Friday the 13th (2009)
Movie Review
"Friday the 13th (2009)"
Review by Eric D. Snider
Grade: C
Rating: R
Released: Friday, February 13, 2009
Directed by:
Cast:
Its impressive capacity for producing lucrative sequels notwithstanding, the original "Friday the 13th," from 1980, was a lousy movie. A blatant rip-off of "Halloween," it suffered from shoddy production values and dimwitted plotting. People liked it, though, and the sequels rewarded them by providing more of the exact same thing. The only significant variations were the methods by which the randy teenagers were dispatched, and the degree to which we were irritated by those characters and eager to see their demise.
The remake is superior to the original series mostly in technical ways: better editing, better acting, better overall craftsmanship. Fans will be comforted to know that the basic story is unchanged, with all the archetypes intact. People are murdered during or immediately after sex; people volunteer to go look for something in a dark, creepy shed; there's a local old-timer who warns the kids to stay away from that cursed camp or they'll be sorry; the killer has a supernatural ability to appear suddenly and surprise victims, except for the times when he's easily befuddled and outmaneuvered; etc. The major selling point is, as ever, the creativity and gruesomeness of the idiot teenagers' deaths.
Strictly speaking, it's not a remake of the 1980 film. It's actually more of a sequel to it, remaining faithful to its story (even the date it took place on: June 13, 1980) and picking things up many years later. In the 25-minute prologue -- yes, the film is nearly a third over before the title appears -- a group of libidinous teens and their nerdy, asexual friend are stalked by a masked figure while searching the forest for a legendary secret marijuana crop. (Weed plays a major role in this film, with more screen time than several of the actors.) That masked figure, as the movie counts on you already knowing, is Jason Voorhees (Derek Mears), a hulking, silent, deformed maniac with a hood covering his face. Don't worry, the hood is temporary; the film knows we're eager to see the iconic moment when he replaces it with a hockey mask.
Several weeks later, a decent young man named Clay (Jared Padalecki) comes to Crystal Lake looking for his sister, Whitney (Amanda Righetti), one of the teens who disappeared after that prologue. Clay runs into another batch of young people, this time staying at the lakeside cabin owned by one of their parents. You've got your token black guy (Arlen Escarpeta), your comic-relief Asian stoner (Aaron Yoo), a couple of slutty chicks (Julianna Guill and Willa Ford), a devil-may-care jock (Ryan Hansen), a rich jerk (Travis Van Winkle), and the nice girl (Danielle Panabaker) who can befriend Clay. People go missing; killarity ensues.
It's directed by Marcus Nispel, who made the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" remake in 2003, and written by "Freddy vs. Jason" scribes Damian Shannon and Mark Swift. Unlike Rob Zombie's "Halloween" reboot two years ago, which sought to completely redo everything from the ground up, this "Friday the 13th" is respectful of its origins, almost to a fault. After the thousandth lingering shot of the battered "Camp Crystal Lake" sign I wondered if Nispel still expected us to be thrilled by it. (We get it, buddy. We're watching a "Friday the 13th" movie.)
So is it good? Well, no, of course not. These things rarely are. As Devin Faraci of CHUD.com writes in his recent fine analysis of the slasher genre, audiences don't come to a "Friday the 13th" movie expecting anything more than some creative kills, some gratuitous boobs, and maybe -- MAYBE -- a little spookiness and tension. Those are the elements that make a slasher film "good," and this one has them, more or less. It's one of the better-made examples of its genre -- but that doesn't make it a good movie, just a good slasher movie. But then you ask, "Well, if it does a good job of what it set out to do, doesn't it deserve a better grade?" And I respond, "Not if I say it doesn't." YA BURNT!
Grade: C
Rated R, abundant harsh profanity, a lot of nudity, some very strong sexuality and vulgar dialogue, abundant violence and blood
1 hr., 37 min.
Copyright © Eric D. Snider.
This work may not be transmitted via the Internet, nor reproduced in any other way, without written consent from Eric D. Snider.
This item has 16 comments
February 12, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Having a remake of "Friday the 13th" will never feel right, but as long as it's good, I'm sold.
February 12, 2009 at 10:24 pm
"Killarity ensues." Classic
February 12, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Hmmm... very fair review. Quite keen to see this despite how against it I was. Sounds like they didn't totally balls it up.
February 12, 2009 at 11:13 pm
But then you ask, "Well, if it does a good job of what it set out to do, doesn't it deserve a better grade?" And I respond, "Not if I say it doesn't."
--
That is a pre-emptive retort to ME, and you will soon be hearing from my attorney.
February 13, 2009 at 9:57 am
But then you ask, "Well, if it does a good job of what it set out to do, doesn't it deserve a better grade?" And I respond, "Not if I say it doesn't."
Consider a high school math student. If that student aims for a C and successfully achieves a C, shouldn't they get an A for achieving what they set out to do?
(Being a math teacher, I know a lot of students who would love to argue this point.)
February 13, 2009 at 10:18 am
Killarity is my new favourite word.
February 13, 2009 at 11:18 am
I was following the review until I read Jared Padalecki's name, then I got distracted with wondering how he and Jenson Ackles have time to make crappy teen movies. More importantly, with Supernatural being a decent show, why would they WANT to.
February 13, 2009 at 12:50 pm
I know a couple of people have mentioned this, but Killarity goes right up there with Mexigon on my list of favorite Ericisms.
February 13, 2009 at 1:32 pm
"People go missing; killarity ensues."
Look for it on the DVD cover.
February 13, 2009 at 11:10 pm
From the series that has twice promised us that its latest installment was the "final chapter" (parts V and IX), now we get a "reimagining." Sigh. So next we get the prequel to the reimagining right? Then Jason vs. Predator, yes?
February 14, 2009 at 8:00 am
Consider a high school math student. If that student aims for a C and successfully achieves a C, shouldn't they get an A for achieving what they set out to do?
What if what they were aiming to achieve was just an all-around horrible atrocity? Like making a sequel to the movie "Bratz" or blowing up a day-care center? Why should someone be rewarded just because they succeeded in their evil intentions?
February 14, 2009 at 11:25 am
I lol'ed at equating making a Friday the 13th sequel to blowing up a day-care center. :)
February 16, 2009 at 3:03 pm
I have never seen a Friday the 13th movie before, but I totally had a nightmare about Jason last night. That said, I am POSITIVE my dream was more terrifying than any of the movies could hope to be. Also, it had both Supernatural boys in it. Okay I promise not to comment on this again, or bring up Supernatural again... for at least another 15 minutes.
February 16, 2009 at 5:08 pm
@Joe:
Part IV advertised itself as "The Final Chapter." Part V was "A New Beginning."
February 25, 2009 at 8:31 am
This may have some spoilers
Why does jason kill the wood chipper guy 29 years later? Obviously the place he works has been there for a long time, and it's right next to the cabins, you'd think he'd have been killed a long time before all this... Maybe that was Jason's weed he stole...
Also, Jason taking a prisoner? That surprised me. It never really explained why he did that or what he was doing with her. I'm assuming its because she looked like his mom...
I saw this movie last night and I was the only person in the theater. HA!
July 6, 2009 at 8:08 pm
I thought this was absolute garbage. It wasn't at all surprising because it was so predictable. You could almost tell who was going to get killed off and how a couple of minutes before it happened. Half the cast struggled to make some of the scenes believable enough for me to buy it. Me and my friend left the theatre very disappointed.
Honestly, leave it to the late nineties/ early 2000's era for teen horror movies as that is the only time when they seemed to work - which they did. Infact leave horror movies alone unless you have an impressive budget to work. I am very suprised the director responsible for this also did 'Freddy vs Jason' & the 2003 version of 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' because i highly enjoyed both of these films. There hasn't been a decent horror movie for quite a while.