It’s that time of year again! (The end, specifically.) Time for the annual round-up of the best and worst movies of the year, and an accounting of what I did with myself for the last 12 months.

I reviewed 309 movies this year. That’s up from 298 last year and 264 the year before that. In fact, the number has gone up every year since I started doing this in mid-1999. The only wide releases I missed this year were “Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties,” “Curious George,” and, just this week, “Black Christmas.”

I think 309 is a lot of movies to review in one year. I doubt the figure will ever get much higher than that. There are certainly more films being released — I count about 100 that I missed that played in Portland for at least a week in 2006 — but there aren’t enough hours in the day to watch and review them all (at least, not for this kind of money).

The main article today is “The Best and Worst Movies of 2006,” which expands on the lists I’m about to give and offers additional scintillating details about the movies of 2006, too.

But without further ado, here are:

THE BEST MOVIES OF 2006

1. The teen-queen comedies: She’s the Man (Amanda Bynes), Just My Luck (Lindsay Lohan), Material Girls (Hilary and Haylie Duff)
2. Deck the Halls
3. Little Man
4. BloodRayne
5. Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector
6. Zoom
7. Big Momma’s House 2
8. Basic Instinct 2
9. Date Movie
10. The PG-13-rated horror flicks: The Covenant, Pulse, The Return, Stay Alive

I’ve also posted another new feature, “Eric’s Media Inventory: What I Watched and Read in 2006.” This may be of interest only to me, but it’s a wrap-up of all the movies I saw, all the TV I watched, all the theater I attended, and all the books I read. (You may find some good recommendations in that last category.)

As far as this weekend’s movies, there aren’t any. No wide releases, anyway. I would have done a podcast of my top 10, except that I have a cold and my voice is completely shot. I sound like Bea Arthur, for about a minute, and then I sound like someone who can’t speak at all. Helen Keller, maybe. Anyway, no podcast. Enjoy the Best/Worst and Inventory articles, and happy new year!

“Special Topics in Calamity Physics,” by Marisha Pessl. Don’t be alarmed by the title, or think (as the man next to me on the train thought when he saw it and remarked, “That’s some heavy reading”) that this is a book about physics. No, it’s a novel, and one of the sassiest, smartest, most thoroughly engaging novels I’ve read all year.

It’s told from the point of view of a super-smart 16-year-old girl named Blue Van Meer who lives with her political-science professor dad. They generally bounce from one small-college town to the next every semester, but the book is set during Blue’s senior year of high school, when they’ve settled in one North Carolina town, allowing Blue to make some friends. Among them is one of her teachers, a beautiful, enigmatic woman named Hannah Schneider. Blue is telling us the story from Harvard a year later, and she informs us up front that Hannah dies during the course of it. How, why, and by whose hand are all mysteries to be explored later.

For the first couple hundred pages, I’d be hard-pressed to say what the book is “about,” as there is no distinct plot line. Things are occurring; it’s just not clear where they’re going. And then the last hundred pages are jam-packed with revelations, surprises, reversals, and a major falling-into-place of pieces.

Yet even before a distinct storyline had emerged, I was still delighted by every page. Pessl (as Blue) writes vividly, with a barrage of pop-cultural, literary and cinematic allusions. She is fond of descriptive metaphors and similes, as when she says a woman’s perfume “hung in the air like a battered piñata.” The writing is marvelously nuanced and careful, always perfectly phrased. People who love words will adore the way Pessl manipulates them.

It’s Pessl’s debut novel, which makes it all the more impressive, and, published in 2006, it is distinctly a product of its day. I don’t just mean because it refers to “The View” and the Internet and Jay Leno. I mean the way Pessl writes is the way young people — smart young people, I mean — actually write and talk in 2006. Just as you can look at “The Great Gatsby” and know by Fitzgerald’s syntax that he was writing in the 1920s, or read “Little Women” and recognize it as being typical of the mid-1800s, people will be able to know by reading “Special Topics in Calamity Physics” 100 years from now that it’s from circa 2000.

Pessl cheerfully turns nouns into verbs (the light “jack-o-lanterned their faces”) and refers casually to films and books that the reader may or may not be familiar with. She is also fond of likening characters to historical and fictional figures, then referring to them thereafter as if they ARE those people. An administrator at Blue’s school, Eva Brewster, is compared to Evita Peron early on; later, Blue figures the reason Ms. Brewster is so stoic is because of “her bastardized birth and impoverished Los Toldos upbringing, the trauma of seeing Augustin Magaldi naked at fifteen, shoving to great political heights the wide load of Colonel Juan, the twenty-four-hour workdays at the Secretaria de Trabajo and the Partido Peronista Feminino, looting the National Treasury, [and] stockpiling her closet with Dior.” A fellow student looks like 1950s actor Sal Mineo; he is forever referred to thus, his real name never mentioned.

If you associate with young people, you will notice that these are all typical of modern speech. Pessl writes in that Buffy/Veronica Mars/Gilmore Girls kind of patter — exaggerated, perhaps, from real life but nonetheless rooted in true speech patterns. It’s a genuine pleasure to read such sparkling, nifty writing.

I will be taking a hiatus from reviewing movies. But do not be alarmed! The hiatus will only last for the month of January.

You are still alarmed? Please do not be. I did some checking. Of all the films I’ve reviewed (almost 1,900 now), 42 percent have gotten a grade of B or better. But of all the films I’ve reviewed that premiered in January, only 11 percent have scored B or better — and not one has gotten an A or A-. (Many very good films open in December in select cities and then spread out in January, so you might think they are January premieres, but they are not. They are December premieres, and are usually reviewed in December.)

January is the dumping ground. Movie attendance is generally low anyway, what with the holidays over and the money gone and the sense of “now we have to get back to real life” taking over America. So the studios perpetuate the cycle by releasing their lamest films in January, and hence January is the optimal month to take a hiatus, if a hiatus must be taken.

And I do believe a hiatus must be taken. I’m not getting burnt-out, particularly, but I have been frustrated lately by another problem. There are many, many films I have never seen, including quite a few that by all rights I SHOULD have seen. I would love to watch these movies — but when I’m reviewing six or seven new releases a week (plus performing my various other gotta-pay-the-bills duties), when is there time to pop in a DVD and watch something just for pleasure?

So I’ll still be watching a lot of movies in January — they just won’t be the new releases invading your local theaters. I’ve made a list of movies I want to see, and I’ll be Netflixing them throughout the month, and then in smaller doses throughout the year. I’m really looking forward to it.

Will I write reviews of these older movies? Most likely not. I might blog about the process now and then. But one of the purposes of the hiatus is to give myself a break from writing movie reviews every day. Writing takes a lot of time, and the whole point here is to spend less time writing and more time watching movies. Besides, honestly, what could I possibly have to say about “MASH” (1970) that has not already been said?

“In the Dark” will continue to be published. It will have the DVD release info and box office scores and everything else, along with reviews of any new releases that I happened to have screened before Jan. 1, or that I was assigned to review by Salt Lake City Weekly, where I am a contributor. (That’s how the occasional January premiere might slip in.) And I’m going to the Sundance Film Festival (Jan. 18-28), as usual, and will do my customary daily reportage from there.

So all is not lost. On Friday, Feb. 2, everything will be back to normal. Not that February is much better for movies than January, but hey, I’m sure you’ll want to know what I think of “Ghost Rider,” i.e., how bad it is.

Normally, of course, a column coming out on Dec. 25 would be Christmas-themed. However, today is also the last Monday of the year, which forces today’s column to be the annual “Best of ‘Snide Remarks’” retrospective.

The text version is here, while…

…the podcast version is here.

The podcast version has a special treat because one part of it involves bleeping. Fun for the whole family!

(Also the podcast says it’s column #525, which is a lie. It’s 526. When you hear me say it’s 525, ignore me.)

And finally: Merry Christmas to one and all! I hope you’re with family and loved ones, experiencing the joy of giving and (especially!) receiving. If not, then I hope the Sizzler is open where you live so you can enjoy a nice holiday meal anyway.

Merry Christmas!

As we skip merrily toward Christmas, here is an angry letter to bring warmth to your heart. It relates to my review of the movie “Eragon,” and I heartily recommend that you first read the review and the comments that have been posted after it. Some of them are as good as any ol’ angry letter, especially the guy who defended home-schoolers as being normal yet misspelled every other word in his post and got angry at public schools for teaching evolution.

Anyway, here is the e-mail I received from one Andrew:

Hey Snider, maybe you should read the book before you bash the author.(Concerning Eragon) The movie sucked [swear word] and thats all there is to it. You could tell the books were written by an adolescent, but they were not that bad.

Merry Christmas

I replied: “Agreed that the movie sucked. But unless the book had a completely different story and characters, it must bear at least partial responsibility for the movie’s suckiness, mustn’t it?”

And Andrew said:

Well the book had an almost completely different story line, and the only thing that was the same is the characters. The books were not the best but the movie made Paolini look
absolutely horrible. He deserves more credit thsn that.
Where were you at when you were 15.

Where was I (at) when I was 15? Same place as Paolini: writing really bad literature.

Oh, and I should clarify something else. I made a crack in the “Eragon” review about home-schooled kids, and some people posted comments criticizing me for that, while others came to my defense. I surely appreciate folks sticking up for me, but let me just say for the record: I do think home-schooled kids tend to be social misfits and weirdos who don’t know how to relate to regular people, and many of them have been indoctrinated with whatever peculiar beliefs their teacher-parents chose to emphasize, at the expense of the child’s well-roundedness and social well-being. There are exceptions, of course — and my experience is that every home-schooled person I’ve encountered, while acknowledging the tendency, believes he or she is just such an exception. So stuff that in your stocking!

‘Tis the season for a lot of movies. The podcast (link below) covers several of them, and the print version of “In the Dark” has even more. In no particular order, this week’s flicks are:

“Rocky Balboa,” in which Rocky fights his greatest opponent yet: the punk manager at the Sizzler who says that since he arrived after 4:30, it’s too late for the early-bird special.

“We Are Marshall,” another Inspiring Sports Drama about college football.

“Dreamgirls,” based on the Tony-winning Broadway musical of that name and in no way whatsoever similar to the real-life story of the Supremes.

“The Good Shepherd,” directed by Robert De Niro and starring Matt Damon as a CIA agent in the 1940-60s, even back before there was a CIA. That’s how old-school he is.

“Night at the Museum,” starring Ben Stiller as a security guard at a museum that goes all Jumanji every night.

Here is the podcast.

It is very late at night. I am sleepy now. Merry Christmas!

This week’s column is up, and so is the podcast version of it, in which I play all the parts myself like a one-man Christmas pageant.

The podcast.

The URL to subscribe to the podcast.

This has not been an easy week for reviewing movies.

On Monday, as I drove from my apartment to catch a screening of “We Are Marshall” (opening next week), a BMW smashed into me and totaled my car. Nobody was hurt, but I missed the movie.

Then last night, I arrived at the Lloyd Center Cinemas for a screening of “Eragon,” only to find that the theater was without electricity. A very windy and rainy storm had hit Portland and had knocked out their power. Unfortunately, “Eragon” requires electricity to be exhibited — it is not a gas-powered movie — and so the screening was off.

So I killed time elsewhere for a while before returning home to finish my other reviews and complete the print and podcast versions of “In the Dark.” I get home and discover the entire section of North Portland where I live is without power. About 2,600 customers, according to the automated message on Portland General Electric’s hotline. I couldn’t write the reviews (no computer, and not enough candlelight to write them longhand), couldn’t finish “In the Dark,” couldn’t watch TV, couldn’t do ANYTHING. I finally walked to a bar & grill down the street that still had power, where I ate a hamburger and read a book. They had wi-fi, but even if I’d used my laptop, it would have been to no avail, as everything I needed was on my desktop. I went to bed at about midnight, and the power came back on around 2, I think.

All of the above is why:

- The reviews of “The Pursuit of Happyness” and “Charlotte’s Web” were late in being posted.

- “In the Dark” was late in being e-mailed to you.

- There is no “Eragon” review. I plan to catch it this afternoon and post a review this weekend. (Also, just so you know, I haven’t heard a single good thing about it. Not that this will prevent me from seeing it with an open mind, only that if you MUST run out and watch it today, you might think twice about it.)

- There is no “In the Dark” podcast this week. I got up early this morning to finish everything, but there just isn’t time to do a podcast, as I have to leave shortly for a press screening and hopefully an “Eragon.”

It is funny to realize that even in 2006, we are still subject to the whims of nature, and to BMWs.

This is Eric’s Fat Brother, Jeff. I just got a phone call from Eric informing me that a storm has knocked out the power in his entire neighborhood, which means he has no computerly way to post his normal movie reviews and “In the Dark” and whatever the crap else he normally posts on Fridays. Last he heard, the power company had no idea when the power would be back on; if you’re lucky, it will be back on and the stuff will be posted by the time you read this, and you will wonder what all the fuss was about. If you’re less lucky, it could be a day or two. If you’re more lucky … well, lots of things could happen for you if your luck increased, but let’s not waste time filling you with false hope while Eric’s milk is spoiling in his useless refrigerator.

An update on the Amazon associates program, wherein I get a small kickback every time you buy something from Amazon after navigating there from EricDSnider.com: We’re having a banner quarter! Thanks to people doing their Christmas shopping (I assume) on Amazon, and thanks to them getting to Amazon by clicking on a link from this site, EricDSnider.com has made quite a bit more this quarter than in quarters past. It’s still a fairly modest sum — please don’t think I’m making a living off this, or even paying 1/3 of one month’s rent with it — but considering previous kickbacks have amounted to about $10 a month, this is a vast improvement.

So thank you, one and all, who have shopped at Amazon the past few weeks after coming here first! I won’t even make fun of the person who bought the “Material Girls” DVD, or the person who bought a book entitled “Chicken Soup for the Horse Lover’s Soul: Inspirational Stories About Horses and the People Who Love Them,” because combined, I made $1.95 from those purchases!

How do you support EricDSnider.com through Amazon? Easy! Before going to Amazon, come to EricDSnider.com and click on any Amazon link. To make it convenient, there’s one at the top of every single page, under the “Buy Stuff” tab. Then, everything you buy during that Amazon visit nets me a small percentage. You’re shopping at Amazon anyway, so why not funnel a little bit of your shopping dollar in the direction of one of your most cherished Web sites while you’re at it?

(By the way: Buying something super-expensive just so I can get the commission from the sale, and then returning the item, doesn’t work. They keep track of stuff that gets returned and deduct the commission. Otherwise, that would be a great scam.)

Oh, and to lend this post some entertainment value, here is a page where you can watch a video of two desert tortoises doin’ it. It’s more violent than you would expect. Be sure to have your sound turned up. Cheers!

UPDATE TO ADD SOMETHING I SHOULD HAVE SAID BEFORE: You don’t actually have to come here every time you want to shop at Amazon. You can just come here once, click an Amazon link, and then save that as a favorite in your browser. You’ll see in the Amazon URL that there’s some code indicating EricDSnider.com.