Ben is surprised to get a letter ("I thought it was a subpoena," he tells Laura) from boyhood friend Lance Garcy. Turns out it's a chain letter, and Ben is quite awed by its power of causing tragedy to strike those who ignore it: "Is this the thing that has been causing all the death in the world?" He realizes he only has a few addresses, and needs 10 to send the letter on, so he tries several times to get Laura to tell him her address (finally: "You probably think I'm going to ask for your address, but I am NOT, so what is it?"). Katz, naturally, tells him to ignore the letter, which he eventually does -- but mainly out of laziness, not rational thinking. Still, he feels guilty, and fears the consequences have come true: "People have died, and nobody loves me." "Nothing has changed," Katz reassures him. Meanwhile, Katz wants to establish a profit-sharing plan with him and Laura, but she is less than enthused. It's only $8 every three months anyway, which Stan and Julie admit isn't very much.

• Gilbert Gottfried: Wants to know why Laura doesn't like him; says his parents were Jewish, which may surprise you, "because I look like a tall, barrel-chested Norwegian gentlemen"; parents made him feel guilty for everything, including it being nighttime and Lincoln's death; the Beatles came to him with various ideas for names for their group before they settled on "the Beatles"; all of the names involved the fact that they weren't Jewish; he goes on about various Beatles for quite a while, actually, including mentioning visiting Paul and Linda McCartney and Paul begging for some meat because Linda won't let him eat any ("Can I just lick your arm?"); he was friends with Gandhi before he was famous; he wrote a book called "Hi, I'm Gandhi."
• Wendy Liebman: Tried yoga to reach a "higher plane of consciousness," but realized it's easier to just drink; masseuse wanted to attack her "pressure points," so she gave her the address of her parents; had the 30th-year reunion for her nursery school and didn't want to go because she's gained 100 pounds since then; wants an hourglass figure: "Right now I have an hour-and-a-half. I have too much time on my a**"; she and her boyfriend are into "recycling": "We keep re-using each other"; they reminisce about "the good old day"; had a typical high-school sweetheart romance: she was a cheerleader, he was on the faculty; mom's a ventriloquist, and for a long time, she thought it was the dog telling her to kill her father; man on the plane next to her: "I could tell he really wanted me -- to shut up."