in this train-wreck!
IMDd: http://imdb.com/title/tt0106233/
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:29 pm
If you are looking for MST3K type material, Ator: The Fighting Eagle should be at the top of the list. One of the worst movies ever, and yet one of the funniest.
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Speed 2. I enjoyed every moment of hating that movie.
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Ohhhh! You must review Sidekicks. It has Chuck Norris in it. Or are you afraid of Chuck Norris?
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Jaws: The Revenge.
I know a movie franchise usually degenerates from sequel to sequel, but dear God! Here is an example of a franchise that sports an all-time classic at one end and a dreadful piece of garbage at the other.
Might as well throw in Jaws 3 (3-D) also.
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Mortal Kombat 2. Putrid piece of filmmaking. The unintentional comedy because of its wretchedness is through the roof.
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I walked out on “The Musketeer” it was so bad. That’s the worst one that I’ve seen.
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Dante’s Peak.
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Griffin & Phoenix.
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Matt Merrell, PLEASE tell me that Ator movie is a sequel to “Cave Dwellers”, which was the first MST3K episode I ever saw…once Joel and the ‘Bots started pointing out the inpossibilities involved with Ator building a modern-looking hang glider, I was done for.
Eric, first may I say this new column makes me love you even more (and not in a creepy way, I swear…) Second, for ideas of awful movies to review, I would recommend both of Roger Ebert’s bad movie collections, as well as “My Year of Case Flops” over at The Onion AV Club, and “Mike Nelson’s Movie Megacheese”, a bok which I believe you have referenced before.
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:16 pm
May I suggest indulging yourself in a Sean Connery bad film festival?
Going backwards from “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen,” which you’ve already reviewed you’ve got quite an assortment to pick from including:
“The Avengers”
“The Rock”
“Dragonheart”
“Medicine Man”
“Highlander 2: The Quickening”
and then finish the whole thing off with a hearty helping of:
“Zardoz”
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:20 pm
I second Mortal Combat 2. It’s like a bad episode of Might Morphin Power Rangers.
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. I must warn you, however, that you may end up laughing so hard you might come around to liking it.
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Did not see that someone already suggested it. In that case, I third it.
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Am I wrong in suggesting 2001: A Space Odyessy, or did I totally not “get” the movie?
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:42 pm
I just saw a blurb on Wikipedia (the source of all knowledge) that 2001: A Space Odyssey was one of the top ten films ever made. Clearly I did not get the movie.
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Dang, I would love to see you rip Showgirls. I once watched it “edited” on VH1 and it was actually a delight because it was really that crappy.
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Since the whole SBM thing got me thinking about terrible 80’s movies that I still love for purely camp value, I nominate He-man, which has nothing but a passinging resemblence to the cartoon. And Dolph Lundgren…. oh my, that was an odd one.
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Labyrinth. Those stretch pants were a crime against humanity. And any young man who needs to cure himself of the notion that Jennifer Connally is hot needs only to see this movie to loathe her.
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:17 pm
“Cool As Ice” staring none other than Vanilla Ice! I’m not sure it it is even on DVD, but extended clips can be found on the internets. It is full of awesome awesomeness. Yep, yep.
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Dave, I think Cave Dwellers is actually the sequel to Ator: The Fighting Eagle.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085183/
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0641509/
It’s available on netflix.
April 3rd, 2008 at 4:19 pm
8MM with Nicholas Cage.
I saw it in the theatre and spent the better part of the movie with my eyes shut, or alternatively, peeking through my fingers. I found it offensive, disgusting and largely pointless, but I’d love to hear what Eric thinks of it.
April 3rd, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Better Off Dead with John Cusack… I actually love this movie, but only because it is so ridiculous and showcases so many outrageous acting roles that I grew to enjoy its absurdity.
April 3rd, 2008 at 4:48 pm
I imagine slasher movies are also disqualified as a general principle…
April 3rd, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Johnny Mnemonic is a must.
April 3rd, 2008 at 5:54 pm
I just finished watching Mistress of the Spices and it was a silly movie.
April 3rd, 2008 at 6:36 pm
The Cheap Detective. It ’s a spoof of hard-boiled detective films that just sort of goes on and on and on.
April 3rd, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Eyes Wide Shut. It was dramatic and intense and made no sense whatsoever.
April 3rd, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Thanks for the suggestions, kids! Many of these are excellent choices.
I’ve updated the post with an additional stipulation that I should have thought of sooner: I want to stick to films that most readers will have at least heard of. I think it’s a lot more fun to talk about a movie that people have some mental connection to, even if they haven’t seen it.
Various responses: I saw “Ladybugs” in the theater on a date with my high school girlfriend! We made out the whole time, but the one eye I kept on the screen was enough to convince me of the film’s awfulness.
I saw “The Arrival” in the theater, too, though not on a date. I remember thinking at the time that it would make a perfect MST3K film, especially because the “hero,” like so many MST3K heroes, is completely incompetent and unlikable. And then the Entertainment Weekly review made the exact same observation, and I felt very validated.
“8MM”: A very icky movie, but not a “bad” one, in my opinion. I certainly wouldn’t blame anyone for not wanting to watch it, though.
“2001: A Space Odyssey”: You’re not alone in not liking it, but yeah, it’s generally quite well regarded. I plan to focus on films that almost everyone will agree were bad. If readers disagree with the very premise of the column (”What?! That’s not a bad movie!”), then I’ve lost ‘em before we even start.
Thanks again for the suggestions! Keep ‘em coming!
April 3rd, 2008 at 6:48 pm
Mr. Nanny, with Hulk Hogan in the title role. I’m not sure how notorious that was, actually. And maybe the Adventures of Pluto Nash (no relation to Ociee)
April 3rd, 2008 at 7:06 pm
THe Pest and Deadlock were both awful. So was Ice Spiders, but alas, that was straight to dvd/tv.
April 3rd, 2008 at 7:11 pm
What’s that movie Paris Hilton just did? The Hottie & the Nottie or some crap like that? I don’t think it’s on dvd just yet but when it is, that would be one to consider.
April 3rd, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Battlefield Earth
We watched it once as a joke against scientology in my religious studies class…I can’t believe I survived the experience.
April 3rd, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Firewalker, starring Chuck Norris. Not only is it bad, but it’s full of continuity and production errors. And… it’s just bad!
April 3rd, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Oh, yeah, and “Runaway,” with Tom Selleck… and Gene Simmons?!?
April 3rd, 2008 at 8:06 pm
American Psycho 2.
Yeah, a second one was made. What? How is that possible? Doesn’t matter, it has Mila Kunis and William Shatner.
It’s really awful.
April 3rd, 2008 at 8:07 pm
GWGumby…I had to laugh. You are right about the Connery movies–they do tend to suck all over screen. If there is an exception, “The Rock” and “Medicine Man”, though misguided, are not really all that bad. But Highlander 2!! I have never demanded my money back AFTER I saw a film, but I did then. I literally wanted to slap the director with both hands and revoke his guild card. What a steaming pile that film was! I’m still angry thinking about the 87 minutes (mercifully) I wasted.
A movie that doesn’t improve with age is American Flyers with Kevin Coster and David Grant. I sort of liked this movie as a kid, but now the lines are so cheesy they make me feel sorry for the actors that had to say them. I should have known better–the film had Rae Dawn Chong in it as Costner’s love interest. Not a good track record for the Chongster. Oh, and speaking of “Chaka” Chong, she was in the second worst movie ever made: Rude Awakening with Eric Roberts. (Yeah, I know. It’s already downhill from there). I like to call this film: Rude Awakening Realizing That Once Again I’ll Not Be Able to Get My Time or MONEY Back.
April 3rd, 2008 at 8:09 pm
I’m going to go out on a limb here with TRON. I guess it might break your “everybody agrees it’s bad” rule because it does have its fans, but I think they’re more fans of the cheesy campy badness than anything else. Plus, the special effects were cutting edge!
Okay, it’s more one of those bad movies you love. Not quite ripe for a true bad movies evisceration.
April 3rd, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Easy ones to call would be anything starring Jessica Simpson. “The Dukes of Hazzard” movie was even dumber than the tv show. One of the only movies I’ve ever walked out on was “Legend” with Tom Cruise & Mia Sara. My dad loves that movie, but to me, not even the amazing Tim Curry could save it. From the soundtrack, to the weird fairies, to Tom Cruise, I just couldn’t sit through it & still can’t!!
April 3rd, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Frankly, I say head on over to rifftrax.com. It’s the MST3K guys making fun of contemporary, popular movies. The ones that come to mind are “Over the Top” with Sylvester Stallone and “Roadhouse” with Patrick Swayze.
Actually, most things with Stallone are bad enough to write bad reviews about. Anything that got a “Razzie” award is also a good way to find bad movies people have seen.
Also, I support making fun of Mortal Kombat 2. It was just awful. And I liked Mortal Kombat 1.
April 3rd, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Oh, and most Jean-Claude Van Damme (sp?) movies. Especially “Lionheart” because you have to see how the “slow clap” is used. It’s just awful. “The Quest” is another one that’s bad, but just about any of his movies are fair game. If I’m honest, this holds true for many Chuck Norris films too.
April 4th, 2008 at 12:06 am
Maybe it’s because I saw it at a fairly impressionable age, but I liked “The Arrival”–I can see it being given a dull review, but it’s hardly F-quality hate-able material.
I purchased it a few years ago for $5 in a DVD 2-pack that included “The Arrival” and “The Arrival 2,” now the sequel was ghastly. Did you know that not only can the aliens appear as human, but apparently they have humanoid genitals and can have sex with humans in their human disguises, and the filmmakers were of the “naked women=WIN” variety? Throw on top of that some of the cheapest special effects the world has seen, bad story, bad acting, bad… everything. Really, if you want an F movie watch “The Arrival 2.” BUT, it was a direct-to-DVD release, so not sure if that’s fair game.
My actual suggestions:
- Black Sheep
- Species
- Species 2
- Decoys
- The Cable Guy
- Pretty much any theatrical release by evangelical Christian filmmakers, such as the Omega Code or Revelation (but excluding Veggie Tales material). You have my blessing as an evangelical Christian, please make fun of our filmmakers!
- Single White Female
- The Hours — oh wait, you already gave that one an A. But it’s never too late to change it to an F!
Looking forward to this feature Eric.
April 4th, 2008 at 5:33 am
A movie you MUST review is one that (barely) came out last year: “Funny Money”, with a feeble Chevy Chase and Penelope Ann Miller, without a doubt the WORST movie I have Netflixed; if anything, your level of appreciation of Chevy will dwindle, if possible…and Penelope Ann Miller cements her rep as one of the most useless actresses around with her hideous “comedic” performance…what makes this movie even more galling if that Chevy’s simpering bio, “I’m Chevy Chase and You’re Not” (aren’t we ALL tired of that catchphrase already??) quotes a reviewer who idiotically likens the film to “the best of Monty Python”(???)!
April 4th, 2008 at 7:49 am
I’m surprised no one has mentioned Star Trek 5, yet. Even Trekkies tend to agree that one was lame (except for a branch of Classic Trekkers who insist that anything with the original 60s cast is better than anything with the Next Generation cast).
I was going to suggest Star Knight, which is about a Medieval princess who falls in love with a visitor from outer space, but I think it’s pretty obscure so it likely does not qualify.
April 4th, 2008 at 8:09 am
Star Trek V - good choice!
April 4th, 2008 at 8:10 am
The first movie that I thought was so bad I turned off was Mortal Kombat 2. Note that I was 10 years old at the time, and even then I thought, ‘Man, this movie sucks’. Quite stunning when you think about it.
Other movies I hated
Battlefield Earth
Book of Mormon Movie: The Journey Begins (or some crap like that)
Last Action Hero
oh, and I see that someone already added Jaws: Revenge on the list, but it was so bad, I have to post it again.
April 4th, 2008 at 8:31 am
Eric,
Just FYI - Mortal Kombat 2 is Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.
April 4th, 2008 at 8:40 am
I filled most of my bad movie quota when working at a dank little video store as a teenager. It was awesome.
From those days, please give consideration to “Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot.”
Thank you.
April 4th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Oh, and also “Chu Chu and the Philly Flash,” which has a really good cast for such a pooey movie.
April 4th, 2008 at 9:10 am
“Master of Disguise.” My 9-year old niece left it behind after visiting. She was bored and she couldn’t finished it either. Dana Carvey, Brett Spiner and Josh Brolin. Stupifying.
April 4th, 2008 at 9:56 am
My husband made me watch “The Last Starfighter” in his ongoing effort to make me watch all the movies he loved as a kid. That gets my nomination for a bad movie that people have probably heard of.
April 4th, 2008 at 9:59 am
I’m also going to throw my hat back in with votes for the last three “Star Wars” movies. Three words……Jar Jar Binks. I’m not even going to go in on Natalie Portman’s lack of acting, or Hayden Christensen, because that’ll take way too long.
April 4th, 2008 at 10:10 am
I suggest the Neverending Story movies, especially the second. Also, there was that one with Fran Drescher (sp?), “The Beautician and the Beast”, I think. Just awful.
April 4th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Volcano
I saw someone mention Dante’s Peak, so I thought I’d throw in Volcano, since I think that one is much worse.
April 4th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Ah nuts, ClobberGirl, I love the Cable Guy.
I don’t know if Eric would make fun of a movie produced by his beloved Apatow.
Ooooh, I second Beautician and the Beast. Or, on another video game note, The Wizard.
I apologize to Jennifer for my gender’s obsession with nostalgia and terrible movies.
April 4th, 2008 at 11:17 am
I’m taking Last Starfighter off the list. I loved that movie when I was a kid.
Jenn, Eric has already reviewed Star Wars 1-3.
April 4th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Wow, this is a great list. I was going to suggest The Core, but I see it has been reviewed, but come on Eric, a B-? Don’t you think there’s a bit of grade inflation there?
Any way, diggin’ deep for these stinkers:
Two words: Ice Pirates.
Two more words: Space Camp (and I also nominate The Wizard).
I also throw in Flight of the Navigator and Teen Wolf Too. I’m so glad Jason Bateman has redeemed himself from the follies of his youth.
The adult in me wants to nominate The Goonies (I know, I know) but I watched it a few weeks ago, and it’s just an awful movie. Strip away the nostalgic factor, and it was like watching a kid version of National Treasure, meaning a highly improbable (and confusing) plot with atrocious dialogue.
April 4th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Striptease. That’s all.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I couple months ago I read an article about “Blonde Ambition”–a Jessica Simpson star vehicle that was supposed to go straight to video but “premiered” (to use the term loosely) in theaters in Texas last December, grossed a total of $1000, and then went off to die in the $5 movie bin at K-Mart. According to its Wikipedia article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blonde_Ambition) it was quite popular in Russia, so maybe that would qualify it for Eric’s Bad Movies. Please?
April 4th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Moffio:
Have you watched it recently? There are movies I loved as a kid that I’m afraid to watch now because I know I’ll see all the plot holes and terrible acting. Usually the phrase, “That wasn’t as good as I remembered it” is used afterwards.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Jennifer,
A year or two ago, I caught the last half hour or so on cable. Maybe I’m a sucker for nostalgia, but I still enjoyed it. Good times, good times.
April 4th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Is it wrong that I own the first movie Eric reviewed for this column? Bought it on purpose? Oh well, I’m sure more of my collection will show up (I have a little problem with enjoying the heck out of some “bad” movies). To join in the spirit (and throw down some of my collection so I don’t have this guilt hanging over me) I nominate “Captain Ron”, “Uncle Buck”, and “Volunteers”. Go get ‘em, Eric!
April 4th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Ok, so I know i’m like an uber-nerd or something, but i actually enjoy Flight of the Navagator, the Neverending Story (the first one), and Legend. (Alright, I’ll admit, the last time I watched Legend it was a lot weirder than I remembered, but the other two are still great fun).
However, I do feel there is a serious gap in the above list of bad movies, and that is pretty much anyting starring Steven Segal.
April 4th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
“Perfect” starring John Travolta and Jamie Lee Curtis. It captures the idiocy and pomposity of the 80s. Aerobics and Rolling Stone Magazine (with Jan Wenner playing himself very unconvincingly). My favorite scene is when the Rolling Stone reporter in Tangiers gets an important phone call and asks the Maitre’D to tell Mr. Bowles sorry, but he had to go.
One could do an entire fim festival of bad Travolta movies: “Moment by Moment”, “Staying Alive”, “Battlefield Earth”…..
April 4th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Sorry I missed the Star Wars reviews…..I’ll go read them now……..
Okay, I’m going for the M. Night Shamalayn movies now. I loved “Sixth Sense” but from that point on, they just got silly. He’s got a new one coming out starring Mark Wahlberg, but I’m a little wary of his movies now. “Lady In the Water” had promise, but ended up sucking, just like the others.
April 5th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Did you know they made “The Prince and Me 2: the Royal Wedding”? I didn’t either until I caught it on TV the other night. Horrifically bad. It made the first one look like Oscar material.
April 5th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
I don’t know what I was thinking in forgetting this earlier: How about all of those direct-to- dvd Mary Kate-Ashley Olson movies? That’s a goldmine–for the purposes of this feature, anyway.
April 5th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I was going to suggest “Stuck on You” (which, I had no reason to see and never did see), based on the premise and time it was released in theatres (within the time frame when the news covered the deaths of the 29-year-old Iranian sisters who took a chance with surgery hoping to be separated)… but I see Eric already reviewed it, and to my surprise the story had a PLOT.
Dumb and Dumberer would have been my next choice (again I didn’t see that one), but it has already been viewed.
So… how about a couple of these films I actually admit to have seen (shudder!):
Dumb & Dumber
(I made the fatal mistake of reading the children’s “novelization” of the movie, and thought it wasn’t going to be THAT bad - the “infamous bathroom scene” was described as Harry, or whoever Jeff Daniels’ character was, as simply having been the victim of having his beverage spiked with the kind of medicine that has to make you go to the bathroom FAST — oh! The Horror! The Horror! of the actual movie!)
Wayne’s World 2
Excuse for enjoying the first Wayne’s World: I was 11. The sequel repeated most of the same gags, although the fight sequence between Wayne and his girlfriend’s father was at least amusing.
Weekend at Bernie’s 2
Why 12-year-olds should not set the movie marketing bar for the rest of us. Having never seen the first movie, I somehow found the premise of animated dead guy funny. The last I saw at Rotten Tomatoes, it ranked around 6%.
April 6th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Hey Eric, did you ever review “Soul Plane?” If not, that would be a great movie to add to the list. I lost a bet and was forced to see it at the theater. I’m pretty sure I lost I.Q. points just buying the tickets.
April 6th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Eric! I just found the review archive (okay, so I’m pretty new to the site) and you gave “Soul Plane” a B-?!? Please put this on the list with the other titles the other readers have asked you to re-review.
Check out “Meteor,” one of the first (if not THE original) some-big-rock-from-space-is-going-to-crash-into-the-Earth movies. It stars Sean Connery (so you can add it to GWGumby’s list) and Natalie Wood as a Russian scientist.
April 6th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Mmhmm. There are a lot of movies on that re-review list, which basically amounts to, “Please keep watching this movie until you start agreeing with me!” You can well imagine how seriously I take such requests.
April 6th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Oh, okay, point taken. ;^D
But if you’re going to have the Sean Connery list, you should also consider having the Steven Seagal list. Yeah, most of his recent stuff is straight-to-DVD, but you’ve missed a couple of his big-screen screamers:
“On Deadly Ground” (which no one who has ever lived in Alaska can watch with a straight face or without throwing something at the screen)
“Fire Down Below”
“The Glimmer Man”
(I actually liked “Under Siege,” but I’m sure you could get more than a few funny comments from it as well.)
April 6th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
It’s been three days since your stipulation, but I have to ask if the “movies people have heard of” was inspired by my listing of The Pest. Even if it wasn’t, it got me thinking. Maybe people won’t have heard of a given movie, but if people will know an actor after you name them or mention movies they have been in, I’d consider that sufficient.
For example, Bulletproof. Reading the Wiki plot summary, I think I remember seeing an ad for it, but I don’t recall for sure. But, I sure know who Adam Sandler, Damon Wayans, and James Caan are. And that is enough to tell me that it needs to be reviewed by you.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
I also nominate anything with Pauly Shore.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
1995’s “Congo” with Laura Linney and Tim Curry.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
1997’s “The Saint” with Val Kilmer and Elizabeth Shue.
“Can you belieef ve haff stolen all zee oil in Russia and put it under zis buildink?”
April 7th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
1999’s “At First Sight” with Val Kilmer and Mira Sorvino.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
A few Christian Slater films:
1992’s “Kuffs” with Mila Jovovich
1993’s “Untamed Heart” with Marisa Tomei
1998’s “Hard Rain” with Morgan Freeman
April 7th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
1988’s “High Spirits” with Daryl Hannah, Peter O’Toole and Steve Guttenberg.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
1991’s “Cool as Ice” with Vanilla Ice.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
1998’s “Home Fries” with Drew Barrymore and Luke Wilson.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
1991’s “King Ralph” with John Goodman and Peter O’Toole.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
“Glitter” starring Mariah Carey. That has to be a trainwreck.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
1991’s “The Butcher’s Wife” with Demi Moore and Jeff Daniels.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
1992’s “The Lawnmower Man” with Jeff Fahey and Pierce Brosnan.
April 7th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
One last Christian Slater:
1996’s “Bed of Roses” with Mary Stuart Masterson.
April 7th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
1992’s “Toys” with Robin Williams and LL Cool J.
The End.
April 9th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Jason and the Argonauts
Clash of the Titans
April 10th, 2008 at 7:58 am
Little Monsters (with Fred Savage, I think…) Used to watch it a lot as a kid.
April 12th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Did anyone suggest “The Golden Compass” yet? It comes out on video soon, & was really bad. Not even my nephews, who love those kind of movies, liked it, although they did like the fight between the polar bears.
April 12th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
“The only criteria are that they need to be films I have not already reviewed….”
A good rule of thumb is, if it was a major film and it came out in the last eight years or so, there’s a 99 percent chance I reviewed it.
April 16th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Howard the Duck, Supergirl, Multiplicity
April 16th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Anaconda and Anaconda: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid
April 21st, 2008 at 4:26 pm
I was going to nominate Mission: Impossible 2 until I saw you’d already given it a B+. I suppose we’ll just have to agree to disagree.
August 19th, 2008 at 5:38 am
Three words: Conan the Barbarian.