‘Twilight’ fans react! Er, overreact
So I wrote that parody of “Twilight” a couple weeks ago, and some of the comments people have posted have demonstrated something I should have thought of beforehand: If you write about a subject that interests teenage girls, a lot of teenage girls will respond, and a lot of teenage girls aren’t very smart!
In particular, there seems to be a lot of confusion over a very non-confusing sentence in the parody’s preface. I wrote:
["Twilight"] has been enjoyed by millions of readers, and hailed as the best book they’ve ever read by people who don’t read a lot of books.
Note that I didn’t say the only people who enjoy the book are those who don’t read much. I said the only people who say it’s the best book they’ve ever read don’t read much. Enjoying the book: fine. Believing it to be the best book you’ve ever read: you don’t read enough.
But apparently some of my readers don’t read enough, because their reading comprehension skills are questionable.
For example, comment #79:
Rlly funny! [Rlly annyng!] But I am utterly obssessed with the books so I’m not fond with the insults. [Fair enough. But are you fond of them?] I’ve watched the movie twice already and I’m in love with robert pattison.
… But the thing you said about it being a book that people that don’t read much would like was rude and over the top [and also not said by me]. As if it was right to call fans stupid. [Try on that shoe! I think it fits!] Please, review movies and keep up with the funny work. But insulting the people that actually read the book is dumb and not funny. [On the other hand, misunderstanding basic English sentences is both dumb AND funny!]
Comment #88 also misunderstood:
So i’m a teenage girl, i’m completely in love with the series (ps i read alot.. wtf?) anyways.
WTF indeed, teenage girl!
Then we come to Romy, comment #100, who has vast powers to annoy:
Wow…
Yeah, Actually, I Read A Ton. From Gone With The Wind, To Shakespeare To John Grisham, To Baldacci, To Austen, To Bronte, Want Me To Keep Going? [Nope. Didn't want you to start in the first place.]
Stephenie Meyer Is Very Good At What She Does. [What is that, a headline?]
I Also Think It’s Overly Pathetic That You Would Slam Someone Who, At One Time (Hopefully Not Now), Had A Link To Your Website Because She Postively LOVED Your Writing. That’s Seriously Sad Eric. [If Stephenie liked my writing, it was probably because she has a sense of humor and enjoys satire. Sad would be renouncing one's fandom because of a joke.]
Yes, It’s Corny, Yes, It’s Cheesy, Yes, It’s About Vampires And Werewolves And Love. But You Know What? It’s An Amazing World She’s Created, And It’s A Good Escape For People Who Need One.
Why is it so annoying to capitalize the first letter of Every Single Word? Am I the only one who finds it inexplicably perturbing? It’s actually harder to do than not capitalizing anything. It requires extra effort. All that extra effort, just to be wrong. Why train yourself to do that?
Another commenter asked that question, more or less, and Romy replied:
It’s A Trademark Of Mine I Started A Long Time Ago When Everyone Else’s “Computer Talk” Got Really, Really Annoying And Didn’t Appeal To Me.
Ah, of course. Everyone else’s computer talk is annoying, so you invent an annoying kind of computer talk of your own. A perfect solution!
Another commenter made this observation about the movie:
The acting was okay, the leads, however have great chemistry. For the sequel, I hope they hire a new screenwriter or something.
This Made Romy Very Angry Indeed, And She Replied Thus:
Your Comment Proves That You Have No Idea What You’re Talking About. Because Actually…There Is A Sequel Already.
Um, really? The comment was about the sequel to the movie, and there isn’t one yet. It’s in pre-production, and the same screenwriter has been hired to write it. If Romy thought the comment was about a sequel to the book, then Romy misunderstood a very uncomplicated statement — which, again, there seems to be a lot of lately.
Finally, this comment (#54) was just wacky:
Funny, but what a total rip of something that ran weeks and weeks ago on another site .. “Twilight: The Lost Script” …
http://movies.msn.com/movies/galleryfeature/lost-twilight-script/
I suppose it’s possible for two people to get exactly the same idea. But likely? Hmmmm…. Well, if anyone sees a version of this snide remark later under Eric D Snider’s name, remember me fondly.
It’s “unlikely” that two people would coincidentally both get the same idea to write a parody of a popular movie? Really? Does it matter that MAD Magazine has been running movie satires like this in almost every issue for 50 years? Does it matter that I myself have written them before? I actually feel kind of sad to think of someone coming up with “Hey, I know! I’ll write a movie spoof!” and then thinking they were the first person ever to think of that.
December 9th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
This isn’t going to be very mature of me at all, but…
Romy Sucks And I Want To Slap Her. Also, I really hate capitalizing the first letter of every word. It slows down the typing so much.
This made me cackle (It’s a trademark of mine): “Stephenie Meyer Is Very Good At What She Does. [What is that, a headline?]“
December 9th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
I’ve got to say, I’m offended to be in the same age group as some of these people…
December 9th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
So I just got done reading that “script” that “Eric” “stole” from MSN movies. It’s not nearly as funny as Eric’s. I still grin from the “buttery seduction on a stick” line. Classic.
I say again, of the two scripts, Eric’s is much better.
December 9th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
I was actually sad that there were so few angry comments in that thread. Sure, there were rampant misspellings and bad grammar, but some of those fangirls were downright nice. Boring!!
December 9th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Stephanie Meyer is a modern day Jane Austin with her idealistic, Whimsical realism and innate ability to execute the inner workings of a normal well adjusted teenager who is forced to choose between normalcy and the concept of becoming an individualistic woman, who not only thinks outside the metaphorical box, but also delves into the qualms and idiocyncraties of modern society.
Your portrayal of this book is not only irrovacably wrong on so many levels, it is like spitting in the face of those women who paved the way for people like Stephanie Myer. She is a true hero in every aspect of the word. She brings hope to young girls lonely and depressed hearts and ironically she is a light in the darkness. Her well written woven tales paint a picture so vivid in the minds of those who are priveledged to read it. You should really reconsider slandering one of the greatest writers of our generation and even greater. The movie was well depicted and stayed true to the original book. I appaud those that worked maticulessly to bring it to us.
PS. I enjoy your sattircal writing and I look forward to reading more.
Yours always, Kimmie
December 9th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
I recall someone doing the “Capitalize Every Word In The Sentence” thing some time ago on another article. Really, really annoying. I’d rather read stuff like “thanx 4 teh gud fudz!!1!” than see another sentence that has every word capitalized in it, it seriously hurts my brain to read that crap.
December 9th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
I too was hoping for more wailing & gnashing of teeth from the little girl population! It’s always so fun to read!! I love the books too, but unlike some of the freaks….um I mean, fans, I have a sense of humor as well, & get that it’s supposed to be funny. It was supposed to be funny…right?
December 9th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking Romy to task. I, too, am irritated beyond words at her habit of capitalizing every word. Why make all those extra keystrokes? It boggles the mind.
I guess we should also acknowledge that most of the Twilight fans who left comments were pretty level-headed. The vast majority of them liked the book and movie but still had a good laugh at Eric’s parody. So Twilighters get some kudos from me for not flying off the handle at the very thought that someone could not worship their precious Edward. Except Romy. I withdraw my kudos to her.
December 9th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
woww, it’s those insane fans that give the rest of us a bad name…i enjoyed the movie, and i loved the books more, but are they the best books ever written? heavens, no. they’re just a story, and i don’t really take offense to people satirizing them. it’s when people criticize it without even reading it that gets me.
…
great article, as usual!!!
December 9th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
The Chris Crackpot picture is priceless!
My little sis is a twilight fan, so I’m quite used to the fangirls, I’m just glad to see kids like my sister reading. I will however, watch her closely to make sure her next boyfriend to come through our door isn’t a moody violent stalker “vegetarian” with pale skin, just to be safe.
December 9th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Found Romy. Killed him. Feel no remorse.
December 9th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
This is directed to “Kimmie”:
Stephanie Meyers is a “hero in every aspect of the word”? Stephanie Meyers is the “greatest writer of our generation”?
I’m just making sure I read that right.
December 9th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
1. Romy is a her, not a him, of course.
2. Previous comments posted on this site with every word capitalized were by the same person.
3. Surely Kimmie was kidding, what with the dozens of misspellings (including the names of her hero writers) and general hyperbole.
4. You need to capitalize the first word of every sentence. It’s how we do things in the English language.
December 10th, 2008 at 12:14 am
Good lord people! I happened to stumbled upon Eric’s 3:10 to Yuma review shortly after reading this, and noticed that the second comment was left by our friend Romy, over a year ago, who at the point was of course Capitalizing Everything. How long has this specimen been among us?
December 10th, 2008 at 7:43 am
My wife tried reading Twilight aloud to me, but after the first 28 pages of the main characters looking into each others’ eyes, I went back to watching football.
(Even she admitted it was a pretty mediocre book, and isn’t anxious to finish the series.)
December 10th, 2008 at 8:12 am
goinG ouT oF youR waY tO capitalizE thE firsT letteR oF everY worD makeS nO sensE. iF onlY thesE peoplE woulD devotE somE oF thaT wasteD efforT tO creatinG coherenT sentenceS anD adhearinG tO thE ruleS oF grammaR.
December 10th, 2008 at 8:16 am
pizzatheface:
You actually STOPPED watching football to listen to your wife? You must possess powers that are beyond my comprehension.
December 10th, 2008 at 8:19 am
heY! ChriS stolE mY jokE!
December 10th, 2008 at 9:07 am
Kimmie, please tell me you were joking. I mean, I’m a MAN for crying out loud, and I know how to spell Jane Austen. I would just assume you’re joking if your comment didn’t read like something my 16-year-old sister would write in all sobriety (I hasten to point out that said sister is adopted, so while I love her to death, and she is in every sense an indispensible part of our family, I have no genetic links to her). And by the way, Kimmie is your real name, right? That’s not a pseudonym? Because my sister’s name is not Kimmie.
December 10th, 2008 at 10:54 am
“Kimmie” is only trying to get a vitriolic reponse for humor’s sake, much the same as other people who write in to Eric with faked angry letters hoping to be featured on his site later.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Erik, your just jellous!
You wish you were das esirible like Edward, but your not!
-Kimmie’s best frend
December 10th, 2008 at 11:18 am
I also was saddened by the lack of hysterical responses to Eric’s shooting-down of “Twilight.” Then I realized something, that all those girls who DID respond obviously caught his message this time that we were all waiting for them to make idiots of themselves, in fact, were breathless in anticipation of it, and it never happened. Now, two possible explanations for this: Eric deleted them before the rest of us could enjoy them (inconceivable! hopefully you would not be so rude, Eric?) or, they caught the everyone’s anticipatory vibes, read the warnings, took them to heart, and tried to agree with him, laugh at the script, reply positively to it all so that they could view themselves as on the level as everyone else and not be made fodder to our elitist fingertips for frothily defending the book/movie. I think.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Wow, Chris, that was really funny. How long did it take you to type that posting? I find it sad that the population so in love with the books (I myself loved the books but the movie was blah) will be in command of society when most of us are old and feable. Does this scare the pants off anyone? They can barely type the english language, they can barely read a web site commentary. They can barely understand satire.
Kb4nw….
December 10th, 2008 at 11:37 am
It was very awkward to type like that. It would be even more awkward to epyt gnihtyreve sdrawkcab!
December 10th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
wAY tO gO, lOSER. nOW eVERYONE iS uSING mY cOMPUTER lANGUAGE oF cAPITALIZING tHE fIRST lETTER oF eVERY wORD. iT tOOK yEARS tO pERFECT tHAT. lUCKILY i hAVE a bACKUP!
December 10th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Eric, I have a great sense of humor!
And I thought this article was hilarious!
It’s amazing how catty and mean teenage girls can get when it comes to someone insulting the new book phenomenon called “Twilight”. I mean, I’M a teenage girl, but I’m not as obsessed as I guess you could say other girls are.
I mean come on…really?
The girls who left you those mean comments, most likely ARE what you post them to be. Or what I post them to be.
And I post them to be: Mean, Twilight obsessed, dumb, teens who have never read a better book than Twilight, (and trust me gals, there are many!)
I respect the author, but girls, get a hold of your selves!
Haha.
Great Article Eric, Keep It Up!
(p.s. I just did that whole capitalizing the first letter of each word, just to annoy you;) Haha! )
December 10th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
i aM rELIEVED rOMY hAD a bACKUP pLAN, aND aM aSHAMED tHAT sOME pEOPLE wOULD eXPLOIT tHE “cOMPUTER lANGUAGE” iT tOOK hER yEARS tO pERFECT.
December 10th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
If “rOMY” is actually a fake “Romy” playing a joke–and I hope s/he is–well played.
December 10th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
I thought Eric’s review and fake script were both hilarious. The angry letters were even funnier. However, after reading these response, as a teacher (history not English, but I still get to deal with the essays), I am extremely concerned for the future of our country and ALL THE STUPID MAKES MY BRAIN HURT!
Apologies for the shouting.
December 10th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
I think this is a clue to Kimmie’s intentions:
“PS. I enjoy your sattircal writing and I look forward to reading more.”
December 11th, 2008 at 1:02 am
yawn… I think I’m not alone when I say this, and correct me if I’m wrong, but I find it pretty annoying, and not to mention incredibly boring reading response after response riddled with attempts to get attention. Give it up children! You are all special. And I mean that, I really do. If I had gold stars for all your foreheads I would give you all one without hesitation. As for Kimmie, or whatever your real name is, let’s leave the satire to someone who knows how to properly execute it. Eric, as always, you are doing a fine job at what you do and I very much enjoy your responses and witticisms week after week. Thank you.
December 11th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
I think that part of the reason that this parody did not elicit the same kind of response that Titanic did lies in the “justification factor.” In the Titanic, Eric pointed out that there were scenes that were fairly explicit (nudity, steaming up windows, etc.) yet it still sold out for weeks in Provo. Many girls felt they had to justify their actions by proclaiming the movie great art, (and Leo D. a great actor) and getting mad at Eric for insinuating that they were watching movies that might have racy themes.
That just wasn’t there in Twilight. It was written by a Mormon, and is missing those scenes of gratuitous nudity that require such justification. So it’s not really a surprise that the response is a lot more muted by teen girls than it was for the Titanic parody.
December 11th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
whome, I disagree with you. Twilight has its own “Titanic factor”: it portrays a very unhealthy relationship (Bella and Edward spend every night together in her bed, and Bella is dangerously codependent on Edward to the point that she abandons most other people and considers a moment not spent with Edward to be a moment wasted) and relies heavily on sexual innuendo, what with the heavy kissing and hormones and constant descriptions of Edward’s physical beauty, even if Bella and Edward don’t actually do the deed. And yet Mormon girls and women worship the series, in part because it’s written by a Mormon author. I fail to see how they can praise it as a clean and wholesome series. I’ll cop to having read the first three books, and there’s no way I would want my teenage daughter reading them and idealizing the characters and relationships they portray.
Sorry, just had to get that out there. Maybe it will light a fire under these teenagers and they’ll leave more hilarious comments for us to pick apart!
December 11th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Ampersand, I don’t disagree with you at all. My wife had the same reaction that you did. All I’m saying is that without the overt sexuality, there’s less for Eric to lampoon and less for teen girls to take umbridge at.
December 13th, 2008 at 12:42 am
Man it’s getting to the point where every time I read about Twilight I want to go read Harry Potter just to purge the terrible experience from my psyche. I always felt like JK Rowling did a perfect job of accurately portraying awkward teenage emotions. Twilight, not so much. Really. Really not so much.
I could really go for some Neil Gaiman right about now. While we’re on the subject of things that suck less than Twilight and restore my faith in humanity.
December 18th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
“…one of the greatest writers of our generation and even greater…”
Made up or not, that’s funny.
December 18th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
I think Kimmie’s response was nearly as genius as the original rejected screenplay:
“. . . the inner workings of a normal well adjusted teenager who is forced to choose between normalcy and the concept of becoming an individualistic woman”
Pure gold.
December 23rd, 2008 at 2:54 pm
So….I hate bandwagon books (*cough* Twilight) and I hate annoying teenage girls. In my ceramics class (God, art students are so touchy!) I happened to utter the phrase “I hate bandwagon books, Twilight is such a waste of “literature” and I refuse to entertain the idea that it is a viable book” After saying this, from behind me a classmate exclaimed quite viciously “Ugh, way to overreact about a book! Twilight is fantastic!! You have NO idea what you’re talking about, it may be the best book ever written.”
I’d like to point out that SHE accused me of overreacting and also that she broke the cardinal rule of claiming Twilight to be the “best ever” and also that she’s a twit. Twilight fans are touchy!
December 23rd, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Just for the record, hating a book solely because it’s popular — without having actually read it to see for yourself whether it’s any good (which many popular things are) — is at least as immature as thinking “Twilight” is the best book you’ve ever read. And refusing to even *entertain* the possibility that it might be enjoyable to read — again, solely because it’s popular? Yep, overreaction.
December 23rd, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Thank you Eric for your remark to “Proud to Hate on Twilight”.
For those people who think that all Twilight fans use the phrases “omg, lol, rofl,” every three seconds, I’m definitely not one of them. It hurts when everyone seems to make a generalization that all teenagers today have the thinking capacity of a potato and defile the English language with every statement they make. Happily, I am not one of those teenagers, except there aren’t many like me who feel the same way.
I honestly was upset when the Twilight phenomena grew because before, Twilight didn’t really attract the “oMg” crowd, but consisted of mostly girls that were smart. Twilight attracted many teenage girls who felt like the outcast, or were the smart girl, and Bella offered an “average” heroine that was smart, mature, strong, and one that girls could relate too. Every month, the “oMg, eDWARD is the most gawgeous thing in the world!! he is so SEXIIIII!!!” comments, comments that were gramatically incorrect, with spelling errors galore started to pour in more and more with the growth of Twilight. This made me want to bang my head on a wall, mainly because I hate those type of comments too. Now, some forums and fan sites are filled with the chorus of “This Is The Best Book EVA!!” and I try to avoid them, and flock with people who love the books like me (mainly for the story and characters, not because I believe it’s the best piece of literature ever produced. Yes, I’m a Twilighter that has read more than Twilight! What a shock!) There are Twilighters out there like myself who try to use good grammar, and are smart, do well in school, and share the same passion for the books.
I’m glad that the Twilighters didn’t overreact about the satire, because I actually enjoy watching parodies or things that make fun of Twilight (I recommend “A Bum’s Review of Twilight” to everyone who liked Eric’s parody, it’s hilarious!) And I could not stop laughing at your parody Eric. Some people just need to accept a joke!
I love the Twilight series, I try to construct sentences to the best of my ability, I’m a teenager (sick of some of the typing associated with my generation, might I add), and I do read many books outside of Twilight. There are Twilighters who are very smart out there and love the books for the same reasons I do. I hope that some of you will come away with a better view of the fans–as I said, many of the generalizations do hurt, especially because I’m different than many of the fans out there.
December 26th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Now, I’m all for being fair, but this attack on Twilight is unwelcome.
March 29th, 2009 at 10:10 am
i am 12. i have read a lot of books……i think twilight is the best book in the world and i am quite smart…i have a 4.0 gpa…..so HA!
July 7th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
I truly find all of your reviews quite hysterical at times, and I very much enjoy reading satires. The stuff you wrote about twilight, especially the script, was very very laugh out loud funny and true. Stephenie Meyer has okay writing abilities. I enjoy reading the books yet it does annoy me when i am forced to be grouped in with the crazy jonas brothers loving out of control twilight fans just because i am the same general age as most of them. Your thoughts about how most people who think Stephenie M. and the Twilight books are the best are quite true cause a lot of them only read books like the twilight series. Books that are indulgent nonsense and enjoyable to read, yet they are in a way almost plot less and predictable( of course Bella will choose Edward, why would you choose someone who may have to leave you someday over someone who is completely dedicated to you!!!! ). Some of the people who read these books really scare me sometimes. Stephenie Meyer created the most perfect guy ever. She is a best-seller because of that, not because she is a good writer etc. Many girls read the books for the Bella & Edward love scenes and possibly for the imagery. Of course some fans, like myself, are quite smart and they love the books because they are well written and have great imagery. Also because she did create a guy that many women dream of being with. You, Eric, did absolutely nothing wrong by writing that stuff about the books, author and fans. Keep doing what you do best and (as a tribute to Romy :] ) Thanks So Much For Writing All Of Your Wonderful Satires, Reviews, Etc.
December 13th, 2011 at 2:46 pm
Bahahaha. I’ve never seen this before. I’m Romy. I’m definitely not dead, I’m definitely not male, and I definitely wasn’t a teenager when I wrote these comments. Barely…but still.
You’ll be happy to note that I quit capitalizing every word because one of my friends started doing it and guess what??? It’s annoying as hell.
Eric – I found one of the comments you made about my comments really odd. I knew full well that the sequel was in pre-production and that they had hired the same screenwriter. That’s why I said there’s already a sequel…maybe I should have said “in the works” to make it more clear to you?
Also, Twilight is by far not the best book I’ve ever read. As you’ve pointed out, I read entirely too much, fitting into your little generalization that people who think it’s the best book ever haven’t read a lot of books. However, if you’re really that insulted by the fact that I subscribe to and financially support Snide Remarks, I’ll be more than happy to pull funding and what not!
Just let me know.