Not counting reviews of new releases, I wrote 131 movie-related features for five websites (besides this one) in 2012. Of those, 96 were ongoing columns like Eric’s Bad Movies, What’s the Big Deal? (R.I.P.), and Re-Views (R.I.P.), to which you’ll find a thorough list of links elsewhere. The remaining 36 features varied in subject and tone, and some were better than others, and some I don’t remember writing. But here are the ones that I think are the least bad.

March 5: What Household Items Will Become Movies After the Board Games Are Used Up? [Film.com]

April 4: Things the Avengers Theoretically Would Not Assemble For [Film.com]

May 4: Every Girl’s Guide to ‘The Avengers,’ by Internet Princess Quartney Vagington [Film School Rejects]

June 22: The Apocalypse Is All the Rage [Film.com]

Aug. 1: The Aurora Tragedy: Have We Found Every Way to Exploit It? [Pajiba]

Aug. 3: Happy Anniversary to 1987, the Worst Year in Film History [Film.com]

Aug. 28: Pitch Meeting: ‘Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure’ [Film.com]

Aug. 29: ‘Beached’ and Other Animals-Raising-Kids Movies We Want to See [Movies.com]

Nov. 7: Quiz: Female Character in a James Bond Film, or Drag Queen We Made Up? [Pajiba]

Nov. 7: 007 By the Numbers: Every James Bond Statistic You Never Knew You Needed to Know [Movies.com]

Nov. 9: 007 By the Numbers: Part 2 [Movies.com]

Nov. 16: Dear ‘Twilight’: Thank You for Ending [Film.com]

Nov. 28: Movies That Should Be Remade by Name-Appropriate Directors [Twitch]

Dec. 6: Pitch Meeting: ‘Playing for Keeps’ [Film.com]

Dec. 7: Don’t Listen to Critics Who Say Negative Things About ‘The Hobbit,’ by Someone Who Has Not Seen ‘The Hobbit’ [Pajiba]

Dec. 13: 2012 Film Titles: A Dramatic Reading [Film.com]

Prepare for an onslaught of new movies over the next 10 days or so. In the meantime, there was just one little thing released this weekend…

“The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” C

Eric’s Bad Movies: “.com For Murder” (2002), a film about how the Internet is terrifying! Features Nastssja Kinski arguing with a computer. [Film.com]

2012 Film Titles: A Dramatic Reading. Here is a playlet in which the dialogue is composed entirely of 2012 movie titles. [Film.com]

Is “The Hobbit” OK for Kids? The Case For and Against. Keep in mind, though, I don’t really care what your kids see. [Film.com]

Snide Remarks: “More Miserables” — The musical of the book comes to the movies! Here’s all the history you need to know about “Les Miserables.”

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We talked about “The Hobbit,” “Hyde Park on Hudson,” “The Central Park Five,” the Golden Globes, and “I told you so.” [MovieBS]

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This is two weeks’ worth of links, on account of last weekend I was under the weather and felt like bleeeeeeh. Everything should be back on the regular schedule this week.

Speaking of which, my Re-Views column is no more, at least for now. I do enjoy revisiting movies from yesteryear, so hopefully I’ll find another place for it. Meanwhile, Eric’s Bad Movies continues forever and cannot die.

“Silver Linings Playbook” B-
“Killing Them Softly” B
“The Collection” C- [Movies.com]
“End of Watch” B
“Playing for Keeps” C- [Twitch]
“Hyde Park on Hudson” C [Movies.com]

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Mask of Death” (1996), starring Lorenzo Lamas as a cop who gets plastic surgery to go undercover as a villain he sorta looks like anyway. [Film.com]

Special Comment: “Don’t Listen to the Movie Critics Who Say Negative Things About ‘The Hobbit’”: An editorial by someone who has not seen “The Hobbit.” [Pajiba]

Pitch Meeting: “Playing for Keeps.” An exclusive transcript of the conversation that led to the new Gerard Butler turd. [Film.com]

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: Reviews of “Hitchcock,” “Playing for Keeps” (we pretty much give away the entire plot), and “End of Watch,” plus discussion of early “Hobbit” reviews and the reaction thereto. [MovieBS]

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Hey friends! Thanksgiving! Am I right?? Having recently undergone temporary vegetarianism, I was more thankful than ever for the turkey, that noblest of birds, which gives to us of its bounteous breasts on Thanksgiving Day.

Also: mashed potatoes!

My point is, LINKS TO THINGS I WROTE

“Life of Pi” C
“Red Dawn” D+
“Rise of the Guardians” C+ [Twitch]
“Rust and Bone” B+
“The Central Park Five” B [from Telluride, for Twitch]

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Give My Regards to Broad Street” (1984), written by and starring Paul McCartney, who plays himself, poorly. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “She’s the Man” (2006), an Amanda Bynes movie that I found unbearable the first time. [Film.com]

Snide Remarks: My rejected “Breaking Dawn — Part 2″ screenplay. But if you watch the movie you’ll see they kept a lot of my ideas.

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: Reviews of “Life of Pi,” “Red Dawn,” “Silver Linings Playbook,” “Rise of the Guardians,” plus a round of Pitch Me for Thanksgiving laffs &c. [Listen at MovieBS]

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With the Unspecified Holiday Season now upon us, you have perhaps wondered, “How can my gift shopping benefit Eric D. Snider?” And the answer lies in the Amazon affiliate program.

Whenever you’re going to buy something from Amazon.com, come here to EricDSnider.com first. Under the “Buy Stuff” tab at the top of the page, choose “Shop on Amazon.com.” You’ll be taken to Amazon’s home page, just like normal — except that now there is code hidden in it that will result in a small commission for me on everything you buy in that session.

It’s not a huge amount of money, but it helps cover the web-hosting fees, and it pays the salaries of the Laotian children who work in my sweatshop. And hey, you’re shopping at Amazon anyway, so why not?

P.S. If you have Amazon bookmarked in your browser, replace the bookmarked URL with this one: http://www.amazon.com/gp/redirect.html?ie=UTF8&location=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2F&tag=thelandoferic&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325  Then you won’t have to come here first every time.

Now then. Links!

“Lincoln” B+
“Breaking Dawn — Part 2″ B- [Twitch]

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Carnival of Souls” (1998) — the terrible in-name-only remake, not the 1962 cult classic. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Moonlight Mile” (2002), a forgotten drama (with a lot of comedy) starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Susan Sarandon, and Dustin Hoffman. [Film.com]

Snide Remarks: “Vegging Out” — My harrowing tale of not eating meat.

Dear “Twilight”: Thank You for Ending. The entertainment media says farewell. [Film.com]

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We review “Lincoln” and the final “Twilight” movie, discuss what it takes to get an “F” grade, and engage in many other scintillating conversations. [MovieBS]

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Catching up on the last two weeks’ worth of material, including some very important James Bond propaganda that you should be aware of.

“Wreck-It Ralph” B [Twitch]
“Flight” C+
“This Must Be the Place” D
“Skyfall” A-
“In Their Skin” B

Song: “Randy Newman’s Title Song from ‘Skyfall.’” Fun fact I discovered this week: having a cold and being at the beginning stages of losing your voice actually improves your Randy Newman impersonation. [SoundCloud]

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Children of the Corn” (1984), which spawned innumerable sequels despite being as dull as corn. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever” (2002), a bad movie with a bad title that I decided to give another chance. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “American Beauty” (1999). There was some backlash after this won all the accolades. The word “overrated” gets tossed around a lot. I took another look. [Film.com]

Quiz: Female Character in a James Bond Movie, or Drag Queen We Made Up? Test your knowledge! [Pajiba]

007 By the Numbers: Every James Bond Statistic You Never Knew You Needed to Know. Part 1 gives stats for the franchise as a whole; Part 2 breaks it down movie by movie. [Movies.com]

Snide Remarks: “Supernatural Selection” — Spooky candidates debate the issues.

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: Episode 133 brought news of Bayer’s baby son, along with reviews of “Wreck-It Ralph,” “Flight,” and “The Sessions”; Episode 134 has “Skyfall,” “Smashed,” “The Comedy,” and other jovialities. [Listen at MovieBS]

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Everybody stay warm and dry this weekend, unless you’re an amphibian or one of certain reptiles. Here are some things you can read that have my name at the top of them.

“Cloud Atlas” A-
“Fun Size” D+ [Twitch]
“Fat Kid Rules the World” A-
“The Paperboy” C
“Sleep Tight” B+

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Jaws of Satan” (1981), about a small-town priest pursued by a Satan-possessed cobra. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Silent Hill” (2006), which I considered just another bad video-game-based movie then. Has it improved in the last six years? [Film.com]

Snide Remarks: There was no new column this week. Instead, check out these past columns that deal with politics and voting, in case you haven’t been getting enough on those subjects lately.

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: [Listen at MovieBS]

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It’s getting to be that time of year when I remind you that when you shop at Amazon.com, a small percentage of your purchase can be redirected out of Amazon.com’s pocket and into mine. It costs you nothing and requires almost no effort! More details are here, but the gist is that you replace your Amazon bookmark URL with this other one that has my code in it, or you come to my site before you go to Amazon and click “Shop on Amazon.com” under the “Buy Stuff” tab. That post explains it better.

“Paranormal Activity 4″ C+ [Twitch]
“The Sessions” B [Twitch]
“Alex Cross” D

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Case 39″ (2010), in which Renee Zellweger squinches up her face and tries to figure out how to deal with a little girl who might be the devil. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “The Tailor of Panama” (2001), starring Geoffrey Rush and Pierce Brosnan, has been forgotten in the mists of time. Is it still good? [Film.com]

Snide Remarks: “PETA vs. Pokemon” — Whoever wins, they’re all still losers.

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We talk about “Alex Cross,” “Paranormal Activity 4,” “Wake in Fright,” and also waste some time playing games and fartin’ around. [MovieBS]

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I had a flurry of creativity Thursday night after seeing the Internet’s reactions to the vice-presidential debate, and I slapped together a folk song called “Big Joe Biden” that explores the mythical figure’s larger-than-life persona. You can listen to it at SoundCloud.

Let me also reiterate my humble plea from last week that you be sure to click the links to my reviews and columns that are posted someplace other than EricDSnider.com. I mean, read the ones here, too, but especially read (or at least click on) the ones where the number of page-views matters more. Thanks, pals.

“Sinister” B+ [Film.com]
“Argo” A- [Movies.com]
“Here Comes the Boom” C+ [Twitch]
“Seven Psychopaths” B+
“The Perks of Being a Wallflower” B+

Eric’s Bad Movies: “The Minis” (2007), about four dwarfs who recruit Dennis Rodman to help them win a basketball tournament. Yes, really. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2″ (2000), which at the time felt like one of the worst things I’d ever seen. [Film.com]

Snide Remarks: “Going Back to Cali” — In which I attend my high school reunion.

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: This week’s episode is super-sized, full of thick, meaty deliciousness. Reviews of “Argo,” “Here Comes the Boom,” “Sinister,” “Seven Psychopaths,” and “The Paperboy,” plus Question of the Week, a round of Pitch Me, and other malarkey. [MovieBS]

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There wasn’t any fanfare or ritual sacrifice to accompany it, but in the last several weeks I start writing for Pajiba and Twitch, two movie sites staffed by cool people. I’m doing a weekly column, New to Me, for Pajiba that basically serves the same function as My Shame List, which only lasted a few weeks before getting overhauled (and I’m still tinkering with it). And I’m doing movie reviews at both sites.

If you’d be so kind, I’d appreciate it if you’d be sure to read the stuff I post at these sites. Actually, even if you don’t read it, if you’d at least click the links and visit the sites, that would help. (The same still goes for my Film.com columns, but I’m not as concerned about those because they’re more well established.) There are only a few ways of measuring a writer’s value nowadays, and one of the key ones is page-views. So view those pages! Or at least pretend to. Thanks.

Here’s what we have from the last couple weeks:

“Looper” A-
“Hotel Transylvania” B- [Twitch]
“Pitch Perfect” B
“Frankenweenie” B
“Taken 2″ C-
“V/H/S” B

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Abduction” (2011). Taylor Lautner: action hero! [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Eight Crazy Nights” (2002). “Hotel Transylvania” wasn’t bad, so I decided to re-visit Adam Sandler’s last animated treasure. [Film.com]

New to Me: “Dr. No” (1962). The first of several movies about a guy named “James Bond.” [Pajiba]

Snide Remarks: “Islam, You Slam, We All Slam” — On movies, Muslims, Christians, and movies

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We review “Taken 2,” “Frankenweenie,” “Pitch Perfect,” “V/H/S,” and play Character Casserole. Listen here.

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