Fast Five
Movie Review
"Fast Five"
Review by Eric D. Snider
Grade: C+
Rating: PG-13
Released: Friday, April 29, 2011
Directed by:
Cast:
"Fast Five" is a movie about two guys who steal expensive cars for a living and are forced to do this in Brazil because of America's draconian anti-stealing policies. It is like when people moved to Canada to avoid the draft. These two guys are conscientious objectors to the notion of having jobs. One of them used to be an FBI agent, but he quit that job in order to steal expensive cars, which was always his true calling.
This is the fifth movie in the "Fast and the Furious" franchise. I believe street racing was a significant part of the story at some point. When did it start focusing on theft? Or was theft always a component? The only way to answer these questions would be to read my reviews of the previous four movies, and that seems like a lot of work, and I am a conscientious objector.
The two guys are Vin Diesel and Paul Walker. No doubt their characters have other names, but let's not pretend that matters. The movie begins with Paul Walker and his buddies ambushing a prison bus in order to liberate the newly incarcerated Vin Diesel. This scene typifies the rest of the movie: it involves an elaborate plan that could not possibly work yet does anyway, it is moderately exciting to watch, it demonstrates a brazen disrespect for the laws of physics, and it miraculously fails to kill anyone. Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, and their associates are responsible for millions of dollars of property damage over the course of the movie, but not once do they take anyone's life, even accidentally. That's because they are the good guys, i.e., the car thieves. The bad guys (whose cars are sometimes stolen by the good guys) kill wantonly. That's how you know they're bad.
Anyway, everybody goes to Brazil, and in the process of very innocently stealing some expensive cars gets tangled in the web of Rio de Janeiro's leading crime boss, Reyes (Joaquim de Almeida), who rules the favelas. Paul Walker and Vin Diesel decide to do One Last Job and steal all of Reyes' ill-gotten money. They will use cars to do this, somehow. This "Ocean's Eleven"-style heist requires a dream team of drivers, hackers, con artists, and rappers, and so suddenly it's "Fast and/or Furious" franchise reunion time! Why, there's Tyrese Gibson, Ludacris, and people with names like Jordana Brewster, Matt Schulze, Sung Kang, Gal Gadot, and Tego Calderon. The movie implies that we should know these characters because they were in previous chapters of the saga, but I'll be honest, you could give me a list of a hundred people, fifty of whom had been in the "Fast and/or Furious" movies and fifty of whom had not, and I wouldn't be able to tell you which was which.
New to the series, however, is Dwayne Johnson, the artist formerly known as The Rock, playing an American federal agent trying to arrest Vin Diesel and Paul Walker. I was intrigued to learn of The Rock's participation in the movie, as I curious to see what kind of technology would be involved in making it look like he and Vin Diesel are two different people. The Rock has facial hair, which helps us tell them apart, and is a Tommy Lee Jones-style blowhard who barks orders at subordinates and will not rest until the criminals are apprehended.
The screenplay, by Chris Morgan (who also wrote parts 3 and 4, as well as "Cellular" and "Wanted"), is brimming with the usual idiotic macho dialogue and many opportunities for the actors to swagger, puff out their chests, and flare their nostrils. At one point Tyrese Gibson declares, "This job just went from 'Mission: Impossible' to 'Mission: In-freakin'-sanity'!"; that is one of the movie's better lines.
But the action scenes are marvelously energetic and well-choreographed, and -- even on an IMAX screen -- not so chaotic as to become incomprehensible. (Yes, we're at the point where action scenes must be praised merely for being coherent.) We could sit here all day and discuss the plausibility of the things that Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, and co. do with their automobiles and bodies, but that would be a waste of our time.
As far as I can recall, "Fast Five" is one of the better entries in the series. That's not to say it isn't big and dumb, only that its big dumbness is executed with some degree of competence -- one might even say flair -- by director Justin Lin. We used to wish that Lin would return to the kind of savvy, stylish filmmaking that marked his first feature, the Sundance hit "Better Luck Tomorrow," but now we have resigned ourselves to the idea that he will make "Fast and/or Furious" movies forever, and it's OK. There are worse things a person could do than that, and worse movies a person could watch than this.
Grade: C+
Rated PG-13, moderate profanity, a lot of action violence
2 hrs., 10 min.
Copyright © Eric D. Snider.
This work may not be transmitted via the Internet, nor reproduced in any other way, without written consent from Eric D. Snider.
This item has 18 comments
April 30, 2011 at 4:32 pm
So...is it a stretch to say that, aside from the C+ on the snider-scale, you possibly enjoyed this one? "in-freakin'-sanity!"
April 30, 2011 at 9:48 pm
"I was intrigued to learn of The Rock's participation in the movie, as I curious to see what kind of technology would be involved in making it look like he and Vin Diesel are two different people."
OMG that's exactly what I thought! WHY cast two different people who look exactly the same (and have more or less the same acting skills)? Just use that same technology you'll use to tell them apart to make one of them seem like two.
May 1, 2011 at 2:20 am
I love how all critics have to have everything be serious; it's a movie guys and gals! The whole point of going to the movies is to be entertained. This means that sometimes people want to see something "big and dumb," it lightens up the real world. If I wanted to be straight forward and serious all the time I would just live at work around the cancer patients I have to see Monday through Friday. You critics take yourselves and your jobs way to seriously. Do us a favor the next time you go see a film and try to suspend your disbelief for a change.
May 1, 2011 at 9:44 pm
Chris, why do you read reviews? Is it to escape the cancer patients? Sorry you "have" to see them. They should really cover themselves in big black blankets.
May 1, 2011 at 11:12 pm
http://www.theonion.com/video/today-now-interviews-the-5yearold-screenwriter-of,20188/
May 2, 2011 at 7:20 pm
Hey Jeff, that was the most rude and insulting comment one could make. Yes it sucks to see people every day that you know are going to die. Yes that is why I try and help them. If you would come like to do my job and administer radiation to people you care about, be my guest. I don't need seriousness all of the time because I experience it at work everyday. One of the reasons I wrote my comment is because it seems ridiculous to me to say a movie isn't good because you view as fake or far fetched: it's a movie, they aren't supposed to be real life. Further more, why do you read reviews? Is it just to bash on people you think are unintelligent?
May 2, 2011 at 7:31 pm
Oh and Jeff, if you can't understand that it is not a whole lot of fun watching someone die, then it is my hope that maybe someday when you or one of your family memebers gets cancer and is going to die, you take it all in and try and have fun with it you moron. Maybe then you will meet me and I will treat you and you can tell me how enjoyable it is to get burt all day.
May 2, 2011 at 7:40 pm
"I was intrigued to learn of The Rock's participation in the movie, as I curious to see what kind of technology would be involved in making it look like he and Vin Diesel are two different people."
Wow what a racist statement I'm sure Justin Lin and all "chinamen
look alike too huh?
May 2, 2011 at 7:42 pm
Yeesh. And it's movie critics who take everything too seriously.
Chris, your comments are reasonable and correctly spelled and not at all over-the-top in their emotions, but you're creating a false dichotomy. It is possible for a movie to be entertaining and light-hearted AND intelligent. Plenty of films manage to be exhilarating and enjoyable without also being preposterous and simple-minded. It's not an either/or proposition.
May 2, 2011 at 7:50 pm
Wow what a racist statement I'm sure Justin Lin and all "chinamen
look alike too huh?
Yes, exactly. By observing that The Rock and Vin Diesel look alike, I'm saying that ALL people who are of Samoan/Black Nova Scotian descent (The Rock) or black/Italian descent (Vin Diesel) look alike. Not just those two specific men -- both of them bald, muscular, tan-skinned, and fond of action roles -- but ALL people of their respective ethnicities. That's exactly what I'm saying.
May 2, 2011 at 7:58 pm
I know it wasn't well written, I just got off work and am very sleepy. Never-the-less, I stand by my comments about your review. I have no problem with someone saying a movie is bad or weak because it is not well written, the acting is bad, or the plot is weak. But in your review you boiled it all down to being "big and dumb." Sometimes people like big and dumb, it lightens the mood. Since you seem to live is some insouciant world of movie watching all day, I'm sure that you need things to be crafted with perfection all of the time, right?
May 2, 2011 at 9:41 pm
First of all, I think we can all agree cancer sucks. Second, people who read reviews, take offense at what's written, tell critics to stop doing their job well and monitor the comments after they post are like cancer.
May 3, 2011 at 11:40 pm
I love Brett. And I'm only back here reading because Eric told me I should check out the latest comments. Everyone should get burt all day.
May 4, 2011 at 6:28 pm
First of all, I am shocked - SHOCKED - that a 'fast and furious' movie is big and dumb. I for one am grateful for the warning, as I would have expected an elegant, poetical, and philosophically insightful script if I'd gone into the theater without first reading the review...or, you know, seeing one of the previous movies, or having heard of the franchise, or seeing the trailer, or knowing the title.
In my opinion, the purpose of a movie review is to a) let the potential audience know what to expect, and b) entertain. Eric has to mention it's dumb if it is, right? I'm surprisingly sympathetic to the heart of Chris's complaint, though, as in my current circumstances, I am frequently drawnto movies I would have scoffed at as being too fluffy, simplistic, or dumb. Turns out I've got enough of the deeper, darker stuff in my life. I don't need it from my movies, too.
May 12, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Chris--
Some people like movies because they're poorly written, badly acted, or contain weak plots. Other people dislike movies for those same reasons.
Eric might dislike movies that are big and dumb. Consequently, he would probably dislike Fast 5.
Are you sure you don't just have a problem with his review because he dislikes something that you enjoy?
May 13, 2011 at 2:57 am
I personally can't stand popcorn movies. Action doesn't have to be dumb to be enjoyable. If this was a superhero movie I wouldn't expect them to follow the laws of physics. however it is not, it is *supposed* to be set in the real world. things like that.
also the good guys that steal but don't kill thing. no need for that in good movies.
May 13, 2011 at 2:59 am
and by the way, i found that vin diesel vs. the rock line to be both hilarious and spot on.
May 19, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Good heavens, the comments are more entertaining than any of the 'Fast and Furious' films were!
I enjoyed your review, Eric, and I like it when movies are called on being dumb. This obviously means that I like my life crafted to perfection and consequently have no soul, but I'm strangly okay with that.
This reminds me of when people claim it's not valid to look at books with any kind of criticism. Film is entertainment, sure, but I enjoy reading the reviews, even when I don't agree with them. Seldom do I disagree with Eric, but I don't heap scorn on the critics who don't like the films that I do. Write on, Eric of the Poison'd Pen.