Man on 8th Ave. to passersby: ‘I’m handing out free titty licks!’ Despite the bargain, he had no takers.

I finally wrote a Tribeca review! I’m productive! (Note to editors: No, I haven’t actually posted it yet. Just take my word for it.)

If critic in front of me is rating movie according to how many times he farted during it, it’s getting four farts.

Disney repackaged a bunch of material from the TV miniseries “Planet Earth,” simplified the title to just “Earth,” and released it in theaters on Wednesday. This was done in conjunction with Disney wanting to make money off something that was previously available for free, and also Earth Day. I am disregarding the film’s existence.

In news concerning movies that actually are movies, “The Soloist” stars Robert Downey Jr. and Jamie Foxx and is good. My review is at Film.com.

The other new wide releases were not screened for critics. “Obsessed” is a thriller about a home-wrecker who threatens the relationship between Beyonce Knowles and her husband. “Fighting” is probably about fighting. “Fighting” actually was screened in some cities, for some critics, so I guess the studio is only ashamed of it under certain circumstances.

Flipping channels last night, caught end of “Taxi Driver” on Showtime. Badly pan-and-scanned, but still: HO. LEE. CRAPP.

A series of 10 cop cars, lights and sirens on, just sped up 8th Ave. Wow, that unarmed man they’re rushing to shoot must really be black!

Eric’s Bad Movies at Film.com: “The 13th Warrior” http://www.film.com/movies/the-13th-warrior/story/erics-bad-movies-13th-warrior/27742693

This week’s edition of Eric’s Bad Movies at Film.com comes from a time when they were trying to make Antonio Banderas a big-time movie star. It’s called “The 13th Warrior,” and it features many foreigners speaking in heavy accents.

Speaking of foreigners with heavy accents, did I mention I’m in New York City? Well, I am. I’m covering the Tribeca Film Festival for the first time, for Cinematical, mostly because I happened to be coming here anyway for vacation and we thought it would be smart for me to be on vacation AND do some work. Surely you see the logic. If you’re in NYC, and you see me wandering around, be sure to say hi.

The mom from ‘Gilmore Girls’ is in ‘Guys and Dolls’ on Broadway. Not nearly as chatty, thank goodness.

has been in New York City 30 minutes and has already seen one (1) unconscious crack head lying on a sidewalk.