1. I do not know if your friend has heard of donor swaps. If you have a donor that does not match you (e.g. wrong blood type), you can join a group that will trade donors. Say either you or his wife can donate, either you or she could become part of the swap. Just a few weeks ago, there was a four way swap with donated kidneys coming from and going to various parts of the country. The National Kidney Foundation can provide information on this for you.

2. There is another type of dialysis called peritoneal. It involves putting a dialysis fluid into your abdomen through a catheter and then draining it out after a few hours. Not everyone can do it, but if you can, it is fantastic. We hooked up at night and unhooked in the morning. I never lost a day of work and felt great. My wife worked two jobs. You can read abou tperitoneal dialysis online.

Simply put, hemodialysis is draining and debilitating. Peritoneal is life enhancing. In the latter you do everything and take care of yourself. The former is passive and others take care of you.

3. Fight! ESRD can be a bureaucratic combat zone. My wife was denied a transplant and she went to war. At one time you could google her name and get 12 pages of newspaper articles that only skimmed the surface of her battles. Nice and accepting doesn’t always cut it. Junk Yard Dog tenacity may be needed.

4. Get support. Whether it is a support group or just conversations with people who have suffered through dialysis, you would be amazed how helpful it can be for both for patient and spouse (feel free to share our email address to your friends if they want to talk or write to two veterans of dialysis and transplants).

My thoughts and prayers are with you guys. I have a close friend who went through something very similar. (After being on the waiting list for over 3 years he finally got a new kidney and doesn’t have to be on dialysis any more!)