NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“A Bag of Hammers” B
“Dark Shadows” D
“God Bless America” B-

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “The Initiation” (1984), a generic ’80s slasher movie set in a sorority of oft-nude young women.

Re-Views: “Borat” (2006), which I loved at the time. Is still very nice?

My Shame List: “Jackie Brown” (1997), Quentin Tarantino’s third film and the only one I hadn’t seen.

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “Los Churros del Diablo” — A subway-dwelling junk-food vendor

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: Our last regular episode before we do our daily podcasts from Cannes. [MovieBS] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: @EricDSnider

The talk, called “The Merciful Obtain Mercy,” is about forgiving one another and not holding grudges and, in general, just not being resentful jerks. You know how sometimes we’re resentful jerks? Well, we shouldn’t be. That’s the gist of it.

Now, the thing is, the talk was given by Dieter F. Uchtdorf (he is German, but nice), a member of the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. That makes him a Mormon. In fact, it makes him one of the top Mormons. Most of you reading this aren’t Mormon, maybe aren’t into the whole “religion” or “God” thing at all. And that’s fine. The counsel Uchtdorf gives about how to live your life is common-sense, gut-instinct, how-could-anyone-argue-with-this? kind of stuff. One of the reasons he gives for living this way boils down to “because Jesus said so” — but even without that angle it is sensible advice.

It doesn’t take a genius to realize that you’ll be a lot happier letting go of negative feelings than you will dwelling on them.

I’ve freely abridged and condensed the talk below, though I encourage you to read the whole thing here. Oh, and I bolded the parts that I liked best, so if you’re in a big hurry, you could just read those. (Why are you in such a hurry, though? My goodness, slow down!)

And before you point it out: Yes, I need to work on this too, SO SHUT UP.

“The Merciful Obtain Mercy”
By Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Strained and broken relationships are as old as humankind itself. I imagine that every person on earth has been affected in some way by the destructive spirit of contention, resentment, and revenge. Perhaps there are even times when we recognize this spirit in ourselves. When we feel hurt, angry, or envious, it is quite easy to judge other people, often assigning dark motives to their actions in order to justify our own feelings of resentment.

Of course, we know this is wrong. The doctrine is clear. Forgiveness for our sins comes with conditions. We must repent, and we must be willing to forgive others. Jesus taught: “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy” (Matthew 5:7).

Of course, these words seem perfectly reasonable — when applied to someone else. We can so clearly and easily see the harmful results that come when OTHERS judge and hold grudges. And we certainly don’t like it when people judge us.

But when it comes to our own prejudices and grievances, we too often justify our anger as righteous and our judgment as reliable and only appropriate. Though we cannot look into another’s heart, we assume that we know a bad motive or even a bad person when we see one. We make exceptions when it comes to our own bitterness because we feel that, in our case, we have all the information we need to hold someone else in contempt.

The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Romans, said that those who pass judgment on others are “inexcusable.” The moment we judge someone else, he explained, we condemn ourselves, for none is without sin. Refusing to forgive is a grievous sin.

This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

Stop it!

It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters.

I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of NOT JUDGING OTHERS with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick. I can quote scripture, I can try to expound doctrine, and I will even quote a bumper sticker I recently saw. It was attached to the back of a car whose driver appeared to be a little rough around the edges, but the words on the sticker taught an insightful lesson. It read, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”

We must recognize that we are all imperfect. Haven’t we all, at one time or another, wished with all the energy of our souls for mercy — to be forgiven for the mistakes we have made?

How can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven?

Is this difficult to do? Yes, of course. Jesus said it is easy to love those who love us; even the wicked can do that. But Jesus Christ taught a higher law. His words echo through the centuries and are meant for us today: “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).

My dear brothers and sisters, consider the following questions as a self-test:

Do you harbor a grudge against someone else?

Do you gossip, even when what you say may be true?

Do you exclude, push away, or punish others because of something they have done?

Do you secretly envy another?

Do you wish to cause harm to someone?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may want to apply the two-word sermon from earlier: stop it!

In a world of accusations and unfriendliness, it is easy to gather and cast stones. But before we do so, let us remember the words of the One who is our Master and model: “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone” (John 8:7).

Brothers and sisters, let us put down our stones.

Let us be kind.

Let us forgive.

Let us talk peacefully with each other.

Let us do good unto all men.

Let us return good for evil. Let us not seek revenge or allow our wrath to overcome us.

Remember: in the end, it is the merciful who obtain mercy.

There is enough heartache and sorrow in this life without our adding to it through our own stubbornness, bitterness, and resentment.

We are not perfect. The people around us are not perfect. People do things that annoy, disappoint, and anger. In this mortal life it will always be that way. Nevertheless, we must let go of our grievances. Part of the purpose of mortality is to learn how to let go of such things.

Remember, heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive.

“The Avengers” B+
“Bernie” B
“Headhunters” B+

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Ringmaster” (1998), starring Jerry Springer as a Jerry Springer-like TV personality with a show called “Jerry.” [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Hardball” (2001), one of the first movies released after 9/11, which is not relevant but I like to mention 9/11 whenever I can. [Film.com]

My Shame List: “Beetlejuice” (1988). Apparently I was the last person born between 1970 and 1985 to see this movie. [Film.com]

Every Girl’s Guide to “The Avengers”: This was partially a response to this, an attempt at satire that misfired and enraged the Internet for a few hours on Wednesday. I felt bad for the writer, whose main mistake was that she didn’t go far enough to make it clear that it was satire. (Her other mistake: writing for a website that everyone already hates and is eager to tear down.) So I stole her idea and … well, not to put too fine a point on it, I did a better job of it. [Film School Rejects]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We’ve launched our new summer box office competition. Last year Jeff lost and had to shave my beard off. We haven’t set the stakes yet this year, but I assume Jeff is going to lose again. [MovieBS] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: @EricDSnider

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

Here is a song called “Shia Labeouf,” by Rob Cantor. It’s some of the most fun you’ll have in under 120 seconds. [Soundcloud]

A family of ducks crosses a highway near Toronto. A news helicopter captures the footage. The most suspenseful film I’ve seen all year! [CTA]

During an “SNL” rehearsal, Jorma Taccone dances shirtless to Fleet Foxes. [YouTube]

Maybe this is too “inside baseball,” but here’s a Tumblr of GIFs about the editor-writer relationship. [Editor Real Talk]

Here is a lioness trying to eat a baby, in Portland. There are a lot of vegetarians in Portland, but not the lions. [YouTube]

“The Five-Year Engagement” C
“Goon” B+
“Hysteria” B- (Tribeca Film Festival)
“Kill List” A-
“The Lucky One” D+
“The Playroom” B+ (Tribeca Film Festival)
“The Raven” C-
“Replicas” B (Tribeca Film Festival)
“Think Like a Man” C+

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “BMX Bandits” (1983), starring a frizzy-haired Nicole Kidman.

Re-Views: “The Way of the Gun” (2000), from a time when we were all under the thrall of Benicio Del Toro and Ryan Phillippe.

My Shame List: “Once Upon a Time in the West” (1968), an epic Western heretofore unseen by me.

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “Wedding Your Appetite” — Burning money with Brad & Angelina

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We’ve done 108 episodes now. So everyone who said we’d never do more than 107 can stick it. [MovieBS] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: @EricDSnider

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

Internet rapscallion Drew McWeeny has published the third installment in his “Commander Future” series of short stories, about a reporter chronicling the adventures of a time-traveling superhero. It is, like its predecessors, delightful. [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

Terrible, terrible celebrity name puns. So terrible. I love them. [Slacktory]

In honor of this season’s developments on “Mad Men,” a one-minute song entitled “Fat Betty.” [YouTube]

A story about the time my friend Patrick Livingston smelled Sean Hayes. [Part Time Authors]

The forty-year nostalgia cycle, explained. We’re due for a 1970s revival, so brace yourself for that. [The New Yorker]

A detailed appreciation for the marvelous way Dick Clark hosted the “Pyramid” shows. [The Gameological Society]

David Bordwell — who, with his wife Kristin Thompson, literally wrote the book(s) on film history — delivers a damning smackdown of James Cameron’s strong-arm tactics in converting the world to digital and 3D. [Observations on film art]

“Blue Like Jazz” C
“Bully” B
“The Cabin in the Woods” A
“The Three Stooges” C

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “House on Haunted Hill” (1999), starring Geoffrey Rush, Taye Diggs, and Chris Kattan. So you know it’s super-scary.

Re-Views: “Drowning Mona” (2000), a comedy I hated then, find mildly entertaining now.

My Shame List: “The French Connection” (1971), now at last finally seen by me.

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “ShAAMCO” — An encounter with a shady mechanic

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: This is my movie podcast. I share it with Jeff Bayer. We talk about movies. Do I have to explain everything to you? [MovieBS] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: @EricDSnider

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

The new Three Stooges’ painfully awkward appearance on “WWE Raw.” Look, if you can’t sell The Three Stooges to a crowd of professional wrestling fans, I don’t know who you’re gonna sell it to. [AV Club]

Related to that last item, my pal John Gholson — who knows a lot about pro wrestling and awkward promotions — shares some other cringe-inducing WWE product placement. [Movies.com]

The 100th anniversary of the Titanic sinking and the re-release of the movie “Titanic” gives me an excuse to mention this parody I wrote 14 years ago. It’s still probably the most widely distributed thing I’ve ever written. [Clash of the Titanic]

“Don’t Stop Believing,” as sung by clips from movies. This is amazing. [YouTube]

DGA Quarterly (that’s the Directors Guild of America) has a terrific nuts-and-bolts interview with Christopher Nolan, who comes out as anti-3D and anti-digital. He also offers this bit of truth: “You’re never going to learn something as profoundly as when it’s purely out of curiosity.” [DGA]

First go see “The Cabin in the Woods.” Then, after you have done that, read Rex Reed’s hilariously off-base and inaccurate review of it. He talks about things that aren’t in the movie, because he dreamed them, maybe? [New York Observer]

My Shame List makes its debut a week after the final installment of What’s the Big Deal?, which had run its course. I’d hit all the likely targets for the column and was starting to feel a little stagnant. Also, it was really labor-intensive, and I never felt like I had enough time to do it right. Should have been a bi-weekly column rather than weekly. Anyway, I did 99 of them and figured that was a good place to stop.

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“American Reunion” C-
“Intruders” C
“Mirror Mirror” B
“Wrath of the Titans” C-

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Color of Night” (1994), starring Bruce Willis as a color-blind psychiatrist.
Eric’s Bad Movies: “Spellcaster” (1992), starring a VJ, a video vixen, and Adam Ant.

Re-Views: “Series 7: The Contenders” (2001), one of the early parodies of reality TV.
Re-Views: “Remember the Titans” (2000), a film whose feel-goodness overwhelmed me the first time I saw it.

What’s the Big Deal?: “The Deer Hunter” (1978), about Vietnam and Russian roulette. (This is the last edition of this column, as explained above.)

My Shame List: “Schindler’s List” (1993).

Things the Avengers Theoretically Would Not Assemble For: An exhaustive list.

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “Things to Do with Eric When He’s Dead” — My last requests, when the time comes
Snide Remarks: “The 2012 American Hunger Games” — A live play-by-play commentary

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We have fixed our audio problems, by the way. We thank you for your patience during these trying times. If you don’t know what I’m talking about because you don’t listen to the show anyway, then never mind, and up yours. [MovieBS] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: @EricDSnider

Well, that’s misleading. For one thing, The Movie Junkies seems to be gone now. For another thing, Michele Schalin didn’t write the reviews she posted there — she mostly plagiarized them from real writers, like some kind of craven word-thief.

Nobody knew who Michele Schalin was until Wednesday, when my colleague Mike McGranahan of The Aisle Seat discovered that she’d stolen significant portions of several of his reviews. Mike poked around and discovered that she’d also pilfered from Will Goss, MaryAnn Johanson, Jeffrey Overstreet, and — aw, hells no! — Eric D. Snider. That’s meeee!

It was my review of “The Change-Up” that had caught her attention. It’s a very well-written review, I admit. The temptation to steal it must be intense. Here is what she wrote, next to what I wrote, with the identical parts underlined for easy reference. (Click to embiggen.)

Sometimes it is difficult to identify an instance of true plagiarism. This was not one of those times. I sent Michele Schalin a message that read approximately as follows. (I used the contact form at The Movie Junkies and didn’t keep a copy, but this is as close as I can remember it.)

I’m writing to inform you of something you already know: your review of “The Change-Up” is largely plagiarized from my own review of “The Change-Up,” published here: http://www.ericdsnider.com/movies/the-change-up

Please remove the stolen review at once, along with any others that are not your own work. If you do not comply by Monday, April 2, 2012, I will notify your web host of your activities and pursue legal action.

I don’t want any excuses or apologies. Just get rid of the stolen review and don’t do it anymore.

Sincerely,
Eric D. Snider

A couple hours later, I got this response:

I apologize for the error. The review has been changed Eric. Please let me know if you see anything else that needs to be changed.

Thank you,
Michele

Ah, yes. The “error.” Just an ordinary ol’ mistake, copying and pasting my words into a text document, rearranging a few of them, and posting them on her site. Could happen to anyone! But like I said, I didn’t care about apologies or explanations. She wants to save face by calling it an “error,” fine with me.

But then I looked at her site. Here is how she had changed it. (Click to embiggen.)

I responded thus:

Well, no, Michele, it’s still full of plagiarism. For example:

You wrote: They both do an impressive job of establishing their opposite characters in the film’s opening scenes, and then do an even better job of impersonating one another’s mannerisms after they’re switched.

I wrote: Bateman and Reynolds do an impressive job of establishing their opposite characters in the film’s opening scenes, and then do an even better job of impersonating one another’s mannerisms and delivery after they’re switched.

You wrote: I especially enjoyed Bateman as he gets to cut loose like I have never seen him do before.

I wrote: There is glee in both actors’ performances, but especially in Bateman’s, as he gets to cut loose when inhabited by the reckless spirit of Mitch.

You wrote: I think the script went a bit over board when Mitch is supposed act like a lawyer for Dave and instead behaves like a goof, swearing in board meetings and stealing free snacks from the break room. He’s an irresponsible slacker, not an idiot. I am sure he would know how a responsible adult would act. Also, he makes a living as an actor but makes no effort to play the role of Dave until finally really pressured by Dave to do so.

I wrote: Unfortunately, the movie doesn’t trust the actors’ facility with comedy and goes overboard to ratchet up the wackiness quotient. When Mitch is in Dave’s body and must pretend to be a grown-up and professional lawyer, he instead behaves like a moron, swearing relentlessly in board meetings and pilfering free snacks from the break room. This is all wrong. Mitch surely knows how mature adults act, even if he isn’t one himself. He’s a slacker, not an idiot. (He’s also an actor, yet he makes no effort to play the role of Dave.)

Some of that is word-for-word theft, and the rest, while not word-for-word, is obviously a rewritten version of my review.

You need to remove the review entirely, or else write one that is COMPLETELY your own.

Eric

I got this reply a few hours later:

Hi Eric,

I have amended it again for you. While I am sorry for the initial error, I would like to point out that just because I choose to write about the same aspect of the movie and possibly use the same word such as “slacker” which I removed for you does not mean it is plagiarism.

I have read many movie reviews or for that matter written material on an endless list of different subject matter where individuals write about the same angles and sometimes use some of the same words.

Michele

It’s hard to read between the lines, but what she’s saying there is, “My name is Michele Schalin, and I’m a weasel, and I’m terrible at lying, and I can barely write a coherent sentence, and I steal other people’s work and eat my own poopie, for the devil!”

Tragically, I neglected to get a screenshot of her second revision of the review before it disappeared altogether. But it STILL had plagiarism in it! This, coupled with her brazen assertion that she had done nothing wrong, made me angry. Stealing my work is one thing. I’m not going to tolerate it, but it doesn’t raise my blood pressure. Stealing my work and then treating me like an idiot — like somehow YOU’RE the aggrieved party here — that rankles me.

This was my response to her:

You didn’t “write about the same aspect” and “possibly use the same word.” You COPIED AND PASTED what I wrote. Do you not see how this is plagiarism?

YOU: They both do an impressive job of establishing their opposite characters in the film’s opening scenes, and then do an even better job of impersonating one another’s mannerisms after they’re switched.

ME: Bateman and Reynolds do an impressive job of establishing their opposite characters in the film’s opening scenes, and then do an even better job of impersonating one another’s mannerisms and delivery after they’re switched.

In other instances, you copied what I wrote and changed a word or two. For example, I wrote “He’s a slacker, not an idiot”; you wrote “He’s an irresponsible slacker, not an idiot.” It’s not just the word “slacker” that’s the same, you dishonest hack.

Or where I said “he instead behaves like a moron, swearing relentlessly in board meetings and pilfering snacks from the break room,” you wrote “instead behaves like a goof, swearing in board meetings and stealing free snacks from the break room.” Changing “moron” to “goof” and “pilfering” to “stealing” doesn’t make it not plagiarism when the remaining sentence structure is unchanged.

Please don’t insult my intelligence by pretending it happened accidentally, or that you didn’t realize it was plagiarism. You can’t be that stupid. Nor can you believe I’m stupid enough to buy it.

I’m not the only one you’ve stolen from, as you know. Twitter has been abuzz with it all day; to my knowledge there are at least five other writers who’ve found their stuff plagiarized by you. So this isn’t going to end here. It’s going to end with EVERYTHING you’ve stolen being removed from your site. This won’t stand.

Eric

I got no response. Meanwhile, people had been calling her out on Twitter and posting comments on The Movie Junkies Facebook page (comments she immediately deleted). By the next morning, The Movie Junkies site was gone, replaced by a page that says it’s “undergoing scheduled maintenance” — which makes sense, because that’s obviously a lie, and Michele Schalin is a liar. The Movie Junkies Facebook page and Twitter account have been deleted, too.

I assume this is the end of it. Without having to admit any fault, she got rid of the stolen material and has slunk off into the recesses of the Internet. She will hopefully move on to other endeavors and quit her fanciful notion of being a “movie critic.” The job isn’t all it’s cracked up to be anyway, what with dummies ripping you off all the time.

It’s time once again to ask you fine people for suggestions. These are very, very useful to me. Of the 179 (!) EBM columns I’ve done so far, easily 30 percent were films I’d never heard of until readers suggested them. So keep up the good work! In fact, WORK HARDER!

Here are the basic criteria to be eligible for Eric’s Bad Movies:

- The more well-known it is, the better. Movies that played in theaters and were backed by Hollywood studios and had stars in them are ideal. I’ve relaxed the rule against straight-to-video releases, but I still prefer movies that people have heard of.

- Comedies are extremely hard to make fun of because they already don’t take themselves seriously, so I tend to avoid those. Focus on action movies, dramas, and the like. That being said, if the comedy has some kind of “hook” — a supernatural element, an animal co-star, etc. — it’s easier to get a handle on.

- It needs to be something whose badness is generally agreed upon, as opposed to something that YOU happen to hate but that is otherwise fairly well regarded. Remember, I need to think it’s bad, too.

- I’m avoiding movies that I reviewed in the normal movie-critic fashion when they came out in theaters. I’ve been reviewing movies since 1999, so in general, you can skip anything released since then.

After the jump, the list of what I’ve covered so far. Then it’s up to you to post suggestions in the comments. Thanks!

(If you’ve suggested a film in the past and I haven’t used it, you don’t need to suggest it again, I promise. Either I’ve considered it and rejected it, or it’s on my to-do list.)

13th Warrior, The
3 Ninjas
976-EVIL
Above the Law
Adventures of Pluto Nash, The
Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold
The Allnighter
American Ninja
Anaconda
A*P*E
Apple, The
Arrival, The
At the Earth’s Core
Avengers, The
Baby Geniuses
Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend
Babylon A.D.
Bangkok Dangerous
Batman & Robin
Bats
Beastmaster, The
Beautician and the Beast
Bio-Dome
Body of Evidence
Body Rock
Bolero
Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo
Buddy
Bulletproof
Butterfly
Can’t Stop the Music
Care Bears Movie, The
Cobra
Cocktail
Conan the Destroyer
Congo
Cool As Ice
Cool World
Cutthroat Island
Cyborg
D-War: Dragon Wars
Death Wish: The Face of Death
Delta Force, The
DOA Dead or Alive
Double Dragon
Double Impact
Double Team
Dracula 2000
The Dungeonmaster
Empire of the Ants
Ernest Saves Christmas
Exorcist II: The Heretic
Firestorm
Firewalker
Flowers in the Attic
Fluke
Forbidden Dance (is Lambada), The
Fortress
Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare
Freejack
Frogs
Furry Vengeance
The Gate
Garbage Pail Kids
Glitter
Godzilla (1998)
Gooby
Good Son, The
Grease 2
Gymkata
Happy Birthday to Me
Hard Target
Hawk the Slayer
Heartbeeps
Hercules (1983)
Hercules in New York
High School Musical
Hocus Pocus
House II: The Second Story
Howard the Duck
Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf
Hudson Hawk
Hunk
I Know What You Did Last Summer
Ice Pirates, The
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Inspector Gadget
Invasion USA (1985)
Island of Dr. Moreau, The
It’s Pat
Jack
Jack Frost (family movie)
Jack Frost (killer snowman)
Jaws 3-D
Jaws: The Revenge
Johnny Mnemonic
Judge Dredd
Kazaam
King Kong Lives
Krull
Kull the Conqueror
Leonard Part 6
Leprechaun
Lisa
Lost in Space
Mac and Me
Magic in the Water
Mangler, The
Manitou, The
Masters of the Universe
Meteor
Molly
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
Mr. Nanny
The Net
Neverending Story III, The
Next Karate Kid, The
Night of the Lepus
On Deadly Ground
Only the Strong
Orca
Other Sister, The
Over the Top
Pagemaster, The
Patch Adams
Piranha II
Power Rangers: The Movie
Rambo III
Red Sonja
Roller Boogie
Saint, The
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
Shanghai Surprise
Showgirls
Silent Night, Deadly Night
Slappy and the Stinkers
Sleepaway Camp
Sleepwalkers
Solarbabies
Solar Crisis
Speed 2: Cruise Control
Spice World
Sssssss
Standing Ovation
Star Trek V
Staying Alive
Steel Dawn
Stone Cold
Street Fighter
Super Mario Bros.
Supergirl
Superman III
Superman IV
Surf Ninjas
Surviving the Game
Tarzan, the Ape Man
Teenage Mutant Ninjas Turtles III
Teen Witch
Teen Wolf Too
Tentacles
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation
Thrashin’
Timecop
Top Dog
Troll
Two of a Kind
Under Siege 2
Under the Cherry Moon
Virus
Volcano
Waterworld
Wing Commander
Wiz, The
Wizard, The
Wizards of the Demon Sword
Xanadu
Zardoz

(Also: Snide Remarks will be back this week after two weeks off.)

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“Casa de Mi Padre” B+
“Coriolanus” B
“Friends with Kids” B+
“The Hunger Games” B
“Jeff, Who Lives at Home” B+
“John Carter” C+
“The Raid: Redemption” B+
“Silent House” B+
“21 Jump Street” B

* * * * *

SXSW REVIEWS:

“Bernie” B
“The Cabin in the Woods” A
“Fat Kid Rules the World” A-
“Funeral Kings” B+
“God Bless America” B-
“REC 3: Genesis” B-
“Sinister” B+
“Somebody Up There Likes Me” B
“The Tall Man” C

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Slappy and the Stinkers” (1998), starring Bronson Pinchot, children, and a seal.

What’s the Big Deal?: “Nanook of the North” (1922) / “Patton” (1970).

Re-Views: “National Lampoon’s Van Wilder” (2002) / “Million Dollar Baby” (2004).

Random column: What Household Items Will Become Movies After the Board Games Are Used Up?

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “Bathroom of Terror” — In which brief but awful things occur.

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: The usual nonsense. [MovieBS] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: @EricDSnider

“The Lorax” (C+)
“Project X” (D-)
“Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie” (B) [Film.com]

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MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Tentacles” (1977), starring John Huston, Shelley Winters, Shelley Winters’ giant hat, and an octopus. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “The Next Best Thing” (2000), starring Madonna and Rupert Everett, continues to not be a very good movie. [Film.com]

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MY OTHER STUFF:

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We celebrated our 100th episode by reviewing some movies and playing a game, as mandated by the Constitution. [MovieBS] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: @EricDSnider

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

Gawker went to Netflix and gathered the worst user reviews of the Best Picture nominees. These are good things to read if you want to lose all faith in humanity (again). [Gawker]

For some reason, here is my pal Matt Patches having a staring contest with Paul Dano. [YouTube/Hollywood.com]

In a similar vein, here’s my other pal Chase Whale being abused by Tim and Eric. [YouTube]

The dapper and gentlemanly James Rocchi gets all level-headed over Lou Dobbs’ claim that “The Lorax” is indoctrinating kids to hate capitalism. [MSN Movies]

Brian Salisbury eviscerates “Project X” with more humor and vitriol than I did. [Film School Rejects]

A Russian cat with weird ears and weirder posture watches “Star Wars.” [YouTube]