While picking up a box of donuts one morning, Ben is harassed by an old bully from school, Jimmy Solaray, and by Jimmy's son. They call him a sissy; Ben retorts by saying he's going to join the military. And while that was just an idle, stupid thing to say, Ben begins to actually consider it -- "the Army, or the Navy, or both." His main reason for joining would be so he could kill Jimmy. He has Katz punch him in the stomach, which proves to be unpleasant for everyone involved. Katz reminds him that boot camp is not like summer camp, which Ben didn't like anyway (he got pinkeye). Ben tells Laura the "sissy" story, and then has her punch him in the arm, which makes him cry. Then he visits Todd at the video store, mostly so he can use the bathroom, but before Todd will let him, he wants to punch him. Ben makes him punch him in the ass, which causes him to pee. Finally, Katz talks Ben out of joining the military, and all is well. NOTE: Stan and Julie are not in this episode.

• Ted Alexandro: Things he went to school with Laura; loves how kids recite the Pledge of Allegiance: "And tuna republic for midget stand; one Asian wonderbra"; art teachers are like the homeless people of the faculty; substitute teachers are chosen based on their funny-name potential ("Mrs. Tittleman, Mrs. Dinglehoffer, Mr. Wilcox"); cops on bikes are one step away from cops on pogo sticks; imagines Etch-a-Sketch artists; dreamed he was making out with his cousin; sometimes asked if he's gay, because he's single, when it could just be because he's a superhero; thinks Jesus had "great abs" -- "That what you want in a Savior, because have you seen Buddha?"
• Jeff Goldblum: Thinks Laura is "refreshing, authentic and sweet"; dreamed he was having an interview with Laurence Olivier; used to imitate his father; has to be liked; has little patience, although he waited in line at the post office for five hours ("I almost left").

Review:

The long-awaited season premiere was slightly disappointing, but not much. Ben has truly emerged as the true star of the show -- not Dr. Katz and not the patients, but good ol' worthless Ben. His absurdity here is amusing, but fairly typical, and not all that funny. And this frequent mistake of having non-comedian celebrities on the show is slowly ruining it. Jeff Goldblum is not funny, and doesn't even TRY to be funny. Surely having non-funny big-shots on just to attract more viewers will eventually backfire, when viewers tune in and find themselves not laughing. GRADE: B

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