Eric D. Snider

Defence Is De Answer

Snide Remarks #578

"Defence Is De Answer"

by Eric D. Snider

Published in EricDSnider.com on April 21, 2008

Most of what I know about CNN I get from watching it when I'm on the treadmill at the gym. There are four TVs above the treadmills, two fixed on CNN and two on ESPN. You might think that with four TVs we could have four different channels, but as it turns out, CNN and ESPN are the only two channels that people on treadmills could possibly be interested in watching. Or at least that is the view of Bally Total Fitness. When you look at it that way, having four TVs is an extravagant luxury.

I don't have any interest in ESPN, which appears to be a channel that talks a lot about sports without ever showing any actual sporting events. (Is this frustrating to sports fans? I would think so.) So instead I watch CNN, which I have some interest in, but only if I'm not at the gym during Lou Dobbs' show. Lou Dobbs is a cranky-looking man who is very angry all the time about two things: illegal immigration, and the fact that some people are not as angry about illegal immigration as he is. He decided a while back that the only way to really make America safe is to build a 700-mile fence along the Mexican border. This will solve the problem of illegal immigration, and it will also stem the tide of illegal drugs flowing into this country. It will also be an enormous financial boost to the struggling chain-link fencing industry.

Loud Obbs

Logically, it is possible to agree with Lou Dobbs about the need to eliminate illegal immigration while also believing that there are better ways of going about it than building a 700-mile fence. However, this does not compute with Lou Dobbs. It makes his cranky-looking head explode. In his mind, there are two possibilities: Either you are in favor of building the fence, or else you don't want America to be safe.

I had gleaned this much from watching him talk about the fence every chance he got, always with great passion and enthusiasm, like the fence sort of turns him on a little. But he really clarified his point of view a couple weeks ago when he had Rep. Bennie Thompson (D-Miss.) on his show to talk about the fence. Thompson is the chair of the Homeland Security Committee in Congress, and his position is that building a fence is fine, but he wants it to be done in accordance with the laws governing land-use, private property rights, environmental impact, and so forth. Lou Dobbs, on the other hand, wants those laws waived, no matter what they are, and the fence built ASAP, tomorrow if possible. If we have to stop outside Home Depot and pick up a truckload of Mexicans to help us build it fast and cheap, so be it.

Since Thompson wants to move a little more carefully and meticulously on a project as massive as a 700-mile fence, Lou Dobbs takes this to mean that the congressman does not want the borders secured at all. Those were his words, in fact: "Coming up ... the chairman of the Homeland Security Committee, Congressman Bennie Thompson, on why he doesn't want our borders secured."

Thanks, Lou Dobbs. You're a sack of crap.

The interview with Thompson went the way of most political "interviews" on TV, in that the interviewer did a lot more talking than the man he was supposed to be interviewing. The discussion soon turned to another subject, the matter of cargo entering the United States. Right now, very little of it is inspected, which makes it a significant security risk. As you know from watching TV and movies, cargo ships are an excellent way of sneaking amnesiac superheroes and Russian sex slaves into and out of the country. Thompson said that under his watch, Congress has passed a law that will have all cargo being inspected within five years. I don't know why it will take five years to reach 100 percent. I guess if currently they're only looking at 5 percent of it, it'll take time to build up the manpower to look at all of it. Also, everything in government takes five years.

Anyway, Lou Dobbs is not happy with that. He wants the Mexican border walled up NOW, and he wants all cargo entering U.S. ports inspected NOW. The reason he wants all of this NOW is September 11. He mentioned September 11 three times in the interview with Thompson. Of course, the September 11 attacks had nothing to do with the unsecured Mexican border, nor with unscreened cargo coming into the United States. But if you mention September 11 a lot, it helps you make your point much more dramatically and convincingly, and no one can really argue with you. September 11 is the new Hitler.

For example, you might have this conversation with your buddy.

YOU: Hey, pal, I need you to lend me a hundred dollars.
YOUR BUDDY: What for?
YOU: Well, it's because of September 11.
YOUR BUDDY: Oh, OK. By all means, then.

(Gives you one hundred dollars. End of scene.)

You don't have to be a xenophobic douchebag to wear this shirt, but it helps.

The immigration problem has a lot of facets. One of the issues that people get very upset about is bilingualism, or in other words, a reduction in illegal immigration will also mean not having to hear so much of that damn Spanish they're always speaking. Recently at the airport I saw a young guy wearing a T-shirt featuring Uncle Sam pointing out and saying, "I want you ... TO SPEAK ENGLISH!" Uncle Sam is fictional, but I'm pretty sure that's a bastardization of what the character really stands for. Yet the sentiment is frequently echoed, particularly in areas with large Hispanic populations. People complain about signs being in two languages, as if having to even SEE a foreign language is somehow degrading. So the sign's in English and Spanish. So what?! Read the part you understand and ignore the part you don't. Or, if you're a curious person, compare the two versions and learn how to say something in Spanish. Here's a sign on a door that says "PUSH / EMPUJE." Apparently "empuje" is how you say "push" in Spanish. There, you just learned something. That didn't hurt, did it?

Or you hear this complaint all the time: "All the automated phone systems say 'For English, press 1'! I shouldn't have to press anything for English!" Oh, boo-hoo. You have to push one extra button. Just listen to yourself! You're conducting your business affairs entirely from home using only a telephone and a computer. You live in the future! Just 20 years ago people would have been thrilled to have to press 1 for English! To quote my dad, people who complain about stuff like that need more problems in their lives.

Speaking of important problems, and coming back around to Lou Dobbs, it's very frustrating to be on the treadmill -- a captive audience -- and have only two choices in my programming: either "The Lou Dobbs Hour of Fear-Mongering" or "Guys Who Used to Play Football Talk About Sports." I'm going to tell the gym's management that their refusal to put the TVs on any other channels can only mean that they want me to cancel my membership. I see no other possible explanation, especially after September 11.

Comments & Reaction:

Every time I try to type "Lou Dobbs," it first comes out as "Loud Dobbs." Just FYI. A transcript of the show where he interviewed Thompson is here. You have to scroll down a bit.

Another thing that annoys me about Dobbs, though I can't exactly say why, is that almost every time he mentions China, he refers to it as "Communist China." Not just China -- Communist China. Why? Is he worried we'll think he's talking about a different China? Or does he think it's still the 1950s and the word "communist" is automatically terrifying to people? Of course, if his regular audience is the average age I think they are, i.e., 80, then maybe it works.

For some reason, the phrase "illegal immigration" is very hard for me to pronounce properly unless I really pay attention. It does not roll off my tongue easily. All the L's in "illegal" sort of swallow each other. This made for some fun times in recording the SnideCast.

SnideCast intro: "Immigrant Song," Led Zeppelin; outro: "God Bless the U.S.A.," Lee Greenwood.

This item has 59 comments

LdG says:
April 21, 2008 at 6:32 am
Funny stuff. However, I do actually agree with the emphasis on learning English. I worked for a few years with various Spanish-speaking immigrants (no, most were not actually from Mexico). The difference in lifestyle between those who learned English and those who did not was amazing. It definitely think that it ought to be a requirement for citizenship, if only because that will improve the lives (and earning power) of immigrant populations. While shirts like the one you show above are insensitive, I agree with the essential message, if for reasons other than those held by the makers of the shirt.
Savvy Veteran says:
April 21, 2008 at 7:31 am
If we have to stop outside Home Depot and pick up a truckload of Mexicans to help us build it fast and cheap, so be it.

That was hilarious. Kudos to you, I actually laughed out loud
MattP says:
April 21, 2008 at 8:07 am
There was a great episode of Penn & Teller's Bullsh*t where they hired a crew of Mexicans from a Home Depot to build a section of fence using the proposed specs of the real fence. They then had the Mexicans split into three groups - one would attempt to go over the fence, one would go under, and one would go through. All three groups were at the other side of the fence within 2 minutes.

Another funny tidbit - the company hired to build the fence at the San Diego/Mexico border was fined for hiring illegal immigrants: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6626823

Anyway, You're bound to get crap for making this week's column be a semi-political rant. (Yes, disagreeing with a talking head is being political. And disagreeing about a political issue is ranting.) I enjoyed it, though.
penguinosharky says:
April 21, 2008 at 9:22 am
What pisses me off (as a foreign person) are all those english-speaking people (I don't think I would be too wrong to assume they are all 15-25 years old MALE americans, sorry) complaining in the Youtube comment sections, when (God forbid) someone dares to write in some other language than english.

It's bizarre. Considering that it's supposed to be a global thingy, I'm not bothered by the fact that there just happens to be a lot of comments that I cannot read, but for some reason it really makes these people angry. Why? Should they be able to read every single posted comment, even though they are obviously not directed at them?
OMAllen says:
April 21, 2008 at 11:27 am
I am now going to use "September 11th: the new Hitler" all the time. Why? Because of September 11th.
Firebyrd says:
April 21, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Maybe he's referring to Communist China to distinguish it from Hong Kong? Nah, that would probably be too rational for a talking head.
Markk says:
April 21, 2008 at 12:12 pm
It occurs to me that "Communist China" might be a way to distinguish between the People's Republic of China and Taiwan. I bet that's not why Lou Dobbs says it, though.
Tim says:
April 21, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Awesome Snide Remarks.

Don't you think making fun of Lou Dobbs is a bit too easy?

The 9/11 Hitler comparison was great.
Lowdogg says:
April 21, 2008 at 12:56 pm
This was a great column. The caption "Loud Obbs" was actually the funniest part.

Communist China is like something your grandparents would say, only they would say "Red China."

Also, we can put Lou Dobbs in the same category as Oprah, Sean Hannity and Michael Moore. They have all become prophets unto themselves.
Matt says:
April 21, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Problem: There is a fence that is 700 miles long.

Solution: Go 701 miles and still get into the country.

This would be my logical solution if I wanted to leave Mexico and head to the United States. An old man (who most likely never has or will live in poverty) ranting about keeping others out of the country would never look at the possibility of the countries working together in order to improve relations, commerce and the lives of citizens in both countries. Let's not forget we all started out as "illegal aliens" in this country.
Clumpy says:
April 21, 2008 at 3:22 pm
I read the transcript - Dobbs is like a Michael Savage who bothered to give a crap to TRY to understand the beginning of the issue. The transcript wasn't quite as infuriating as Hannity's rants on the topic - he didn't use the name of God and question Thompson's love of America for not automatically agreeing with all of his positions.
Craig says:
April 21, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Now, I've never actually watched Dobbs' show before, but I have occasioned upon him while flipping. I couldn't help but notice that he only has that one (pictured) facial expression. You'd think that'd be a cause for concern.

On the other hand, a lot of the notable conservative loudmouths seem to have that problem too, so maybe it's a symbol of seniority. I defy anyone to find a picture of Bill-O wherein he has something other than that "blatheringly smug" expression on his inflated head, for instance.
whome says:
April 21, 2008 at 5:31 pm
When I hear "Communist China" I always think of the People's Republic of China (a.k.a. Mainland China or Red China), as opposed to the Republic of China (a.k.a. "Nationalist China" or Taiwan), each of which claims rightful governance of the other.

Speaking of China, their great wall is a lot thicker and bigger than our planned fence, but it still wasn't very effective at keeping the Mongols out.
Kourtney says:
April 21, 2008 at 6:29 pm
One time I asked the desk guy at Bally Total Fitness to change the channel on one of the CNN/ESPN TVs, and he refused because the only way he knew how to change the channel was by climbing onto the the roof (to get the remote?), and he was busy. That's when I started referring to it as Communist Bally Total Fitness.
Huzzak says:
April 21, 2008 at 6:52 pm
I wish people would think more of knowing more than one language. It really is an advantage. I ... I intend to expose my children to many languages. I figure it can't hurt 'em, right?

@ 4 penguinosharky: The dumbest thing about that is that you can pretty much translate anything on the internet using BabelFish or Google translate so it is pretty much a non-issue. Actually, the DUMBEST thing about that is that most of the YouTube comments are idiotic and not worth reading anyways. They should be THANKING the person for writing in another language so that they can't read what is almost certainly just another asinine comment.
Diane says:
April 21, 2008 at 7:24 pm
penguinosharky,

"Should they be able to read every single posted comment, even though they are obviously not directed at them?"

If one of them thar forners is takin in a nother language around us, it's obviously about us. We're Americans. EVERYTHING is about us.
Skizat says:
April 21, 2008 at 7:32 pm
@ Huzzak:

Asinine? What are you talking about? I rarely, if ever, see any asinine comments on YouTube. What about these?

"i really want one.........W00T.....!!!!!!!!"
-- heckthetutors13

"down syndrome people have no souls"
-- smellyjoe44

"so ok, imagine we get the robots right, to work and stuff, then what will we do with chinesse people?"
-- derpestarzt

I think I've made my point.
Annette S. Brown says:
April 21, 2008 at 7:38 pm
i don't know what URL means.

having come to this country with my parents,legally on a quota , from Belgium ,I feel I can voice a personal opinion.
We applied for citizenship , it took 5 years , and we had to pass a written history and oral examination IN ENGLISH before we could become citizens.
And it was ,for us, a proud day ,when we became U.S. citizens.

And I feel that is as it should be , and as it is in every other country .

I don't see why anything should be in Spanish as well as English, if you seek to live in an english speaking society.
How can one vote intelligently without speaking and reading English, yet so many instructions are
in Spanish , and for so many things.

Also, when I make a call, I would rather it says ,for Spanish press one ,if it has to give that option.

We don't write instructions etc..... in Chinese or Japanese or Persian or French or any other language .English IS the language of U.S. and if other nationalities don't like it ,they should not choose to live here , let them go to Spain or somewhere in South America and get a job .

Those are my sentiments on that subject .

p.s. I thought I'd read that only 7 miles of the fence have been built so far ?

I think Lou Dobbs is really trying to give the country and the jobs back to the American people , but again , those are my thoughts.

Thank you for listening,

Annette
pahulu says:
April 21, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Great column. I also find it amusing when people complain about the bilingual world we live in. It's a global community, and we're falling behind. I know two languages, three if you count being able to speak Cartoon Network. We should be teaching our kids at least two languages, English and another, but we don't start until high school, when it is more difficult to learn.

Never watched Dobbs and I don't think I will. This column served as a nice warning.
AWOL says:
April 21, 2008 at 8:03 pm
I once heard someone say that if an argument goes on long enough it will eventually lead to Hitler. That always seemed to me to be a true statement until September 11. Now any argument will eventually lead to that day.

Also, "If we have to stop outside Home Depot and pick up a truckload of Mexicans to help us build it fast and cheap, so be it." could be the funniest line in any Snide Remark ever!!!
Savvy Veteran says:
April 21, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Today I was pondering the September 11th/Hitler thing and was reminded of this gem from Arrested Development:
Tobias: As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch.

Michael: Really? When did that start?

Tobias: Well, I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help.
Deb says:
April 21, 2008 at 10:30 pm
I MADE my kids take at least one foreign language (besides English!) for several years in school. I considered it part of a proper education. (Think about it: students often had to take Latin or Greek to graduate from HS in times past. Not as useful in everyday life, but still valuable in some areas.) As far as when to take a second language--the earlier the better, and then have more choices of languages in HS. It is amazing the choices some schools have, and I applaud them. Maybe we need a new education slogan: Fight ignorance--learn a second language!
auntie beth says:
April 21, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Here in Irvine, it's not so much the hispanics, but the Chinese, Korean, Japanese and east Indians that are taking over our fine city. Good old fashioned white Americans are the minority..... But travel 8 miles to the west, and you are in downtown Santa Ana, and you'd be hardpressed to find anything BUT Latinos. Someone's got to mow my grass cheap. Thank goodness for the illegal immigrants!
Momma Snider says:
April 22, 2008 at 12:22 am
The school where I work is about 75% Hispanic, but the majority of those students do speak English. Most of their parents are trying to learn English to some degree. But at the school Christmas program in December, the assistant principal stood up to welcome everyone, and she started out in English, and one mom stood up and yelled, "Where do you think you are? Speak Spanish!"

That mom is far from representative of our Spanish-speaking parents, though.
Momma Snider says:
April 22, 2008 at 12:27 am
Also, I just called CVS to refill a prescription, and noticed that you have to press 2 to continue in Spanish, but to continue in English you don't have to do anything. I had not noticed that before. But I totally agree that pushing an extra button is far from being the worst tragedy the world has ever seen.
Momma Snider says:
April 22, 2008 at 12:29 am
ALSO, auntie beth, I know you're speaking (writing) tongue-in-cheek, because you have perfectly good lawn-mowing kids.
Binky says:
April 22, 2008 at 12:31 am
If I've learned anything from "Lost" it is that pushing a button PREVENTS tragedy. Maybe.
Drak Pope says:
April 22, 2008 at 1:15 am
Ironically, the "Uncle Sam Wants You To Speak English" shirt would only mean anything to someone who could speak English in the first place, which kind of misses the point, but, hey, no one ever said that xenophobes knew what they were doing.
Christi says:
April 22, 2008 at 1:50 am
If the letters to the editor in my local paper are any indication, there's still quite a few people who use the word "Communist" as a synonym for "evil, un-American thing which should be purged from the earth at the earliest convenience." These are usually the people who use words like "liberal," "Islam," and "secular humanism" in a similar fashion.

Our school district just started a "World Languages" program to teach elementary students Spanish and Mandarin. It's a start.
Lesa says:
April 22, 2008 at 1:58 am
#18:

As the daughter of Korean immigrants, I agree with you completely. Thanks for adding your perspective.
Raul says:
April 22, 2008 at 2:15 am
ESPN used to be the best channel on TV, but now it is just a bunch of guys arguing about crap they only half know, which is brought to us by Bud light.
Heathergirl says:
April 22, 2008 at 2:29 am
My grandmother was known far and wide for her superior and persuasive way of arguing. She wasn't particularly well informed on a lot of topics, so debates shouldn't have been her strong suit, but whenever she felt her position slipping in any argument she would suddenly blurt out the question "Well, they crucified Jesus didn't they?!"

Inevitably the opposing part would concede, that yes, they did crucify Jesus, to which she would smile, nod and smugly say "That's what I thought." Somehow the debate would be over and she would be the self-proclaimed victor.

My parents always joke about this and how ridiculous it was, but whenever I slip and actually voice an opinion around them that is even the teeniest disloyal to Ye Grande Olde Party, I am immediately confronted with "you want ANOTHER 9/11??!"
Leah Jane says:
April 22, 2008 at 2:36 am
As a dual citizen of Canada and the U.S, I've never had a problem with bilingual signs, I learned my first French words reading cereal boxes, road signs, and notice boards in Canada. It's a learning opportunity, not an infringement on English. Back when I lived in Hawaii, many of the signs were bilingual, in English, and Japanese, for the Japanese tourists who travel here frequently. It helped me get a head start on learning Japanese, which I'm now studying as my major at college. I haven't watched CNN in years though, I had no idea that they had a raving, fat old lunatic on their show now.
Heather says:
April 22, 2008 at 3:53 am
"You don't have to be a xenophobic douchebag to wear this shirt, but it helps."

Hilarious!
Eric Herman says:
April 22, 2008 at 4:52 am
A lot of immigrants back in the grand old Ellis Island days continued to speak only (or at least mostly) their native tongues. Some of my parents' friends still speak primarily German or Polish to each other when they get together. But their descendants learned English in our schools and assimilated just fine in terms of language and culture. It's the same thing with the recent influx of Spanish speaking people... I've done a number of school assemblies recently for elementary schools that are comprised of almost 100% Hispanic kids, and they speak perfect English (well, perfect for kids that age... not for Henry Higgins or whatever), even many of the youngest ones.
Amp says:
April 22, 2008 at 5:55 am
This is one of those "You should believe what I am saying because I heard it from an expert on the radio, even though at this point I can not offer any sort of citation to prove it": I heard that while first-generation immigrants might not speak English well, second generations are generally bilingual, and it is more likely than not that the third generation will only speak English, with very little competency in their grandparents' language. I have seen this evidenced enough among my friends and family to believe it's true. So I have to wonder what all the fuss is about.

The only compelling argument I've heard for English-only is that it costs a lot of tax-payer money to print all those notices and signs and stuff in so many different languages. But I don't even think that's very compelling.
Elsalgal says:
April 22, 2008 at 10:48 am
Almost completely off topic, but #16 Diane brought it up:

When we were living in Romania we drove a woman and her daughter to church every Sunday. We did not speak or understand Romanian, and the mother did not speak English. They would talk to each other normally, and then suddenly lower their voices. That's when we knew they were talking about us. It made me laugh every time. If they had just spoken normally they could have said anything they wanted about us ("Wow, this lady is a terrible driver! Did you smell Daniel's breath?") We would have had no idea.
Elsalgal says:
April 22, 2008 at 10:55 am
True, also, about teaching kids additional languages while they are young. Once in Romania we were driving through the countryside when I complained that I needed to find a bathroom. My 5-year-old told me to stop at a house and he'd ask the people if his mom could use their bathroom. He wasn't taking any classes in Romanian, so I asked him what he'd say. He instantly responded with a string of Romanian. I have no idea what he said, but when I asked him to repeat it, he did. Exactly. Now he is 7, living in Kenya, and learning both French and Kiswahili. Teach 'em while they're young!
Elsalgal says:
April 22, 2008 at 11:03 am
One more and then I'll shut up. It sure is nice when we're traveling to see signs in English, isn't it? Ever try to cook something when the directions are in every language but the one you know? Having lived in several countries where I don't know the language, I can really appreciate it when efforts are made to help me understand. I remember the story of a family visiting America from China. They were hungry, so they went to the grocery store. They found a large can with a picture of some delicious-looking fried chicken on it. They bought it and took it home to eat. What did they find inside? Crisco!
Jennifer says:
April 22, 2008 at 2:45 pm
>If the letters to the editor in my local paper are any indication, there's still quite a few people who use the word "Communist" as a synonym for "evil, un-American thing which should be purged from the earth at the earliest convenience." These are usually the people who use words like "liberal," "Islam," and "secular humanism" in a similar fashion.
notJoeKing says:
April 22, 2008 at 8:08 pm
"so ok, imagine we get the robots right, to work and stuff, then what will we do with chinesse people?"
-- derpestarzt

Silly derpestarzt... we'd use the Chinese to build new, cheaper robots... we can't let the robots have the job of building more robots... then we'd just end up in a terminator/matrix style future... :)
Ed Dobbs says:
April 22, 2008 at 10:07 pm
I have so much trouble watching all these angry people on TV-Bill O'Reilly comes to mind. It's not a dialog either, mostly them lambasting whoever is unfortunate enough to offer a differing opinion.

Good job Eric, except now you are evil AND UnAmerican!!
hecowe says:
April 22, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Matt, YOUR PEOPLE may have started out as illegals, but my Injuns were here first. (We're NOT all illegal.) And I speak not only English, but Spanish, French, German, a little Serbo-Croatian, and am learning Italian.

Woody Allen once said that the world is a tragedy to those who feel, and a comedy to those who think. My loathing of Communists, liberals, Secular Humanists, and Islamofascists (thanks for the list, Jennifer) comes from a contempt of those who do not think and, frankly, do not allow others to think, as well.

Annette has it right. If SOME are required to immigrate lawfully, ALL must be required to immigrate lawfully. The only thing our nation has over countries like Mexico (and France and Peru and all but a handful of other countries) is the rule of law -- it's not that we don't have corruption, it's that corruption, when exposed, is generally prosecuted, not winked at and tolerated. We don't pick and choose what laws we follow (if we did, I wouldn't have sent a penny to my local, state or federal governments this year), but for some reason it's okay to overlook this "immigration thing.". If this is the case and we no longer wish to have any say about who lives in the US, just say that anyone can come here anytime for any reason they like; MAKE IT THE LAW.

The cost of illegal immigration to our economy is staggering -- witness California's 17 BILLION dollar budget "shortfall" (this would make me laugh if it weren't so sad; it sounds like we need five bucks to get us through until we're paid on Friday.) And, yes, I'm aware the governor says that the hospital, education and food stamp costs are a small trade-off for cheap gardeners, maids, and nannies. (No, I don't have any of those at my house; I have preteens. It bugs them. A lot.)
David says:
April 22, 2008 at 11:16 pm
In defense of the shirt, when I first saw the picture, I thought it was being satirical. I think #28 brings up a good point for why it could be. (Now, did whoever was wearing the shirt get the satire, who can say?)
Strude says:
April 23, 2008 at 2:22 am
Xenophobic Douchebag. Awesome. That's going on my possible band names list.
The UnMighty says:
April 23, 2008 at 5:25 pm
"people who complain about stuff like that need more problems in their lives."

Brilliant and so true. I think those extra problems should be cancer. Yeah, cancer'll teach 'em.
Rob D. says:
April 23, 2008 at 7:36 pm
For Eric D. Snider the liberal who watches too much CNN, click 1.

For Eric D. Snider the moderate who watches foxnews and writes with the amazing Glenn Beck, click 2.
holdinator says:
April 24, 2008 at 5:02 am
Did anyone else notice how long it took Annette and her family to get citizenship?

Eric's right about government time tables!
Jenn says:
April 24, 2008 at 5:18 am
The immigration laws in this country suck. Those who try to do it the right way usually end up waiting forever & have to jump through more hoops than a poodle at the circus. My best friend's husband tried to get his citizenship, & when he went back to Mexico for the final paperwork, he was told by this country, he'd only be there three to four weeks. Imagine his surprise when he was told he was going to have to stay for 10 years & there was nothing he could do about it. He was supposed to leave his wife, two kids, job & everything here & live off the pitiful wages they pay in Mexico for 10 years. He managed to get home on a hardship case that she put in for, but it still took over a year to get that. I don't think we'd have the illegal immigration problem we have, if it wasn't so difficult to get here. I know...I know....9/11......
Mona says:
April 25, 2008 at 5:23 pm
The objection I have to bilingual signs, ballots, etc. is that my $$ paid for that--and yours. Taxpayer dollars are being used to make sure non-English speakers understand that we don't expect them to learn English. My immigrant grandparents (Eastern Europe) struggled their whole lives because Grandfather refused to become proficient in English. His entire life was spent working lower-wage menial jobs because of it. It would be of great economic and social benefit to non-English speakers if they bit the bullet and took the night classes that are offered all around the country in ESL for adults.
treen says:
April 25, 2008 at 5:40 pm
I don't know where you're from, Mona, but where I live, people who speak Spanish ARE trying to learn English. The ESL classes are totally overloaded and having waiting lists months long just to start. Cut them some slack - they're working on it. English isn't exactly the easiest language to learn, especially coming from Spanish where they have exactly 5 vowel sounds. We have - oh who knows - probably 3 or 4 sounds per letter.

I'm with Jenn. Illegal immigration is a problem because of the idiot red tape - make it easier for agricultural workers to get back and forth from Mexico and Central America, and guess what, they will! They'll come when there's work, and go home when there's not. It wasn't until our immigration "crackdown" that workers would come here and stay because they're taking their lives into their hands to make the trip either direction.
Lowdogg says:
April 25, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Notwithstanding the significant anecdotal information regarding our overly complex immigration law, the United States is the most welcoming country in the world, both in terms of the number of people admitted legally and the opportunities available here.

I'm ambivalent about the language issue. My mother emigrated from Cuba. She was bilingual before she came (age 13). My grandmother has never mastered English but is an American citizen. She understands well and can speak some. I don't have a problem with that.

I do have a problem when people disregard the law. We can change the law, modify it, but our government has the responsibility to uphold it. Do I want wholesale deportation of illegals? No. Do I want them to get citizenship more easily than my grandmother? Or the African or Asian immigrant that came legally? Definitely not. But there has to be some kind of middle ground.
sal says:
April 27, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Don't want to burst any bubbles here but things just aren't as sunshiny as you seem to see them and Loud Obbs may have a bit of a point tho a fence ain't gonna do it. Y'all need to come down to one of the areas of S. Fl that is being turned into lil Spain...stores and restaurants owned by Hispanics who don't want "white trade' and speak only Spanish. Neighborhoods where subtle harrassment drives out long time elderly residents who have lived there 30 plus years (people hooking into their water, electric, digging up and removing plants and anything else not welded down...tires off the car in the driveway...get a dog you say sure..but someone will poison it. Happens all the time... even to barky little inside dogs.Putting up fences and gating windows after years and years of peaceful living. That's how you tell the Latino neighborhoods here everything is locked and fenced in.) Not everyone is like that of course but it exists, gets more prevalent as the population increases, and it should not. I lived in Honduras for 8 years. I learned Spanish from the get go. People coming here to live and work should be required to speak the language of this country with enough fluency to conduct business, period. The number of illegals is astronomical, families of 10+ in one 2 bdrm house rather common. The corruption at the local level regarding food stamps,driver's licenses, plates, and insurance would boggle your mind etc and oh, yeah, just about everyone who can get away with it has 8 dependents as far as the IRS is concerned...yeah, these guys really yearn to be a part of this country. I've done payrolls for several companies that employ large Hispanic crews and keeping it legal is an everyday battle. It should be no easier for people coming here than it is there. Try getting a residencia or work permit in Mexico,Honduras or Guatemala. You can't even enter the country without cash and a return ticket and you'll play hell getting papers unless your hooked up to the local corruption there and it will cost you La Mordita...plenty US money. If these people want to come and work, fine. Print them and put the prints in a data base. No hire without a print check. Require employers to run those prints on a monthly basis. When a visa is ending have them come in for renewal before releasing the last check. Same thing for licenses, food stamps, health care, and school. No more passing around a viable identity card to whoever needs one at the moment. It won't cure anything but it will slow the corruption down.
John Doe says:
April 28, 2008 at 4:28 pm
I've heard stories from my brother, father, and other friends about how things are in South Florida. Basically, if you don't speak Spanish there, then you're screwed. My dad went to McD's and had to point at pictures of the food he wanted because nobody spoke English.

Kinda funny that most people on this board say "Foreigners shouldn't be expected to speak English because it's so hard. Instead, we need to learn Spanish." This ignores all the foreigners who do not speak Spanish, but we can't be too picky here. Results don't matter, only the emotions associated with the problem. Just like we're all happy with illegal aliens getting a pass, but ignore all the people I know in Asia doing all they can to come here legally who gets screwed over. If only they shared a border with us, then everyone would sympathize with them too.

I have a hard time sympathizing. I learned Chinese within a year because nothing was in English where I was. If everything I needed was in English, I doubt I'd even try to learn such a difficult language. So sorry to all those who think that Spanish speakers have a hard time learning English, because English is much easier to learn for Spanish speakers than Russian or any Asian language.
Kaydria says:
May 1, 2008 at 2:19 am
I've had a membership to Bally for like... five months now and I haven't gone once. Unfortunately since I signed up through my job I can't cancel the membership. I'm in it for the next 7 months whether I go or not.

This article did nothing to motivate me.
Thoughtful Observer says:
May 1, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Having just returned from a trip to Egypt where the main language is Arabic, it was damn nice to see signs in both Arabic and English (or at least the Roman alphabet). Many countries in Europe have multiple "official" languages, and guess what, they do just fine! What is wrong with America that we whine because we want everyone to speak one language. Don't we claim to be better than everyone else? And yet Canada can have 2, India can have... however many they're up to, and we complain about putting stuff in Spanish? It's sad really, land of the free only if you speak English. I would rather my tax money be spent paying to put signs and ballots into Spanish than to continue the war in Iraq or build that stupid fence. When will we start treating immigrants, illegal or legal, as people too?
Peter says:
May 5, 2008 at 1:49 am
China is not communist. Lou Dobbs is a dork.

"Speaking of China, their great wall is a lot thicker and bigger than our planned fence, but it still wasn't very effective at keeping the Mongols out." -whome

But it did, however, distribute money to contractors friendly to those in power, instill fear against outsiders, and promote in-groupism.

"Genghis Khan changed everything!" -Shan Han Yi Ti
John Doe says:
May 16, 2008 at 4:27 am
Hmmm, I see a pattern here.

When thoughtful observer went to Egypt, the signs were in Arabic and English. In Canada, signs are in French and English. Here in Taiwan, things are in Chinese and English. In Japan, things are in Japanese and English. Hmmm...there may be something to this whole "learn English" thing....
Henry says:
August 16, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Anybody ever think of a massive boycott of Bally's Fitness to get them to remove CNN and Fox from televisions in their gyms?

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