If you live in Utah, you might be aware that KJZZ-TV shows the lousy Mormon comedy “The Singles Ward” now and then. But this Thanksgiving, the broadcast will be different. This time, the movie will be funny!

That’s because Daryn Tufts, Randy Tayler, and Trenton James will be providing snarky commentary on it, in the manner of “Mystery Science Theater 3000.” They’re calling it “Talkies.” It will be like watching a bad movie with three of your funniest friends. Or three of my funniest friends, anyway.

But the reason I’m telling you about it isn’t just that the guys are friends of mine, but that some of the snide remarks© they’ll be making were written by me, Eric D. Snider. Yes, though the performance is carefully crafted to look like they’re ad-libbing their responses to the movie, they are in fact scripted. (Such was the case with “Mystery Science Theater,” too.) Daryn asked if I wanted to write some jokes, and I was glad to do it, though it did mean having to watch “The Singles Ward” again.

(Added dimension that the “MST” gang never had to deal with: Daryn is actually in “The Singles Ward.” He’ll be mocking his own performance.)

So if you find yourself in Utah on Thanksgiving, turn your TV dial to KJZZ at 3 p.m. to record this one-time-only broadcast of “Talkies” featuring “The Singles Ward.” If the audience response is favorable, Daryn and the gang may have a chance to give other films in KJZZ’s library the “Talkies” treatment.

After the jump are some YouTube clips of the show. Daryn warns that the picture and sound are rough in these clips, but they’ll be smooth and delightful in the actual broadcast.

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My friend Mike Russell couldn’t fulfill his normal duties as movie critic on KUFO’s Cort and Fatboy program Friday night, so I stepped in for the assist. The guys were broadcasting live from Portland’s Bagdad Theater in conjunction with their 11 p.m. screening of “Goodfellas,” and I joined them there on the scene to discuss “The Heartbreak Kid” (which is not nearly as good a movie as “Goodfellas”). A fine time was had by all. You can listen to the broadcast here. My appearance starts only a couple minutes into it, so you might as well just listen from the beginning.

I’ve joined Mike a few times in the past to cover films he hadn’t seen (the last time was in February), but this was the first time I’d gone solo, without Mike even there. I was alone with Cort and Fatboy! But it was OK. They were nice to me. I pointed out to Fatboy that he’s really not fat anymore, and he said he’s been losing weight, getting in shape, etc. He said his goal is to get so thin that “Fatboy” becomes an ironic nickname, like when giant guys are called Little John. Also, I finally learned his real first name. (It’s Susan. No wonder he prefers Fatboy!)

After all these years, I can finally say I’ve been published in the Deseret News! I never really wanted to say that, but hey, a byline is a byline.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a byline at first. The Des News inadvertently took part in a wee bit of plagiarism — a situation that has now been rectified with much apologizing, I assure you.

At the paper’s website, they have a feature called LDS Newsline, a blog-like collection of items of particular interest to Mormons, who make up approximately 70 percent of Utah and approximately 100 percent of Deseret News readers.

An occasional feature there at the Newsline is “Mormon Lite”: “Sincere (but occasionally feeble) attempts at LDS humor.” They are submitted by readers. An Erik Hyer of Layton, Utah, submitted this one, about a Mormon-themed chain of restaurants.

About a dozen sharp-eyed readers have e-mailed me in the last 24 hours, alerting me of this article’s existence, and of its uncanny similarity to a “Snide Remarks” column I wrote way back in 2000.

I was alarmed by two things. One, I had no idea my readership overlapped so much with that of the Deseret News. How can I change that?

Two, why was the Des News reprinting my column without attribution?!

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My birthday is this Sunday — no gifts, please! But if you insist, here’s my Amazon wish list — and I share it with a friend of mine named Christopher. We were in the Garrens Comedy Troupe together back in the day, and then he married the sister of one of my best friends, so now he’s part of the family forever.

Anyway, Christopher’s wife C. Jane writes a delightful blog called C Jane Run, and this week she’s printing birthday greetings from his friends and family members. She asked me to contribute, and I was honored to do so! So honored, in fact, that I’m providing the link to what I wrote right here.

One of my favorite sketches back in the Garrens Comedy Troupe days was “Dinner at Denny’s,” in which a man exhausted from making decisions all day at work goes to dinner and finds even more decisions to be made. We performed it several times back in 1996 (HOLY CRAP, that was a long time ago), and it appeared on the now-out-of-print Garrens CD.

Recently, a British university student by the name of Rob Shiels performed the sketch with his own comedy group and filmed it for posterity. The audio quality isn’t great, and the British accents might give you a run for your money (you can follow along with the script here), but it’s a fun little artifact that can now be viewed on YouTube or right here:

The podcast for this week’s “Snide Remarks” column can be found here. [Link was broken; now it is fixed.] I need to stop writing such long columns; 12 minutes of reading is hard on the voice.

Also, if you missed the announcement about the upcoming scarcity of Eric D. Snider-related merchandise, here it is.

Finally, it’s worth noting that on Friday, Portland’s airwaves briefly featured my voice. I was invited by movie-critic pal Mike Russell to join him on KUFO’s Cort & Fatboy program. Mike is there every Friday to review movies, but he hadn’t seen “Hannibal Rising,” so I was brought in to fulfill those duties.

You can listen to a recording of the show here. Since the commercials and Stone Temple Pilots songs have been removed, Mike and I actually appear very early in the program.

About five years ago, some Mormon writers banded together to create The Sugar Beet, an LDS-culture version of The Onion, featuring satirical fake news stories. I was one of the writers in that first crew, but then I wandered off after a few months to pursue other interests. The project continued, both as a Web site and briefly as a print publication.

Some of the best material from The Sugar Beet’s entire run has now been collected in a book, “The Mormon Tabernacle Enquirer,” available at fine retailers such as Amazon.com or directly from the distributor, Zarahemla Books.

I got my copy in the mail today, and it’s very funny. Anyone with an LDS background (and especially those who have lived in Utah) who also has a sense of humor should find it highly amusing, dancing right on the edge of light-heartedness and light-mindedness.

Some of the articles don’t entirely work because they’re not written in the style of real news stories, and some of the ideas are kinda lame to begin with. But the other 90 percent of the book is a hoot, with headlines like these:

“Area Man’s Mission Years Really Were His Best”
“Cereal and Cheddar Fish Miracle Occurs in Nursery”
“Missionary Now Curses with Near-Native Proficiency”
“BYU-Idaho Students Relieved Austin Powers Movies Aren’t R-Rated”
“Man’s Addiction to Wife Destroying Relationship with Porn”
“Poll Reveals Majority of Men ‘Highly Satisfied’ with Patriarchy”
“Inner Child Found, Baptized”

For me, some of the most laugh-out-loud stuff is in the form of Onion-style “man on the street” interviews and statistical charts. For example:

What phrases do you not want to hear in a patriarchal blessing?

“Morning of the third resurrection”
“Flesh-eating”
“Lazy, shiftless rat-bastard”
“Unfortunate series of events”

Or this:

Brigham Young University has renewed its emphasis against bare midriffs. What do you think?

“It’s a woman’s responsibility not to tempt men, while being sexy enough to make me want to marry her and have babies.”

“I think we should just start pretending that none of us have any naked parts, ever, anywhere.”

“If the girls all cover up, who are we going to blame for our impure thoughts and actions?”

“Well, it makes more sense than the rule against beards. After all, Brigham Young never appeared in public with a bare midriff.”

My one contribution to the book appears on page 72: “Name Withheld Takes Own Life,” in which it is imagined that those inspirational Ensign articles written by “Name Withheld” are the work of the same person, whose name really is Name Withheld, and that all the personal traumas she wrote about finally cracked her. I’m told The Sugar Beet got angry letters as the result of this article when it was first printed, which makes me happy.

So go buy the book. Approximately 1/330th of it was written by me, so I think that means I get royalties. For occasional updates and more samples, visit The Sugar Beet’s blog.

I’ve recorded a new song parody for your listening pleasure (?). It’s called “Not Fooling Anyone,” and it’s a parody of Daniel Powter’s ubiquitous pop hit “Bad Day.” Please to be visiting the song player and listening to it there.

The recording was done here in my apartment with my electric piano keyboard and Mac’s Garage Band software. I’m pretty impressed with what Garage Band can do with regard to recording MIDI instruments. I only had to play the song once, and all the minor fixes of wrong notes, etc., were done easily and electronically with that one recording. The vocals were limited by my very poor-quality microphone and poor-quality singing voice, but I added some reverb and distortion to make it sound more radio-y (i.e., as if the flaws were on purpose).

Anyway, there it is. If you’re wondering why I called it “Not Fooling Anyone” instead of the more obvious title that would be closer to the original title (”Bad Day”), it’s because I didn’t want to give away the joke.

I used to know a fellow named Scott Haycock, aka Puppet Guy, a talented puppet-maker and all-around creative type who was lots of fun at parties and who would sometimes freak people out. (It may be apocryphal, but I’m told he kept a small vial of his own blood in his refrigerator.) But who cares? He made me laugh.

For a short time in 2001-2002, he produced a children’s show, populated mostly by puppets, for Provo’s local cable channel. I do not remember the name of the show, or how many episodes were made, or whether it actually ever aired on television. But one time he asked me to appear as a guest on the show, singing a song about safety, which was evidently a favorite theme among the puppet characters. Scott wrote the song, setting it to the tune of the Mormon hymn “Choose the Right.” I revised some of Scott’s lyrics, jazzed up the music, and performed it with two of the puppet characters coming in on the choruses.

Scott subsequently sent me a digital copy of the performance, which has sat on my hard drive for more than four years, waiting for me to do something with it. It is now on YouTube, for all the world to see.

That’s Scott as “Li’l Scott” at the beginning; I don’t remember the name of the other puppet, nor of its puppeteer, nor of the cameraman. (Sorry.) I do remember that I had the lyrics taped to the far right side of the piano, just out of camera range, and that we did three takes, of which this was evidently the best (?) one.

The lyrics, in case you can’t make them out:

Safety first, everywhere you look there’s danger
Safety first, there’s peril all around
Safety first, there’s poison in the kitchen
Live through every day both safe and sound

Safety first! Safety first!
Let safety mark the way before
Safety first! Safety first!
Let zero accidents be your goal

Safety first, don’t drive faster than you’re supposed to
Safety first, don’t put salt into your eyes
Safety first, especially when handling chicken
“Danger is fun” is one of TV’s lies

Safety first! Safety first!
Let safety mark the way before
Safety first! Safety first!
Let living till you’re 90 be your goal

Safety first, the Drano’s not for drinking
Safety first, don’t try to touch the sun
Safety first, don’t leave the house at nighttime
It’s better to be safe than to have fun

Safety first! Safety first!
Let safety mark the way before
Safety first! Safety first!
Let not dying gruesomely be your goal
Let not falling into quicksand be your goal
Let not losing any fingers be your goal

Bob Garfield of National Public Radio’s “On the Media” program interviewed me Thursday morning for this week’s edition of the show. It was a 20-minute interview, but (and not being a regular listener, I was unaware this would happen) it was edited down to about 7 minutes. They’re professionals over there at NPR, though, and didn’t edit my comments out of context to make me sound stupid — that is to say, if I sound stupid, it is because I actually sounded stupid.

You can find out when your local NPR affiliate airs “On the Media” by going here, or you can just go to the “On the Media” site and listen to the interview there at your leisure. (Here is a link directly to an MP3 of my segment.)

[EDIT: It's too late to hear it on the radio now, of course. Go to the site to listen. They have also added a transcript, if you prefer reading over listening.]

The topics were my “I Was a Junket Whore” article, my subsequent blog about Tim Nasson’s shady journalism tactics, and journalism ethics in general. Bob was a friendly and well-prepared interviewer — again, they’re professionals over there at NPR — and I greatly enjoyed the experience.

(If Bob is reading this, though, he should know that he mispronounced “Willamette.” It’s Will-AM-ette, not WILL-am-ette. You can remember it because “Willamette” rhymes with “dammit.”)

If you’re wondering how the recording sounds so clear when it must have been a phone interview, the answer is IT WASN’T. They arranged for me to go to the local NPR affiliate, Oregon Public Radio, except they were booked up that day, so I went to another recording facility in SW Portland and they had a link-up and satellites were probably involved and it was very high-tech.