Eric D. Snider

Eric D. Snider's Blog

Dumb comments! Get your dumb comments here!

Most of the comments people post in this site — on movie reviews, on “Snide Remarks” columns, and on this blog — are highly intelligent and insightful. (OK, maybe not most. Some.) A small percentage are hilarious misguided, illiterate, or in some other way risible, and it is those that we celebrate — with our favorite parts cast in bold type — with this occasional feature:

DUMB COMMENTS POSTED ON ERICDSNIDER.COM

“Phat Girlz”:
I loved this movie because me as a F.A.T. gurl it has gave me the confidence to go out there and face the skinny world ecsecially those skinny b****z hate them H**z. [Her censoring, not mine.] It made me to be the teen that i am come out of my box and fell better about myself and that I can do anything i want to thank Mo’Nique gurl l U gave me Confidence I would Luv to meet you.

[I am delighted that the movie helped an overweight girl feel better about her size, truly. Let's just hope she never has to do anything that requires expressing herself through the written word, or all that newfound self-confidence will evaporate.]

* * * * *

“Resident Evil Apocalypse”:
I find this review very incorrect. Resident Evil is one of my favourite movies [Oh! My review was incorrect, then. I said you hated it.], I saw the first one when I was younger and it scared me so much, I loved it. You are obvivously not a Horror Film lover, [Because all horror film lovers love all horror films?] because as all Horror Film lovers, such as me love how much blood and gore thier is in the movie. Of course all Horror Film’s can use a good zombie or two. 28 days later is pretty good it’s self, but I didn’t like it as much as Resident Evil, why you may ask? [No, no, actually I wouldn't ask.] It’s simple. Resident Evil Movie’s I can remember every detail, after the first time I watched it, 28 days later all I can remember is the beginning where they show the main actor’s crotch area and after that he walks out. I’m not a typical girl either, just remembering the movies that show a man’s crotch. I find that Milla Jovovich has great passion for this movie.

Her Co-actor’s has the same passion for Resident Evil as she does.

This is why I feel that your reviews are complete Stupidity.

* * * * *

“Bratz”:
your gay i thought his movie was good

you idiot

[That's a great dumb comment by itself, but it gets better: The person's e-mail address is "daddyloverjw1001@[something].com.” “Daddy Lover”? Ewww.

* * * * *

“A Mild Pinoyance” (“Snide Remarks” column):
I QUOTE THIS: YOU SAID……
[This part is a quote from my column.] Uh, hang on. The statement is not racist. Why? Let me break it down for you.

“The Philippines” is not a “race.” It is what’s known as a “country.” Now, if she had said, “I don’t want some dirty Filipino doctor touching me” or “Those damn Filipinos, sneaking across the Pacific Ocean and taking our jobs,” that would be racist. Making a crack about the quality of medical schools in the Philippines is a slam against the Philippines.

It makes no comment about the race of the people who live there. [End of quote.]
___________________________________________

ERIC let me break it down for you!! how about if teri hatcher said “you didn’t get it from a med school in afghanistan did you?” or what about “you didn’t get it from some model rocket shooting muslim did you”? [Those statements wouldn't be racist either. The first is in the same category as "Philippines," i.e., a slam on the country, not the race of the people who live there. The second is a slam on a religion, not a race.]
of course what she said was racist! of course it is racist!!! [So racist I had to say it twice!!!!] the phillipines is dirt. it is land RUN by Phillipinos NOT CHINESE. do you get what a hypocrite you sound like? a country or a med school is not run by land…it is run by the people who live there..most likely PHILLIPINOS. if i said your gardner is from mexico am i being racist? in your terms NO. but in my terms PROBABLY. [You apparently think a lot of things are racist that aren't. "My gardner is from Mexico" is a racist statement? What if he IS from Mexico?] it DOES make a comment about the people who live there.
love and kisses.

[It may interest you to know that this comment came from the woman featured in this blog entry. She is, by my count, three kinds of crazy and two kinds of stupid.]

* * * * *

“The Covenant”:
["The Covenant" inspired a lot of comments from enthusiastic but undiscerning young female viewers. Most of their remarks are silly and shallow, barely literate, and generally focused on the attractiveness of the actors. In fact, I encourage you to read them all, because they are wonderful. Anyway, the whole thing prompted someone to post a comment taking everyone to task for their grammatical mistakes. He or she spent several painstaking paragraphs breaking it down for them. Then, unfortunately, he or she said this:]

Nextly, capitalization. It’s used to start sentences, and to classify proper nouns. Word’s like Reid, Toby, and I should be capitalized.

["Nextly" isn't a word, and "words" doesn't need an apostrophe. Doh!]

* * * * *

“P.S. I Love You”:
[There are two typos in the following comment. One of them could be considered a Freudian slip.]

I personally think Hillary Swank is exceptionally gorgeous, manly for the fact that she is so exotic looking. It’s the contract and differences that make life beautiful people!!

* * * * *

“Bratz”:
Heelo there, i’ve watched the Bratz movie and i loved every single minute of it, i even got it for xmas as well and i also think you are a very rude, an idiot, heartless, thoughtless evil evil person. Someone took there time to write and make that movie. [I'm not sure anyone actually spent any time writing it.] How old are you???? like 99??? cause you sure sound it, infact not 999 as that’s an insult to 99 year olds. This movie wasn’t aimed at your age and me, being 14 can really relate so, i know everyones is entitled to their own oppiouion but your just rude. RUDE!!!! an from the bottom of my heart i pray that you get your just desserts. No one deserves this type of review as, in my oppioion this is bullying. So, next time you decide to write a review think very very very hard as you probaly have no idea the type of damage you may have dcaused. PS. You must be a very very sad man. You should see a shrienk.

[For the record, "oppiouion" is the most elaborate misspelling of "opinion" that I have ever seen.]

* * * * *

“No Country for Old Men”:
and oh my gosh you morons who thinks there is going to be a [swear word] sequeal are either ridiculously ignorant of really stupid. The cohens wouldn’t screw up one of america’s best authors book into a [swear word] sequel… no country for old men 2? Come on! wake up.

And all you people dissing an A+++ movie, and are just used of seeing common [swear word] hollywood crap like pirates 3 or spider man3 or harry potter, or shooter…..

either A: you don’t know how to think deeply
or B: Your just dumb
or C: Don’t know how to appreciate a beautiful movie
or D: just didn’t care for it and that’s ok but don’t u diss it yo!

[This one's complicated. He's right that if you think the movie needs a sequel then you have profoundly misunderstood the movie, and if you think it's going to have a sequel then you profoundly misunderstand the way the movie business works. But then there's the delicious (and all-too-common) irony of his calling everyone else "stupid" while expressing himself so stupidly. And finally, there's this: His e-mail address is "jesusfollower7@[something].com.” Yep, jesusfollower7 has delivered a profanity-laden diatribe against people he thinks are stupid.]

* * * * *

“Brokeback Mountain”:
i fell in love with this movie, its heart wrenching and although its about two male cowboys having an affair, the story is amazing, and ledger and gyllenhaal provide so much depth to the movie, and their preformances amaze me.

question:

1. were the sex scenes really them having sex, or was it fake?

someone who REALLY knows please answer in another comment.

[This one's a treasure trove. Let me enumerate the juiciest morsels:

- "Although it's about two male cowboys having an affair, the story is amazing." Because you wouldn't think a gay-cowboy love affair would make for an amazing story! It sounds so commonplace and ordinary!

- She presents a numbered list that includes only one item.

- The question itself is outrageously stupid. For one thing, no one in mainstream movies is actually having sex. With only a very, very few exceptions over the last 100 years, all sex scenes in non-porn films are simulated. For another thing, the sex scenes in this particular movie occur fully clothed, with the camera pointed nowhere near the actors' nether regions, meaning there's no reason to think they would be doin' it for real.

- You need to REALLY know the answer before you address her question. Using logic or experience or common sense will not do. You need to have actually been on the set so you can say for certain!]

* * * * *

“No Country for Old Men”:
Yeah, a brilliant movie – but, is it Best Movie caliber..? Me thinks the academy still prefers a movie that makes one “feel” good. I came out of this movie feeling “pissed off”……

[Yep, the Academy is a sucker for feel-good movies. Why, just look at some of these upbeat and peppy recent Best Picture winners: "The Departed," "Crash," "Million Dollar Baby," "Titanic," "The English Patient," "Braveheart," "Schindler's List," "Unforgiven," "The Silence of the Lambs," etc., etc.]

17 Responses to “Dumb comments! Get your dumb comments here!”

  1. OMAllen Says:

    I’m going to try harder to make it into the dumb comment category. First, I need to find some craptastic movie to say that I love and that Eric’s review was wrong. Then I need to butcher easily spelled words. To top it off, I’ll randomly insert incomprehensible profanities throughout the comment.

  2. Sherry Says:

    I have a fifteen-year-old sister, and whenever we have instant messaging conversations, I INSIST that she use punctuation. Not capitalizing things in an IM conversation I can understand, and it’s something that I do. But without proper punctuation, her ramblings about boys are just completely incoherent.

    I fear that she has submitted comments similar to the above-mentioned throughout the Land of the Internet. What can I say? She’s adopted.

  3. John Doe Says:

    Dumb comments are great piles of fun for everyone!

  4. David Says:

    Eric, this isn’t fair – I almost never get e-mails or comments as dumb as some of these. The ones with a sliver of intelligence are infuriating because they require a decent answer. You can’t just point and laugh.

  5. Laylabean Says:

    Oh goody! Eric’s making fun of us – I love when Eric makes fun of us!!

    My favorite this round has to be from the Bratz movie lover — “You should see a shrienk.”

    Ways to interpret her misspelling depending on your heart’s desire at the moment…

    You should see a shrink.
    You should see a sheik.
    You should see a shrek.

    I think I’ll take number two, I’d like to see a sheik please.

  6. Christina D Says:

    The dumb comments feature invariably makes my day so much better! :)

  7. Kourtney Says:

    The Hillary Swank comment is my all-around favorite. Short, sweet, to the point: HS is manly, and contracts make life beautiful. I have yet to sign my contract for beauty!

    Oh, and I heard that Eric’s gardener is actually Swedish. And that all he remembers from movies are the crotch shots.

  8. Brian Says:

    Wow. I took your advice and read the comments on The Covenant. I had to stop after number 25 because my brain couldn’t handle more “so-and-so’s got such a cute butt!!!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.” But I have to say that my favorite line came from the first comment about “pubrity.” That’s a gem.

  9. Adam Says:

    I remember reading a column where Eric had to pretend he was Shrek (to help with some potty training) so maybe she did mean Shrek.
    Sheik would be better, though.

  10. Christy Says:

    My favorite is you should get your “just desserts”. Oh, and “you idiot”. So succinct.

  11. Potsy Says:

    That was the funniest [bleep]ing thing I’ve read all day. Likely all week. Quite possibly all year, though it’s only February 6th. You lucky, lucky bastard!

    Sadly, I’ve had students (in university) who write like this. They come out of high school with great marks, sincerely believing they can express themselves well, and this is how they write. God bless high school teachers — they’re like the parents of American Idol contestants, building self esteems utterly unrelated to ability. And then we have to be the ones to sit them down and say, “Look, I know you were an A student, but those grades really meant nothing. Sorry”.

    On the other hand, we get gems like this column as a result. Huzzah!

  12. Sharifa Says:

    My favorite comment on The Covenant was the one about how normal people don’t care about plot or dialog or anything like that when they watch movies. Maybe that explains why so many stupid movies have so many stupid fans. They’re just normal.

  13. Binky Says:

    I like the use of quotes. (Ex – I came out of this movie feeling “pissed off”….)

    To me, using quotes is the written equivalent of winking. Which makes the quoted comment’s intent “nebulous” leaving me feeling “confused” and “wondering if there’s any meaning in the universe” and “eager for a sandwich.”

    I need to see a sheik.

  14. Sharifa Says:

    Binky,

    Do you read the blog of unnecessary quotation marks? If not, you really should.

    http://quotation-marks.blogspot.com/

  15. green mormon architect Says:

    After thinking very very very hard, probaly my favorite one is the oppiouion one – in my oppioion.

  16. FHL Says:

    Is it true that if you can come up with a concept of something, there’s a blog for it?

  17. Danelle Says:

    I cannot stop laughing at the “Resident Evil Apocalypse” comment. Truly, thanks for posting this. Sorry you get such weird comments here and there, but some of them are GOLD!

Subscription Center

Eric D. Snider's "Snide Remarks"

This is to join the mailing list for Eric's weekly humor column, "Snide Remarks." For more information, go here.

Subscribe

Eric D. Snider's "In the Dark"

This is to join the mailing list for Eric's weekly movie-review e-zine. For more information on it, go here.

Subscribe
 
Visit Jeff J. Snider's website | Diamond Clarity Chart