“That ‘bicycle’ of yours? It’s just a non-motorized, two-wheeled mode of transportation powered by pedaling! SO THERE!”

Yes, genius, there is NO WORSE insult you can deliver to a critic than telling him his review is “just [his] opinion.” #definitionofreview

If I had to name 3 movie people I personally love, it would be @scotteweinberg, @jamesrocchi, and @williambgoss. Luckily, I don’t have to.

RT @bmerritt Guys, I just heard the marionette operator for Larry King’s corpse is retiring. A sad day for puppet enthusiasts everywhere.

Here’s my ECLIPSE review. It will probably disappoint you (the review, not the movie). http://bit.ly/bqf9sC

The onscreen title is “ECLIPSE.” If they want us to call it “THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE,” they should put that on the screen. #justsayin

You guys, this thing about Larry King retiring is a hoax. He’s been dead since 1993.

Want to read a filthy, illiterate review of ECLIPSE? Harry Knowles is the man for the job! http://bit.ly/abjLQO

People of Utah: Join me in a public place next Tuesday evening for socializing! Stalkers welcome! http://bit.ly/9H2I8S

Next Tuesday, July 6, if you walk outside and find yourself in the general vicinity of Provo, Utah, cancel whatever you’re doing and come to Pioneer Park at 5:30 p.m. for the First (and Last) Annual Eric D. Snider Tweet-Up and Gathering of General Merriment for Friends and Strangers!

Strictly informal and casual. Nobody’s providing anything. No specific activities are planned, although I guess if someone brings a piano I’ll do a couple songs, just because it would be funny if someone actually brings a piano to the park. Bring your kids if you wanna. Bring food and beverages if you want to eat and drink. If you just want to sit around and mingle, then just bring your butt and your mingling hat.

Who is invited? Everyone! People who follow me on the Twitters! People who read stuff that I write! People I used to know but haven’t seen in forever! People I am friends with but never get a chance to see when I’m in town because I’m never there for very long and maybe I don’t have their phone numbers anymore! People who are entirely unfamiliar with me but found this announcement because they googled “provo park merriment”! Everyone is welcome, except for former employers!

Here is a summary of the pertinent info, in the manner of an invitation, so that you will think you have been specifically invited:

What: The First (and Last) Annual Eric D. Snider Tweet-Up and Gathering of General Merriment for Friends and Strangers

When: Tuesday, July 6, 5:30 p.m.-???? (“????” probably means like 8:00 or so.)

Where: Pioneer Park, 500 W. Center St., Provo, Utah

For whom: Anyone who wants to come hang out for a while, maybe eat some food (if they bring it themselves), say hello, enjoy the park, &c.

UPDATE: I can now confirm that a celebrity guest named Momma Snider will be in attendance! You will treat her with respect, unless your disrespect is especially funny.