A good way to make sure no one will come over and watch a movie with you is to have a job that requires you to watch “Teen Witch.”

Just kidding, he’s barely mentioned.

Oh, GREAT. Last week’s Entertainment Weekly was entirely devoted to Michael Jackson, and now this week’s is all about Karl Malden.

Note to all media outlets: When I see the words “turkey club sandwich,” I continue reading with increased interest.

Note to all media outlets: When I see the words “Perez Hilton,” I stop reading and skip to something else.

As expected, “Brüno” — Sacha Baron Cohen’s follow-up to 2006’s “Borat” — isn’t quite as funny as its predecessor, but it’s not a bust, either. Its main defect is missing some golden opportunities and being generally less focused than it should be. It’ll sure make you laugh/cringe/cover your eyes, though.

Then there’s “I Love You, Beth Cooper” (review at Film.com), based on a funny novel that I recommended on this very blog a year ago. The movie version, unfortunately, is astonishingly bad. It makes me want to apologize to the Wayans family. It’s hands-down the worst thing I’ve seen this year. Hands down! Why do I still see some hands up? I’m serious. HANDS DOWN.

In limited release, though, are two fine options. “The Hurt Locker,” hailed by some as the best movie of 2009, is a riveting action-drama about a bomb squad in Iraq. I don’t quite concur with the “best movie of 2009″ thing, but it’s definitely an outstanding movie. And there’s also “Humpday,” a hilarious and astute indie comedy about two straight guys who want to make a sex tape as an art project. But it’s more complicated than that. Read the review, see the movie.

Oh, and I loved “Il Divo,” about one of Italy’s most notorious modern politicians, but for some reason forgot to include it in “In the Dark” this week. I don’t know what gets into me sometimes.

Twitter is a thing that I use sometimes.

To sign up for the “In the Dark” e-zine, which brings you all the new movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info in one handy weekly e-mail, visit this page.

Aw, cute! The Hollywood Reporter pretends that only onliners go on studio-sponsored junkets, never print reporters. http://bit.ly/isuQv