I received an e-mail from someone named “Keyamaz,” at the address Shakeemagirl8@aol.com. The e-mail read:

Hey,
Can you e-mail me Raven-symone
e-mail address so i can keep in touch with my god sister!!!

Now, if you are a regular reader of this blog, you are thinking: Eric just wrote an item on people who foolishly think he has celebrities’ e-mail addresses just because he reviews their movies. And in fact, Raven-Symone was the very celebrity who prompted that blog entry!

I thought the same thing. I figured this person, this “Keyamaz,” had to be kidding. So I responded:

Um… You’re kidding, right?

[link to above-cited blog entry]

I assume you have read that and you are making a joke in reference to it.
If you have not read it, please do.

Eric

Keyamaz then sent two replies. In one of them, he/she pasted the entire page I had referred him/her to and then said, “it did not tell raven-symone email address.” In the other reply, he/she said:

Well I read it and couldn’t find Raven-symone e-mail address well can you e-mail me her e-mail please god bless….

To this one I replied thus:

OK, now I KNOW you must be joking.

If you read it, then that means you now know the following things:

1. I do not have the e-mail address for Raven Symone or for any other celebrity.

2. Even if I did, I would not give it out.

So either you are playing a joke on me, or else you did not actually read the link I gave you, or else you are very, very stupid. Please let me know which it is.

Eric

Keyamaz replied:

ummm you tell me and ok bye-bye now and 4ever

I give Keyamaz credit, though. Most people establish their stupidity in only one e-mail; he/she managed to drag it out to four e-mails before his/her stupidity was confirmed.

Here is something you probably did not know about me. About twice a month, I get an e-mail from someone wanting the e-mail address of a famous person. Now, nowhere on my Web site does it suggest that I am Directory Assistance for celebrities. My only connection to celebrities is that I review the movies they appear in. This process does not grant me any special access to them; they are not actually THERE when I watch the movies, you see. It’s just photographs being projected on a screen.

Yet still I get these e-mails. Here is the most recent one. It said, in its entirety:

can i have rabes email address

I replied thus:

I don’t know who “rabe” is, and I don’t know why you think I would have his/her e-mail address. Did I mention “rabe” in a movie review? Because all that means is that I saw a movie that had “rabe” in it, and then wrote a review of that movie. That is the extent of my involvement with “rabe”: seeing him or her in a movie, same as you.

I received this reply:

im sorry but i didnt meen rabe.i ment raven symone.do you know who she is?she is a disney channel star.well i hope you give it to me.

I was nonplussed. Had I not just stated that, regardless of who “rabe” was, I would not know how to reach him or her? Did this person think I would say, “Oh, RAVEN! You said ‘rabe,’ and I had no idea who that was. But Raven, of course I’ve got HER e-mail address! Let me get that for you….”?

I think what must happen is, these people Google the celebrity’s name and my site is among the hundreds that pops up, because I have mentioned that person in a movie review. Then the fan comes to my site, sees the “e-mail” link, and e-mails me to ask for information, without even bothering to read what I’ve said about the celebrity in question. Surely if they read the review, they would understand that it’s just a movie review and not an interview with the star. Does Roger Ebert get e-mails like this? Actually, he probably does, because he actually does publish celebrity interviews sometimes and probably actually does have some contact info for them. But why would anyone who actually READ what I wrote think that I would have any connection to anyone?

Anyway, for future reference, here are the famous people that I DO have personal contact information for:

- Dr. Demento
- Richard Dutcher, director of “God’s Army” and “Brigham City”
- Will Swenson, star of “Singles Ward” and other LDS comedies
- Orson Scott Card
- My mom, who was once in extra in something
- Myself, author of many famous movie reviews

And also for future reference, no I will not give you the contact information for any of those people.