Eric Recommends: ‘The Mormon Tabernacle Enquirer’
About five years ago, some Mormon writers banded together to create The Sugar Beet, an LDS-culture version of The Onion, featuring satirical fake news stories. I was one of the writers in that first crew, but then I wandered off after a few months to pursue other interests. The project continued, both as a Web site and briefly as a print publication.
Some of the best material from The Sugar Beet’s entire run has now been collected in a book, “The Mormon Tabernacle Enquirer,” available at fine retailers such as Amazon.com or directly from the distributor, Zarahemla Books.
I got my copy in the mail today, and it’s very funny. Anyone with an LDS background (and especially those who have lived in Utah) who also has a sense of humor should find it highly amusing, dancing right on the edge of light-heartedness and light-mindedness.
Some of the articles don’t entirely work because they’re not written in the style of real news stories, and some of the ideas are kinda lame to begin with. But the other 90 percent of the book is a hoot, with headlines like these:
“Area Man’s Mission Years Really Were His Best”
“Cereal and Cheddar Fish Miracle Occurs in Nursery”
“Missionary Now Curses with Near-Native Proficiency”
“BYU-Idaho Students Relieved Austin Powers Movies Aren’t R-Rated”
“Man’s Addiction to Wife Destroying Relationship with Porn”
“Poll Reveals Majority of Men ‘Highly Satisfied’ with Patriarchy”
“Inner Child Found, Baptized”
For me, some of the most laugh-out-loud stuff is in the form of Onion-style “man on the street” interviews and statistical charts. For example:
What phrases do you not want to hear in a patriarchal blessing?
“Morning of the third resurrection”
“Flesh-eating”
“Lazy, shiftless rat-bastard”
“Unfortunate series of events”
Or this:
Brigham Young University has renewed its emphasis against bare midriffs. What do you think?
“It’s a woman’s responsibility not to tempt men, while being sexy enough to make me want to marry her and have babies.”
“I think we should just start pretending that none of us have any naked parts, ever, anywhere.”
“If the girls all cover up, who are we going to blame for our impure thoughts and actions?”
“Well, it makes more sense than the rule against beards. After all, Brigham Young never appeared in public with a bare midriff.”
My one contribution to the book appears on page 72: “Name Withheld Takes Own Life,” in which it is imagined that those inspirational Ensign articles written by “Name Withheld” are the work of the same person, whose name really is Name Withheld, and that all the personal traumas she wrote about finally cracked her. I’m told The Sugar Beet got angry letters as the result of this article when it was first printed, which makes me happy.
So go buy the book. Approximately 1/330th of it was written by me, so I think that means I get royalties. For occasional updates and more samples, visit The Sugar Beet’s blog.
October 30th, 2006 at 3:54 pm
Any chance you could get access to those angry letters and post them?
October 30th, 2006 at 5:25 pm
WOW!!! I always wondered who the geniuses were behind the Sugarbeet. Thank you for this. Maybe you could tell us a little more about the other writers…without actually revealing their identities?
October 30th, 2006 at 5:43 pm
robcan: I’ll ask.
Michael: Oh, I can reveal their identities. They’re credited on the book’s title page: Paul Allen, Paul Browning, Christopher Kimball Bigelow, Stephen Carter, Amy Chamberlain, Chris Giauque, Todd Robert Petersen, Eric Samuelsen, Kathy Tyner, Holly Welker, “and others.” (I’m one of the “others.”) Of those, I think Samuelsen is the only one I’ve ever met in person. He’s a BYU theater professor and a delightful fellow. I don’t know much about the other writers, what they do, who they are, what their deal is, etc. The book puts pseudonyms on each of the articles, with no indication which pseudonym applies to which writer.
October 31st, 2006 at 7:46 am
Ah, I got an ad for this in my e-mail and wondered if you had any part in it. Sounds very funny.
October 31st, 2006 at 8:47 am
I don’t know if it will be worth it Eric, but you can take a gander at the faces of myself, Paul Browning and Chris Bigelow if you go to parkcity.tv, click on the “Watch Now” button and navigate your way to October 24 at about 6:18 p.m. You’ll probably see Orrin Hatch’s face first but don’t let that scare you. We’ll be up next plugging the book. And boy oh boy are we funny.
Thanks for the review.
October 31st, 2006 at 8:51 am
Oh, and also:
Got casserole skilz?
The authors of the MORMON TABERNACLE ENQUIRER invite you to their book launch party:
Thursday, Nov. 16
7:00 p.m.
Sam Weller’s Zion Bookstore
254 S. Main St.
Salt Lake City
Jello and casserole competition
Grand prize: A trip to lovely Moab, Utah
Bring a casserole and/or jello dish for our Favorite Food of Zion
competition (extra stiff competition is expected in the funeral
potatoes category!). Prizes include a weekend in Outer Darkness (aka a
fabulous creekside canyon retreat in Moab). Please make them edible -
they will be judged on taste by expert homemakers from Utah County!
Other bookstore appearances scheduled for Mo Tab Enquirer
collaborators:
Friday, Nov. 17 (7 p.m.): Borders, Provo (4801 University Avenue)
Saturday, Nov. 18 (2 p.m.): Borders, Murray (132 E. Winchester, across
from Fashion Place Mall)
Thursday, Nov. 30 (7 p.m.): Borders, Logan
For more info on the book, click here:
https://zarahemlabooks.com/displayProductDocument.hg?productId=4
October 31st, 2006 at 8:57 am
Eric, for some reason, there were a few Erics in the “others.” I, too, was an “other” with 1/330th of the book (assuming you counted my “Ode to Me, Ward Clerk” poem on one of the last pages). I had several pieces published over the years that did not make the editing cut (oh well, next book…)
I verily, verily value my limited and barely credited involvement with The Sugar Beet. I miss “the old days” of critiquing pieces among the group, tweaking various aspects of each piece to make them work better. Satire is rarely an easy thing to write, and my involvement in SB was, in the least, an educational experience.
The authors of the SB are everyday, random folks. We had people from all sorts of professions: some with PhDs, graphic artists, professional instructors, writers, retail store managers, and students. Some are believers, jack-Mormons, New Order Mormons, and ex-Mormons. Some lived in Utah County, Utah, California, Illinois, North Carolina, and Alaska – many have moved around. Some were single; many had spouses, 2.5+ children, and the whole lot. Some needed the SB as a means of confirming their faith, others used it to make social commentary, and a few even used it for cheap therapy.
Many of the writers have moved on to new things. Change was inevitable. I believe most of us fondly remember those years, and wish we could be there again. I’m not sure it will ever happen quite so serendipitously again. Readers wishing for a return of The Sugar Beet are welcome to make their case for its return on SB’s blog. I know I will.
Personally, I thank you for reading and enjoying The Sugar Beet over the years. I’m sure the entire group feels the same way.
Go buy the book! (Not getting royalties here)
Go visit the blog!
Go share the Sugar Beet gospel with the world!
Eric P.
October 31st, 2006 at 1:39 pm
Eric, Ditto to Eric P.’s comments above. I do miss those days and would indeed like the blog to still be a going concern. Perhaps even on a semi-regular basis.
And you and I did meet. You and Eric Samuelson were on a panel for the AML one year when they met at UVSC. 2004 I think it was. I’m shocked you didn’t remember basking in all of our collective brilliance as you, Eric and I spoke. Anyway, I found you as funny in person. But hey, I grew up in So Cal, and anyone that can handle growing up in Elsinore has to have a sense of humor. JK! But in all seriousness, thanks for the kudos on the book. I was one of the fledgling writers who was privileged to learn from the geniuses who filled our staff. Although I guess I tend to be part of the stuff we made fun of, I still thought it was a worthwhile endeavor to lampoon it since most of LDS take ourselves waaaaay too seriously!!!! Many of the items that aren’t bylined were often collective things that the staff contributed to…a few of the “man on the street” or “views” you’ve sited above were mine, so I laughed all over again, and felt all warm and fuzzy about it. Thanks!!!!
Kathy T,