Eric D. Snider

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‘American Idol’ amuses me, briefly, then doesn’t

I stayed with a friend in Las Vegas last night, and he watches “American Idol.” I gave the show up back in 2005, during the season of Carrie Underpants and Bo Bice and that other guy who was Bo Bice but with a different name. I’m two years clean now, and I’m proud of it.

But I watched it last night with my friend, and I’m glad to report that doing so did not make me fall off the wagon and back into “American Idol” addiction. My thoughts were these:

- Apparently one of the two finalists is a guy who “beat boxes,” which means he makes annoying sound effects with his mouth, just like that guy in the “Police Academy” movies.

- Apparently this is considered by some to be a laudable skill even though it is hilarious and stupid.

- Apparently the other finalist is a giantess. She dwarfs Ryan Seacrest, not that he needed dwarfing.

- Apparently there was a songwriting contest this year, and the goal was to write the cheesiest, most generic, most “American Idol”-y song you could think of. The winner was “This Is My Now,” written by Jeff Peabody and Scott Krippayne. Here are the lyrics, as sung sans beat-boxing by the beat-boxing guy:

There was a time I packed my dreams away.
Living in a shell, hiding from myself.

There was a time when I was so afraid.
I thought I’d reached the end,
But baby, that was then,
‘Cause I am made of more than my yesterdays.

CHORUS:
This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubts
That was then, this is my now.

And I have the courage like never before, yeah.
I’ve settled for less but I’m ready for more, ready for more.
This is my now.

(chorus twice)

Who will win tonight????? Who cares! Well, a lot of people do, I guess. But not me! Hooray!

4 Responses to “‘American Idol’ amuses me, briefly, then doesn’t”

  1. David Says:

    The preliminary rounds are the only ones worth watching. Where else can you find a higher concentration of crushed dreams in an hour of TV? ;)

  2. Joe Says:

    That song is just as bad as some of the 9/11 poetry, and I’d bet some of the 9/11 poets probably submitted song lyrics for the contest.

    I’ve not watched the show since 2005, and Bo Bice is still – for me – the biggest breath of fresh air that show has ever had. But what I don’t understand is how the producers can (finally) recognize that all the songs they write for the finalists suck giant turtle arse, and then decide to allow an even less qualified group of people (the unwashed masses) write songs. The contestants worked with Peter Noone, Martina McBride, Jon Bon Jovi, Tony Bennett, et alia. Why not commission a song from one of them in exchange for having them come on the show and plug their respective album (which is pretty much the only reason most of the guests go on)? Lord knows Jon Bon Jovi could be sitting in a coma and still crank out a top ten hit.

  3. Lowdogg Says:

    Sorry Snider. The beatboxing is cool.

  4. David Manning Says:

    So, it’s called “beat boxing” and not “bebopping.” Whatever. It’s still hilarious in a way similar to a drummer calling himself a master musician and daring anyone else to match his “skill.”

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