Livin' la Vida Utah
The Garrens Comedy Troupe:
"Livin' la Vida Utah"
by Eric D. Snider (parody of "Livin' la Vida Loca," by Desmond Child and Robi Rosa)
Originally performed by The Garrens Comedy Troupe on January 21, 2000
RICKY MARTIN: Eric D. Snider
She's into Mormonism,
Gardening and the Utah Jazz.
Her boyfriend's on a mission,
His picture's all she has.
Her church is around the corner:
She could walk, but she always drives.
Her neighbors are all Mormon --
She's never seen a non-member alive.
She'll never even kiss you 'til you've been married a year.
She won't drink tea or coffee -- or even Barq's Root Beer
'Cause it has caffeine, she hears!
My heck!
She is LDS
She's livin' la vida Utah.
Her house is a mess
Livin' la vida Utah.
She makes green Jell-O,
And into it she puts fruit-a.
She's sweet and mellow,
Livin' la vida Utah.
You're livin' la vida Utah.
She's livin' la vida Utah.
Took her to Salt Lake City
To see the lights on Temple Square.
I asked her if she would marry me,
She took the ring and just left me there.
She'll never do polygamy, she wants to be the only wife,
She'll stay at home and watch the kids and watch "Days of Our Lives,"
And be adviser for the Beehives!
My heck!
She has spiritual strength
She's livin' la vida Utah.
Her shorts are knee-length
Livin' la vida Utah.
She does genealogy,
It's all stored on her computah.
Gosh oh golly gee
Livin' la vida Utah.
You're livin' la vida Utah.
She's livin' la vida Utah.
She went to BYU so she could find a man to wed.
But she had to have a major to kill time while she hunted
So she took elementary ed.
My heck!
Her skin's light, not dark
She's livin' la vida Utah.
She's from Spanish Fark
Livin' la vida Utah.
She gossips in Relief Society
About who is dating who-a
She's the model of piety,
Livin' la vida Utah
Nothing can cure it
Livin' la vida Utah
She has a sweet spirit
Livin' la vida Utah
She thinks she's an eight-cow wife,
When she's really more like two-a.
I've loved her all my life,
Livin' la vida Utah.
You're livin' la vida Utah.
She's livin' la vida Utah.
Livin' la vida Utah.
A gotta, gotta, gotta la vida Utah.
Gotta, gotta, gotta la vi---
Copyright © Eric D. Snider.
This work may not be transmitted via the Internet, nor reproduced in any other way, without written consent from Eric D. Snider.
Notes:
This is the way the song was performed on Jan. 21, 2000. For the "Best of the Garrens" show on April 7 and 8, it was shortened, with the italicized lyrics removed, never to return. This was partly because I was never too happy with these words anyway, and partly because it effectively cut 30 seconds out of the song, and we were really pressed for time in that "Best of..." show.
When first conceived, the line "She'll never even kiss you 'til you've been married a year" was "She'll make you keep your clothes on 'til you've been married a year," simply because it was closer to the original song ("She'll make you take your clothes off and go dancing in the rain"). I figured it was too explicit, though, so I sacrificed close parody lyrics for discretion. Also, I preferred "She'll gladly share her husband with a dozen other wives" over "She'll never do polygamy, she wants to be the only wife," but I knew audiences wouldn't stand for the implication that some women in Utah practice polygamy. Oh, well.
The song was followed immediately by a sketch in which Ricky Martin is interviewed and claims to be from Utah in order to get the crowd to like him. Since I can't do a Puerto Rican accent, I just gave Ricky a Cheech and Chong-style Mexican accent. This is probably offensive to some people, but I didn't mean it that way, I promise.
This song is part of Garrens history now. During the last of six performances of the "Best of the Garrens" show, I passed out while singing the song (right after the line "She went to BYU so she could find a man to wed"). I had been sick and exhausted all day, plus the day before, and the song was exhausting. It's 3 1/2 minutes (previously 4 minutes; thank goodness for that cut!) of dancing around like a maniac, PLUS singing at the same time, and it was too much for me. I later wrote a column about it.