It Takes All Kinds
Snide Remarks #628
"It Takes All Kinds"
by Eric D. Snider
Published on May 23, 2011
One of the most interesting things about America is how diverse it is. There's room for everybody! Well, maybe not physically. Not always, not with how fat we are. Seriously, have you seen us? We're HUGE. There's a lady in one of those obesity scooters who always goes to the free advance movie screenings, and we dread having to sit behind her because she wears flimsy, sleeveless house dresses whose straps can barely contain her cascading rolls of back fat. Also, one time she brought with her, in a plastic bag, no joke, an entire roasted chicken, which she ate during the movie. I'm not kidding. It smelled delicious, but did she share? No, she did not.
Ugh, I'm off-topic already, and it's only the second paragraph. That's bush league, Snider. Bush league. My point is that American society encompasses a kaleidoscopic array of different types of people. While Americans share some broad similarities -- we hate rush-hour traffic, we're tired of "American Idol," we are fat -- in almost every other category there is a wide range of differing opinions, tastes, patterns, and characteristics. You might live next door to someone who is completely opposite from you in every way -- and yet, given the size of the population, the odds are good that there are thousands of other people just like that person.
For example, let us consider Tyler Perry. He is a highly successful writer/director/female impersonator who, despite his success, is still so lacking in self-esteem that he puts his name in the title of each of his movies: "Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail," "Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns," "Tyler Perry's Cavalcade of Embarrassing Stereotypes," etc. His films gross an average of $50 million each, which breaks down to about 6 million tickets sold. Six million people pay to see the average Tyler Perry movie -- and I don't know a single one of them. Not one! Aside from fellow reviewers who attend out of obligation, not one person within my sphere of knowledge has seen a Tyler Perry movie. And it's not because I don't know any black people, because I DO know black people. They just aren't the black people who go to Tyler Perry movies.
So who ARE the black people who go to Tyler Perry movies? I don't know! That's what's so fascinating! Here's this subsection of American culture with millions of adherents, and it's happening all around me, and yet it doesn't interfere or even overlap with my life at all. The same goes for NASCAR, a thing that apparently has millions of fans, not one of whom is anybody I've ever met. (Meanwhile, less than 2 million people watch "The Daily Show" every night, and it seems like everyone I know is one of them.)
Or look at this. It's all the adventures of Dorf, the midget sports enthusiast played by Tim Conway, compiled onto one DVD and packaged in a "collectible tin," available through Amazon.com for $13.49. You and I look at this product and have thoughts like this:
- ALL the Dorf videos fit on one DVD? So when they used to sell individual VHS tapes of them, you were paying like twenty bucks for one 25-minute episode? And people agreed to those terms?
- How can something be "collectible" when there's only one of them? This is the entirety of the Dorf canon. Once you have this DVD and its "collectible tin," you're done collecting. There is no sense of accomplishment in that. You can't have a guest in your home and proudly say, "Take a look at my collection!" and then show him one measly DVD in a cheap tin box. That would be sad.
- It's labeled the "Super Fan Collection," which implies that there are varying degrees of fandom when it comes to Dorf. But the "Super Fan Collection" consists of the entire series on one DVD. What does the level of fan just below "Super Fan" buy? Half a DVD?
And yet I guarantee you, there are people who would look at that Amazon.com page and have thoughts like this:
- I know someone for whom this would be the perfect gift!
You and I cannot imagine such a thing. We may be able to think of people who would find Dorf's antics amusing enough to own on DVD. But do we know anyone who loves Dorf SO MUCH that he would be delighted to receive, as a Christmas present, the "Super Fan Collection" in the "collectible tin"? We do not. But such a person exists! Thousands of them, probably! And if they should stumble across this column, they will say to themselves: "How can this guy and all the people he knows not love Dorf?! Dorf is hilarious! He's very short, which is already funny, and wacky shenanigans tend to ensue when he tries to teach you how to do something!"
And yet despite all our different entertainment preferences and personal choices, we all live more or less peacefully together in one big, kooky society. When we encounter eccentricities, we generally exercise our right to either tolerate, ignore, or make fun of them. Hey, you want to bring a roasted chicken to the movies? Be my guest! Heck, roll up with an entire gang of scooter people -- a complete squadron of motorized cautionary tales -- and devour an entire coop's worth of chickens! What do I care? Just eat quietly, if you please. This country has no room for noisy people.
Copyright © Eric D. Snider.
This work may not be transmitted via the Internet, nor reproduced in any other way, without written consent from Eric D. Snider.
This item has 24 comments
May 23, 2011 at 2:28 pm
My dear hell that Dorf video is the worst comedy I've ever seen. I made it to 2:32. Anybody want to try to top it?
May 23, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Did that column even have a topic? If it weren't for people like back-fat lady, where would this country be? I'll tell you where - taking more gold medals away from Chinese athletes at the summer Olympic games
May 23, 2011 at 2:41 pm
You win Randy! I only made it to 1:36. The pain was just too much.
May 23, 2011 at 3:58 pm
You know Eric, I have had the *same* thought about Tyler Perry putting his name in the title of all his movies. (And I, too, have never seen even one of them, nor do I know anyone else who has!)
Thanks for the ongoing chuckles. We've been blessed with more than the usual amount of Snide Remarks lately. Perhaps you could compile them in a Super Fan Collection? ;-)
May 23, 2011 at 3:58 pm
6:45 is where I cracked a smile.
May 23, 2011 at 6:42 pm
Made it to 3:00. That is one of the most awful comedy skits I have ever seen. I cannot believe it has 278,000 views on youtube. People must have had much lower standards for comedy back in the 70's.
May 23, 2011 at 6:48 pm
I, for example, have never seen an entire episode of the Office, and I don't know anyone else who hasn't!!! (Apparently.)
mmmm, rotisserie chicken... It's supposed to be diet food, you know, all protein and fat for those on Atkins. They should probably warn you not to eat the whole thing!
May 23, 2011 at 7:32 pm
Oh man, Eric's description of the scooter lady with her cascading rolls of back fat cracked me up! I should not be checking my email during work...
I made it to 4:30 of the Dorf video... WOW that is bad. You can see every joke long before it happens, and the laugh track is there to think you should be laughing at EVERYTHING. Even in the beginning when Dorf tells us that "In the golf, the object of this game is to get thisa tiny little weenie ball into that tiny little weenie hole way down there with-a as few a-strokes as possible." Did you just laugh so hard that milk came out your nose?!?!?! No? Then you are not a Dorf SuperFan.
May 23, 2011 at 10:20 pm
(minor typo, you missed an "a" in the 3rd paragraph, second sentence)
You know, I often read your reviews along with Orson Scott Card's, and usually you both have fairly similar opinions on most movies, but for some reason he loves all the Tyler Perry movies. Maybe it's a southern thing? Anyway, you made me laugh as always, so thank you. :-)
May 23, 2011 at 11:04 pm
FHL! I have never seen a whole episode of the Office either!
May 23, 2011 at 11:11 pm
I and all my friends watch the daily show too! And no one I know has ever seen a Tyler Perry movie either.
Weird.
----
@9: OSC? Meh I haven't valued his opinion since 2004: http://www.ornery.org/essays/warwatch/2004-02-15-1.html
May 23, 2011 at 11:22 pm
Please don't pin TP movies on the South! I've never seen one or any adult I know. They were popular with the middle schoolers I taught, but I consider that a mentality/maturity issue than a geographic cause :)
May 24, 2011 at 12:52 am
Orson Scott Card didn't move to the South until he was in his 30's, so his appreciation of TP humor (lol) can't really be explained by his current location. Meanwhile... good job as always Eric. Sure, I could name some that I thought were better - but that's like saying I like some varieties better in a See's chocolate assortment. They're still all good!
May 24, 2011 at 1:24 am
Dorf sketches: The only winning move is not to play.
May 24, 2011 at 1:49 am
I refuse to watch the Dorf video out of principle, but I am confused as to why his accent has been transcribed as Italian. Is his name Giovanni dellDorfini or something?
May 24, 2011 at 4:42 am
Charly: I don't know why it's transcribed as Italian, although the first few sentences in the video sound a bit that way - with "-a" added randomly to the end of some words. After that I think it's (supposed to be) Swedish or Norwegian or some such Scandinavian variant.
May 24, 2011 at 7:43 am
For some reason my whole family (excluding my household and myself) are avid fans of Tyler Perry movies. Might I mention that my family members live in rural West Virginia, listen to country music, would eat whole rotisserie chickens if given the chance, and are avid NASCAR fans. (My upbringing reveals itself: I know that all the letters in NASCAR are supposed to be capitalized). They would probably also enjoy the Dorf Collectible Tin if they don't already have it.
Also, they are all white redneck-types, in case that wasn't clear from them living in rural West Virginia (where the population of African-Americans is 0.06%).
May 24, 2011 at 8:08 am
Hairdressers love Tyler Perry movies. Not the quick and dirty, $15 barbers. I mean, the chatty hairdressers who charge an extra $10 for the same haircut plus conversation (usually about themselves, their awful childhood, and their grocery buying habits)-- they love Tyler Perry movies. It's a universal fact.
May 24, 2011 at 11:31 am
For the first 45 seconds or so, Dorf most definitely has a bad Italian accent. After that...your guessa is as gooda as mine.
May 24, 2011 at 3:14 pm
It pleases me immensely to imagine some sound editor going through the Dorf films and deciding how much laughter to add at which point. How would he evaluate the funniness of all these "jokes" and how much laughter would be suitable?
There's your next Snide Remarks, Eric.
May 24, 2011 at 3:24 pm
I made it clear through the Dorf movie! I'm not gonna lie....I giggled a little during the exercises.
May 25, 2011 at 5:14 pm
I made it to the end, but I admit I may cheated by muting the sound and playing on StumbleUpon in another window.
May 26, 2011 at 11:29 am
Interesting comments about readers/past readers of OSC. I used to read his columns but quit after his tirade about being searched at the airport and how they shouldn't search him just 'cause he wears baggy clothes--they should focus on middle eastern people instead 'cause they're the terrorists and if they don't like racial profiling they should just get their terrorist friends to quit being terrorists. That was a bit of a turn-off.
I've never seen Dorf, used to watch The Office, have rarely seen The Daily Show, and have never seen Tyler Perry's ________. Out of those I'd be most inclined to watch The Daily Show.
I loved the line about the complete squadron of cautionary tales.
May 27, 2011 at 9:59 pm
I didn't know NASCAR stood for something ... I'm gonna Google it :)