Quit putting apostrophes in last names. I MEAN IT.
With brothers Joel and Ethan Coen up for multiple Oscars this weekend, I’ve had the unfortunate experience of seeing them referred to as “the Coen’s” many times on the Internet. (Why not in print? Because print writers have copy editors.) And so this is as good a time as any to remind you of a very important punctuation fact:
“COENS” DOESN’T NEED AN APOSTROPHE, AND NEITHER DO PLURALS OF ANY OTHER LAST NAMES*.
This is a distressingly common mistake. Even sensible people who would never dream of writing “I have two cat’s” or “My neighbor’s are really loud” still buy signs to hang outside their houses that say “The Johnson’s” (or whatever their last name is; sometimes it isn’t Johnson).
One Smith, two Smiths. Keeping up with the Joneses. I don’t care how “weird” it looks to pluralize “Jones” as “Joneses,” that’s how you do it. Does it look weird to pluralize “boss” as “bosses”? Well, it shouldn’t.
Now, if you want to indicate that this is the house belonging to the Johnsons, you can use an apostrophe — but it goes after the “S.” The Johnsons’ house. The sign on your mailbox or front porch could say The Johnsons’, if you like. But it could also just say The Johnsons, as in The Johnsons live here. Best to leave the apostrophe out altogether if you can’t remember where it’s supposed to go.
The only reason you would use The Johnson’s is if there’s one dude called The Johnson, and this is his house. But honestly, how often does that come up?
So the directors are not the Coen’s. They are the Coens. “No Country for Old Men” is the Coens’ movie. I hope it win’s many award’s on Sunday.
(*Yes, obviously a name like D’Angelo or O’Malley has an apostrophe. Don’t be a smart-aleck.)
February 21st, 2008 at 11:24 am
I actually saw a sign in a department store that said “Childrens’ Department”
What does that even mean?
February 21st, 2008 at 11:46 am
Watch out for those misplaced apostrophes, or Bob the Angry flower will come and get you, internet people.
February 21st, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Does this mean that Donald Trump can put a sign up in front of his house which said “The Donald’s”?
February 21st, 2008 at 12:50 pm
I would love to meet The Johnson. He sounds like a cool guy.
February 21st, 2008 at 1:01 pm
“The only reason you would use The Johnson’s is if there’s one dude called The Johnson, and this is his house. But honestly, how often does that come up?”
Thanks for the chuckle of the day, for as I always say, “A chuckle a day keeps the cynicism away.”
February 21st, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Could you put this on a billboard?
I used to work in printing, and when I was working with clients to design flyers or business cards, I would gently try to correct the grammatical inaccuracies in their document, and was often wrongly “corrected” by them. “No, that doesn’t look right,” they would say, and because it was ultimately my job to sell copies, I would play nice and back down. It was infuriating, and if I could go back in time, I would give them a printed copy of what you wrote above.
Well done, Eric.
February 21st, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Wombatty, it is obviously a department that belongs to the childrens. Sorry, I mean belong’s to the children’s (I alway’s forget that).
February 21st, 2008 at 1:33 pm
And while we’re at it, how about the equally blasphemous use of apostrophes for plurals of things like CD’s, DVD’s, the ABC’s, and so on? AAAAARGH! The poor, overused apostrophe. Now it knows how its subscripted sibling, the comma, feels.
*begin meditation music and deep breathing*
February 21st, 2008 at 1:39 pm
One Christmas I helped out a family friend who had a kiosk in the middle of a mall, out of which he sold handmade wooden signs. These were the very signs that said things like, “The Johnson’s” and featured a delightful woodburned deer, or perhaps a tiki bar.
On every order I took, WITHOUT EXCEPTION, the Johnsons would write that they wanted their sign to say “The Johnson’s.” This is probably because all the sample signs at the kiosk had the names punctuated that way. I tried to tell the customers they were requesting something incorrect on the sign, and WITHOUT EXCEPTION they did not believe me. Neither did the guy who actually made the signs. And he supports himself and his family by making these things, so it clearly hasn’t incapacitated him in any way over the last 30 years of sign-making. This bothers me.
Also, my last name is Parks, and I can’t tell you how many times my family has received cards and things with “The Park’s” written on them. Ugh.
February 21st, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Same with 1600’s, 80’s, etc.
February 21st, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Here’s a coffee table book you’re sure to enjoy:
Amazon link.
It’s by the author of Eats, Shoots and Leaves. Has some very funny and clever illustrations.
I’m not convinced on the CD’s and ABC’s. The rule I read said that if the apostrophe prevented it from being interpreted as another word, then you use it. Like, does anal-retentive have two a’s? (a’s vs as) I tried leaving them out of CDs, but found that it actually looks better to include it.
February 21st, 2008 at 2:57 pm
CD’s, DVD’s, the ABC’s don’t need apostrohes but abc’s dvd’s and cd’s do so they don’t look like cds abcs and dvds, it’s like p’s and q’s not looking like ps and qs.
1600’s and 80’s is allowed because you can have 1980’s music etc. But 1980s is correct too.
February 21st, 2008 at 3:25 pm
THANK YOU, Eric. The improper use of punctuation is one of my pet peeves.
Or should that be pet peeve’s?
Hey, I didn’t say I never do it, I just hate it when everyone else does. So stop it!
February 21st, 2008 at 4:21 pm
To clarify (i.e., correct) a couple things….
The purpose of the apostrophe — indeed, of all punctuation — is to make one’s meaning clear and reduce ambiguity. That is why you use the apostrophe for plurals of single letters, as in “I got three A’s”: because without it, the reader is momentarily thrown off by “As,” which is a word, too. An apostrophe is therefore not needed with plurals of numbers (”The marquee lost all its 9s”), because there’s no ambiguity there — but still it’s acceptable by most authorities, if only so it parallels the rule about plurals of letters.
With that in mind, there is no reason to put an apostrophe in decades and centuries (the 1980s, the 1600s, and so forth). The lack of an apostrophe does not result in any likely misunderstandings or ambiguities. In the construction “1980s music,” the term “1980s” is a modifier (describing what kind of music), not a possessive. If you truly wanted to insist on it being a possessive, the apostrophe would have to go after the “s,” since there was more than one year in the 1980s: 1980s’ music.
Likewise, no apostrophe is needed in multiple-letter combinations like CDs or DVDs — because, again, there is no double meaning without it. And think about this: If you do use it for the plural, how will you manage the plural possessive? “Those CD’s’ scratches couldn’t be fixed” looks really, really awkward.
As for “Eats, Shoots & Leaves,” I was hesitant to bother with it after The New Yorker ran a review pointing out that the book itself — a guide to correct punctuation — makes dozens and dozens of punctuation errors.
February 21st, 2008 at 4:47 pm
You no whats really tuff? When your an english teacher like me (really, I am) and you actually have colleague’s who make these same mistake’s. You have to wonder where did they get there degree? How can I be expected to teach my student’s to write good and know good grammer and speling and punktuation when they’re previous english teachers’ have taught them contradictory (wrong) rule’s? Its impossible. It make’s my job way hard. Oh and dont forget another annoying punctuation mistake. The “unnecessary” quotation mark. Also sentence fragments.
February 21st, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Some of the rules are confusing, though. I think the rules have changed for letters, numbers, and acronyms several times. And you don’t put an apostrophe in possessive pronouns like it’s (its), who’s (whose), and her’s (hers). Although I’ve never seen anyone write hi’s for his. But what about your’s verses yours? They both spell-check properly but I don’t think your’s is a contraction, or am I wrong? I’ve always thought we should use apostrophes in possessive pronouns because you can’t otherwise distinguish his from his. “He received a lot of his in greetings from his friends.” Maybe that should be “Hi”s or “Hi”’s.
February 21st, 2008 at 5:09 pm
I make peace with sign debacles like “The Johnson’s” by mentally filling in the imaginary blank. If the offending sign is on an RV, my internal reading voice says, “The Johnson’s RV.” The Johnsons are still wrong, but at least I can move on with my day.
Try saying, “Those CD’s’ scratches couldn’t be fixed†out loud. I dare you.
February 21st, 2008 at 5:11 pm
“Your’s” is just wrong, period.
Plurals of words technically are formed the same way as plurals of other things: by adding “s” or “es.” “Remember your dos and don’ts”; “He got a lot of yeses [or yesses] and nos [or noes] in response”; etc. But as you note, this can result in confusion, and so the judicious use of apostrophes is appropriate. (Another alternative is to italicize the word part but not the “s”: “He got a lot of his from his friends.” Again, you do whatever is necessary to avoid confusion.)
February 21st, 2008 at 8:11 pm
I love the comments here, particularly from the few who don’t seem to quite get it. I don’t punctuate perfectly, but does that mean I can’t enjoy the mistakes of others?
February 21st, 2008 at 9:48 pm
In a psychology class we were learning about mothers as attachment figures. The teacher pulled up a new slide, which was labeled in enormous letters across the top:
DAD’S MATTER TOO. To this day it still amuses/irks me.
February 22nd, 2008 at 2:21 am
Sorry, Owain. You’re wrong. I happen to know that The Johnson is a complete tool. (You can tell because of the article in his name. And, seriously, it’s a DEFINITE article for Pete’s sake.)
February 22nd, 2008 at 4:58 am
If you get married any time soon Eric, my wedding gift to you will be a woodcut sign that reads “The Snider’s”…
February 22nd, 2008 at 9:11 am
I saw the title of this blog entry and immediately thought, “Does anybody want a peanut?”
February 22nd, 2008 at 10:08 am
My favorite apostrophe catastrophe was seeing someone write the word want as wan’t. Is that a contraction of the words “wa†and “not†or something? And if so, what the *bleep* does that even mean?
February 22nd, 2008 at 10:57 am
Taken from The Apostrophe Protection Society
23 Vauxhall Road, Boston
… however, if there are two or more dogs, companies or Joneses in our example, the apostrophe comes after the ’s’:
the dogs’ bones
the companies’ logos
Joneses’ bakeries
I guess I learned somthing.
Than’x “”"!
February 22nd, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Now if you could just address the Southerners who insist on spelling Y’all in the incorrect form of Ya’ll… makes me shake my head when people tell me that slang doesn’t follow any grammatical rules, to which I reply: “Then why not spell it Yal’l?”
The only thing as annoying is the multiple cars for sale here in UT that attept to inform you of the year of the vehicle in an abreviated manner: 06′ Accord, 98′ Ford, etc.
February 22nd, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Except here in Utah, cars aren’t for sale — they’re for sell.
February 22nd, 2008 at 8:54 pm
I think the misplaced apostrophe is my biggest grammar pet peeve, and having been an editor, I have a lot of them. Aren’t the basics of apostrophes taught in grade school? The trouble is that people aren’t making mistakes with obscure uses of the apostrophe, it’s the blatant, you-really-should-know-better misplacements that seem to be so prevalent. It drives me mad.
February 22nd, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Also, “Eats, Shoots & Leaves” was entertaining. It doesn’t replace an actual style guide, but it was fun to read.
February 23rd, 2008 at 9:42 am
If you drive down to Moab, you’ll see a big graffity sign on the side of one of the red cliffs that reads “Hole n” the Rock,” which my husband and I always joke that it means “Hole Now the Rock.” When my husband pointed that out to the locals (he’s also a local), they always tell him, “Oh, that’s just how it is. It’s cute that way.”
February 23rd, 2008 at 9:16 pm
I thought Eric/readers might enjoy this but I didn’t know where to write about it… On the subject of spelling/grammatical errors, I was reading a comment on a video that read “I thought he got a bumb wrap.” It was certainly the most creative spelling I can imagine… I love when people add letters.
February 23rd, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Finally, an article where someone actually says what I have been screaming (on the inside) since high school, when I discovered that America couldn’t speak English (at least write in English): Why are Americans (no apostrophe) idiots (no apostrophe) when it comes to apostrophes (no apostrophe)?
I think the reason is that the idea must be too difficult for many to understand. At least it’s too difficult for most to care. Even among the more intelligent : rocket scientists, I imagine, would be inclined to write rocket scientist’s. Am I right or am I right? Thanks, Eric, for hitting my pet-peeve nail on the head.
Mike J. (a student at the Y during your heyday.)
February 25th, 2008 at 9:37 am
I think that far too much of the population is completely befuddled by all punctuation. After all, how many times have you seen people use quotation marks in order to emphasize something, instead of using italics, CAPITAL LETTERS, boldface type, or underlining? It seems like this is more prevalent nowadays than it was in the past, but I have a different theory. I think that the majority of the American population is in fact punctuation-retarded, but they were able to hide it much of the time before the advent of the Internet. With the ubiquity of email and personal websites and blogs, a whole lot of people are doing a lot of typing who would not be doing that typing thirty years ago or so. Back in those times (the “Good Old Days of Punctuation”), there were a few people who were responsible for editing out the idiocy of the punctuation-retarded before the offensive punctuation was set into print and sent out to the world. For instance, secretaries that took dictation for their bosses and edited things before firing up the typewriter. Or newspaper editors catching their writers’ errors.
Unfortunately, any simpleton with fingers can ham-fistedly bang on their keyboards and irk the living daylights out of those of us who actually paid attention to grammar and syntax lessons in elementary school. All I can do is my imitation of the Indian crying a single tear every time I see my boss (who makes easily double my salary) unable to differentiate between “there,” “their,” and “they’re.”
March 26th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
I saw the following today:
“Bridgette Jone’s movies”
That one possibly takes the cake for me.