Eric D. Snider
Sydney White
Movie Review
"Sydney White"
Review by Eric D. Snider
Grade: C-
Rating: PG-13
Released: Friday, September 21, 2007
Directed by:
Cast:
"Sydney White" is a cutesy retelling of "Snow White," but I believe its working title was "OMG! The Movie." You can almost hear the squeals of 14-year-old girls as they soak up all the many things the movie does to pander to them.
Amanda Bynes -- who still generally believes that the best way to react to a strange situation, comedically speaking, is to bug out her eyes in wonderment -- is Sydney, a tomboyish college freshman whose mom died young and left her to be raised by her doting construction-worker father (John Schneider). Because Mom was a member of a particular sorority, Sydney feels compelled to pledge -- and being a "legacy," she's more or less assured membership.
This doesn't sit well with Rachel Witchburn (Sara Paxton), the head bimbo in the sorority of beautiful blond bimbos (OMG, they wear such pretty clothes!), who feels, quite rightly, that Sydney doesn't fit in. Rachel's "magic mirror" is a "Hot or Not"-type website, which reassures her daily that she is still fairest in the land. But this newcomer, this Sydney White -- who shows up for college carrying only a backpack full of clothes and a suitcase full of comic books -- is getting a little too popular for Rachel's tastes.
Sydney is eventually cast out of the sorority house and flees to the Vortex, a dilapidated house at the end of Greek row where dwell seven dorks. She is friendly to geeks, of course, and is welcomed by them as a fellow outcast. And OMG, they have such cute personalities! One (Adam Hendershott) is really shy and speaks through a sock puppet. One (Danny Strong) is a grumpy blogger. Another (Jack Carpenter) is allergic to everything and hence "sneezy." You get the idea.
The prince in all this is Tyler Prince (Matt Long), the student body president who -- OMG! -- helps feed the homeless in his spare time and has dimples (OMG!!) and serenades Sydney in the library (OMG!!!) and in one scene he's even shirtless!!!! (OMG!!!!!!) Rachel thinks he should be hers; he likes Sydney instead; again, the idea, you get it.
The way Chad Creasey's screenplay incorporates "Snow White" details into the story is sometimes clever (the "poisoned apple" particularly amused me), and there's no question the film will push the buttons of the people it's aimed at. I'm not one of those people, but that's not why I didn't enjoy the movie. It's because the dialogue is mostly generic and the story is tedious, as if they took the framework of a fairy tale and just threw a leftover Disney Channel script on top of it.
For example, the romantic-comedy story structure requires that Sydney and Tyler not get together until the end of the film. If they kiss and start dating halfway through, you've got nothing to shoot for. The problem is, there's no reason for them NOT to get together halfway through, other than a vague assertion by Sydney that she doesn't like him -- which is clearly false and which she has no reason to lie about.
The movie even manufactures a way for Sydney and Tyler to have a fight, when she thinks he was involved in a plan to tear down the Vortex and put up a building named for his and Rachel's rich families. All he needs to do is explain that this is a misunderstanding of what really happened, but he does not. Instead, he waits three scenes before doing it -- time enough for us to say, "OMG! He's totally sweet and Sydney misses him!" Do you not see, 14-year-old girls, how you are being manipulated by a movie that doesn't make sense?
I also question the validity of the Vortex being so run-down as the result of Tyler and Rachel spending all the university's funds on the more popular Greek houses. I'm pretty sure it's not up to the student officers to decide matters of funding and building maintenance. (OMG, shut up!)
The director is Joe Nussbaum, who directed the equally OMG-worthy "Sleepover," as well as the "American Pie" DVD sequel "The Naked Mile." As a college student himself, Nussbaum made the clever short film "George Lucas in Love," which purported to show how Lucas' real life inspired "Star Wars." He was a wunderkind, the Next Big Thing ... and now it's "Sleepover" and "Sydney White." Clearly he has had a spell cast upon him by a witch. When will a Princess Charming come along and rescue him?
Grade: C-
Rated PG-13, a little profanity and innuendo, some underage drinking
1 hr., 48 min.
Copyright © Eric D. Snider.
This work may not be transmitted via the Internet, nor reproduced in any other way, without written consent from Eric D. Snider.
This item has 25 comments
September 21, 2007 at 1:05 pm
OMG! That was a funny review.
September 21, 2007 at 8:17 pm
Where's that creepy Amanda Bynes fan site guy? Someone should show him this review. I bet he'd say more hilariously crazy stuff for us if we did.
September 21, 2007 at 10:47 pm
Eric, i have noticed that you mention fourteen year old girls in many of you reviews, portraying them as vapid and shallow bimbos who will accept what ever crappy movie MTV churns out next as artistry in its purest form. Unforutunately, this is an extremley innaccurate assumtion. I am a fourteen year old girl. I am not a weird emo kid, but i am smart, and while i do shop at Abercrombie and own more then one item of clothing from Juicy Couture, I am capable of discerning good movies from meaningless fluff. Most fourteen year olds are more mature than you think, and I just wanted to say i think you are misrepresenting us as vain and silly girls who care about nothing but thier own lives. Please reconsider next time you choose a demographic to generalize and scorn in reviews to come.
September 21, 2007 at 11:52 pm
These types of movies are painful to endure. Taking Shakespeare plays, or fairy tales, and translating them into a diologue involving text messages and lip gloss doesn't cut the mustard. I didn't like it when I was 14, and I don't buy into it now as a 18 year old college freshman. Next thing you know, they'll take The Picture of Dorian Gray and make into a story of the Prom Queen, with a magic yearbook photo that does the aging for her.
On second thought, I could probably make some money pitching that to a Studio. But I won't sacrifice my integrity.
September 21, 2007 at 11:56 pm
emilou15,
OMG! YOU are so NOT 14!!!!!
(to wit: 'portraying', 'vapid', discerning', 'fluff', and 'demographic')
Eric is refering to the market vapid market demogphaic which makes this fluff so lucrative. Don't be so touchy. OMG!, maybe you are 14!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!
September 22, 2007 at 12:20 am
ClobberGirl, I was wondering the same thing so I looked up his angry letter to Eric regarding his review of "She's the Man." His name is Robert Mackey and it looks like his Amanda Bynes fansite is gone now. I wonder where he went? I have some theories, but I'll keep them to myself :)
September 22, 2007 at 7:57 am
I found that the only relation from the movie to the classic Snow White, is the "Vortex".
September 22, 2007 at 12:20 pm
Wow Kevith, you are correct. Amandabynesnow.com is history, and when I searched for "Robert Mackey Amanda Bynes," the only significant hits I got were Eric's blog entries on his angry letters and an old petition from 2004 about Bynes and the Kid's Choice Awards which was organized by Mackey. The #1hit was the Sydney White MySpace page, but I could find no indications that the page is being run by Mackey. Is it possible this man has, you know, found a hobby more suitable to someone his own age?? Bad for our entertainment, but good for him if so.
Emilou, I don't think Eric is unconditionally making fun of all 14 year-old girls; just the ones who fall for the gimmicks of movies like these. If you don't think those exist in droves, just check out the comments on the Sydney White MySpace page ( http://www.myspace.com/SydneyWhite ). They sound exactly like the caricature Eric is painting, and there's a lot to make fun of there. If you aren't at all like that, more power to you and all the more reason for you to point and laugh with us.
September 22, 2007 at 3:39 pm
i am TOTALLy fourteen! omg dont be so critical
i just go to a really good school
September 22, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Good one, and_or. You broke her vocabulary.
September 22, 2007 at 6:27 pm
It's probably just two people using the same name
September 22, 2007 at 8:51 pm
Personally I'm wagering the second one is not the 14-year-old. Sad thought, huh?
September 23, 2007 at 8:13 am
I don't know about whoever claimed that they were fourteen before, but I actually am, and I agree with them. We're not all brainless zombies who let movies like Sydney White insult our intelligences. Also, to anyone who doubts that the other fourteen year old was fourteen because of her vocabulary, have fun being ignorant and underestimating people because some kids their age are stupid and flamboyant about it. Ever heard of gifted classes? As for me, Eric Snider did not offend me with his review and references to fourteen year old girls (but just for the record, hell would freeze over before I said "OMG!" with a straight face), but to all of you people who believe that every single fourteen year old girl doesn't know any words bigger than "OMG," try widening your horizons.
September 23, 2007 at 11:16 am
Rock on, # 13! If I didn't know any better, and if I weren't fifteen, I would think I had written your comment. It's frustrating to make comments in class and have the girls around you go "Oh my heck, use words the rest of us can understand!"
Thank goodness for honors classes in high school.
September 23, 2007 at 2:02 pm
As a fourteen-year-old girl, I think that Eric is right, and that the vast majority of fourteen-year-old girls are idiots. I am no exception to this, by the way. I read so many stupid YA books that I have brought shame upon my family. But, anyway, stop being so sensitive, guys. Seriously. It's all in good fun.
September 23, 2007 at 3:44 pm
Well, I'm A Seventeen Year Old Girl, And I Liked It In A Cute....Feel Good Movie Kinda Way. But I Feel Really Stupid Because, Honestly? I Didn't Even Get The Connection Between Sydney White And Snow White.....:S
September 23, 2007 at 3:54 pm
what did i start??
September 24, 2007 at 7:31 am
Rose--I agree, it's all in good fun and I don't take offense from the review--I took offense from whoever said fourteen year old girls don't know "big words." Not to point fingers or anything (emilou15...ahem.), but there are actually smart teenage girls. See above comments if you don't believe me.
To #14--Thanks!
September 26, 2007 at 6:42 pm
I Am Twenty-Eight And I Enjoy Movies Also. I Just Wanted To Get My Two Cents In Here Because I Was Feeling Left Out.
This Is Not A Movie You Could Pay Me To Go Watch. I Bet My Fifteen-Year-Old Sister Loves It.
September 27, 2007 at 3:34 pm
my grandfather was sunk by a 14 year old girl. i cant believe you are making fun of that!!! i am totally sad that you don't care about history or about juicy couture!!!!! OMG, you jerk!
September 27, 2007 at 10:57 pm
I liked this movie, I also liked 14 year old girls...And the game BATTLESHIP!!!!!!!
September 30, 2007 at 1:16 pm
Not to get into a grammar discussion or anything, but what's with capitalizing every word in the sentence? That seems like a lot of trouble to go to to be wrong.
October 8, 2007 at 6:32 am
emilou15 is a decoy on To Catch a Predator.
October 14, 2007 at 2:28 pm
#20 - You, sir, win an Internet.
October 19, 2007 at 5:26 pm
Don't any of you read over what you said, to make sure it is grammatically correct...?