37 Responses to “‘Twilight’! I like to boost my traffic by referring to ‘Twilight’!”

1. notJoeKing Says:
   July 11th, 2008 at 11:21 am

   All the women in my family and my extended family are nuts about the twilight novels… ugh! I just hope I can get off being forced to see the movie by offering to watch the kids while they go…

2. Turkey Says:
   July 11th, 2008 at 11:52 am

   For a guy who’s perfectly gorgeous, he sure makes my stomach turn.

3. KimjustKim Says:
   July 11th, 2008 at 11:52 am

   I’m curious to see if you’ll really get that much more traffic just by posting the cover (which everyone who is a fan saw two days ago). I, personally, would like to see some good ol’ Eric D. Snider commentary on the picture. That’s the only reason I clicked on this entry in your blog. I was hoping for some (more) laughs.

4. tkangaroo Says:
   July 11th, 2008 at 11:56 am

   Traffic whore.

5. card Says:
   July 11th, 2008 at 12:40 pm

   Yikes. That photo almost makes me want to quit the series altogether. It screams trashy romance novel.

6. Adam Good Choice Says:
   July 11th, 2008 at 1:10 pm

   card, im surprised that it took seeing this picture to finally realize what these books really are.

7. Joe Says:
   July 11th, 2008 at 1:39 pm

   What’s Twilight?

8. Karen Says:
   July 11th, 2008 at 1:49 pm

   I was hoping for some amusing commentary as well as a more flattering photo of Robert Pattinson. He really looks perfectly gorgeous to me in the trailer. Not so much in that cover shot. Kristen stewart, on the other hand, looks way too hot for Bella in that photo. Like she’s a vampire already! (I admit to being a complete dork.)

9. card Says:
   July 11th, 2008 at 2:36 pm

   AGC – I was happy in my state of denial.

   Also, Eric, I love the usage of “embiggen.”

10. Carrie Says:
    July 11th, 2008 at 3:24 pm

    It’s hideous. And the belt buckle…I don’t get it! And the chest hair…ew! The hottest being in the world shouldn’t have chest hair and should actually be…HOT! Who green-lighted this photo for the cover of Entertainment Weekly? And have they been fired yet?

    And no amount of makeup will cover up the fact that Kristen Stewart looks like a boy to me.

11. Reeder Says:
    July 11th, 2008 at 3:42 pm

    So are you getting much traffic from that link on the website of Stephenie Meyer, author of “Twilight” (as well as “New Moon,” “Eclipse,” “Breaking Dawn,” “The Host” and “Midnight Sun”), who still says that you write her favorite movie reviews?

    (Name-dropping to help out with the Google hits. Just trying to help out where I can).

12. Amp Says:
    July 11th, 2008 at 3:51 pm

    Wow. That cover shot sure is awful. The pose looks way too awkward.

13. Bags Says:
    July 11th, 2008 at 4:45 pm

    I actually read it… and I’m a dude…

    It was, well, just read the book report:
    http://www.thebigbags.com/twilight-book-report

14. Holly from DietCake Says:
    July 11th, 2008 at 5:59 pm

    Huh. It’s been a while since I read Twilight, so maybe someone can direct me to the chapter where it’s revealed that Edward is dying of tuberculosis.
    That is some seriously putrid makeup.

15. treen Says:
    July 11th, 2008 at 6:46 pm

    What’s with the apple? This isn’t Snow White.

16. Jenn Says:
    July 11th, 2008 at 7:17 pm

    An apple is on the cover of “Twilight”…..not sure exactly why though. All of her books have things on the cover that has nothing to do with the book. I’m totally into my inner teenage girl when it comes to this series & think this is going to be a fun movie! I don’t really like the promo photos for it though; they’re kind of freaky looking!!

17. OSCEG Says:
    July 11th, 2008 at 7:42 pm

    The apple on the cover is an allusion to the original apple in the garden of eden, you know? The choice between mortality and immortality. This is definitely NOT a flattering pic of Rob Pattinson. I agree with Carrie that whoever chose this pic should be fired.

18. Johnny Awesome Says:
    July 11th, 2008 at 8:04 pm

    The apple is a reference to the Adam and Eve fairytal…i mean story, that if Eve ate the apple she would die. For Bella to get what she wants, a life with Edward, she has to eat the symbolic apple, and in doing so, will die.

19. treen Says:
    July 11th, 2008 at 9:04 pm

    Ah, I see. I’ve never read the books but I’ve heard enough about them that the clarification makes sense. Thanks.

20. Heidi Says:
    July 11th, 2008 at 11:11 pm

    Why are his fingernails dirty? They got the characters messed up – she’s supposed to be plain and he’s supposed to be hunky – not hairy! I just gots to say ewe to that picture.

21. ClobberGirl Says:
    July 12th, 2008 at 9:15 am

    I feel obligated to point out that there is no apple in the biblical story of Adam and Eve, the text just says “fruit.” I don’t really care if people want to say it was an apple for imagery’s sake, just don’t do something dumb like name your kid after it. *cough Gwyneth Paltrow cough* With that understood, it’s a good use of imagery for the story as I understand it.

    And that cover represents the unsexiest movie vampire I have ever seen. I haven’t formulated an opinion on Twilight yet either way, but I hope for the sake of all you fans that cover isn’t indicative of the movie’s quality.

22. Bags Says:
    July 12th, 2008 at 9:27 am

    Any man who gets drug to the theater by his wife/girlfriend/cleaning lady to see this movie has my pity. I can only imagine the state that his man-parts will be in. I’d be surprised if they don’t shrivel up and fall off completely during the course of this movie…

    Good luck with the review Eric. You’ll need it.

23. Momma Snider Says:
    July 12th, 2008 at 11:40 am

    He needs to march upstairs and wipe off that lipstick before he leaves the house!

24. Lotus Says:
    July 12th, 2008 at 2:55 pm

    The movie’s going to be terrible. The first book was good. The second and third were dissapointing and stupid.

25. David Manning Says:
    July 13th, 2008 at 12:37 pm

    The only thing I can add that no one else has pointed out yet is that he doesn’t know how to wear a belt correctly.

26. purplemonkeydishwasher Says:
    July 13th, 2008 at 8:41 pm

    I tried to read that book. I reeeeally did. I only got to the part where she Googled “vampires” and Edward was sparkly in the sun. *bored sigh*

    After seeing that photo, I too was wondering if Edward later contracted TB. Now that I can safely assume that he didn’t, I’ll put the book back down.

27. Kaydria Says:
    July 14th, 2008 at 12:04 am

    WWWWHHHHYYYYY.

    Okay so since I work in a library and stuff I read Twilight and it was AWFUL HORRIBLE BAD but now I feel like I have to watch the movie because I know it’ll be full of unintentional bits of comedy gold. Shiney, sparkly, ridiculous vampire comedy gold.

28. Jeff J. Snider Says:
    July 14th, 2008 at 8:15 am

    I think it’s important to point out that we have absolutely no evidence that Bella is plain-looking or even remotely unattractive. All we know is that SHE thinks she is plain and unattractive, which really just means that she is, ya know, a teenage girl. Along those same lines, all we really know about how Edward looks is that a teenage girl thinks he is beautiful and gorgeous and the most attractive man in the history of the world, which means absolutely nothing.

29. Billy Bob Thorton Says:
    July 14th, 2008 at 9:50 am

    These books are pornography for women. They poison the mind with unrealistic expectations. Just look at that picture and tell me it’s not dehumanizing men.

30. Karen Says:
    July 14th, 2008 at 11:39 am

    We know Bella isn’t noteworthy-looking to Edward (when he first sees her at least) from reading the first chapter of “Midnight Sun” on stephenie-meyer.com.

31. Queen of Everything Says:
    July 14th, 2008 at 11:42 am

    I got about halfway through this book and decided that if the particular tome that I was reading actually had been purchased by me, I would slather it with glue and slap a label on it that read: “Synonyms for “Beautiful,” and then black out every word that didn’t describe physical looks. That’s all it’s good for.

32. Ampersand Says:
    July 14th, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    Billy Bob Thornton, were you the one who wrote a letter to the BYU newspaper a couple of weeks ago about Twilight being pornography? It’s caused some ardent Twilight fans to get very much up in arms. And there’s nothing funnier in this world than up-in-arms BYU students writing letters to the Daily Universe.

33. Billy Bob Thorton Says:
    July 15th, 2008 at 8:46 am

    Ampersand: Oh, I wish I could take credit for that! But starting a “flame war” in a school newspaper is easier than shooting fish in a barrel, and a lot more tedious.

    Queen of Everything: You comments remind me of reading the Eragon book. It was like a course on how to over describe anything. For example, water never “boiled”, it was always a “rolling boil”. I swear “rolling boil” was on every page of that book. It’s like he wrote the book, than uses “Find/Replace” to doubled the length of the book.

34. Jessie Says:
    July 15th, 2008 at 10:22 am

    Part of me hopes that EWeekly did this on purpose to rile up millions of stay-at-home moms.

35. pav rai Says:
    July 22nd, 2008 at 7:45 am

    fantastic use of OMG OMG OMG OMG!! in the title. thats girl impersonation to the fullest.
    as for the picture HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

36. Krystal Says:
    August 1st, 2008 at 12:14 pm

    I actually thought the books sounded okay (sometimes I’m a sucker for those YA books, they take me back to the good ole’ days) but I have to say, the movie just looks ridiculous. Couldn’t they even cut the trailer to make it seem like great stuff? Apparently not.

    Great OMG usage, by the way. I am also quite fond of the term “embiggen” which promptly made me giggle.

37. Lulu Says:
    August 14th, 2008 at 3:35 am

    @ David Manning

    The Monkees made the sideways belt (somewhat) popular back in the 60′s. I would imagine it would be really awkward if you got caught short, though – unbuckle belt, unthread belt, drop trousers…

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