So McCain fled a debate he can’t win to fix a problem he can’t solve, didn’t solve the problem, and is now returning to lose the debate. OK.

Busy week! Good heavens! So many movies!

“Miracle at St. Anna,” Spike Lee’s World War II epic about four black soldiers behind enemy lines in Italy, is the one that I think is the best of the new releases, though I note that I am in the distinct minority in liking it at all. I’m curious to read the other critics’ reviews and see what it is they found so disagreeable, because I quite enjoyed it.

“Nights in Rodanthe,” reviewed at Film.com, is based on a book by Nicholas Sparks, and … I’m guessing I can probably stop there.

“Eagle Eye”! Shia LaBeouf! Paranoid techno-thriller! Meh!

“Choke” is based on a novel by Chuck Palahniuk (“Fight Club”), and while it’s not as good as a movie based on a Palahniuk novel ought to be, it’s not bad. Sam Rockwell helps a lot a the main character, a sex-addicted colonial-village re-enactor.

“The Duchess” stars Keira Knightley, and it’s — get this — a period piece! I know! Weird! Also: meh!

“The Lucky Ones” treats Iraq veterans’ problems like sitcom-y jokes, and not very funny jokes anyway. My review is at Cinematical.

“Battle in Seattle,” also at Cinematical, is a fictionalized account of the World Trade Organization riots that took place in Seattle in 1999. It’s an “issue” movie where they never actually explain what the issues are, which is kind of a serious liability.

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Renee Zellweger puts the “loose” in “Appaloosa.”

Ease on down to Film.com for this week’s edition of Eric’s Bad Movies, featuring “The Wiz,” a terrible screen adaptation of what was apparently a fine Broadway musical. The movie exemplifies Hollywood logic: “This worked really well on stage! So when we make the movie, let’s change everything about it!”

Michael Jackson appears in this film, and I think I am to be commended for writing about it without making a single joke about child molestation. This is especially remarkable when you consider how funny child molestation is.

The clues I gave last week were that the film was the oldest I’d covered so far in Eric’s Bad Movies (i.e., older than 1981), and that “some of its actors were Grammy-winning singers. The film was a remake.” The three major guesses were “The Wiz,” “A Star Is Born,” and “The Jazz Singer.” (Well, someone said “Cannonball Run,” too, but I don’t know what they thought that was a remake of.) “The Jazz Singer” wouldn’t have qualified because only one of its actors (not “some”) was a Grammy winner. “A Star Is Born,” with Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson, was a reasonable guess, though. In “The Wiz,” Diana Ross, Michael Jackson, and Lena Horne are all Grammy winners (and Richard Pryor, too, though for a comedy album, not singing).

There is some uncertainty over what next week’s movie will be, but I believe it will be this one: a horror film from the 1990s starring someone who would go on to star in a popular, long-running TV show.

About a dozen alert readers sent me links today to this news item from PETA, in which the animal-rights terrorist group encourages Ben & Jerry’s to replace the cow’s milk in their ice cream with human milk.

PETA got the idea from the recent announcement that a Swedish restaurant was going to start using human milk, bought from willing female humans, in some of its recipes.

PETA’s logic, of course, is, “Hey, we here at PETA sure would like some attention!” Secondarily, PETA’s logic is that dairy cows endure a lot of hardship. Thirdly, PETA figures that human milk is probably healthier for humans than cow’s milk is, although let’s be honest, even if human milk were poisonous PETA would still encourage its use as long as it saved the life of an animal.

One of the people who sent me the story said she’d heard a radio crew coming up with names for Ben & Jerry’s flavors using milk from human female ladies. (Ben and Jerry aren’t actually considering doing this, of course.) The new flavors would have to be named after famous women. The favorite was Caramel Electra. I submit the following:

Gov. Sarah Praline
Mocha Winfrey
Cherry Stuart Masterson
Jennifer Love Nougat
Cocoa Chanel
Elizabeth Barrett Brownie
Lemony Dickinson
Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Molasses

Clay Aiken: When even *my mother* already thought you were gay, that’s a good sign it wasn’t much of a secret. http://tinyurl.com/4tdhuc

Dear gov’t: I was sorta irresponsible and screwed up my finances. Could I have a bailout, too? I don’t even need $700 mil! $10 mil is fine.

Clay Aiken fans are idiots: http://tinyurl.com/3sv3tb

If you felt the world rocking yesterday afternoon, it’s probably because of this:

(If you’re wondering how he has a son, it was through in vitro fertilization, and the mother is Clay’s friend Jaymes Foster, who is a woman despite being named Jaymes.)

Yes, Clay Aiken has officially come out of the closet, triggering the expected “well, no duh” jokes. Most observers, and plenty of his fans, have strongly suspected it for a long time. What’s newsworthy (relatively speaking) is that he’s finally settled the matter once and for all and ended the speculation. Apparently, within the Claymate community there has been much debate over his sexuality, with one camp insisting he’s straight while the other camp says, “Um, really? Have you seen him?” Now the issue is resolved, and Clay’s fans can move on to more important topics, whatever those might be.

Let’s talk about those fans, shall we? I attended a performance of “Spamalot” on Broadway back in May when Clay was a cast member. Though it was obviously nothing more than a casting stunt designed to sell tickets, Clay acquitted himself rather well. He’s a good singer, of course, and he showed something resembling comic timing, and he was game to do all the goofy stuff the production required of him.

His fans, on the other hand, all behaved like idiots.

The Claymates comprised about one-third of the audience. They showed their devotion to their idol by screaming and cheering every time he did the following:

• Anything.

I mean this literally. Walking onstage always got a reaction. Uttering a line — especially a punchline — drew sustained clapping and yelling. If he did anything physical, especially anything resembling dancing, and especially if it involved turning around to show his backside to the audience, it prompted a tsunami of shrill ululation. In the second act, when he sang a solo number — a good, upbeat song, but nothing out of the ordinary for a Broadway show — he got a STANDING OVATION. In the middle of the show. For a run-of-the-mill song.

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I can think of 2001 reasons not to like "Eagle Eye."