Literal video of “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” Made me LOL. http://bit.ly/Kwhw9

Back in the days of the Garrens Comedy Troupe at BYU, I wrote a song in which I sang the names of all of the LDS Church’s current general authorities, all 100 or so of them. ‘Twas a big hit, back in the day. (The first performance of it was in early 1996.) But as Mormons are well aware, twice a year, at general conference, there are usually a few G.A.’s released and new ones called to replace them. So the song was always being updated.

The last update was for my second CD, in 2005. I’ve had no incentive to update “The General Authorities Song” since then because I haven’t been performing at all, much less for a mostly Mormon audience. But then I got word from some friends of mine that their children had been listening to the most recent recording, and were delighted by it, and have even memorized a lot of it (which, believe me, is no picnic). And they were greatly desirous that I should update it, particularly since several of the important names in the song have, um, died since the last revision.

So … I did it. Here’s the new version, accurate as of the most recent changes at the April 2009 General Conference. I slapped together a recording to send to my friends and their children, and you can listen to it too. Non-Mormons probably won’t recognize any of the names (well, except for Gary Coleman and Anthony Perkins, since those are also the names of famous actors), but even Mormons wouldn’t recognize a lot of them. Many of the men were called recently and haven’t done anything yet to gain notoriety in the LDS world. So I guess to the extent that the song is fun, it is fun because, well, there are a lot of names, and I sing them really fast. I guess.

MY SISTER’S KEEPER boasts “from the director of THE NOTEBOOK.” Hey, remember that poop? Well, here’s more, from the same colon!

I think the equation goes like this: The more special effects a movie has, the more blasphemous it is to do a remake/reboot/prequel.

Hey! What’s that busting out all over? Why, I do believe it’s June! June needs a stronger brassiere.

But the point is, here’s a new “Snide Remarks” column, “In Which It Is Hard to Throw Away a Desk.” It’s the one that first appeared in “Something Cleverish,” the fundraiser book for Christian and Stephanie Nielson.

And over here at Film.com is Eric’s Time Capsule, addressing “Psycho II,” released 26 years ago this week. For those who were asking, the Eric’s Ten-Year Itch column is only going to be an occasional Time Capsule replacement at first, but will gradually take over completely by the end of the summer.

And if you’re interested in dying a slow, delicious death, I’d like to recommend the Cookie Cake Pie, which is exactly what it sounds like. The combination possibilities are endless! Mom and I are going to try it when I visit home this weekend, and I’ll let you know how it turns out, unless it kills me.

This week’s “Snide Remarks,” including the audio version, is here.
The audio version (i.e., the podcast) is also here.
Subscribe to the podcast’s feed with this URL.

I bet the lunatic who killed that abortion doctor didn’t consider it murder, but rather a very, very, very late-term abortion.

New “Snide Remarks”: In which it is hard to throw away a desk. http://tinyurl.com/lo3ojh