@ranielle Please! [headdesk] away!

Happy Internet Mardi Gras, everyone! In exchange for e-beads, I will show you my e-boobs.

@marksingletree I know you want to start a fight with me, but I’m not interested unless it’s over something important. Like “Watchmen.”

How not to write a movie review: http://tinyurl.com/cttu8g

Browsing at my old stomping grounds, eFilmCritic (a mirror site for Hollywood B****slap), I saw the first paragraph of David Hollands’ one-star review of “Slumdog Millionaire” and knew I didn’t need to read any further. In just two sentences, Hollands does four things that are at least annoying and possibly flat-out amateurish.

Here’s what he wrote:

When a film garners as much critical praise as “Slumdog Millionaire” has, one assumes watching the movie will be like witnessing the second coming of Christ. When I heard the praise growing, I didn’t join in the chorus; “Slumdog Millionaire” is directed by Danny Boyle, one of the most overrated filmmakers of all time.

Here’s what’s wrong with it:

When a film garners as much critical praise as “Slumdog Millionaire” has, one assumes watching the movie will be like witnessing the second coming of Christ.

If one does assume that, then one is setting oneself up for disappointment. Is Hollands, as a movie critic, saying that he lets himself get so overwhelmed by hype and buzz and publicity that he goes into films with crazily unrealistic expectations? Beware of any critic who does that.

Continue reading…