‘I’m not a whore,’ says famous whore Pete Hammond
My friend Erik Childress runs an ongoing feature at eFilmCritic called CriticWatch, in which he keeps track of the critics’ quotes used in movie ads. When you see all the quotes listed, it becomes apparent which critics are reasonable and which ones are shamelessly praising everything they see just so they can get quoted. We call those people quote whores.
One of 2007’s busiest whores was Pete Hammond, recently fired from Maxim magazine, which decided it didn’t need a film critic since the only reason anyone buys the magazine is to look at pictures of ladies’ boobs. Hammond’s praise was quoted in ads for 88 films in 2007.
He has zero credibility within the film critic community, and probably not much more among movie-goers in general. Yet for some reason Rotten Tomatoes chose to profile him in the latest installment of its “Meet a Critic” feature. Imagine there were a “Meet an Actor” feature somewhere, and they chose Tara Reid. That’s what we’re talking about here.
In the article, RT’s Jen Yamato (who I met at Sundance last year, and she’s a sweetheart), asks Hammond about the CriticWatch thing. He replies, “I am aware [of it], but I don’t respond.” He then spends a paragraph responding.
One of his theories is that Childress is just really jealous that he doesn’t get quoted more often, and that’s why he’s so upset that Hammond does. You may recall that this is the same argument used by teenage girls who are angry that you have made fun of “Titanic.”
But the hilarious part of the interview is when Yamato asks if he really likes all those movies. He gives the expected defense — yeah, he really likes them — and then says this:
I don’t think you have seen my name on the true crap Hollywood churns out. Sometimes I am just astounded that they can find ANYONE to give a good notice to movies like “The Brothers Solomon” or “Awake” or “Perfect Holiday” or “Are We Home Yet?” or “Daddy Day Camp” or” Saw 2, 3, 4″ etc etc but somehow there always seems to be someone out there to quote.
Did you catch that? He only recommends genuinely good movies. It’s the OTHER guys who are quote whores, recommending bad stuff like “Daddy Day Camp” and “Are We Home Yet?” (a movie that does not exist).
“I don’t think you have seen my name on the true crap Hollywood churns out.”
Really, Pete? Here are some of his quotes from last year, along with the percentage of reviews for those movies that were positive (according to Rotten Tomatoes):
“Premonition” (8%): A gripping psychological thriller that will have you guessing from start to finish.
“September Dawn” (13%): Gripping and fascinating … A pulse-pounding experience that is bound to create waves of controversy.
“The Game Plan” (27%): “A comic touchdown for The Rock!”
“P.S. I Love You” (21%): “A romantic comedy straight from the heart.”
“El Cantante” (23%): “It’s hot stuff. Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony set off fireworks. Lopez has never been better. El Cantante scores big time.”
“The Condemned” (15%): “It packs enough red-hot fiery action for six movies.”
“National Treasure: Book of Secrets” (33%): “Heart-pounding action! Total entertainment from start to finish!”
“The Number 23″ (8%): “A must-see movie.”
“The Bucket List” (41%): “A must-see film that audiences will love…. Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman are at the top of their game.”
“Trade” (27%): “A movie that should – and must – be seen.”
“Hannibal Rising” (15%): “The new year’s most terrifying thriller… The most electrifying thriller of the year… An absolute shocker in every way imaginable.”
“Wild Hogs” (15%): “Hysterically funny!”
“The Heartbreak Kid” (29%): “Ben Stiller’s funniest film. Brace yourself for an outrageously hilarious comedy. This kid hits the comic bullseye!… It creates so many huge, and we mean humungous laughs you’ll probably have to see it more than once just to catch all the dialogue.”
Whew! Good thing we haven’t seen his name on the true crap Hollywood churns out!
January 30th, 2008 at 6:42 am
What’s really funny is that Rotten Tomatoes has a link to “Are We Home Yet” on the article. Apparently it’s also called N/A, and it was so bad that it didn’t earn a single dime at the Box Office…
January 30th, 2008 at 7:19 am
Maybe he just has really bad taste. Besides, you’re not a whore if you’re giving it away for free.
January 30th, 2008 at 8:12 am
B - So does that make him a movie slut?
January 30th, 2008 at 9:35 am
I think it makes him a quote slut, with the hopes that it will lead yo quote whoredom. Wild hogs “hilariously funny”? What a sad little man
January 30th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Didn’t Sony make up a fake reviewer for blurbs for their movies? I think that would be the only case of an actual quote whore. Although now that Pete Hammond is out of a job, maybe he could get hired as one. I’d recommend he go freelance instead of sticking to one company,though. And it’s not like his reviews would be any less credible.
January 30th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I usually just called it “cinematic slobbering” but quote whore sounds so much easier on the tongue! I use rottentomatoes as a sort of compass to steer me towards good films to see, or bad films to avoid if I don’t know much about them. People like him make that a lot harder, and con a lot of innocent movie goers. Though there not as bad as people on Amazon.com or Netflix who give 5-star reviews to something like Garfield, because the package “arrived quickly without a single scratch” or 0-star reviews to good movies because they were late or had a faulty DVD. That’s really obnoxious.
January 30th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
It sounds like he just has different movie tastes than most reviewers. And OF COURSE he’ll be quoted more often. They have to quote someone.
January 30th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
card Says:
January 30th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
It sounds like he just has different movie tastes than most reviewers. And OF COURSE he’ll be quoted more often. They have to quote someone.
You make an excellent point, Pete Hammond.
January 30th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Can I just say my favourite example is the one for ‘Hannibal Rising’. Not only is it gibberish, it also uses one of the classic whorish phrases - ‘XXX of the year’. The fact that Hannibal Rising came out at the beginning of February didn’t seem to stop Pete saying it was already the best. That man should work as a telephone psychic now he’s been fired - if he can pick the year’s best films in February, I want him picking my lottery numbers.
That said, if he did become a telephone psychic, there’s a good chance Eric would feel the need to phone him up and ridicule his powers - something he is rather prone to do…
January 30th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
I … I just like the title of the post. Seriously, it made me laugh.
January 31st, 2008 at 7:52 am
I think the slut guy kinda has a point. Wild Hogs and National Treasure 2, despite being lousy, did great at the box office. So you have tons of people who agree with him about those films. Perhaps he’s just like one of them because lots of somebodies had to see those, along with “Transformers” and “Simpsons: The Movie”. Somebody out there is willing to pay good money for these mediocre films. And it’s not because they’re quote sluts, it’s because they just like movies I find trite, unoriginal, and/or boring. Maybe he’s not a real “critic” but just a guy on the street like one of us who completely recommends movies that he enjoyed, regardless of whether they have artistic merit or appear original.
January 31st, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I agree with John Doe. As embarrassing as it is to admit this, my dad has TERRIBLE taste in movies. He just honestly thinks Tim Allen, in any form, is hilarious. Maybe Pete Hammond just has bad taste.
January 31st, 2008 at 4:21 pm
My parents are the same way. They buy every awful movie when it comes out on DVD, and they love it. They’re suckers for poop gags, groin-kick gags, vomit gags, fart gags, you name it. If a movie has a gun fight in it my dad likes it. They also own all 4 Saw movies and think they’re all pretty good. They don’t usually care for stuff that makes critics nuts like Brokeback Mountain and The Constant Gardener, though sometimes their tastes and the tastes of the critics mix (The Departed, for example).
Yes, he might legitimately like all those awful movies. He may also be fleshing out his love for them a little bit just to get quoted, so “quote whore” is probably still appropriate.
January 31st, 2008 at 4:42 pm
B: Why do you have to bring up my shameful past?! I’m making an honest living now, I swear!!
January 31st, 2008 at 4:42 pm
That’s what I was saying. He probably actually likes those movies, and since no other reviewers did, his is the only review to quote.
And, I am not Pete Hammond.
January 31st, 2008 at 10:42 pm
What a sad, unattractive, lonely crack-whore of a man.
Bless his promiscuous heart.
February 1st, 2008 at 8:46 am
To John Doe: Just because tons of people saw a movie in a theater does not mean tons of people actually liked it. When you buy the ticket, you don’t know if you like the movie or not. Large box office number do not mean that large numbers of people liked the movie; it just means that large numbers of people were willing to take a chance on it.
February 1st, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Steve, I want to agree with you, but I can’t do it 100%. I’d say that a movie that makes over $150 million has to be liked by someone. I’ve met people who loved Transformers and Wild Hogs. I think you can account for random people accounting for the first $100 million, but after that there’s got to be something more. There are so many movies that do get wide release and still don’t make that much. Plus, if you look at the movies I mentioned at imdb.com, with the exception of Wild Hogs, they rank around a 7/10 with thousands of people rating them (WH gets 6.1/10, which is still above average).
So I agree that not everyone who saw these movies liked them, I’m willing to bet there’s a high correlation with the amount of money and movie pulls in and the amount of people who enjoyed it.
February 1st, 2008 at 5:32 pm
That last sentence should read:
high correlation with the amount of money a movie pulls in and the amount of people who enjoyed it.
Plus, Wild Hogs was nominated for a “People’s Choice” award. Ugh.
February 18th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
I’m on the late train posting to this but I wanted to point out a few things. And say hi to Eric (hiya!)…
I chose to interview Hammond because, quite simply, his is one of the most recognizable names out there representing the critical community, for good or bad. So I found it intriguing to talk to him and get to know what drives him, especially since his reputation preceeds him so notoriously. In the end I found that I truly believe he is genuine in the movies he likes; not that I agree with most of his endorsements, but I wouldn’t think of him as a quote whore necessarily — his reviews seem to be his real reactions to films, he’s admittedly not a critic but a “reviewer,” and he makes a distinction, interestingly enough, between himself and the “real” quote whores.