Gas Pains
Snide Remarks #586
"Gas Pains"
by Eric D. Snider
Published in EricDSnider.com on July 7, 2008
For years, we Americans have dealt with rising gas prices the way we've dealt with most of our other problems: by complaining, and doing nothing else. Until recently, this was sufficient. We'd grumble about the highway robbery at the gas pump, and that made us feel a little better as we continued to drive exactly as much as we had before.
It's been a rather fascinating experiment in economics and human nature. How expensive would gas have to get before it actually began to affect people's driving habits? Everyone thought it would happen at $2 a gallon. They thought $2 is where people would say, "OK, enough is enough, I am going to make a concerted effort to drive less!" But no. Two dollars came and went and the only thing that changed was the amount of complaining, which went up. So would it be $3 a gallon, then? Nope. Three dollars made people wistful and nostalgic for the good ol' days when it was only $2, six months earlier, but the demand for gasoline did not go down. Four dollars, then? Yes! A-ha! Four dollars is the tipping point.
According to the Department of Transportation, Americans drove 1.4 billion fewer highway miles in April 2008 than we did in April 2007, and that was the sixth consecutive month of such declines. On top of that, sales of gas-guzzling SUVs are down 38 percent from last year, while sales of more fuel-efficient cars are way up. Furthermore, the failing economy and continued cutting of jobs have enabled some people to stop driving to work altogether. See? Everybody's doing their part.
I've been lucky. The outrageous gas prices haven't dramatically affected me because I mostly work from home. Mind you, this has not stopped me from complaining. Sometimes I have to drive 14 miles to a theater in the suburbs for a movie screening, which means I'm using a gallon of gasoline round-trip, and then sometimes the movie turns out to be something terrible like "27 Dresses." I try to take a deep breath and remind myself that in poor, developing countries, people must travel hundreds of miles to see "27 Dresses," and that they still have to pay for the movie tickets when they get there. But it's hard to keep that kind of perspective at all times.
So why have gas prices risen so precipitously? It depends on whom you ask. The obvious culprits would be the oil companies; Exxon Mobil, the largest of them, made $40 billion in profits last year. And considering the Supreme Court recently reduced the company's fine for the Valdez oil spill from $2.5 billion to just $500 million -- or approximately 4 1/2 days' worth of profits -- you'd think they'd be sittin' mighty pretty these days. But others will tell you that the oil companies aren't actually doing all that well, and that the real cause of the problem is financial speculators. Speculation is involved in oil prices, and it is a mysterious practice that no one fully understands, not even me. I could tell you what I think speculation is, and what it has to do with oil prices, but I'd only be guessing. I'd be speculating on what speculation is. And that wouldn't be beneficial to anyone. So I continue to blame the people I've always blamed for high gas prices: the gas station employees who actually put the numbers up on the signs. I hate all those guys.
When the topic of gas prices comes up in online discussions, smug people will often say smug things like, "You want to combat gas prices? Buy a bicycle." Which is all well and good if you live within a couple miles of where you work, and if you work in a place where it's OK to arrive dripping with sweat. For example, if you work at a gym, or a slaughterhouse. But those conditions don't apply to most people, so the bike option is unrealistic.
Still, most people can reduce their gasoline usage at least a little bit without grossly inconveniencing themselves, and that's what many Americans are doing now. It's often simple things like this.
TIPS FOR REDUCING YOUR GASOLINE USAGE
1. Rather than making many short trips all over town to run your errands, consolidate them into one trip to Wal-Mart, and make your husband go, in his car.
2. Though it is annoying to have to wait for your car to warm up when you first start it in the morning, you should not get around that by just leaving it running overnight.
3. Public transportation is a great way to get around, especially if you like homeless people and being late.
4. Would it kill you to walk someplace every now and then, fatty?
5. Fill up a five-gallon container of gasoline now and keep it in your garage. That way, if inflation continues to rise, you'll have it handy for when you need to set your house on fire and collect the insurance money.
6. Cars that run on garbage instead of gasoline, like in "Back to the Future," have not been invented yet. Still, there's no harm in trying it.
7. Driving less does result in less air pollution, fewer traffic accidents, and greater overall public health. But don't worry: It's OK to reduce your driving strictly to save money on gas, too, you selfish bastard.
8. Check around to find out which of your neighbors are carpooling to work. Then, find out which person isn't driving that day, and take his car.
9. Men who drive Hummers are tools with inferiority complexes. I don't have a gas-saving tip here; I just wanted to mention it.
10. The more people who reduce their driving, the fewer cars there are on the road -- which will make it that much easier for those of us who aren't poverty-stricken hippies to drive places.
This item has 33 comments
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Sherry says:
July 7, 2008 at 7:46 amPretty good column.
I am an American living in New Zealand, and petrol is about $6 per gallon right now. That's in USD, not NZD.
My husband and I do a lot of walking. A lot.
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Leah Jane says:
July 7, 2008 at 9:21 amI was wondering when this would come along, now I'm glad it did, I was cracking up at the carpool line.
As for me, I ride a bicycle, take the bus and walk, people with Asperger Syndrome typically have trouble driving, and I'm among the lucky ones who can't even manage a bumper car.
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Owain J. Brimfield says:
July 7, 2008 at 11:01 amWhere I live (the Isle of Man, 10 points if you've heard of it), petrol is currently £1.40 per litre at the local station. If I do my sums correctly, (1 gallon = about 4.5 litres) that's a little over $12 a gallon. Beat that!
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AdamOndi says:
July 7, 2008 at 3:09 pmThere has been a huge push at my office for biking to work. This push is spearheaded by two guys who have been biking to work for a few years now (you know, before gas hit $4 per gallon). They talk about it all the time. What they don't really talk about is the fact that both of them live within 7 miles of the office. I live just over 35 miles away by road. Yeah, biking to work is not an option for me.
Also, the huge nerd in me feels compelled to point out that the DeLorean in Back to the Future didn't run on garbage. The Mr. Fusion device that turned garbage into electricity powered the flux capacitor (and thus, the time-traveling part of the car) only. The traditional driving function of the car to get it up to 88 mph on the ground was done via the internal combustion engine turning the wheels. That is why, in Back to the Future III, they had to find a different way to get the car up to 88 mph, since they had no gasoline in the old west setting. Wow. Even I am embarrassed by my intricate, geeky knowledge of these plot points.
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mpb says:
July 7, 2008 at 3:21 pmPut me in the bike camp, despite your arguments to the contrary. I have been biking to work about 2 days per week for over a year now, and when I first considered the idea it also seemed like it would be impossible to accomplish. It started out as a fitness decision, but I've figured out that by biking I have been able to reduce my trips to the gas station by half.
Myth #1: Distance/time. The average american commute is 16 miles one way. That happens to be my commute as well. My total time commuting by bicycle each day is 2 hours; in the car my time often approaches 1.5 hours due to traffic. So I am trading 30 minutes of added commute time for a vigorous, environment-saving, 2-hour workout.
Myth #2: Safety. Injuries per hour of bicycle operation are far less than injuries per hour of motor vehicle operation. I don't have a reference for this handy at the moment, but I cannot be challenged on this point. Kidding; if anyone cares I'll post a reference later today. I do admit that the bicycle accidents you hear about are typically gruesome and devestating. There are a number of things people can do to stay safe on a bicycle--foremost is to act like your bicycle is a vehicle, the same as every other vehicle on the road; don't ride on pedestrian sidewalks, and obey all traffic laws. Every day I see cyclists doing dumb things--running stop signs, riding on the sidewalk, not wearing helmets. Even with these stupid bikers on the road, it is still statistically safer to ride than to drive.
Myth #3: Cleanliness/Shower. When I first looked into commuting, I was surprised to learn that my building had a shower. Now I am in a new building where my employer provides a gym, locker room, and shower facilities. I pay $1/pay period for a pass to use the showers. I know many buildings may not have such an option, but there are several gyms and other similar facilities that offer plans for bike commuters.
I know it's not a one-size fit all solution for the entire country, but I strongly believe the average American could bike to work at least one or two days a week, get fitter in the process, get to know their cities in more intimate ways, and, in a very small way, reduce demand for fossil fuels.
Sorry for the threadjack. Great column as always. Mostly always.
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mpb says:
July 7, 2008 at 3:25 pmAdamOndi--
Have you considered, or have your coworkers brought up, a "hybrid commute"? Many people in your situation will drive the first 10-20 miles to work, park somewhere, then bike the rest of the way; or bike the first half, then take public transportation. Most providers of public transportation have bike racks on their busses or light rail cars for exactly that purpose.
It may be something to consider if for nothing else the great exercise. But in your situation I think I would also feel like those guys are stupid for wanting me to bike 70 miles a day.
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Tom says:
July 7, 2008 at 3:42 pmWhat about the investment banker solution of just sleeping at work?
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Javen says:
July 7, 2008 at 4:47 pmI just listen to environmentally conscious bands on the way to work. Then I feel I'm on the right side of the issue.
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Laremy says:
July 7, 2008 at 4:51 pmEric still makes me laugh, after all these years.
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Asurasur says:
July 7, 2008 at 5:20 pmAnyone remember that season 2 episode of The Office where Jim tries biking to work...yeah...
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Red says:
July 7, 2008 at 5:31 pmHey, Owain J. Brimfield, I've not only heard of the Isle of Man, I've been there! It's a lovely place. Many fond memories. Where do I collect my points and what are they good for?
My vote on this issue is for more telecommuting. I mean, really, how many of us have to be in the office every day to do what we do? I've been working my job since September and since then, I've been to the "office" maybe five times. I do everything by e-mail and by phone, and while it doesn't work for everyone and might not work all the time, I would wager that it's high time we get over the idea that occupying a chair in a designated space that is not our home is the same as being productive or "doing our job."
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keerstah says:
July 7, 2008 at 5:49 pmThe geek in me can't help saying that was a season 3 episode of The Office.
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Linda says:
July 7, 2008 at 5:52 pmI would love to telecommute but then my bosses (who could telecommute but don't) would have to answer their own phones. This would, of course, be unacceptable.
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Hyrum says:
July 7, 2008 at 7:08 pm@Owain J. Brimfield
The gallons we use in the USA are ~3.8 liters. Imperial gallons are ~4.5 liters but the gas pumps here don't sell gasoline by the Imperial gallon.
Thus you end up with: 1.4 (British pounds per liter) = 10.5000509 U.S. dollars per US gallon.
Not quite $12, but still a lot.
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Heidi says:
July 7, 2008 at 7:24 pmHere's my random thought of the day... What if the U.S. started selling gas by the liter? Then the number on the sign would be lower and maybe we wouldn't feel so bad about our $4.
I would still spend $60 to fill up my tank, but I would feel better, and that is all that matters!
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Stephanie Boyd says:
July 7, 2008 at 8:11 pmMy hubby just bought a motorized scooter to get to work... it gets about 80 miles per gallon and it's really fun to ride. He can't go on the freeway, but he figured out all the back roads. I have been packing around my small children in my bike trailer for short trips, and they absolutely love it. I see a ton more people out riding their bikes, and it's nice to be social in that way; cars can be a bit isolating.
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Savvy Veteran says:
July 7, 2008 at 8:31 pm#7 might be my favorite line in a Snide Remarks this year.
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Kaydria says:
July 7, 2008 at 10:01 pmOwain J. Brimfield, if I'm remembering correctly the Isle of Man doesn't have a speed limit. I would TOTALLY be willing to pay 12 bucks a gallon if it meant I could spend that entire tank of gas driving 120 mph to the grocery store.
Now where do I go to collect my ten points?
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schism says:
July 7, 2008 at 11:15 pm9. Men who drive Hummers are tools with inferiority complexes. I don't have a gas-saving tip here; I just wanted to mention it.
I don't know; shaming those imbeciles into not driving their stupid APCs seems like a pretty good tip to me...
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Tony says:
July 7, 2008 at 11:24 pmInterestingly, about the Hummer... (I know, it sounds like an oxymoron, go with it).
The original, H1, was a military vehicle and really does (or did) cost about 70 grand. It was a very sturdy vehicle with high ground clearance, "portal axles and inboard brakes" which probably doesn't mean anything to you... (It's a good thing for a sturdy military vehicle.)
It was actually made by AM General, not General Motors.
But, the H2 and H3 are essentially the same frame, subframe and engine as a Chevy Tahoe or GMC Yukon, and have nothing in common with the original Humvee except the name and the price.
GM literally bought AM General to cash in on people's stupidity.
See, they put bigger wheels and a different body on the Tahoe frame and jack up the price, but for the money all you really get is a very expensive letter "H". And a big letter "T" on the back of you driver's license. T is for tool.
Suckers. :)
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Jacob says:
July 8, 2008 at 1:05 amOwain, not only do I know where the Isle of Man is (and which of the four countries of the UK it's closest to), but I also can pronounce your name!
Anyone out there know why in the flaming Heck Exxon hasn't paid off the Valdez spill in the almost TWENTY YEARS since it happened?
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Red says:
July 8, 2008 at 2:29 amHey #21,
Another IOM question: Can you tell us the seven kingdoms you can see from Snaefell? :-)
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Q says:
July 8, 2008 at 5:54 amOwain,
Not only do *I* know where the IOM is, but I happily celebrate Tynwald Day the day after our own nation's birthday. My house has at least 7 or 8 relics with the triskelion or the motto "Quocunque Jeceris Stabit" scattered around. I am rooting for Mark Cavendish in the Tour de France this year, especially since he's on an American team. Every time I'm in San Diego, I pay a visit to the Euterpe/Star of India. And of course, no matter how much people make fun of me, I've always had a soft spot for the Bee Gees.
Yes, I am a proud American-Manxman. Our family is from Peel.
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Yung Blood says:
July 9, 2008 at 6:03 amI've heard of the Island of Man because of Thomas the Tank Engine. Probably not as cool as everyone else's travel stories, but I wanted to collect my points.
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The UnMighty says:
July 9, 2008 at 7:08 amI used the price of gas to my advantage and manipulated my wife into thinking I needed a motorbike. And it worked! Thank you Exxon Mobil.
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Cara says:
July 10, 2008 at 3:29 amFunny...
its hard to walk places or ride a bike places though when you live in the middle of no where in SC o_0
oh well...
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Peter says:
July 10, 2008 at 4:11 pmI gave up my car 5 years ago. (One of the best decisions I ever made.) Check out my commute expenses:
BY BUS
Per ride: 5 cents
Per day: 10 cents
Per week: 50 cents
Per month: $2
Per year: $48BY SUBWAY
Per ride: 20 cents
Per day: 40 cents
Per week: $2
Per month: $8
Per year: $108BY TAXI
Per ride: $3
Per day: $6
Per week: $30
Per month: $120
Per year: $1,440Isn't it nice to live in a place where everyone pays just a little bit more in taxes in exchange for most of their daily, common needs? No car, no insurance, no maintenance, no gas. It gives me more money at the end of the day, takes cars off the road, makes the skies cleaner, and the only real trade-off for me is that instead of 15 minutes of driving time each morning, I get 15 more minutes to read a book or listen to my iPod. (Americans have been brainwashed by big business that it's better to be in debt than pay taxes.)
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Neil says:
July 10, 2008 at 5:09 pmA certain movie starring a little town in IOM, posing as Ireland, inspired my wife and I to make plans for retirement, and maybe earlier, to move to a small village instead of the urban nightmare we currently reside in.
Speaking of nightmare, I want to know where Peter lives. A quarter for the subway and bus? I spend as much just to ride the commuter train (not including my subway/bus fare) in a week as he does in 2 months. And I'm lucky since I have a friend that I carpool with into the city in the mornings, so I'm only paying for the train one way.
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Jeanna says:
July 11, 2008 at 12:02 amI know gas prices are horrendous in other parts of the world, i.e. New Zealand and The Isle of Mann. However, these places also have SWEET public transportation. If the PT in our country were decent (like in NYC) then I would definitely be pretty happy. Because, in addition to gas prices, my car is breaking down right and left and I don't way to pay to fix it just to have to load the gas tank full of black gold to get anywhere.
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Jenifer says:
July 11, 2008 at 4:19 amI live in Japan for the summer and gas here is about 175 yen to the liter, so going by the calculation that 1 gallon=3.8 liters, that's $6.65 a gallon. I noticed that a friend mentioned prices were slated to go up in July. It sounds then like Japan is controlling the price somehow, at least a bit (maybe it charges tons of taxes on top of the price so that's why the price is higher and they just take a hit until they can up the price the next month?). I think those fluctuations at the American gas pumps are just the companies hearing that the price of a barrel of oil is going up and taking advantage, since I don't think the price of a barrel going up one day translates into higher prices at the pump the next day, although that is what I see in Texas where I live the rest of the year.
By the way, my husband and I take turns biking to work, and we looked hard to find a place we lived within commuting distance. We're college professors and so if we arrive sweaty, we just strip off our clothes and cool down for an hour before anyone sees us . . . but the problem is our kids. They go to a school across town, there's no public transportation to get us there (believe me, when the transmission went in the van last Spring I really looked into the idea of getting rid of the car! but having to take a taxi everywhere really would be more expensive than the car), and it's absolutely imperative they go to that school.
Anyway, Jeanna is right that it's a lot easier to take public transportation in many more parts of the world than the US. But being of course a flaming liberal I think this will be good in the long run. I sincerely hope my 9-year-old is not having to use gasoline in a car when he's 20. By then I do hope we'll have found better alternatives that will get cheaper because the price will come down when everyone's using it, and that will be better for the environment.
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Kathryn Quinn says:
July 11, 2008 at 10:44 pmUnMighty... I just read your comment and your bike is now up for sale on Craigslist. You think I don't read Eric Snider? You are so wrong, you manipulative jerk.
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Kyralessa says:
July 17, 2008 at 2:26 am$40 billion in profits. Wow. At 300 million Americans, that means the oil companies made $133.33 per American last year.
What does that mean?
Beats me.
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Chuckwagon Breakfast says:
July 20, 2008 at 9:50 pmMen with Hummers are trying to compensate for a lack of other big things
Women with Hummers are trying to find something that's fatter than they are.I ride a scooter and figured out yesterday that I have saved enough money in the last three years to almost have paid for it twice. 100 mpg, not such a bad way to live. On the downside, December through February just plain sucks for commuting.
Copyright © Eric D. Snider.
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Comments & Reaction:
This behind-the-scenes tidbit might not be interesting to anyone except me, but I wasn't sure where this column was going to go when I first sat down to write it. The topic of rising gas prices was pretty much all I had. So I used the time-honored practice, endorsed in high school English classes the world over, of "free writing" -- you know, where you just write whatever comes to mind, even if it's bad, and let the ideas flow out of you. That method actually works, and real writers actually use it. (Most of the other stuff you learned about writing in your high school English class is useless, unfortunately.) Most of what came out didn't make it into the final column, but the seeds were there.
Specifically, the list of 10 gas-saving tips began as a single sentence: "People are reducing their gas usage through small techniques like consolidating their errands into one trip, and not leaving the car running overnight to avoid having to wait for it to warm up in the morning." I wanted another ludicrous example of gas-wasting to add to the sentence, and that idea evolved into the list.
SnideCast intro & outro: "It's a Gas," Alfred E. Neuman/MAD Magazine