Eric D. Snider
Alvin and the Chipmunks
Movie Review
"Alvin and the Chipmunks"
Review by Eric D. Snider
Grade: C-
Rating: PG
Released: Friday, December 14, 2007
Directed by:
Cast:
Considering we're talking about a live-action version of "Alvin and the Chipmunks," and that there's a scene (already immortalized in the trailer) where Simon eats a piece of Theodore's poop, I guess we should count it a Christmas miracle that the film is merely bad, rather than apocalyptically bad.
Such are the low standards with which we brace ourselves when it comes to cheap, uninspired movie versions of familiar children's characters. Did the movie cause us to pray for the sweet release of death? No? Then it is a success! Huzzah!
Alvin, Simon, and Theodore are three average chipmunks who, for reasons not explained, can talk. They speak in the helium voices you remember, courtesy of Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler, and Jesse McCartney. (Why they needed three different actors, I don't know, since the chipmunking process makes them sound unrecognizable and identical to one another anyway.) By happenstance, they find themselves in the home of Dave Seville (Jason Lee), an unsuccessful songwriter whose cheerful-sounding demo tape definitely included the phrase "abyss of death." After getting over the initial shock of sentient woodland creatures living in his house, he writes a Christmas song for them in the hopes of hitting the big-time.
His contact in the music industry is a sleazy record exec named Ian (David Cross). The chipmunks go over to Ian's house late one night, sing him the song, and literally 12 hours later it is playing on the radio at the supermarket. Ian works fast! And soon enough the chipmunks are superstars.
The conflict in the story has to do with Ian's desire to exploit the li'l guys and turn them into overworked, overpaid, pampered rock stars. Dave, meanwhile, understands that the chipmunks need structure and safety -- though he strongly resists their attempts to call their relationship with him a "family."
The film was conceived by "Simpsons" writer Jon Vitti and written by him and a couple kiddie-TV guys. There are moments where you can see Vitti trying to break free of the restraints placed upon him by a film whose studio backers no doubt insisted the product remain bland and mediocre. When Dave falls unconscious on the floor, the chipmunks fear they have killed him, leading Alvin to quickly say, "Wipe everything down. I'll need three garbage bags, a shovel, latex gloves...." This is even funnier coming from that damn cute chipmunk voice.
Yet for the most part, mediocrity is the rule. The story barely makes sense, of course, and most of the jokes are easy and careless. Dave's job is to yell "Allll-viiinnnn!" as often as possible, that being the one thing the Dave figure is famous for in the chipmunk mythology. He's given a romantic interest in Claire (Cameron Richardson), a photographer who lives in his apartment complex, yet she's possibly the single least interesting romantic interest in the history of film.
The chipmunks, by the way, are computer-animated creatures the size of real chipmunks. This goes against the Saturday-morning cartoon version of the '80s, but I guess it never really made sense that the chipmunks would be the size of human children anyway. I'm glad that wrong has finally been righted by director Tim Hill, who, having previously directed the second "Garfield" movie, is now the go-to guy for bad children's movies about humans interacting with computer-generated animals. If my nightmare comes true and they do make a "Calvin & Hobbes" movie, I hope he directs it.
Grade: C-
Rated PG, some coprophagia and other antisocial behavior
1 hr., 30 min.
Copyright © Eric D. Snider.
This work may not be transmitted via the Internet, nor reproduced in any other way, without written consent from Eric D. Snider.
This item has 20 comments
December 14, 2007 at 6:15 am
I could have guessed this movie would suck. I remember the awesome cartoon version of the chipmunks and chipettes. My sister and I are in our twenties now and we still quote lines from that movie.
December 14, 2007 at 8:42 am
Why do I still hold out hope that one of these will turn out well?
Perhaps I'll look for an old chipmunks cartoon and call it good.
December 14, 2007 at 11:41 am
If my nightmare comes true and they do make a "Calvin & Hobbes" movie
If released, I will destroy all vestiges of Hollywood present in the world, including the town itself. This will be remembered, not as an act of terrorism, but as an act of mercy upon a system so perverse and antithetical to goodness that I will be revered forevermore as a hero.
Mark my words.
December 14, 2007 at 12:36 pm
Schism, is your organization recruiting? Because I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to receive your newsletter.
December 14, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Calvin and Hobbes?! NEVER JOKE ABOUT SUCH THINGS. You jinxed it. It's inevitable now.
December 14, 2007 at 2:32 pm
I hated Alvin and the Chipmunks as a cartoon, so I despise this atrocity.
December 16, 2007 at 7:51 am
I'd venture that the likelihood of a Calvin and Hobbes movie is mercifully about nil, given Bill Watterson's stance against merchandising the strip.
As for why the studios chose three actors for the chipmunks, I suspect this was strictly a matter of trying to expand the potential audience for the film, by attaching three young actors to the project in hopes that their respective fanbases would come to see the film simply because they're in the credits.
December 18, 2007 at 9:12 am
You all need to get a life, this is a childrens movie and they all love it. Try just watching the movie for a cute laugh instead of analyzing it so much. The world has enought to worry about without every bashing a kids movie.
December 19, 2007 at 6:43 am
schism: I will help you. I thought you were serious, Eric and I was ready to go blast some Hollywood people big time, arrange mass DVD burnings, storm Wal-Mart and Disneyland and demand that the American economy and entertainment industry grind to a halt...
December 19, 2007 at 10:08 am
Elaine, analyzing movies is part of Eric’s job as a movie reviewer. I’m not sure him getting life would effect how he does his job. It is however, a great time of year to pick up a life. Everything is on sale now! Watch out for those lives on sale at discount stores. I got one of those and now I spend most nights sitting on the couch watching TV and eating hamburger helper.
December 23, 2007 at 9:44 pm
You guys should have a preiveiw trailer on your hompage.
December 28, 2007 at 3:13 pm
I saw this movie. I am not proud to admit it. The only things I remember about it now, a scant twenty-two hours later, are that I liked the apartment Jason Lee lived in, and that I'm sure I could see a demented glee behind David Cross' eyes that said, "Screw it! Hell yeah, the Chipmunks rock! I'm gonna be ironically subversive and have a kick in this thing! Ohh, I am soooo doing this for the paycheck...."
January 11, 2008 at 3:32 pm
You guys need a life. That movie does not suck. I love the movie, and i'm addicticted to it. I also can completely talk like them. I just ordered a Ipod C.D. of all the songs they sing. LOL.
You guys are weird if you don't like it.
March 7, 2008 at 12:34 am
Where can I buy a Ipod C.D.? Are they available on this Internet, or do I need a new one?
March 15, 2008 at 2:25 pm
I really really want to know where those apartments are that he lived in. They have to be in LA somewhere, right? Liz
March 23, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Fow what its worth, its not all that bad. The story appears to have been written with the hopes of cramming way too much into too short of a period of time. There are some funny parts in the movie but the acting is overall flat. For as cliche as the story is I am surprised how poorly it was pulled off.
But as a kids movie, the jokes and catch phrases are all on par. The story is simple and the antagonist is evil, though I would have preferred a bit more over the top for a kids movie, something like...Plankton. The love interest is given a meaningless history with Dave, which wastes too much time. The music is standard chipmunks/kid stuff so those are some of the more enjoyabel scenes for the kids.
The thing that bugged me through the whole movie though was why everyone in society just accepted these talking/singing chipmunks and no one seemed at all surprised by it (cept for one scene at the beginning when Dave first meets them). Then again, selling the chipmunks off to the lab for study isn't always the most kid friendly theme...but still..freaky.
March 30, 2008 at 10:11 am
good description
July 3, 2008 at 2:04 pm
I am 25 and just took my 11 year old brother to see it at the summer matinée yesterday with about 200 other little kids with desperate moms. I laughed my sides sore for the first half hour. Partly because the chipmunks were cute, and the other part because the little kids were getting so into it. One little girl cried hysterically when the chipmunks got put in the cage. Another was dancing on her seat when they were rocking out. The kids were calling advise, making suggestions and asking questions through the whole movie. I don't mind kid level humor as long as it is clean and appropriate. As adults, lets not forget the simple and undemanding laughter of children. Maybe we would find more to laugh about if we still saw the world through young eyes.
July 19, 2008 at 10:16 pm
i loved this movie and i loved the cartoon as a kid, altought i liked the cartoons better i was still very happy with this movie i went out and bought it and i have watched over 150 times thats how much i liked it cant wait for the second one comeing out next spring
August 4, 2008 at 4:55 am
I loved the cartoon as a kid. But now, i am 14 and i thought the movie was kinda bad. It is not EXTREMELY bad...just...bad. There are a few really funny jokes ("YIPPEE KI YAY MOMMA-SITA" is hilarious) but it was mostly dull. Yes, blah blah blah, the chipmunks are cute i know, but everytime i hear squeaky high-pitched voices for a prolonged amount of time, I get a huge head-ache (It was a good thing Rush Hour 3 was short or else I would've missed a funny movie). hahaha this movie gave me a bigger head-ache than Cloverfield. Heck i didn't get any head-ache from Cloverfield.
BUT MAINLY, this movie isn't targeted at adults and teenagers like me. It is targeted at kids so they will enjoy it. I am still trying to stop my ears from bleeding though...