NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“The Muppets” (A-)
“Arthur Christmas” (B+) [Film.com]

I don’t have a review of “Hugo.” Here’s why, as explained in this week’s In the Dark email:

Martin Scorsese directed this charming adaptation of the novel “The Invention of Hugo Cabret” — about a young orphan who lives in a Paris train station in the 1920s — and he made it kid-friendly and in 3D. In other words, it’s not much like any of Scorsese’s other movies, except that it’s full of visual style, colorful characters, and entertainment value. So why don’t I have a review of it? SHUT UP, I’M GETTING TO THAT! I was in the process of getting a cold the night I saw it, and I was at the point where I felt headachy and weak: not sick enough to stay home, but sick enough (apparently) to feel dazed and stuporous throughout the film. The 3D, which has been almost universally acclaimed as the best usage of the gimmick so far, only made my headache worse. I know that I like the movie, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable writing a real review un less I saw it again, under better conditions. I will say that while it’s suitable for all ages, kids under about 8 would probably find it too slow.

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “The Net” (1995), starring Sandra Bullock as the hero and the Internet as the villain. [Film.com]

One Year Ago: Catching up with “Tangled,” “Burlesque,” and more. [Movies.com]

What’s the Big Deal? and Re-Views had the week off.

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: My rejected “Breaking Dawn — Part 1″ screenplay.

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We took the week off for Thanksgiving, and to facilitate the transfer from our former home at Cascadia.fm to our new home at MovieBS.com. We’ll have a new show next Friday. iTunes subscribers won’t notice any interruption in service, which is another good reason for you to subscribe to the podcast at iTunes. [MovieBS] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: @EricDSnider

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

Here’s a nice little story about the lady who does the voice-over announcements for a bunch of airports. [YouTube]

This hilarious trailer for “Drive Thru” is only hilarious if you’ve seen “Drive.” So go see “Drive,” then watch this. [Spout]

From the New Yorker, an astute analysis of what’s wrong with the TV show “Whitney.” [New Yorker]

The “Lisa needs braces/Dental plan” remix you’ve been waiting for. [YouTube]

This essay, “The problem with film criticism,” is so full of quotable wisdom that I’m tempted to steal it and put my own name on it. [Dissent]

Statler and Waldorf review the 2011 holiday movies, according to Matt Patches. [Hollywood]

The governor of Kansas got his feelings hurt on Twitter by a teenage girl, so he demanded an apology. Really. [Kansas City Star]

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“Happy Feet Two” (B-)
“Breaking Dawn — Part 1″ (B-)
“The Descendants” (B+) [Film.com]
“Like Crazy” (A-) [Film.com]
“Immortals” (C)
“The Lie” (B+)

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Body of Evidence” (1993), starring Madonna as a woman who may or may not have killed her boyfriend with sex. [Film.com]

What’s the Big Deal?: “Aguirre, the Wrath of God” (1972), by and about crazy people. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “All About My Mother” (1999), Pedro Almodovar’s breakout hit. [Film.com]

One Year Ago: Catching up with “Deathly Hallows Part 1,” “The Next Three Days,” and more. [Movies.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: had the week off.

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: This was our final show for Cascadia.fm, as the Portland-based Internet radio station has been sold. (Here’s mastermind Robert Wagner explaining it, if you’re interested.) But do not worry! Our podcast will continue! If you subscribe through iTunes, you won’t even notice a difference. If you’ve been listening by going to our page at Cascadia.fm and clicking the “play” button every week, you’ll have to go to MovieBS.com instead, but otherwise nothing will change. Bayer and I want to thank Robert Wagner for giving us a place to do our show for 86 weeks, and to congratulate him on the sale! May he spare our lives when he becomes ruler of all Portland. [Cascadia.fm] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: @EricDSnider

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

A former employer of mine made the Failblog. How proud they must be! [Failblog]

From the nation of Ghana comes this 30-second trailer for what can only be the most amazing action film of all time. [YouTube]

Film journalist Drew McWeeny had his little boy, Toshi, interview Kermit and Miss Puggy. It’s even more adorable than you can possibly imagine. And kudos to my friend Drew for finding a way to be a cool dad even though he’s a nerd who writes for the Internet! [HitFix]

Here’s a little girl becoming a supervillain. They start so young these days. [YouTube]

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“Jack and Jill” (D) [Film.com]
“J. Edgar” (C-) [Film.com]
“Martha Marcy May Marlene” (B+)
“The Skin I Live In” (C+)

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Roller Boogie” (1979), starring Linda Blair and a real live artistic roller skater! [Film.com]

What’s the Big Deal?: “Midnight Cowboy” (1969), the only X-rated Best Picture winner — but there should be several asterisks next to that record. Here’s why. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Little Nicky” (2000), which proves the theory that Adam Sandler’s movies were as bad eleven years ago as they are today. [Film.com]

One Year Ago: Catching up with “Unstoppable,” “Skyline,” and “Morning Glory.” [Movies.com]

Monday Morning Review: “Tower Heist,” full of spoilers and dissections, so don’t read it unless you’ve seen the movie and/or don’t care. [Movies.com]

Could “Shame” be the First NC-17 Best Picture Nominee?: And what would that mean for the notorious rating? [Film.com]

Logical Problems with a Horse That Goes to War: The flaws that could bring down “War Horse”! [Film.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “The Frog Days of Summer” — Marketing strategies for “The Muppets.”

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: Reviews of “Jack and Jill,” “J. Edgar,” “Immortals,” and “Like Crazy,” plus a round of Pitch Me and other happy fun-time shenanigans. [Cascadia.fm] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: Once I’ve gotten 10,000 followers, I’ll start implementing my plan for world domination. Believe me, you’ll want to be for us, not against us. [Twitter]

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

As you buy things from Amazon this holiday season, kindly remember your friends at EricDSnider.com, won’t you? [Eric's Blog]

I wrote new lyrics for the “Parks and Recreation” theme song, because why not? (Special thanks to my pal Raffi Asdourian for the video rejiggering.) [YouTube]

Brett Ratner’s apology video, as performed by Adam Pally (whom you should know as Max on “Happy Endings”). [Funny or Die]

The truth behind Disney’s “Aladdin” is finally explained! If anyone knows the original source for this, please let me know. In the meantime, here’s a screenshot. [imgur]

Bill Hader’s portrayal of Rick Perry in this “Weekend Update” segment isn’t “accurate,” exactly — but it is hilarious. This is the kind of devastating takedown that supporters would point to as being responsible for ruining Perry in the polls, if he hadn’t been ruined before this anyway. [Hulu]

In honor of Andy Rooney’s sudden and untimely death at the age of 117, here’s a montage of out-of-context quotations. [YouTube]

A critic said a particular comic book was “as bad as Shakespeare,” and started his review with this statement: “As an English major at the University of Vermont, I prided myself on completing the degree without having ever touched Shakespeare. There’s simply way too much overwrought dialogue for my interest.” Then he was put in his place by commenters, which was pretty awesome. [Bleeding Cool]

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“Tower Heist” (B-) [Film.com]
“A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas” (B-)
“Anonymous” (C+)

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “The Gate” (1987), about a backyard portal to hell. [Film.com]

What’s the Big Deal?: “The Sound of Music” (1965), in which the hills come alive and terrify the villagers. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Pokemon The Movie 2000″ (2000), a garish animated turd that has not gotten any better with time. [Film.com]

One Year Ago: Catching up with “Megamind,” “Due Date,” and more. [Movies.com]

Pitch Meeting: How “New Year’s Eve” came to be. [Film.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “Infant Jest” — The many sights and sounds of babies.

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: “Tower Heist,” “Harold & Kumar,” a round of Interquel, Question of the Week, and more. Much more! [Cascadia.fm] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: This is where you can “follow” me, metaphorically. [Twitter]

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

Cecil Adams addresses an important scientific question: Would the very smell of massed zombies be toxic? [The Straight Dope]

Steve Jobs’ sister composes a lovely eulogy. Bonus: Her name is Mona Simpson, same as Homer’s mother. [The New York Times]

This fond “remembrance” of the movie “Halloween” is funny and weird. (Contains adult language.) [Badass Digest]

Here are Jon Huntsman’s daughters making fun of that weird Herman Cain ad. [YouTube]

Simple pleasures: making Siri say something funny. [Slacktory]

Stephen Colbert has a hard time keeping it together during a particularly juvenile bit. Seeing a comedian crack up gets old when it happens regularly, but this is a great clip. [YouTube]

I love the song “A Real Hero” from “Drive,” but apart from the refrain, I couldn’t make out much of the lyrics. Now that I know what they’re about, I kind of wish I didn’t. Because it’s kind of dumb. [New York Magazine]

Spend the next 80 seconds watching this video, being delighted, and not knowing why. It’s a splendid example of carefully composed “randomness.” [YouTube]

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“Puss in Boots” (B)
“The Rum Diary” (C+) [Film.com]

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III” (1993), the glorious conclusion to the groundbreaking trilogy. [Film.com]

What’s the Big Deal?: “Frankenstein” (1931), about a nice man who only wanted to make a friend. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Monster’s Ball” (2001), which despite its title is not a Halloween movie. [Film.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “Soda Speak” — What the new Dr Pepper means to you.

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: Reviews of “Puss in Boots,” “The Rum Diary,” and “Anonymous,” plus other fun and/or games. [Cascadia.fm] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: This is a new thing that was just invented. [Twitter]

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

Darrell Hammond was on “SNL” for 14 years, but often only appeared in one sketch per show. Maybe this is because he was ADDICTED TO CRACK. [The Hollywood Reporter]

If it’s wrong to laugh at someone’s pain, then I was wrong a lot during this: tough guy terrified of puppies. [Buzzfeed]

Joe Piccirillo takes a very funny look at the differences between fiction and reality with regard to “Weird Science.” [Movies.com]

Drew McWeeny is showing the “Star Wars” films to his young sons and writing about the experience in a marvelously poignant manner. He’s showing them in this order: “Star Wars,” “The Empire Strikes Back,” then the prequels, and finally “Return of the Jedi.” (That’s brilliant, by the way. We find out Darth Vader is Luke’s father, flashback to Vader’s story, then go to the finale.) Here’s the latest entry, on “Revenge of the Sith.” Links to the previous ones are at the end. [Hitfix]

Mississippi’s Oxford Film Festival, of which I’ve been a guest a few times, needs sponsors! Couldn’t you throw ‘em a few bucks? This is a terrific cultural event for the region, and the people are nice, and they cook good food. [Oxford Film Festival]

Johnny Depp meets with Ricky Gervais to settle an old Golden Globes score. [YouTube]

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“The Three Musketeers” (F) [Film.com]
“Johnny English Reborn” (C) [Film.com]
“Paranormal Activity 3″ (B-)

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “The Allnighter” (1987), best known as the movie that launched Bangles lead singer Susanna Hoffs’ film career, and also un-launched it. [Film.com]

What’s the Big Deal?: “Sophie’s Choice” (1982), starring Meryl Streep and her huge acting muscles. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Atlantis: The Lost Empire” (2001), a film whose praises I couldn’t sing loudly enough in 2001. And now? Um… [Film.com]

One Year Ago: Catching up with “Paranormal Activity 2,” “Hereafter,” and more. [Movies.com]

How the ‘Paranormal Activity’ Formula Would Work in Other Genres: Some scintillating possibilities are proposed! [Film.com]

The Timeline for Winning Best Picture: Pay heed, filmmakers, for this is your checklist. [Film.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “The Super Bowl of the Mind” — Taking part in some fantasy football

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We both really hated “The Three Musketeers,” I’ll tell you that much. [Cascadia.fm] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: Actually, my last 100 tweets have been about “The Three Musketeers,” so maybe you don’t want to follow me after all. [Twitter]

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

Here is a soundboard with the various noises one hears from a devoted audience member at an art-house movie. [Wonder-Tonic]

Jonathan Poritsky wrote about a frivolous lawsuit that someone filed against “Drive” for having a misleading trailer and for being anti-Semitic. The attorney representing the case — Martin H. Leaf — posted insane comments in response. It’s pretty awesome. [The Candler Blog]

Another good reason to read Kris Straub’s webcomic Chainsawsuit regularly. [Chainsawsuit]

This awkward “Wheel of Fortune” moment is the result of clever editing and didn’t really happen, but it’s funny. Timing is everything. [YouTube]

What an adorable baby cyclops albino shark! [Daily Mail]

Finally, here’s a montage of moments from Very Special Episodes of various ’80s and ’90s TV shows. “What is it, a potluck?!” [YouTube]

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“The Thing” (C+) [Film.com]
“The Big Year” (C+)

Why no “Footloose” review? Because while the movie screened several times in Portland, the only screening critics were allowed to attend was the one that conflicted with the actual only screening of “The Thing.” Well, up yours, “Footloose,” I thought, and chose “The Thing.”

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

What’s the Big Deal?: “Marty” (1955), starring Ernest Borgnine and his thick, meaty face. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Amelie” (2001), a movie I adored ten years ago. Do I adore it still? That is the question. [Film.com]

Things Nicolas Cage Could Do That Would Theoretically still Shock Us: a comprehensive list. [Film.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Reject Radio: I was a guest on this fine podcast, joining Rob Hunter in a head-to-head movie news quiz and subsequent discussion of, I don’t know, something else. (The ‘cast includes a bit of naughty language.) [Film School Rejects]

Snide Remarks: “Open Mike Night” — Some observations about everyday life.

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We legitimately reviewed a couple movies, and we also semi-reviewed “Footloose,” based only on the trailer. [Cascadia.fm] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: Twitter Twitter Twitter Twitter Twitter Twitter Twitter. [Twitter]

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

Did you see last week’s “Breaking Bad” season finale? If you did — and ONLY if you did (or if you don’t mind huge spoilers) — here’s an animated GIF that is relevant to your interests. [Vulture]

Here’s a 22-year-old German weirdo who’s a champion arm wrestler thanks to his Popeye arm. [Mail Online]

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“Real Steel” (C+) [Film.com]
“The Ides of March” (B+)
“Tucker and Dale vs Evil” (B+)
“The Human Centipede 2″ (D)

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

What’s the Big Deal?: “Sullivan’s Travels” (1941), an affectionate Hollywood satire that has barely aged a day. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Dr. T and the Women” (2000), a film I hated the first time around. The second time around? You’ll have to read the column and find out! (Fine. I don’t have it anymore.) [Film.com]

One Year Ago: Catching up with “Life As We Know It,” “Secretariat,” and more. [Movies.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: Didn’t run this week. Or the week before, I know. There have been some issues. It’ll be back Monday, I promise. PROMISE.

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: Regular listeners will be thrilled to know that we debuted a new game on this week’s show! Somehow it ended up involving Batman, Santa Claus, and ’60s housemaids. [Cascadia.fm] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: I have established a beachhead on this social networking blathering device. [Twitter]

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

Marie Brian, aka The Cotton Floozy, is a talented maker of (according to her card) “subversive embroidery, crocheted oddities, custom orders, and anything else granny wackadoo.” She asked me for my favorite movie quote, and I told her, and she embroidered it! For reals! (It’s from “Anchorman.”) Then she mailed me the actual item in a lovely frame and everything! This is fantastic. I love it. [The Cotton Floozy] [Twitpic]

I tweeted this question a few days ago: Who did we use for hyperbolic comparisons before Hitler? “That Teddy Roosevelt, he’s worse than” … Genghis Khan? Jack the Ripper? Who? Almost simultaneously, Slate was publishing this column that addresses that very question. The answers include Judas Iscariot, the Egyptian Pharaoh of Exodus, and … Abraham Lincoln? Man, we were really hurting for evil icons. [Slate]

Here is a collection of movie posters where it looks like one or more of the characters is farting. [Uproxx]

My schedule has been all cattywampus lately because of getting ready for Fantastic Fest, and then going to Fantastic Fest, and then recovering from Fantastic Fest. Some columns haven’t been running on their regular schedule, which is normally the very model of precision and discipline. But things should be back to normal this week — so dry those tears, buckaroo!

Fantastic Fest was an absurd amount of fun. Most of the movies I saw were good or at least good-ish, and it was great to see so many friends and meet new people who used to exist only on the Internet.

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“50/50″ (A-)
“Take Shelter” (B+)
“Dream House” (D-) [Film.com]
“Archie’s Final Project” (B+)
“Dolphin Tale” (B-)
“Killer Elite” (C) [Film.com]
“Moneyball” (B)

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Molly” (1999), starring Elisabeth Shue as a mentally retarded woman who gets smart(er). [Film.com]

What’s the Big Deal?: “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” (1966), a masterpiece of marital loathing. [Film.com]

One Year Ago: Catching up with “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps,” “The Owls of Ga’Hoole,” and more / Catching up with “The Social Network,” “Let Me In,” and more. [Movies.com] / [Movies.com]

Star Wars on Blu-ray: It’s time to move past anger and into acceptance. [Film.com]

My Fantastic Fest reviews. [Film.com]

A Proper Gentleman from 19th Century England Reacts to Seeing “Human Centipede 2″ [Movies.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “Jews Your Words Carefully” — A dumb girl gets the wrong impression

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: A weekly podcast hosted by Jeff Bayer and Eric D. Snider, one of whom is me. [Cascadia.fm] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Where tweets come from. [Twitter]

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“Drive” (A-)
“I Don’t Know How She Does It” (D) [Film.com]
“Straw Dogs” (C+)
“Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star” (F) [Film.com]

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: The schedule on this column has been a little wacky lately, and will continue to be wacky for the rest of the month. Don’t fret, though.

What’s the Big Deal?: “Straw Dogs” (1971), on account of the new remake. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Mulholland Drive” (2001). I took another look at the film, but I also took another long, hard look at MYSELF. [Film.com]

One Year Ago: Catching up with “The Town,” “Easy A,” and more. [Movies.com]

Monday Morning Review: I wrote a review of “Warrior” specifically aimed at people who have seen it or who don’t mind major spoilers. [Movies.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “Arachnophilia” — A farewell to arms (all eight of them).

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We review “Drive,” “I Don’t Know How She Does It,” and “Straw Dogs”; we also announce a new propaganda contest and play a rousing game of Interquel. [Cascadia.fm] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: If you’re on Twitter, you should probably follow me. It just seems right. [Twitter]

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

Gerry Carey breaks down a terrible joke told by Mandy Moore in the film “Love Wedding Marriage.” [Cinematic Method]

Jordan Hoffman jokingly suggests that, based on the trailer, “Twilight: Breaking Dawn” might have a radical leftist agenda. [UGO]

Hogwarts: Which house are you? [YouTube]

For “Breaking Bad” fans, here’s a timeline of the show’s major events, up through season 3. [Vulture]

Everyone grieves in his or her own way. For example, this is how morons grieve. [BuzzFeed]

A public service announcement on reckless driving. Watch the whole thing. Trust me. [YouTube]

Did you know there’s an index to describe the different kinds of pain you suffer when different insects sting you? And did you know that the descriptions are hilarious? [Wikipedia]

An old couple tries to figure out their webcam. Totally adorable. [YouTube]

If you’re in the Ojai, Calif., area and need some taxidermy done, here’s your guy. [YouTube]