@jettek Terminal, obviously. Also: Planes Trains & Automobiles (being stuck, unable to get home). Also, um… United 93? I mean, why not?

My friend Luscious Malone and I like to say this when we’re watching a movie or TV show in which an actor appears onscreen only briefly and only to do or say something dumb, demeaning, or embarrassing. For example:

“The good news is, we got you a part. The bad news is, you play Adam Sandler’s Elderly Sexual Partner #3 in ‘Zohan.’

Or:

“The good news is, we got you a part on ‘Lost.’ The bad news is, you’re going to emerge from one of the Others’ houses just in time to get shot.”

Last night I was watching an old TiVoed episode of “Law & Order: SVU” when I found myself saying this:

“The good news is, we got you a part. The bad news is, you play a forensics technician whose only line is telling Detective Benson at a Central Park murder scene, ‘My team’s looking for sperm clusters and foliage smears.’ Learn that line really well! Deliver it with gusto! Then be sure to put it on your demo tape!”

My team’s looking for sperm clusters and foliage smears. Yeesh. Thanks, SVU. You’re delightful.

Bday is tomorrow, and Mom sent cookies! And money! It’s amazing how much free stuff you get just because someone shat you out of her womb!

‘American Idol’ is adding a 4th judge! This brings the total number of coherent, useful judges up to zero. http://tinyurl.com/6pf8ow

Jeffrey Ross: “John McCain is so old, Abraham Lincoln’s high school was named after him.” ZOING!

Can you believe it’s been five years since I wrote a “Snide Remarks” column entirely about PETA? Me either! So here’s a new one, “That’s So PETArded,” which seeks to make up for lost time. I confess I’m kind of proud of the Shamu part, and especially the SnideCast recording of it.

This week’s “Snide Remarks,” including the audio version, is here.
The audio version (i.e., the podcast) is also here.
Subscribe to the podcast’s feed with this URL.