Breaking news: I am seeing much more of this great land of ours than I had hoped
This story will presumably one day be funny and thus worthy of inclusion in a “Snide Remarks” column, so I don’t want to spoil it by sharing too many potentially amusing details here. But this is the gist of the story so far:
- After I wrecked my car last month, a faithful reader and friend offered me her 1994 Geo Prizm for free. The only condition? I’d have to fly to Ohio to get it.
- This was unbelievably generous of her, and I am forever grateful. I hasten to point out that none of the problems I’ve had subsequently have been the car’s fault.
- I flew to Ohio late Wednesday night, arriving early Thursday morning. I recuperated a bit, then hit the road, staying in Kansas City, Mo., Thursday night.
- I planned to make it to Ft. Collins, Co., by Friday night, and stay with a friend there. Under good conditions, the drive from KC to Denver is about eight hours.
- As I progressed westward in Colorado, however, and the sun went down, the roads became icy, slick, and steep. (Well, I guess they were steep in the daytime, too.)
- I got a flat tire. (OK, maybe kind of the car’s fault, but keep reading.) In trying to change it — in the zero-degree weather on the side of the road on I-70 — I discovered that the rim was rusted on to the axle. It WOULD NOT COME OFF. I banged, pried, kicked, leveraged, yelled, and prayed, all to no avail.
- Eventually I gave up and called for a tow truck.
- After an hour or so, a state trooper pulled up and reported that he had ordered all tow trucks off the roads. They (the roads) were too perilous and icy, and it wasn’t worth it. He gave me a ride into the nearest town, Limon, about 15 miles away, and I stayed at the Econo Lodge Friday night.
- This morning, a tow truck hauled my vehicle into Limon. On the way out to where my car had been left, we saw about a dozen cars stuck on the median or off on the side, having skidded off the road last night. I’m convinced that NOT changing my tire was the best option for me. Had I changed it, I’d have gone on my merry way toward Denver and maybe wound up upside-down somewhere, like so many other drivers did. At least the recalcitrant tire got me off the road.
- I had four new tires put on the car (it needed them, and I didn’t want to press my luck) and went on my way.
- I took I-70 into Denver, then I-25 north to Cheyenne, Wyo., where I met I-80 and headed west through Wyoming.
- At Laramie, I-80 was closed. That’s it, just closed. Bad weather ahead, and the entire state of Wyoming is located in the middle of nowhere, so no driving.
- I headed back east, thinking I might go back to Ft. Collins to stay with the friend I had originally planned to stay with Friday night, only I couldn’t get a hold of him. Not wanting to drive all the way and be unable to find him, I stopped in Cheyenne, where I am now staying at the lovely Super 8 motel.
- With the cost of the tow, the tires, and the two unplanned nights at hotels, the trip has now cost about $500 more than I expected. Still quite a bargain for a perfectly functional car, of course, but nonetheless, $500 more than expected. So now would be an excellent time to buy that merchandise you’ve had your eye on all this time!
- Cheyenne has a lot of truckers, more so tonight because of the road closure, and I do not like truckers. They say “he don’t” when they mean “he doesn’t,” for example. Surely you can see how I would be unpleased to be here.
Thanks in advance for your well wishes, thoughts, and prayers. I look forward to being on Portland roads again, which though they may be rain-soaked, at least are not icy, closed, or in Wyoming.
January 6th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
Wow. And I thought being stuck in Butte, Montana was bad.
January 6th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
Well, I should know better than to argue with a man who has just endured a stranding in the Great American West, but knowing better never stopped me before.
I have two quibbles:
Quibble the First: I spent a few unfortunate years in the wilds of Eastern Colorado, and, since I eventually escaped with most of my sanity intact, I believe I know the geography pretty well. The entire state of Kansas, along with the entire Eastern half of Colorado, is as flat as a tortilla. Of course, the land must be rising in elevation for you to end up in the Mile-High City, but it does so gradually that you would have to be on the International Space Station, where you can also see the curvature of the earth, to notice it. I have been to Limon, and the only steep thing around there is the slope of the foreheads.
Quibble the Second: 95% of the population of Eastern Colorado thought I was weird and frightening, because I had been to college, and knew the names of all the planets. (Somewhere there is a toothless yokel muttering, “haha, she said PLUTO,” while mucking out the barn.) I didn’t like truckers at first, either. However, I discovered that they are the best friends you will ever have, especially out on a lonely, snowy road. You got lucky. When the truckers tell you that there is only the one highway patrolman for all of Eastern Colorado, and that he don’t come along all that often, you better believe it. He really don’t.
January 6th, 2007 at 9:04 pm
Ha ha! Tashina said “Butte.”
January 6th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
Eric,
I lived in the Cheyenne/Fort Collins area for over five years and can hook you up with some great (and educated) people if you want to crash somewhere else other than the Super 8. If you’re interested, you should have my email address from my posting here. If it doesn’t work that way, I can give it to you through your email page. Let me know.
January 6th, 2007 at 9:30 pm
Eric, you have the most involved automotive history I know of. If it’s not falling asleep at the wheel or getting locked out of your car, it’s flipping the car in the air to remove a bomb that’s been planted underneath.
Maybe you should look into a bicycle.
January 6th, 2007 at 10:17 pm
Good idea, Randy.
Eric, you didn’t happen to notice that perfectly good green mountain bike sitting there, unused, in the garage when you were here the other day, did you?
I’ll sell it to you. For, like, a dollar. All you have to do is fly out here and get it. I’ll even put two new tubes and tires on it.
I am so sorry your free car is costing a lot more than you bargained for. I really do feel somewhat responsible for the extra money you’ve had to spend.
Probably not quite $500 worth of responsible, but I’ll see how much merchandise I’ve had my eye on tomorrow, when I can figure out the intricacies of PayPal once again.
January 6th, 2007 at 10:50 pm
I have stayed at the Super 8 in Cheyenne, Wyoming. It was definitely the best thing about the city, and that’s generous. Laramie was worse, though. The whole entire place smelled like chicken-friend steak and cigarettes. I wish you good luck and gospeed on getting back on the road again.
January 6th, 2007 at 11:43 pm
Not to be a further downer in all this, but there’s some pretty cold weather headed toward the Pacific Northwest this week. Seriously, you might consider visiting family in Utah for a day or a week.
January 7th, 2007 at 12:16 am
I like chicken-fried (friend?) steak, but, oddly, not Laramie.
January 7th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
Chickens aren’t usually very friendly. Especially in Laramie, where Beef Rules!
Because of the misspellings in the Chick-Fil-A ads, where the cows are holding up signs that say “EAT MORE CHIKIN,” I assume those bovine models are Wyoming cows.
They stole the phrase “chicken-fried steak” from the Southern states, anyhow. It just means steak dredged in flour, and then fried in hot oil in a skillet.
Just one more reason not to trust any place smelling of chicken-friend steak and cigarettes.
I went to MapQuest, hoping to see a little cartoony path of westward-bound arrows, with a little cartoon blue car and a sign saying “Track Eric’s Progress Here!” Alas, it was not to be. Wonder where he is now?
January 7th, 2007 at 9:32 pm
Eric is experiencing firsthand why we avoid most of Colorado and all of Wyoming when driving up to Utah or California during the winter.
January 7th, 2007 at 10:11 pm
As of this afternoon, he had passed through Wyoming without further incident and was back on good old I-15, north of Ogden, headed for Portland. As long as Idaho didn’t pull any fast ones, he should be home by the middle of the night sometime. Although maybe Oregon has some surprises.
January 8th, 2007 at 4:40 am
No, but InOregon has some tricks up her sleeve.
January 8th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
Quite the automobile adventure. I remember the days of playing the car lottery. You know, spending the least amount of money possible on a car and then hoping that you luck out and get a car that will go 200,000 miles when you only spent $300 on it. Those days sucked. Now I enjoy getting a relatively cheap slightly used Toyota Corolla for a decent amount of money and being able to totally depend on it.
Side note: The flat tire definitely sounded like a blessing in disguise. I had something like that happen to me on my way through Idaho (just west of Burley) toward SLC. For no reason at all, the car I was driving died and would not start again for a half hour or so. It wasn’t until it did start again that I got about 5 miles down the road and saw the Suburban I was following too closely wrapped around a barricade. I wouldn’t have been able to avoid that accident if the car hadn’t died like that and then had no other problems the entire trip.
January 9th, 2007 at 5:32 pm
Adam, congrats… I believe you’re the first person i’ve ever seen to use the name of Burley in an online post, not counting all the people i know from there. You’re my new hero.
January 9th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Chicken-friend steak… crap. I nevre mispel, peolpe! NEVR!!!
January 10th, 2007 at 6:00 pm
(Hee hee… Audrey is a teeeeee-chur, Audrey is a teeeeee-chur.)
But it made for such an interesting culinary vision, Audrey! Besides, I think you’re entitled to a typo once a year or so. I, myself, don’t need such latitude, since I never misspell anything,neither.
Adam, that was a cool experience you related. I would love to know what you thought and felt, as you drove by the accident.
January 17th, 2007 at 5:34 pm
Two things. First: Adam, I’ve been in a car that had a tire blow out just outside Burley-not once, but twice. It must be something to do with the area. And second: Craig, who do you know from Burley? That’s where my grandmother lives.