Angry Letter: Horse Girl rides again!
In a shocking development, Horse Girl has responded to yesterday’s post and answered some of our burning questions. Did she misread “uninjured” as “injured”? No! Is she actually a teenage girl? No! Have her reading comprehension skills improved? No! Behold:
Ok Eric, maybe I did get a little worked up but you don’t even know who I am. For one thing i am NOT a teenager, I am a 25 year old mother/riding instructor/horse trainer. Both me and my friends (Simone, Ashley, and Beca) have loved horses ever since we were babies and we have been friends ever since we were babies. I have NEVER GROWN OUT OF LOVING HORSES and nethier have my friends.
You have gotten one thing right though that I AM OBSESSED WITH HORSES. I care A LOT about horses and my family but I also care about the environment and my friends. I am PROUD to be that “horse Girl” and that’s what everyone knows me by. In school my nickname was horsey chic, and even the teachers called me the horse rider. I loved it. I met my husband at a horse show. Horses are a BIG part of my llife and I am happy to say that!
You have no right to be saying stuff about my that isn’t even true! You also have NO right to be calling me a stripper!!! What is that all about?!?!?!?!!? [Of course, what I actually said was that most people named Amber grow up to be strippers. If this particular Amber has thus far avoided the pole, then good for her!]
I just want more people to be more careful about the environment and its animals. These days no one seems to care because they’re like “Oh I don’t care”. I’m trying to stop that behavior. I am sorry I yelled at you like that but please next time don’t even post things like that on your site. Even if the horse and rider weren’t hurt (which I knew) you still SHOULD NOT be posting things like that and saying “I don’t care”. Maybe we could be friends if you don’t post another picture like that?
Now I’m torn. I really, really want to be friends with Amber, but I also really, really want to post this picture of Mongo punching a horse in “Blazing Saddles.” What can I do?
November 14th, 2007 at 12:37 am
Was Mongo wearing a gauntlet? I only ask because I could’ve sworn I just heard the smack of a gauntlet across the soft skin of somebody’s cheek.
November 14th, 2007 at 1:33 am
The last three sentences and the ensuing image are pretty much the reason I keep coming back to this site. I think I laughed for a couple of minutes straight. It’s comic gold. Gold, I say!
November 14th, 2007 at 6:10 am
I just want people to be more careful about the one or two things that I am personally obsessed with.
November 14th, 2007 at 7:48 am
OH MY GREAT LAUGHTER OF ZEUS that last paragraph was funny.
November 14th, 2007 at 8:23 am
Lindsey: did you mean the smack of a gauntlet across the soft skin of somebody’s horsey chic?
November 14th, 2007 at 8:26 am
I love how she cares a lot about horses. Oh yeah, and her family, but horses most of all.
November 14th, 2007 at 8:31 am
Is horsey chic really something good to be known as?
November 14th, 2007 at 8:38 am
“Now I’m torn. I really, really want to be friends with Amber, but I also really, really want to post this picture of Mongo punching a horse in ‘Blazing Saddles.’ What can I do?”
She left you no choice, really.
November 14th, 2007 at 8:47 am
She still doesn’t care about the human who fell off the horse. That’s the most telling thing to me (along with the poor spelling and such).
November 14th, 2007 at 9:00 am
No, horsey chic(k) is not a good thing to be known as. In fact, it’s rather deragatory, but whatever makes her sun shine I suppose.
“I met my husband at a horse show.” Is it bad that my first instinct was to think he was a horse?
November 14th, 2007 at 9:06 am
“These days no one seems to care because they’re like “Oh I don’t careâ€.”
Her reading comprehension aside, she seems to have a firm grasp of understanding the spoken word.
November 14th, 2007 at 9:25 am
“These days no one seems to care because they’re like “Oh I don’t careâ€.”
That’s flawless logic, that is.
November 14th, 2007 at 9:27 am
This reminds me of the situation with Ellen and that stupid dog. She broke down into tears on her show and ended up taking two days off to deal with the unbearable emotional pain. Then the writers’ strike hit, and she took ONE DAY off to “support” her writers. A dog warrants a teary breakdown and two personal days, but her writing staff is only worth one day off? It boggles my mind when someone cares more about an animal than they do about multiple human beings.
Horsey chic obviously needs to evaluate her priorities in life. If she is 25, then maybe she shouldn’t be so proud that neither she nor her friends have ever grown out of their obsession with horses. Also, is that really supposed to be Horsey Chick, or should it be pronounced all snooty and French like “Horsey Sheek?”
November 14th, 2007 at 10:16 am
She also puts herself before her friends. Doesn’t that mean she’s egotistical or something, according to that other angry letter writer who wrote about Eric’s use of grammar?
November 14th, 2007 at 10:47 am
AdamOndi: My mother in law is like that, she is rabid about animals, and treats her 4 Yorkies like they are real people, talking to them, doting on them, and what’s worst is that she expects the rest of us to play along. For example, the dogs all get Christmas presents that we have to open for them, and it’s not even dog presents, it’s stupid stuff that the dogs ignore. And then our presents aren’t from her, they’re labeled from “John Henry”, “Sophie”, “Millie” and “Lindy”, who are DOGS, for crying out loud! It is really annoying pretending like this sort of behavior is normal but I don’t want my kids to think their grandmother is a weirdo.
November 14th, 2007 at 10:57 am
Although I’m happy that things like horses, elephants, and leprechauns exist, I don’t want to hang out with them.
November 14th, 2007 at 11:25 am
She’s 25 years old?! That’s how old I am. I am very scared right now.
November 14th, 2007 at 11:34 am
OMG, she’s on crack. It’s probably some psychosexual thing. Horses having big thingums, and that.
November 14th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
The best sentence:
“These days no one seems to care because they’re like “Oh I don’t careâ€. ”
This wasn’t a particularly ignorant letter but that was a gem. A GEM!
November 14th, 2007 at 12:11 pm
Does anyone else get the impression that she is a teenage girl and she totally made that up? I refuse to believe that someone actually gets to be 25 and is actually still like that… but if it is by some chance true, that just makes her all the more… sad.
November 14th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
I love the Elmer’s Glue picture with this thread!
November 14th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
I’m with Megan. I think she made that up.
November 14th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
[mother opens the door to Amber's room, half-panicked]
Mom: Amber, what is this in your pants?
Amber: It’s nothing, Mom.
Mom: You look at me, young lady, and tell me what this is!
Amber: I said nothing!!!
Mom: Well, I’m going to show this “nothing” to your father!
Amber: No! No!!! NOO!!!!
[mother leaves; Amber sobs relentlessly; father barges in shortly]
Dad: You’ve got a LOT of explaining to do, young woman!
Amber: I…
Dad: You can start by explaining where THIS came from!
[hold up horseshoe]
Amber: It’s not what you…
Dad: You mother found it in YOUR pocket!
Amber: Some kids at school… they said to just try it once… that everybody uncool was doing it…
[father sighs, still visibly angry]
Dad: you couldn’t just be a stripper like all the respectable Ambers out there… you had to go and become a HORSE GIRL!!!!
[throws horseshoe at the wall, and starts pulling out drawers from a dresser]
Dad: You probably have a SADDLE somewhere around here too, DON’T YOU?!!?!?
Amber: [cries uncontrollably]
[end scene]
November 14th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
Yeah, I refuse to believe someone that utterly, ridiculously clueless could survive to be 25 years old, let alone find someone equally insane to marry. It’s also interesting how her spelling and grammar dramatically improved overnight. Maybe the blinding rage abating helped her in that regard.
If her story is true, then I’m scared for her children.
November 14th, 2007 at 2:59 pm
You guys evidently have a lot more faith in humanity than I do. When I read the first letter, I figured she was about 40. I do find it somewhat shocking that she’s married, however.
November 14th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
If she’s 25 and married, then she has to be hot (which is a requirement if she is to be a good stripper), because I can’t imagine a younger guy putting up with her, superficial as that may sound.
On the other hand, she named her three horse friends, and adults typically don’t do that thing where they talk about their friends and then name them, to prove their existence. And, Becca sounds like nickname someone named Rebecca would outgrow before she turned 18.
And even if she isn’t a teenager, Eric, you were 100% right to assume she was and address her as such: If that’s how she’s going to present herself, then it’s how she should be treated.
Also, Plato wishes he could come up with something like “These days no one seems to care because they’re like ‘Oh I don’t care.’”
Simone, by the way, could be an excellent stripper name.
November 14th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Wow, guys. I think you’re being really hard on Horse Girl. (Hilarioiusly hard, though!) Pretty much everyone has their own thing to obsess over. Some people really get into a band (Weezer?), or an author (J. K. Rowling?), or certain animals (birds?) that a lot of other people don’t particularly care about. Take Steve Irwin. I would never wrestle a crocodile, but I’m glad that he did, because it’s cool that he was into it, and his love for animals really helped the popularity of zoos and conservation efforts. If the world was full of people who liked everything I enjoy, it’d be really boring.
On the other hand, I can take a joke as well as I can give one. Her initial letter was poorly written in an emotional fury. If Horse Girl was truly a fan of this site, she would already know how scathing Eric is when he picks apart his angry letters. And, in general, if you’re really into something peculiar (Star Wars conventions?), you surely must be aware that there are plenty of people who not only ignore, but blatantly make fun of you and your chosen obsession. So, live and let live. A much more sensible ‘angry letter’ would have been to politely email Eric to ask him to change or delete the picture. I don’t think he’d do it in response to a single letter, but she’d probably have gotten a decent response. Instead, now she made Eric post the Mongo-punching-a-horse picture. He had no choice.
Also, 50% of all the Ambers I met in high school became strippers. I’m just sayin’.
November 14th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
“These days no one seems to care because they’re like ‘Oh I don’t care’ ”
Genius
November 14th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
It is entirely possible for a woman to be 25, married, have reproduced at least once and be completely and insanely off her rocker. None of those things guarantee a person’s sanity or maturity. I mean, look at Britney Spears.
November 14th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
Topic for speculation: What would Britney Spears obsess about enough to make her write angry letters?
November 14th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
I was about to point out how it seems like Amber really IS a teenage girl who simply pulled herself together long enough to whip up this story, but I guess that’s already been acknowledged. There’s no way to tell for sure.
But seriously:
“Both me and my friends (Simone, Ashley, and Beca) have loved horses ever since we were babies and we have been friends ever since we were babies.”
Doesn’t that just look like something that was pulled off of a girl’s MySpace page?
November 14th, 2007 at 6:12 pm
Scott says “Pretty much everyone has their own thing to obsess over.”
I can’t think of a single thing that I find interesting enough to defend so passionately as some of these people who seem to find Eric. I am a fan of many things, but not so much that I would write emails rebuking those who disagreed with me. But I guess I’m just a rational person.
November 14th, 2007 at 7:50 pm
I say prove it, little teenage girl, prove it.
I’m betting 14, any takers? Place your bet, whats her real age, step right up…!
November 14th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
I think Horse Girl is really 14, but had her older sister write this new letter for her. Although, I must admit, “These days no one seems to care because they’re like “Oh I don’t careâ€. †is going down in my phrase book. Right next to “Evil will triumph because good is DUMB!”
November 14th, 2007 at 9:34 pm
I give her credit for coming back more level-headed and generally think this letter is from a decent, 25-year-old woman. I do hope, however, that she realizes that it’s best to not write letters or speak to someone when your eyes are so bulging with rage that you can’t see the awful stuff that everyone else will soon witness. Same goes when you’re drunk. Keep your mouth shut and stay away from the keyboard. I’m glad the Internet didn’t exist back when I was still drinking. KTVX anchor Kimberly Perkins would have learned something about me that no one should know.
My only other complaint is the same one I have anytime someone says something isn’t funny. Says you, I say.
Overall I’m so happy with this whole exchange, because the highlight of all of this was Eric’s posting that picture of Mongo.
November 14th, 2007 at 11:18 pm
“What would Britney Spears obsess about enough to make her write angry letters?”
Herself
Cheetos
Underwear and her right to not wear it while climbing out of cars in short skirts
K-Fed’s Halo 2 score (before the divorce, and perhaps after)
“Evil will triumph because good is DUMB!â€
Leah Jane, you must be my long-lost twin sister or something, because I’ve always thought that quote was full of awesome.
November 15th, 2007 at 12:32 am
I’m gonna say 14 or younger, as the “Both me and my friends (Simone, Ashley, and Beca) have loved horses ever since we were babies and we have been friends ever since we were babies.†also stuck out to me as something no 25-year old would say at any time.
November 15th, 2007 at 4:56 am
I realized I’m really hungry because I was like, “Wow, I’m really hungry.”
As pointed out earlier, you can obsess about something without being obnoxious about it. I am a complete Lord of the Rings fanboy, but I don’t get upset when other people don’t care about the new double-extended special director’s limited I-bet-I-can-release-more-versions-than-that-jerk-George-Lucas edition DVD release.
November 15th, 2007 at 9:06 am
I was reading this rather than doing my work and I was like, “Wow, I really want to read this rather than doing my work.”
November 15th, 2007 at 9:45 am
This self-proclaimed horse girl/stripper (could we just call her horse stripper?) makes me ask two questions:
-When she was in elementary school (assuming she isn’t anymore), did she play horse with her three friends? You know, running around on hands and knees and whinnying? That seems like something a horse girl would do.
-Do you think her hair is still down to her butt?
November 15th, 2007 at 9:50 am
25 is the new 14.
November 15th, 2007 at 10:22 am
I would just like to say that, as a 25-year-old mother, I am embarrassed to be represented by the likes of grammatically-challenged types like “Horsey Chic” and talentless, ego-centric strippers like Britney Spears. And here I was, thinking 25-year-olds were pretty grown up. Turns out I must still be a child after all… But seriously, Eric is my favorite person ever. I wish I had his scathing eloquence when responding to raving mad crazy people.
November 15th, 2007 at 10:25 am
I’d also like to add that I’m currently doped up on cold medicine, and it’s making me (and my comments) a little loopy. But please note that, despite the drugs, I am still more well-spoken (written?) than Horse Lady.
November 15th, 2007 at 10:26 am
First of all, not all women with hair down to their butt are insane (ok, maybe a little because we just want to see how long it can get). However, being a “horse girl” is something you grow out of when you are 15, so I’m going with 14 on her age. Even if her body is 25 (or older, if she’s a stripper), her mind is still 14. Also, no intellegent person of any age would claim to love something from the time of being a baby (not having any memory back then, or the mental ability to love something other than safety, warmth and food). Anyway, a sad day for her when all she has to define herself (she’s not smart, or creative, or talented in the arts or sciences, or even a stripper) is that she’s the “horse chick”. How very very sad. I guess I can understand why she doesn’t care about people, because horses can never reject you… unless they throw you face-first into the dirt, at which point, man, you are a LOSER!
Also, Andrew D - you sketch was hilarious!
November 15th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
I thought this article was interesting in relation to the topic of crazy animal people. http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/14/us/14cats.html?em&ex=1195275600&en=c2835051a6ce9371&ei=5087%0A
November 15th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
hahahahaa. I sincerely hope this saga continues.
November 16th, 2007 at 5:35 am
Eric only pawn in game of life.
November 16th, 2007 at 8:45 am
Steve Say,
The WGA couldn’t come up with anything more funny and strange than that article! Two groups of “animals-are-better-than-people people” square off in court and in cyberspace.
But I have a problem with the [alleged] shooter. What’s with the .22 hollow point, anyyway? A standard .22LR round should do the trick. Personally though, I’d use a 12-guage #6 bird load, just like I’d use for any other small, moving target like a wabbit, pheasant or other varmint. Think about it: a bird lover using a bird load on a natural bird killer? Ironic in the extreme!
November 16th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
To all you stupid people who made comments about me. I am appauld at your behavor. At least I had a reason for mine! I didn’t really want to tell anyone this and I’ve e-mailed Eric and haven’t told him but on the day I saw that photo my mother had just died from dibeties. She was only 60 years old. If you people have ever had a mother or father die you know how I feel. I went out on a blind rage and now everyone thinks I’m a fool and I admit it. I don’t care if anyone doesn’t beleive me or thinks I’m 14 but I am telling the truth! To the people that think this is funny? This is not funny this is a serious situtaion. If I entertain you well than so be it! YOU are the ones who are LOSERS! Like I said at least I have a reason for acting the way I did. What is all your reasons? I’d like to know? Is it because your immature or just plain stupid?! I I did not think my husband was a horse! What kind of freak would something like that! I am NOT astripper for the last time! I DO NOT have sex with horses either. You people have disgusting minds! DO care about other things except horses and the environment! Just look at how I reacted after my mother pasted away. What does that show you? I do care about that rider and luckliy she’s ok. If you don’t like anything like I like horses then what are you living for? Are you a person who just sits on the couch all day? Get out in the world and make something of your life! All of you! Get into some sport or activity or SOMETHING! I really don’t like getting this much atenion but I need to get a point across. Everyone should care more about the envirnment and its animals. And that’s not just because I’m “obssed” with them. Think about it! How would the world change if there were no animals and how would the world change if the environment was messed up?! I really don’t care if Eric doesn’t want to be my friend. I was just trying to be the better person. I have three other best friends. Simone, the one you say is a strippers name, Becca, which is her REAL name, and Ashley. I hope Eric posts THIS letter all ofver his site like he did with my others. If you people still think I’m a freak, fine by me. At least I got to tell you my story.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:27 pm
Um. Wow. Where do we even begin with this one? Give up while you still can, honey.
November 17th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Just curious, how many people above the age of 14 still feel the need to count and name their friends? Repeatedly. I’m just sayin’…
She definitely scored some cool points with me though, typing “LOSERS” instead of the much used “LOOSERS” which can be seen quite often on this grand ol’ internet of our’n.
November 17th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
When my father pasted away, I too went into a blind rage.
November 17th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
Here I was just randomly cruising the internet on a Saturday afternoon and I stumble across a new comment from the beloved Amber! You made my day
November 17th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
Yeehaw! The Horse Girl rides again!
November 18th, 2007 at 5:14 am
Dave the S - Yeah, I’ve been wondering that too. Most young married moms don’t put more emphasis on their friends than their family, when talking about people who are important to them. At least not *my* friends who are young married moms. I can’t get them to shut up about their families.
November 19th, 2007 at 9:39 am
Dear Amber,
I do not think you are astripper. I do not think you are aspeller, either.
April 13th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I’d just like to state that I’m a 15 year old and you (horse-stripper) are not 25 but 12/13. No one of the age of 25 would call us people “stupid†and why input your mother’s age into this? Is it just to make us believe that you actually are 25 and can work out that your mother would have been 35 when you were born (which seems practical)? And yes, I know what it feels like to lose a mother as she (and I quote) “pasted awayâ€, but I didn’t go into a fit of rage that caused me to respond with poor grammar and call everyone “LOSERSâ€. Also, I must admit that I too thought you were married to a horse and those friends you speak of, well, I’m guessing you made them up because as a person such as your self would never be able to with-hold real friends. Here is some advice: You’re in a hole, stop digging. Though I do enjoy reading your angry e-mails.
May 8th, 2008 at 7:34 am
What is this “appauld”? Is it like “applaud”, only for the spell-check-impaired? Anyway, Amber’s little missive is worthy of appaulse.