It is the season of giving! We gave thanks last week, and now, for the next month, we must give money. People become very charitable during the holidays. United Way, Goodwill, The Salvation Army, all of these organizations are practically overwhelmed by donations in December. Why, poor people eat like kings this time of year! Then in January they go back to starving.
Here in Portland, the season of giving never stops, because we have more panhandlers per capita than any other city in the nation, according to the Department of Statistics I Just Made Up. The panhandling situation has reached such epidemic proportions that the panhandlers are now going door-to-door.
I'm not referring to the people who want money in exchange for a product or service. Door-to-door salesmen have been a part of American life for decades. The death of a salesman was even the subject of a famous play ("The Crucible").
Nowadays, most salesmen are more like salesboys. When I was at my parents' house in California for Thanksgiving, I personally turned away two such teenagers, one selling Christmas trees, the other magazine subscriptions. To the former I explained that my dear sainted crazy mother puts up about 10 Christmas trees every year, all over the house, and that we don't need any more, thank you. To the latter I just said no. I didn't really have an anecdote to share with him.
So these are not panhandlers. I don't even know why I brought them up. What I'm really talking about is how a few weeks ago, an actual panhandler came to my door, wanting money in exchange for nothing.
He was a grizzled man of about 45, and he explained that he'd been bitten by a dangerous spider, necessitating a trip to the emergency room. Whatever Oregon's healthcare-plan-for-poor-people is had covered the hospital costs, but it had not provided for the medication he now needed. He was wondering if I could spare 10 dollars to help him get it.
He must have anticipated my skepticism, because before he'd even finished telling his story he was taking off his shirt to show me the bandage on his upper arm. Sure enough, there was a wound underneath it, seeping spectacularly through the gauze. Had this wound actually come from a spider bite? I guess I believed that. I'm certainly aware of the threat posed by spiders in this neighborhood. Plus, it seemed far too odd to be fictional. Hard-luck stories are usually much less interesting than that. Of course, maybe he got the wound in a knife fight and wanted 10 dollars to buy a bigger knife. I don't know.
The part of the story that really seemed to have holes in it was the part where the hospital patched him up but failed to give him the medication he needed. Moreover, it is not my custom to give 10 dollars to strangers. I might give a panhandler a quarter or 50 cents if he catches me on a good day (note: my good days are rare), but 10 dollars? Yikes.
I also thought about this: If I give 10 dollars to this thin, grungy spider victim, he'll think I'm an easy mark and start coming around regularly. It's like feeding a stray cat.
So I told him no, I'm sorry, but I can't spare 10 dollars. He asked if I could maybe spare five dollars. I told him that was not possible either.
"What about two?"
"I don't think I even have any cash on me." (By pure coincidence, this was actually true.)
"Can you spare some change, then, for bus fare?"
"I don't have any change, I'm sorry."
"Not even a dollar-fifty, for the bus?"
"Sorry."
He seemed very put out by my failure to provide any help for the unmedicated spider-bitten man who had shown up on my doorstep, and he left. A few moments later, through the open window on the other side of the apartment, I heard him talking to someone on the sidewalk. He was saying this: "So then I asked for five dollars, and he said no, and then TWO, and he said no, and then a DOLLAR-FIFTY, and STILL NO!" His tone was that of a man who cannot believe the utter bull**** he has just been handed. I don't know who he was talking to. Maybe he had a partner who was working the opposite side of the street. Maybe he was talking to the spider.
The personal visit from a panhandler was unprecedented, but in downtown Portland, you can't walk half a block without someone hitting you up for money. In addition, most of the freeway exits have homeless people stationed at them with cardboard signs requesting donations. Everywhere you turn, someone wants money.
Beyond the panhandlers, you also have the do-gooders. These are people volunteering for charitable organizations that help starving children and the environment and whatnot. They are infinitely more annoying than panhandlers because most panhandlers are pretty lazy about it. They'll sit there and ask for change as you pass, but they don't really care if you just keep walking. The do-gooders, on the other hand, won't take no for an answer, and they'll chase you down if you ignore them.
I first encountered one of them within a few days of my moving to Portland in 2005. A smiling young lady stopped me on the street and asked if I had a minute. I thought maybe she was taking a survey or something, and I DID have a minute, so hey, why not? Turns out she was hoping I would set up a monthly donation to whatever her charity was, with the money going to starving children in other lands. She even had photos of these starving children, presumably to verify their existence. I told her I certainly sympathized with the starving children -- why, I was feeling a bit hungry myself at the moment -- but that given my then-precarious financial situation, it would be highly irresponsible of me to establish a system where money was automatically withdrawn from my bank account every month. I could barely take care of myself, I told her. How could I take care of a starving child?
It was only with great effort that I was able to extricate myself from her. She kept phrasing her solicitations in terms of what I "wanted" to do. Her reasoning was that if I truly WANTED to help the starving children, surely I could find a way to do so, no matter how poor I was. If I was telling her no, then it must be because I just didn't WANT to help the starving children.
This tactic was not effective on me. I doubt it is effective on anyone. I'm sure I'm not alone in not liking it when strangers on the street try to tell me how I "truly" feel. What I truly wanted was for her to shut up and leave me alone.
And it's not that I'm opposed to generosity! I'm a bleeding heart. I feel sorry for everyone. I'm a sucker for a sob story. I give to legitimate charities when I can. But I ain't exactly Rockefeller. And even a millionaire would run out of money pretty fast if he signed up with every charity represented by these eager young people standing on the corners of downtown Portland.
Savvy Portlanders have learned how to avoid them. First and foremost, you don't make eye contact with them. They thrive on eye contact. If you make eye contact, you're dead. They'll thrust out a hand to shake yours, they'll say, "Hey, my name is Jake! How are you today?," and they'll act like your pal, hoping to guilt you into hearing their spiel and signing up to donate money every month.
They post themselves at intersections, so you have to be careful not to get stuck standing next to one while you're waiting for the crosswalk light. If you do, you're trapped. Your only recourse then is to pretend to be talking on your cell phone.
Usually the do-gooders are nicely groomed and fresh-faced, but since this is Portland, sometimes you see one with an "alternative" look, too. Because for sure I'm going to give my financial information to the guy with pierced everything whose hair is arranged into foot-long spikes. They say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but let's be honest, most books' covers are pretty accurate.
• • • • •
If you have extra money lying around, you might consider donating some to Toys for Tots or the Children's Hunger Fund. Both organizations earn four stars from Charity Navigator, a watchdog site that ranks charities according to how efficiently they use their donations.
I live in Augusta, GA (originally from Utah) and I've had panhandlers come to my door quite often. Many times they offer to do work for it (rake leaves, mow lawn[steal your lawnmower], etc), but usually they just wanted money. The old lady who lived in the house before us was a total sap, she always gave them money, food, or booze.
Also, since when did "change" become more than a $1.50 (bus fare)? I guess with how expensive Portland is, change is somewhere between $2.00 and $1.50. Back in my day change was the $0.04 I had left after buying something delicious to eat in front of him.
Good column.
Living in Vegas, I get people begging me for money often. When I first move out here I saw this one guy all the time on a popular corner. He's at a light coming off the parkway right near the Vegas strip. He has one leg and he's in a wheel chair. I decided that I would be nice and give him 2 dollars because of that. I later found out from my friend who is a taxi driver that he gave him a ride to that corner from a huge house in a nice area. I mentioned it to someone else and they said they heard he makes over 100k a year doing this. Not to mention he must get some disability pay. People like that ruin it for the people who truly need help.
Working is for chumps, I am so begging from now on.
Walking on Hollywood Blvd., I came across the best panhandler sign ever.
I bet you a dollar you'll read this $ign!
(With a dollar sign for the 's' in sign,just like that).
He was right, I did read the sign, so I instantly bet him double or nothing that not everyone who read his sign actually gave him a dollar.
He said, "You wouldn't believe how many people don't!"
Then he sighed, realizing he'd been beaten at his own game, and strolled away.
Begging as a way of making a rather nice living is no new idea. See the Sherlock Holmes Short Story "The Man with the Twisted Lip", which you can read for free here.
I think the best panhandler sign I ever saw was in San Francisco. I was riding the light rail to school, and at a stoplight, I looked out the window. There was a man with a large sign that read: "Help! My family was abducted by ninjas. I need $ for karate lessons." I don't usually make a practice of giving to panhandlers, but if I had been on foot that day, I would have dropped him a quarter just for making me laugh.
The Crucible. Heh.
If you can't say no to panhandlers, don't ever go to Mexico. They sic these cute little kids on you.
"we have more panhandlers per capita than any other city in the nation, according to the Department of Statistics I Just Made Up," I read as "we have more panhandlers per capita than any other city in the nation [I highly doubt that], according to the Department of Statistics [Well maybe I'm wrong] I Just Made Up [Ah.]."
Good one.
There is a panhandler who sits outside the market where I shop. He's there every day, has no physical disabilities I can see and even owns a car. A big 8 cylinder gas hog from the 80's.
He makes more money than I do, working. I don't feel a bit guilty for not giving him money every time I shop. And yet, there are tons of people who contribute to his lifestyle. Why is that?
my band director in high school ran across a college friend playing sax on the street while at a band review once. He offered to take the guy out to lunch and the guys said, "Not necessary, I'll take you out to lunch." and they strolled around the corner to his new Mercedes where he changed into some nice clothes. Guess the regular musician gig wasn't paying well, so he started playing on the street. Now he makes over $100k/year tax free!!!
If someone comes to my door, I usually let them know that I give to my church and they support different local ministries. They usually accept that... Maybe they're cursing me under their breath though!
I think San Francisco probably beats out Portland (perhaps narrowly) for homeless people per capita. The laws here are very homeless friendly and rarely enforced.
My route to and from work is fraught with homeless people and those do-gooders. I have stopped carrying cash so I won't lie to panhandlers when I tell them I have no money to spare.
I'll have to figure out a way to not feel like a liar when I tell the do-gooders I only deal in cash, so there is no account number for them to siphon funds from.
We have similar problems up here in Seattle. I think the mild climate makes it easier for people to panhandle for the entire year, yet still get sympathy for the times when they stand out in the rain and relative cold.
Luckily, I learned long ago that almost all of the panhandlers are totally full of crap. I have no sympathy any more after seeing a couple of panhandlers "spoil it" for the people who probably really need help. This is why I limit my charitable donations to those that go to the bishopric. At least I know that everything I give there goes directly to people who really need it.
#10 Ben C - Um... I'm pretty sure the IRS would not consider the $100,000 to be tax free.
I would have liked to see that guy's prescription paper from his doctor. I am willing to give to door-to-door people, but I would have insisted upon paying the pharmacy directly.
I feel your pain, Eric. My wife and I also had a personal visit from a pan handler not too long ago.
We'd just moved into our new house and we were unpacking boxes when the doorbell rang. We came into the entry way and looked out the window in the door to discover a gruff looking older man whom we'd never seen before. I thought maybe he was someone with car trouble or something, anything, other than out begging for money.
As soon as I opened the door he let himself into my house. This surprised me since I distinctly remember not having invited him in. He then began a sob story about having run out of gas (not at all as cool or unique as a story about not being able to get medication for a spider bite). He hung around for nearly 10 minutes going on and on - He was too nice of a guy and didn't seem a threat for us to bother calling the police, but he also didn't seem to want to leave without our money.
Finally we ponied up $7 when he promised he'd be right back to repay us. We didn't believe this, but definitely wanted him gone. When he left our house he went down our driveway and walked up to a very nice Cadillac, got inside and drove away.
Now that I rethink the whole thing... I think we were robbed.
No one has ever come to my house, but Houston has it's fair share of panhandlers (and then some) at all the major intersections, even in the suburbs. A couple of months ago I was at a gas station when a very clean-cut, business casual dressed older gentleman (mid 50's) came up to me and very apologetically gave me a story about his truck running out of gas a few blocks away, left his wallet and credit cards at home, miles from home, wife who he could call to rescue him but for the fact that she was out of town, etc spiel. Having once been in a similar position years ago in college (and oh yes I did send that woman a heartfelt thank you note along w/ paying back the $5 she gave me for gas), I feel guilty turning someone down, especially when he seemed so embarrassed to be asking. I gave him my business card so he could pay me back. Now I feel like kicking myself because I'm STILL WAITING for the $10 back, and I could have given him $5 rather than $10 but I figured $5 wouldn't go far if he had to buy a gas can as well. I guess I am a sucker. But when I think about turning them down, Matthew 25:40 runs through my head and I wonder, what if I just turned away Jesus?
#13 Card: it's tax free if it's never claimed. Who's going to keep track of what's given to him? Is there a hobo boss that's handing out W-2's at the end of the year? I doubt it. If you deal in cash, no one will ever know you have it.
As I recall, the do-gooders are especially prevalent on the PSU campus. I distinctly remember planning my walking routes to classes so that I wouldn't have to walk by those people. On a couple of occasions, the do-gooder was so offended by me either ignoring them or saying 'no, don't talk to me', that I thought they might assault me. Do-gooders indeed!
Before the last presidential election, there were also a lot of students out signing people up to vote (these were primarily kerry/edwards people). When these kids would come up to my boyfriend (who works downtown), he would always stop them before they spoke, and say, "Sorry, I'm not interested in legalizing marijuana."
no 17. That cracks me up that people would actually ask for money on a CAMPUS! Talk about a place where everyone is just brimming with spare cash in their pockets. From what I remember of the university experience, students should be the ones begging...
In El Paso we have a gazillion homeless people who are, mostly, meth-heads. The two signs I recently noticed:
1: I need size ten boots and some blankets
2. Don't make Santa cry, give me money.
Nice.
I DID, however, give money to the high school kids who stood on the freeway offramp with this sign:
We want to go to Cozumel.
One time, while going for a nice stroll in New Haven, a man begging for change approached me. Not wanting to engage, I hastily averted my gaze and increased my pace. He shouted and began to give chase, at which point I stopped and turned around. I told him he had no business getting irate with me and that he needed to allow for the fact that some people choose not to acknowledge the existence of beggars. Tapping his forehead, I told him to always remember, in the back of his mind, that he was begging. Being ignored is something that goes hand in hand with begging, I let him know, surprised that he wasn't familiar with this. He gave me a rueful grin and admitted it was his first day. I said fine, and advised him not to let it happen again. He barked out a laugh and held out an upturned hand. Instead of giving him the change I knew he wanted, I slapped him high five and resumed walking, because I knew I had just given him something more valuable than a few spare coins could ever amount to, that being a powerful life lesson.
One time, a guy came to our door and handed us a notecard that related a rather complicated story. According to the notecard, he was deaf and dumb (so we couldn't argue with him or ask him further clarifying questions...?). The car that he and his friend were traveling in had run out of gas. His friend had stayed with the car while he went out asking for gas money.
This situation raised a lot of questions, not the least of which was, "Why send the deaf guy out to ask for donations?"
My favorite unsolicited solicitation was when a Mexican lady came door-to-door selling tamales. It happened to be a Sunday, and our (Mormon) bishop was at our house at the time. He bought some from her. If that isn't the spirit of the law, I don't know what is.
My solution to the dilemma of giving to homeless when you know there is a chance that if you give money it is either poorly spent or not needed is to give food instead. Those who are truly in need will be grateful and those who are imposters will refuse it or get mad (revealing themselves for what they truly are). If you aren't hungry enough to take an apple from me, I'm going to assume that you aren't destitute enough for my $5, either.
Yeah, I've heard the ran out of gas one while pumping gas at a gas station. I declined to assist because I didn't believe her for a second. I think she got in a car a few minutes later and drove off.
The weirdest door-to-door I had was a lady selling homemade cookies. She said she was a single mother and needed the cash. I thought to myself that she could take a job at Taco Bell and make more money than that (her cookies were really cheap), with less effort involved.
Now that I've got you all here, I'm a law student at the University of Denver and I have obscene amounts of debt because the school is so dang expensive. If any of you have 2 or 3 thousand dollars to spare, I could really use it.
#6: That is the most hilarious thing I have read all day. I am now going to carefully read all the panhandler's signs I see when I'm making my way through downtown Phoenix.
I actually gave a guy here in Salt Lake City my frequent diner card for Cafe Rio. I had just gotten off Trax (light rail) to redeem it myself when I was approached by a man who said he was trying to raise enough cash for a meal. Without really thinking about it, I just handed that over and said, "Here you go, there's enough for a meal there!" You'd think I'd just given him $100, he was so happy to get that Cafe Rio.
As it turned out, I had been walking the wrong way to get there anyway. I'd never have seen him if I had any sense of direction, and I had a free meal card at another local place to which I had walked the right way. I think that worked out well for both of us!
Ben C - Like I said, the IRS wouldn't consider that to be tax free. If he ever gets caught, I'd hate to be him.
Random Person: "Excuse me, can I have a moment of your time?"
Me: "Actually, I was about to ask for a moment of yours. You see I'm walking here because my car broke down and it's full of hungry starving african children who came here to help us legalize marijuana and cure cancer. I'm trying to raise money for them so they can eat and I can fix my car and cure cancer and legalize weed. Can you spare any change?"
When I lived in London, I'd notice a few times where someone would leave a bag of groceries by a homeless person who was sleeping.
Oh, and let us remember - street performing is called busking - it isn't begging, it's providing a service and people paying what they think that service is worth. My hometown has a buskers fesival, where they come in to preform every year. They also do that here in Edmonton for the Fringe Festival. It really is an art form.
In Hawaii, we have something worse. Those bloody kiosks selling $50 jars of Israel Sea Salt or something along that price. They have a usually good looking 20something gay male call out to the ladies, and they get suckered every time. I figured out the ideal strategy to avoiding them: dressing like a tomboy and hanging out with a bunch of guys when I know we'll go by kiosks. They never bother me then, because they assume I wouldn't be interested in beauty products or pices of glass shaped like a seahorse. I've only run into a panhandler once, and I was rather cruel to him. He asked me for spare change, I turned to my friends, said "Ever see someon try and fish a fiver out of a sewer ditch?" and... Well, you probably know the rest of the story. It was worth the $5 just to see him sticking his hands into the slimey gooey messy drain.
I don't like people coming up to me and begging money, but I generally give away money if they appeal to me for some reason. There's a guy in Salt Lake who always stands on the same corner with the same "I'm a Vietnam vet" sign, and always with an adorable little dog slumped at his feet just gazing at people. Probably if he can keep the dog fed he isn't doing too badly, but the last time I saw him I gave him a twenty anyways. Also, because I saw the police closing in on him and I felt sorry for what was about to happen. --And I, too, once had a guy coming around every few weeks selling tamales to keep his family afloat. I always bought everything he had because they were cheap and good and I was frankly too lazy to cook for myself. I don't really think of that as panhandling, though, since it's providing something for something.
I don't like giving people money for nothing, but I always try to buy the tamales or oranges that people sell. I like to think I'm encouraging industry. Also, #30, that is hardcore cruel.
Oh my God these things get me everytime. All I have to do is hear that little bell and oop there goes 5 bucks into some guy or gal's colorful mug.
My favorite panhandling sign: "Why lie? I need a drink."
My dad once helped out a homeless friend of his by taking him to buy new clothes for winter. The next time he saw his friend the guy was mad at him because nobody would give him money because his clothes looked too nice.
I just remembered the time I helped a guy into McDonalds, he was lying on the sidewalk with a bloody head and wreaked of urine but all he wanted me to do for him was walk him to the McDonalds so he can buy himself something to drink and he even offered to buy me something. I said no, but just as I was turning to leave, another homeless guy who had followed us in asked me to buy him breakfast. Exhausted as I was, having worked a seven-hour shift at my full-time night job and having had to work a four-hour shift at one of my part-time jobs, I bought him something to eat - spending the rest of the money in my bank account. Then he asked me for more money but I told him no, I didn't have any. I ended up sitting and talking to the first guy I helped in and he offered me five dollars for helping him when the other homeless guy came up to me and said "You gave him five dollars? When you wouldn't give me money?" The first homeless guy gave him the money instead and I left. The next time I was approached by the ungrateful bastard I told him to "*$#@ off."
I no longer help panhandlers.
#26 Karen: I regret to inform you that you did get the bad end of the deal. There is no better restaurant than Cafe Rio. GOSH, I MISS that place. I've lived in San Antonio and Los Angeles and can't find a place that even compares to CR. The tomatillo dressings, sweet Yucatan pork, fresh, off the grill, home-made tortillas, black beans---I'm totally drooling now. Utahns take it for granted--Cafe Rio is one of a kind.
I remember I was accosted by a panhandler in a parking garage at the supermarket on Wilshire Blvd. I was talking on the cellphone and he came up to me as I was getting out of my car and starting giving me a sob story about needing money for food--he was very hungry, down on his luck, etc. Wisdom came over me and I told him, "Look I am happy to help you out...I'm on the phone right now, but I'll be in the store in just a few minutes and I'll buy you any meal that you would like." The hesitation on his face was classic. Once he discovered that no actual MONEY would be changing hands, he slunk away like a villain in a school play. I fully expected that he would swing a giant cape around his face and dart off to his next victim. I saw him again after I came out of the store hitting up another poor patron. It's so hard to be sympathetic when someone is lying right to your face. Just give to a respectable church, people.
The Bible mentions beggars often, of course. Here's one of those stories, re-imagined from the beggar's point of view: http://www.geocities.com/tbtho/gate.htm
Card... I see what you're saying. Sorry, I misinterpreted what you had written previously. He would be in deep doo-doo if the IRS ever caught up to him.
I live in a small town in southern Ohio, suprisingly we have more panhandlers than you would think, but they usually want you to donate to charities, charities that are most of the time are not even real. You can tell this because when they are asked about the charity they change the subject and wish to only speak about your (cash only) donation.
I find it best to first answer the door in my underwear, for those strong willed folks who are able to withstand that sight I then proceed to "itch" myself and ask to shake their hand or touch some of the paperwork they have with them. Works everytime.
#30-It is people like you who are ruining the human race. I don't believe you really did that and I'm sure you are just trying to get a reaction out of people, but eaither way you are a waste of space and deserve to live as a beggar.
The altruistic side of me says that it's not my responsibility what they do with what I give them, but that I give when I can. The other side of me says "get a job you filthy beast!" I do believe that those who beg out of need will be blessed and things will be not so good for those who cheat.
#41/Jeff: Beg pardon, maybe I should have mentioned the fact that I was a teenager at the time. And I don't think I really ruined the human race, in all honesty. I have lived a poor life before. I remember times when my family was unable to afford toilet paper or food. So panhandlers don't get my sympathy. I'm currently in university, on financial aid and scholarships, and have been accepted to Sophia University, one of the top Universities in Japan. I'm not proud of what I did, but it's quite unfair of you to condemn someone based on one experience, where I admitted I had been cruel. I could say more, I feel like it will just make you angrier. Sorry for getting such a rise out of you like that, but maybe it will offer you the opportunity to examine why you are so quick to point fingers at other people's shortcomings.
Leah Jane, maybe Jeff wouldn't have reacted that way if you hadn't related your anecdote as though it were some amusing, harmless thing you did once. Sure, you acknowledged it was cruel -- but you also implied it was funny and entertaining to you. The impression I got from reading your account was that you intended it as some hilarious story from your past, not as a confession of a shameful secret (which is what it should have been). Jeff's overreaction notwithstanding, I think a lot of us were probably surprised that you saw fit to tell the story in such a casual, "look at this funny thing I did" kind of way.
Is that so? Sorry, then, it's difficult to track the emotional readings in an internet post. Not that I'm saying this as an excuse, but I have Asperger Syndrome, so I do have a bit of a hard time tracking tone and all that in real life, let alone on an internet post, where you can't hear the people's voices or see their faces. I didn't mean for my story to offend, and I apologize if it seemed like bragging or being meant as a joke. I'm definitely not proud of how insensitive it seemed, and ashamed I was such a louse duing my teen years.
You want to know why Toys For Tots is rated so high? Free labor. Many a December day I spent in the Marines collecting, sorting and distributing toys. It was just part of our job come December. Doesn't mean I didn't like it, though. I'd much rather be making some child's Christmas than training in the ice and mud. (Yes, the two can co-exist with a little body-heat.) Good times.
This weekend for my wife and my anniversary we went to the 6th Floor Museum where Lee H. Oswald shot and killed President Kennedy. We went out to the grassy knoll to take pictures. It was rainy and so I was wearing my Texas jacket (Hook 'em Horns!!). This guy approached me to talk about the game they had lost the night before to A&M. Long story short, it turned out he was an unofficial tour guide of Dealey Plaza/JKF assassination issue. After he was done (I can't believe he took so long because my wife saw right through his "tour" and was rolling her eyes), he said that this was how he supported his family and asked for cash. All we literally had was a buck and when we handed it to him it was like I had taken his umbrella and slapped him across the face. He then asked if we had any spare change to "pay the tax on a cup of coffee" he was going to buy with the buck. No such luck because we were tapped out of cash. He just walked away shaking his head. FREAKING GET A FREAKING JOB YOU BUM!!! And make sure you pay taxes on that buck I gave you.
I'm a sucker for people who beg on the street, especially if they are performing or offering some sort of service. Giving to charities is probably more effective than giving to bums, though. Toys for Tots is a wonderful organization, but no one should donate to United Way because they support other organizations that fund abortions.
It's surprising how many have had people come to their homes begging. This happened to my wife and I when we lived in South Provo; when we offered a loaf of bread instead of cash, the individual swore and left very upset. It's terribly sad that it is so difficult to discern between the truly destitute and those out for gain.
I like to think I'm intuitive about people's sincerity, but in reality, I'm a total sucker. Every time I hear a new story, I think, "Now HERE'S someone who really needs help!" Then, when I see the same person two weeks later at a different offramp, still trying to buy that tank of gas so he can get home to Fresno, I feel so hurt that he would actually LIE to me.
I wouldn't really mind giving a couple of dollars, even if they are lying, but there are too many of them. Luckily I rarely have cash on me anyway.
My sister in law was once accosted by a beggar coming out of a grocery store in Arizona. He asked her for some money to buy food and she said she didn't have any cash (having just paid for food with a card). He of course didn't believe her, but she did offer him a can of soup. He said, "What kind?" and without thinking, she said, "Beggar’s can't be choosey!"
I later told her that she was lucky he didn't jump her there in the parking lot and beat her with that can of soup. She also said that if he had admitted he was going to buy booze with the money, she might've dug out some change. That's the thing. Most beggars don't know that honestly will usually get them what they want.
Funny thing: After just yesterday commenting on what a sucker I am, this morning a mom came into my school to bring her child, and said it was his last day because her boyfriend had beaten her up the night before and she was going to go to Nebraska where her mother lives. She used our phone to call her mom to ask her to send her some money, and seemed totally serious about it. She reported it to the sheriff's office while she was there, and they came and took the report. I had been praying this morning that I'd notice people around me who need help, and I decided this was a good opportunity, so I cashed a check for $100 and was going to give it to her.
She went out the other door with the deputy, though, and they went and arrested the boyfriend and took him down to the station. Once she got there, she didn't want to press charges, said she loves him, and that it was just his drug problem that made him beat her up. I felt like a dummy once again, but at least I still had my money.
She did come back later and use our phone to call a battered women's shelter, so maybe she's still going to try to leave. If she does, I'll probably give her some money, but not $100. That's going to Toys for Tots.
Here in Cleveland, we occasionally get panhandlers going door to door, but they generally offer to rake your leaves or mow your lawn or something. So you can't really call them panhandlers, since they're more door-to-door salesmen. There was one last year who my wife turned away politely; he responded by asking if he might come inside to keep her company. This offer she thankfully also declined. But creepy, huh?
#11 - I moved from San Fran to Portland two years ago, and while San Fran may have more homeless overall, Portland wins per capita hands down. This place is CRAWLING with homeless people. Most of them are young teenagers or college age, though - very different demographic from San Fran.
I make it a point to never carry cash or change...
I have found that a switchblad and the line "consider me not killing you charity enough." Now Beat It!
Eric, as your personal advice cop, please don't open your door unless you know who it is. Didn't your mom teach you anything? Didn't you guys listen to the "Safety Kids" tapes growing up?
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The note at the end kind of makes it sound like the whole column was nothing more than a ploy to make you donate money, but I promise that was not the case. It was more of an afterthought. For the SnideCast recording, I played up the "public service announcement" aspect and read this paragraph, backed by Whitney Houston's "Greatest Love of All":
"Hi, I'm Eric D. Snider. We've enjoyed laughing about donations and charities in this week's 'Snide Remarks,' but there really are a lot of people in need, especially children. So if you have extra money lying around this Christmas season, you might consider donating some to Toys for Tots, at ToysForTots.org, or Children's Hunger Fund, at ChildrensHungerFund.org. Both organizations earn four stars from Charity Navigator, a watchdog website that ranks charities according to how efficiently they use their donations. Toys for Tots and Children's Hunger Fund both put almost every penny you give right where it's needed, with only a tiny bit used to cover operating costs. Check them out at CharityNavigator.org, and let's all pitch in to make this holiday season a little brighter, especially for kids. I believe that children are our future."