It has been 11 months since the new batch of Kickstarter-funded Snide Remarks columns began its run. We have made great strides forward. Of the 50 columns promised, 38 have been delivered, and only five or six were about PETA. Very few of the columns caused the death of anyone directly. One of them described Arianna Huffington as some kind of mythical beast. That was fun. (Here are the archives, in case you missed one.)

I wanted to update you on some of the behind-the-scenes particulars. The idea of crowd-sourcing my freelance employment through Kickstarter was new to me — I think it was fairly new in general — and so there has been some trial and error. Here’s where we stand.

- I promised to deliver 50 columns in one year, starting March 7, 2011, and allowing myself two weeks off. In hindsight, this was hilarious. I burned up my two free weeks almost immediately, then had to throw myself on the mercy of the readers in a blog post aptly entitled “I’m dumb.” The consensus among commenters was that it was OK if it takes more than a year, as long as they get their 50 columns. I appreciate your understanding.

There were stretches in the past when I wrote Snide Remarks every single week for more than a year at a time, and I assumed I could do it again. What I neglected to consider was that pretty much all the circumstances are different now. For example, there was a time when Snide Remarks was available by subscription only, which meant that if I missed a week I would have to credit people’s accounts. The thought of manually adjusting all those accounts one by one was so nightmarish that I never missed a week. Also helping: for a big chunk of that time, I didn’t have much employment other than Snide Remarks.

When I was at the Daily Herald — that was what we called a “newspaper,” in a state known as “Utah” — I had a few impressive streaks of never missing a week. Heck, I was writing Snide Remarks TWICE weekly during some of that! But those columns were also much shorter than we are now accustomed to; it was fairly easy to take nothing more than a germ of an idea and lather it up to column length. I also wrote about a lot of local things. I also frequently had the luxury of being able to spend an entire day writing Snide Remarks without having to write anything else.

None of those things are true anymore. Now I am blessed with enough paid gigs to make a living, and while Snide Remarks is a key component, it’s not the only component. Those other paid gigs, though rewarding and enjoyable, are time-consuming, and everything — including Snide Remarks — is probably harder to write than it looks. (Unless it looks really, really, REALLY hard, in which case it is not as hard as it looks.) I’m writing for a general audience, not the readers of a dumb paper in Utah. And where I had plenty of administrative work to do at the newspaper, giving my fevered brain much-needed breaks, now pretty much everything I do requires some level of creativity. Even if I’m physically capable of standing here for 10 hours a day writing, it turns out I am not mentally capable. This has been a frustrating thing for me to accept.

- So far I’ve published 38 columns, with 12 still to come. I did that math myself, but it checks out. They’re still comin’, don’t worry. Obviously, it’s not going to happen within a year of the start date. That ship sailed long ago, and I was not on it.

- Once these 50 columns have been delivered, I’ll do another Kickstarter campaign to fund another 50. I’m not going to promise to do the next 50 in 52 weeks, though, because I am capable of learning from my mistakes. (This is a recent development.) I have a plan in mind that will work better. I’ll tell you about it when the time comes. The point is, there will be more Snide Remarks after this batch of 50 is done.

- A few words on the sponsored columns. The Kickstarter deal was that if you contributed at least $100, you got to choose the topic for one of the columns and put an ad at the bottom of it. Of the 19 people who did this — heroes, all of them — four chose to just give me the money and not claim their prize. (Or at least they never responded to the multiple emails I sent asking if they wanted to claim their prize.) Several others had an advertisement they wanted to include but left it up to me to choose the topic of the column. In other words, just because a column has a sponsor doesn’t necessarily mean that the sponsor chose the subject matter. Some did, some didn’t. Anyway, seven of the 12 columns yet to be delivered will be of the sponsored variety. So if you’re one of those seven sponsors, don’t worry.

Thank you, one and all, for supporting Snide Remarks. Whether you contributed to the Kickstarter campaign or are “just” a reader, I appreciate your enthusiasm, comments, feedback, and baked goods. I hope your investment, whether of money or of five minutes of your time per week, has been worth it. (Because there are no refunds.) Onward and upward!

P.S. No column this week. Suckers!

SUNDANCE:

At Film School Rejects, my pint-sized platonic lady friend Allison Loring did a Q-and-A with me about my Sundance experiences. Click for the article; stay for the picture of me, which is probably the best picture of me ever taken. [Film School Rejects]

I also showed up for part of the Operation Kino podcast to talk about Sundance with fellow festival-goers Katey Rich and Matt “Patches” Patches. [Cinema Blend]

A dispatch about my first day at Sundance 2012, with movies about sad artists. [Movies.com]

How to be a thoughtless jerk at a film festival screening. [Movies.com]

And here are the Sundance reviews I excreted for Film.com, listed in order from best to least-best:

“Beasts of the Southern Wild” (A-)
“The Raid” (B+)
“Oslo, August 31st” (B+)
“Wrong” (B)
“V/H/S” (B)
“I Am Not a Hipster” (B)
“Red Hook Summer” (B-)
“This Must Be the Place” (D)

* * * * *

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close” (C+)
“Red Tails” (C)
“Haywire” (A-)
“Man on a Ledge” (C+)
“The Grey” (B+)
“The Artist” (B+)
“Chronicle” (B-)
“The Woman in Black” (C+)
“The Innkeepers” (B)

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Hard Target” (1993), starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, who stars in most of the movies we talk about at Eric’s Bad Movies. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Anatomy of Hell” (2004), an excruciating movie that is still kind of excruciating. [Film.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “The Hood Life” (discovering the benefits of hoodies) and “A Game of Quarters” (those sad, weird vending machines).

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: Episode 95, postponed by technical difficulties, was extremely loopy and incredibly dumb. Episode 96 was more normal, although that’s relative. [MovieBS] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: @EricDSnider

“We Need to Talk About Kevin” (A-)
“Joyful Noise” (C-) [Film.com]

“Contraband,” which has to do with Marky Mark taping drugs to his chest and sneaking them somewhere, or something like that, was screened at the same time as “Joyful Noise.” I chose the one that was closer to my house.

Also, Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast” is being re-released in 3D. I assume it’s as good as it was before, only now in 3D.

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Lisa” (1990), a Lifetime Movie Network sort of flick about the dangers of men. [Film.com]

What’s the Big Deal?: “La Strada” (1954), the one that put Fellini on the map. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “All the Real Girls” (2003), an introspective drama from the man who would later direct “Pineapple Express” and “Your Highness.” [Film.com]

One Year Ago: Catching up with “Green Hornet,” “The Dilemma,” and more. [Movies.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “A Grimm View of Politics” — Fairy tales for our partisan times.

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We talk about “Joyful Noise,” Jeff’s adventures at the Critics’ Choice Movie Awards, and more. [MovieBS] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: @EricDSnider

This is what I came up with. Being a huge fan of Randy Newman, his older stuff even more than his movie songs, came in handy. The music and structure are basically a combination of “I Love to See You Smile” (from “Parenthood”) and “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” (from “Toy Story”), though I guess part of the joke is that they also resemble many of Newman’s other movie songs.

Please note that the song has SPOILERS for “We Need to Talk About Kevin.” I don’t think it’s anything that would totally ruin the movie for you — the Very Bad Thing that Kevin did is alluded to pretty early in the film — but there’s your warning nonetheless. (The movie will be released in more theaters later this month.)

(Note: I should mention that the “Randy Newman sings inappropriately merry song for serious movie” idea is not original to me. The comedy duo of Paul & Storm did one for “The Passion of the Christ” several years ago. I don’t think I actually heard the song at the time, but I did hear about it and can definitely trace the concept back to them. And of course the idea of “catchy tune for un-catchy movie” goes at least as far back as Tom Lehrer’s proposed theme song for the movie version of “Oedipus Rex,” a song that I think about at least once a week.)

“The Iron Lady” (B-)
“The Devil Inside” (F) [Film.com]
“Pariah” (B)
“Angels Crest” (B)
“Roadie” (C+)

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Double Dragon” (1994), which was the second video game movie ever made and helped established the pattern of video game movies being terrible. [Film.com]

What’s the Big Deal?: “The Public Enemy” (1931), starring James Cagney as the kind of character James Cagney became famous for. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “White Chicks” (2004), a Wayans Brothers movie that has not really improved with age. [Film.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “Seething Stars” — Let’s make fun of gossip magazines!

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We covered several limited-release films this week, including “The Artist,” “My Week with Marilyn,” and “Carnage,” plus “The Devil Inside.” [MovieBS] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: @EricDSnider

END-OF-THE-YEAR STUFF:

The Best and Worst Movies of 2011. Plus miscellaneous data.
Eric’s Media Inventory. What I watched and read in 2011.
All the wide releases of 2011. There were 141 of them. How many did you see? (Note: question is rhetorical.)
2011 film titles: a dramatic reading. On a whim, I composed this playlet in which the dialogue is composed entirely of 2011 movie titles.
My best film-related articles from 2011. These are the Film.com articles that I liked the most.

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“War Horse” (C)
“We Bought a Zoo” (C+)
“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” (C+)
“The Adventures of Tintin” (B-)

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Standing Ovation” (2010). The most astounding thing about this train wreck is that it actually played in 600 theaters in the summer of 2010. This is why we need to have regulations. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “The Passion of the Christ” (2004). Not nearly as funny as I remembered it. [Film.com]

The Next 35 “Alvin and the Chipmunks” Movie Sequel Titles. I love it when Laremy the editor gives me silly topics like this. [Film.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “Joseph’s Blog: The Carin’ Carpenter” — An anecdote about poor hospitality

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: The Dec. 23 show had reviews of “We Bought a Zoo,” “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo,” “The Adventures of Tintin,” and “War Horse,” and the Dec. 30 episode is our 2011 top 10 lists and such. [MovieBS] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: @EricDSnider

Jan. 10: Predicting the Marketing Slogans of 2011.
Feb. 9: Logical Problems Presented by “Just Go with It.”
March 2: The 10 Commandments for Getting a Film into Sundance.
April 17: Why the “Don’t Think About It!” Argument Is Dumb.
June 22: Unsettling Questions Raised by the Alternate Reality in “Cars.”
July 13: A Long Column About the Length of Movies.
July 27: The Pitch Meeting for “The Smurfs.”
Aug. 30: A Fake Report from Our Fake Set Visit.
Sept. 7: The Pitch Meeting for “I Don’t Know How She Does It.”
Oct. 7: A Proper Gentleman from 19th Century England Reacts to Seeing “Human Centipede 2.” [Movies.com]
Oct. 10: Things Nicolas Cage Could Do That Would Theoretically Still Shock Us.
Oct. 18: The Timeline for Winning Best Picture.
Nov. 1: The Pitch Meeting for “New Year’s Eve.”
Nov. 9: Logical Problems with a Horse That Goes to War.
Dec. 20: The Next 35 “Alvin and the Chipmunks” Sequel Titles.

[Outside a bar at closing time. People are waiting in line for taxis. A MAN sidles up to a WOMAN.]

MAN: What’s your number?
WOMAN: I am number four.
MAN: Arthur.
WOMAN: Hanna.

[They shake hands.]

MAN: [gesturing to his car] Monte Carlo. Real steel!
WOMAN: [unimpressed] Something borrowed?

[Despite the WOMAN's lack of interest, the MAN plunges ahead.]

MAN: Cold weather! [pause] Everything must go… [he gestures to his car again]
WOMAN: Abduction?!
MAN: No strings attached!
WOMAN: One day. The future. Another earth.
MAN: Don’t be afraid of the dark!
WOMAN: [considering] The dilemma: Contagion? Unknown.
MAN: Just go with it!

[She considers his offer. She does find him attractive, and it is getting late...]

MAN: 30 minutes or less.

[She still isn't sold.]

MAN: Fast five.
WOMAN: [sighing reluctantly] Take me home tonight.
MAN: Win win!
WOMAN: [to herself] The art of getting by…

[He opens the passenger door for her.]

MAN: Your highness.

[They get in.]

WOMAN: Drive.
MAN: In time. [seeing pedestrians in the crosswalk] Madea’s big happy family!
WOMAN: Drive angry! Like crazy!
MAN: A dangerous method!

[She puts her hand on his thigh.]

MAN: [shrugging] Crazy, stupid love…

[He runs over the pedestrians. The WOMAN is impressed.]

WOMAN: Courageous! Footloose! Limitless!
MAN: [regretful] Beastly. Shame.
WOMAN: [seeing an acquaintance on the sidewalk] Martha Marcy May Marlene!
MAN: The girl with the dragon tattoo? Young adult? Zookeeper? I don’t know how she does it!
WOMAN: We bought a zoo.
MAN: Super!

[They arrive at her home, a charming two-story.]

MAN: Dream house! [he sees a silhouette in the window] The help?
WOMAN: We need to talk about Kevin.
MAN: The roommate?
WOMAN: Friends with benefits.
MAN: Sucker punch.

[Suddenly a bright light fills the sky. Loud ALIEN VOICES boom in the night air.]

ALIEN VOICE 1: Attack the block!
ALIEN VOICE 2: Mars needs moms!
MAN: Take shelter!
WOMAN: I am!

[They run inside the house.]

MAN: Sanctum!
WOMAN: I saw the devil! Extremely loud and incredibly close!
MAN: Insidious immortals!

[The ALIENS attack and kill everybody. The end.]

I saw 113 of the 141 movies. The ones I missed have asterisks. Links are to my reviews. Sometimes I saw a movie but didn’t review it. That’s how life is sometimes. Dates are when the film opened, not necessarily when it went wide.

How many did you see? It is a contest.

1/7 Season of the Witch
1/14 The Dilemma
1/14 The Green Hornet
*1/21 No Strings Attached
*1/28 The Rite
1/28 The Mechanic
2/4 Sanctum
2/4 The Roommate
2/11 Just Go with It
*2/11 Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
*2/11 Gnomeo and Juliet
2/11 The Eagle
2/18 Unknown
2/18 I Am Number Four
2/18 Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son
2/25 Hall Pass
2/25 Drive Angry
3/4 Rango
3/4 The Adjustment Bureau
3/4 Beastly
3/4 Take Me Home Tonight
3/11 Battle Los Angeles
3/11 Red Riding Hood
3/11 Mars Needs Moms
3/18 Limitless
*3/18 The Lincoln Lawyer
3/18 Paul
3/25 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
3/25 Sucker Punch
4/1 Hop
4/1 Source Code
4/1 Insidious
4/8 Hanna
4/8 Arthur
*4/8 Soul Surfer
4/8 Your Highness
4/15 Rio
4/15 Scream 4
4/15 The Conspirator
4/22 Madea’s Big Happy Family
*4/22 Water for Elephants
*4/22 African Cats
*4/29 Dylan Dog: Dead of Night
4/29 Fast Five
*4/29 Prom
*4/29 Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil
5/6 Thor
*5/6 Jumping the Broom
5/6 Something Borrowed
5/13 Bridesmaids
5/13 Priest
5/20 Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
5/20 Midnight in Paris
5/27 The Hangover Part II
5/27 Kung Fu Panda 2
6/3 X-Men: First Class
6/10 Super 8
*6/10 Judy Moody and the NOT Bummer Summer
6/17 The Art of Getting By
6/17 Green Lantern
6/17 Mr. Popper’s Penguins
6/24 Cars 2
6/24 Bad Teacher
6/29 Transformers: Dark of the Moon
7/1 Larry Crowne
7/1 Monte Carlo
7/8 Horrible Bosses
7/8 Zookeeper
7/15 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
7/15 Winnie the Pooh
7/22 Captain America: The First Avenger
7/22 Friends with Benefits
7/29 Cowboys & Aliens
*7/29 The Smurfs
7/29 Crazy Stupid Love
8/5 Rise of the Planet of the Apes
8/5 The Change-Up
8/10 The Help
8/12 Final Destination 5
8/12 30 Minutes or Less
*8/12 Glee The 3D Concert Movie
*8/19 Spy Kids: All the Time in the World
8/19 Conan the Barbarian
8/19 Fright Night
8/19 One Day
8/26 Colombiana
8/26 Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark
*8/26 Our Idiot Brother
8/31 The Debt
9/2 Apollo 18
*9/2 Shark Night 3D
9/9 Contagion
9/9 Warrior
9/9 Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star
*9/9 Creature
9/16 Drive
9/16 Straw Dogs
9/16 I Don’t Know How She Does It
9/23 Moneyball
9/23 Dolphin Tale
*9/23 Abduction
9/23 Killer Elite
*9/30 Courageous
9/30 50/50
9/30 Dream House
*9/30 What’s Your Number?
10/7 Real Steel
10/7 The Ides of March
*10/14 Footloose
10/14 The Thing
10/14 The Big Year
10/21 Paranormal Activity 3
10/21 The Three Musketeers
10/21 Johnny English Reborn
*10/21 The Mighty Macs
10/28 Puss in Boots
*10/28 In Time
10/28 The Rum Diary
11/4 Tower Heist
11/4 A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas
11/11 Immortals
11/11 Jack and Jill
11/9 J. Edgar
11/16 The Descendants
11/18 Breaking Dawn — Part 1
11/18 Happy Feet Two
11/23 The Muppets
11/23 Arthur Christmas
11/23 Hugo
*11/23 My Week with Marilyn
12/9 New Year’s Eve
12/9 The Sitter
12/9 Young Adult
12/16 Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
12/16 Mission: Impossible Ghotocol
*12/16 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
12/20 The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
12/21 The Adventures of Tintin
12/23 We Bought a Zoo
*12/25 The Darkest Hour
12/25 War Horse

“Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol” (B+)
“Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows” (B-) [Film.com]
“Young Adult” (B)
“The Sitter” (D+)

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Hunk” (1987), about a dweeb who sells his soul to the devil to become a popular stud. Based on a true story (mine). [Film.com]

What’s the Big Deal?: “It’s a Wonderful Life” (1946), a holiday film about the redistribution of angel wings. [Film.com]

One Year Ago: Catching up with “Tron Legacy,” “Yogi Bear,” and more. [Movies.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We talked about “Mission: Impossible,” “Sherlock Holmes,” “Young Adult,” and the way certain actors are better runners than others. Scintillating! [MovieBS] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: @EricDSnider