Eric D. Snider

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My secret shame

Warner Bros. is releasing a new, digitally remastered director’s cut of “Blade Runner.” There was a version some years ago called a “director’s cut,” but the director, Ridley Scott, actually had nothing to do with it and publicly disowned it. This time, it’s really Scott’s version, and he’s really happy with it.

I’m attending a press screening of this new version later today, and it brought to mind my secret shame: I have never seen “Blade Runner.” Not the original theatrical version, not the notorious “director’s cut,” nothing. In fact, in my mind, I often get it confused with David Lynch’s “Dune” (which I have also never seen), simply because they’re both futuristic films released in the first half of the ’80s of which there have been multiple versions.

That’s my secret shame, never having seen “Blade Runner” or “Dune.” What movies have you never seen that you feel like you “ought” to have? Go ahead and share. This is a safe place.

55 Responses to “My secret shame”

  1. Savvy Veteran Says:

    Here’s a big one: I’ve never seen the Godfather (I or II)

  2. Ari Gunnar Says:

    Dosen’t matter. Blade Runner is over-rated and boring as hell.

  3. Dan Says:

    My wife and I have never seen Miracle on 34th Street nor It’s a Wonderful life. At this point in our life, we now wear that as a badge of honor and now go out of our way to not watch them, every Christmas season.

    We also vowed to not see Napoleon Dynamite because everyone in our ward was talking about how awesome it was so we chose not to watch it as a protest vote

  4. Neil Says:

    When I got to BYU, I had never seen (nor heard of) the Mormon trilogy - The Three Amigos, the Princess Bride, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

    I later got married and was told that I would need to watch something called 80s movies. I have since watched Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, but have not seen Better Off Dead, the one with John Cusak and the boombox, or any of those movies made by the guy that did all those 80s movies. You know - what’s his face the director.

    Oh, and my wife made me watch A (or is it The) Christmas Story.

    I’m sure there are plenty more.

  5. Binky Says:

    Goonies

  6. Binky Says:

    And Schindler’s List.

    (Hmmm…they oughtta do one of those double dvd packs with Goonies and Schindler’s List.)

  7. John Says:

    Dan

    There a lot’s of things worth protesting over, Napoleon Dynamite is not one of them!

  8. whome Says:

    There are very few movies that I refuse to see on the principle that everyone has seen it so I won’t. In fact, I know a bunch of people who will not read Harry Potter for that very reason. If it’s popular, I’ll make a statement by refusing to be a part of the populace. I think of these people as really snooty. But secretly, I do it too. I have never seen Titanic, and never will, on the principle that I read Eric’s shortened version and that was enough for me.

    And I’ve never seen Schindler’s List. I was in a film class at BYU shortly after it came out. Many of the film majors thought I was some sort of prude for deciding not to see it, and tried to make excuses for why it was so important that everyone see it. So I decided I would never see it at all. I had other reasons for not seeing it before (I had already read a documentary about Schindler before I knew anything about the movie, and didn’t want to see Hollywood’s treatment of him) but now I don’t need anything but my snooty thoughts about film majors.

  9. whome Says:

    I meant “read a biography” not “read a documentary” — I’m just in film mode, I guess.

  10. Jessica Says:

    I am a big fan of Blade Runner, and I like comparing the versions. I need Santa Claus to bring me the ultimate DVD collection, on Blu-Ray of course, with all the versions. A few years ago, my husband and I did a Godfather Movie Marathon and . . . meh. In college my roommates were shocked when they found that I hadn’t seen Sleepless in Seattle or Top Gun. Meh to those too. But my secret shame: Never seen Saving Private Ryan. And wasn’t it a law or something, in the nineties, that you had to watch that? You know, because it’s historical?!

  11. corned_beef Says:

    Citizen Kane
    The Ten Commandments
    Lawrence of Arabia
    Cool Hand Luke
    One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

    …among others. I have, however, seen Dumb and Dumber.

  12. corned_beef Says:

    BTW Eric I am betting you will be totally underwhelmed by Blade Runner.

  13. David Manning Says:

    As a self-proclaimed film analyst (see: nerd) who never even lived during the 80’s, I like to think I’ve gone out of my way to make sure I’ve seen all the classics, both old and modern (that means movies like “Midnight Cowboy” AND “Memento”, etc.). This can be hard, though, when you also love watching trash (e. g., anything by Uwe Boll). For crying out loud, I’ve seen 8 “Friday the 13th” movies, yet I still haven’t seen “Ben-Hur”! Since most people here have been around longer than I have, my list would obviously be longer, but here are a few:

    “Citizen Kane”
    “Saving Private Ryan”
    “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”
    “Napoleon Dynamite”*

    *I swear, I saw people walking around with “Vote for Pedro” shirts for about two years before I finally learned their significance. *shame*

    Yeah, and “Blade Runner” probably will seem underwhelming. I didn’t think it was anywhere near as great as everyone else remembered it to be.

  14. card Says:

    The Matrix Revolutions. I saw the first two and stopped there from lack of interest. I thought the first one was great, but the second was lacking.

  15. Raul Says:

    Terminator 2, only kid in 8th grade who didn’t

  16. David Manning Says:

    Oh, and “Titanic”. I’ve seen the first 30 minutes or so, and I found it virtually unwatchable. Eric’s miniature version was enough for me, too.

    Also, “Star Wars”. All of ‘em. But that’s been more of a personal choice.

  17. mommy Says:

    Schindler’s List…I read the book and know I don’t do well with holocaust visual images.

    I don’t feel a shred of guilt for missing Titanic.

    Then again I missed Blade Runner and don’t feel much guilt for that either…

  18. Casey Says:

    I’ve never seen Army of Darkness or Evil Dead 2, and I still feel pain every time I think of that.

    I need to get m’self over to the video store.

  19. Melissa Says:

    I’ve never seen “Top Gun” - people are always suprised by that for some reason….

  20. Jesse Harris Says:

    I have never seen any of the Godfather, Rambo or Rocky movies prior to the latest one. I’ve also never seen Schindler’s List

  21. Dave Says:

    Neil (#4): I may be mistaken, but I believe the John Cusack movie with the boombox is “Say Anything”. Also, I’ve seen all of the “Mormon trilogy”–not being Mormon myself, may I ask why they’re called that?

    I haven’t seen “Top Gun” either, or “Saving Private Ryan”–just don’t seem like my cup of tea. I absolutely hate it when people get all incredulous and say “You haven’t seen [name of movie]?? Really???” But maybe I’m hypocritical when I shun people who have not bothered to see any “Godfather” films.

    And yeah, “Blade Runner” pretty much sucked.

  22. Ady Says:

    Blade Runner is a bit of a mixed bag that, IMHO, gets too much love from obsessive online fanboys. It’s not so much a truly good film in its own right, as it is a very influential film (especially visually), that has inspired countless films that have followed after it.

    Maybe Eric will react to the film as I have (and I’ve seen it multiple times); very impressed by the look of the film, but pretty blah about the plot/characters. Most of the plot developments were met by a shrug from me. My husband can’t even sit through it.

  23. Dave Says:

    Oops, just thought of one more that usually gets me ostracized–I’ve never seen anything with the word “Matrix” in it.

  24. David Manning Says:

    Yeah, I haven’t seen “Top Gun”, either.

  25. Chrystle Says:

    Dave - it’s not an official title. I think Neil was using it as a sorta joke. However, the reason why he called them the Mormon Trilogy is because they’re three movies that most BYU students own, love and quote.

  26. Savvy Veteran Says:

    Ahh, I just remembered another one. Somehow, I haven’t seen “E.T.”

  27. Ezra Says:

    Never seen “E.T.” either, or “Scarface”- well, I watched about a half an hour of the second. But for a movie so packed with drugs and violence, it was still really, really, boring.

  28. kevith Says:

    I just watched the “Godfather” movies this past summer since I kept seeing them being ranked at the top of just about every “Best Movies” list I looked at. I thought they were pretty good.

    I guess my “secret shame” is that I haven’t seen a lot of Hitchcock’s movies. I have “Rear Window” on the Tivo upstairs and just haven’t watched it yet. I’ve never seen “Vertigo,” “The Birds,” or even “Psycho.” I’ve promised myself that I would watch them all by the end of the year.

    Oh and I have never seen “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “Miracle on 34th Street” either. Merry Christmas!

  29. Ryan Says:

    I have also never seen Blade Runner. In fact, even more embarrassing is that for a long time I had mistaken it for “Running Man”, the old Schwarzenegger movie that has him facing a bunch of “Justice League” type guys in a futuristic life or death reality TV show.

    I kept thinking, “Why do people keep referencing it as some classic movie? It was kind of goofy…”

  30. Josh Says:

    I think I’m the only one in my family who’s never seen “Newsies”

  31. Phil Cardenas Says:

    I’m gonna stick up for “Blade Runner”. It’s a Ridley Scott film; it’s visual (very), stylistic, and a bit schlocky (I mean c’mon, this guy made “The Hunger”!) but I rather liked the performances and I especially liked Rutger Hauer. Sean Young was never better and the ending was rather solid, too. I haven’t seen it for many years, so I’m not sure how it holds up today, but it was a good (though sometimes flawed because of over-narration) film.

  32. ken Says:

    I’ve never seen “Blade Runner” either, Report back and tell us how it was Eric!

    also, I’ve never seen 2001: a space odyssey

  33. lindsay Says:

    I’ve never seen Casablanca. My family even owns it so its not like I’d have to go out of my way to see it. A couple of times this summer I thought it was finally the night to break down and watch Casablanca but then I had to see what the secret ingredient was on Iron Chef or see who Tyra was kicking off three cycles ago. I don’t know what it is about Casablanca, but I can’t bring myself to watch it.

  34. Jef Says:

    I am happy to report that I have never, nor do I plan to ever, watch Titanic.

  35. B Says:

    I have an irrational hatred of Blade Runner the movie, mostly caused by how much I love the short story it was based on, “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep” and how much they screwed up the point of the story when they made the movie.

  36. Thoughtful Observer Says:

    I’ve never seen any Godfather movie, Alien, Titanic (through personal choice and pride), Scarface, any Terminator movie, Nightmare on Elm St, or any of those Christams classics mentioned earlier (Miracle on 34th St, or It’s a Wonderful Life). Oh, and Napoleon Dynamite. I finally saw Moulin Rouge on TV and didn’t like it, although a boyfriend at the time thought I’d love it. I’m sure there are others. On a side note, I find it interesting that the “Mormon Trilogy” seems to be movies that most people from my generation (mid 20’s) know and quote, especially Monty Python and the Holy Grail, not just Mormons. I’m not Mormon, and I love the Three Amigos, and own all three of them on DVD (well, I used to own Princess Bride until it disappeared, I think my brother stole it).

  37. Amp Says:

    I haven’t seen Casablanca, either. Well, I slept through it once, but I don’t think that counts. I’ve also never seen “The Graduate”. It seems like everyone else has, though. I also haven’t seen most of the Pixar films. Or the Shreks. But that’s not shame so much as personal preference.

  38. Audrey Says:

    Schindler’s List
    Saving Private Ryan
    The Godfather (any of them)
    Star Wars (any of them, except the one where Natalie Portman is a dominatrix and Yoda flies around with a light saber)

    I did cave this summer and watch The Graduate. Meh.

  39. Randy Tayler Says:

    People! PEOPLE! “It’s a Wonderful Life”, while sentimental and not without faults, is one of the most uplifting movies EVER MADE. It’s in my top 5 — if not my number 1 favorite movie. Most movies I watch are for the sheer entertainment — Live Free or Die Hard was my favorite this summer, for example — but when It’s a Wonderful Live comes on, I watch it again. It’s an affirmation of the reason life is worth living, and makes me want to be better, and… and… just SEE it.

    Now that I’ve overhyped it, of course, you’re doomed to be bored senseless by it. That’s the Law of Movie Hype, and it’s unfortunate.

    I’ve never seen “Say Anything”, or most chick flicks or period pieces, for that matter, but I feel little shame.

  40. Brett Says:

    Who me?

    Um, “Gone With the Wind”.

    And, I don’t care.

  41. lilcis Says:

    Braveheart

  42. julie Says:

    Yeah, another who hasn’t seen any of the Godfathers, however many there may be.
    Casablanca- definitely haven’t seen that.

    I would like not to have seen Titanic, but I did catch it at some point.

    I thought Blade Runner was great, and I’m not exactly a film buff. ‘what makes us human’ - yeah, see I did work out the key message (or maybe I didn’t but I’d like to issue a self congratulatory pat on the back and pretend that was the message).

    You should go and see it. Next week. But not at the expense of So You Think You Can Dance.

  43. Greg Says:

    Blade Runner is probably Scott’s best movie, with Alien being his 2nd best. He’s really a spotty director, IMO, but when he’s on, he makes classics. I can’t imagine Eric not liking it. Of course, I’m referring to the version without the narration, not the theatrical release. I’m looking forward to this director’s cut.

    You can skip Dune. Pretty awful mess of a movie, although it was unintentionally funny in places.

    I can’t think of any movie I’m ashamed to have not seen. Although I proudly won’t see Transformers, nor anything else with Michael Bay’s name on it. A friend of mine convinced me to watch The Island, despite me knowing that Bay was a completely worthless hack of a director. Now I’m finally convinced to never watch anything he touches, and I certainly won’t see him butcher something I loved as a child.

    I used to be able to say I hadn’t seen Titanic, but my wife made me watch it :( The things we do for love. It was an awful mess of a movie, too. How did it win, or even get nominated, for any awards beyond effects exactly? It was crap.

  44. David Manning Says:

    Oh, that’s right! I feel absolutely NO shame for never seeing “Gone with the Wind.”

    Also: Why does everyone love “Alien” so much? I mean, it’s a decent movie, but other than the fact that it was directed by Ridley Scott, I don’t understand how it became a “calssic”.

  45. Devino Says:

    The movie that I have not, and cannot for some reason, seen is anything from the Monty Python series. Too many people have tried to quote it to me too often, losing all desire for me to even try to watch it at all. It cannot be funny.

  46. Phil Cardenas Says:

    In my opinion, Ridley has made only 3 movies: Alien, Blade Runner, and Gladiator. The rest just don’t measure up (though an honorable mention could go to Black Rain). I of course haven’t seen American Gangster yet, so we’ll have to see.

    Alien works because it is kind of an original and it still holds up today. The images in the film are visceral and everyone kind of remembers the uneasy, creepy feeling they had while watching it. Everyone remembers the tagline. Everyone remembers the tension. It challenged you in the theater. I think is satisfies the classic checklist.

    By the way in my last post I mentioned the film “The Hunger”. Sorry, that was directed by brother Tony Scott (ugh, after 40, the mind starts going).

  47. Amp Says:

    My real secret shame–I just remembered–is that despite being a big fan of Fletch, I have never seen Fletch Lives.

  48. card Says:

    That is shameful, Amp. Shame on you!

  49. Doggin Says:

    I have never seen Christmas Story (A? The? don’t even know) and am proud of it… Never seen Gone with the Wind, Casablanca, or, you guessed it, Blade Runner. It seems my friends and I have more company than we thought, however, in enjoying and occasionaly quoting the bejeezus out of Princess Bride, though. A recent favorite - “So, you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down my sword and we’ll try to kill each other like civilized people?” Hahahaha… that will never get old.

  50. Lynn Says:

    Gotta put in a plug for Casablanca, story- and acting-wise, it’s my favorite movie of all time. Does anybody else think that people talked too fast in movies in the forties though? They can be really hard to follow. Never seen Blade Runner, any Rocky, the Graduate, etc.

  51. Steve Says:

    I was a teenager from August 1984 to August 1991 and I … I have never - I’ve never seen “The Breakfast Club.” There. Now that that’s off my chest, I can also confess that I didn’t see “Ferris Beuller’s Day Off” until 2005 and I didn’t see “War Games” until a month ago.

    But I’m not a total loser; I saw “The Karate Kid” and “Back to the Future” during their theatrical run. Also “Willow” and “The Princess Bride.”

    And “Say Anything,” while being a chick flick, stars John Cusack, who I really like a lot. Having John Cusack star in a movie almost automatically makes it good. And as a special treat, “Say Anything” stars Joan Cusack, who plays the sister of John Cusack’s character. She is on screen for probably less than a minute, and is even uncredited, but it was still cool.

    Also, I agree that Casablanca is a great movie.

  52. Notaturkeybone Says:

    Obviously not movies, but I have never seen a single episode of “Dancing With The Stars” or *gasp* “American Idol.”

  53. Notaturkeybone Says:

    Oops…correction: I actually did watch part of one “American Idol” episode one night while we were out shopping for a TV. Does that count?

  54. Kourtney Says:

    Fargo
    Casablanca
    Vegas Vacation

    I never realized so many people are proud that they have avoided seeing certain movies. How hard is it to not see a movie? All you have to do is sit there and not see the movie.

  55. Jennifer Says:

    I have never seen Oceans 11 or 12. I like all the actors in that movie. I did see Oceans 13. I haven’t seen Blood Diamond. I haven’t and never plan to see Coyote ugly or any bring it on movies.

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