Eric’s Bad Movies: ‘Batman & Robin’ (1997)
As expected, this week’s edition of “Eric’s Bad Movies” at Film.com is “Batman & Robin,” the disaster that brought the Batman franchise to a screeching halt 11 years ago. One of my rules for this column is that I don’t want to do films that I already reviewed, but I made an exception here because my original review wasn’t a proper one. It was a he-said/she-said thing with another writer at my college paper, and it hardly counts. Plus, ’tis the season, what with that new Batman movie coming out tomorrow.
By the way, one of the reasons I don’t want to use already-reviewed films for “Eric’s Bad Movies” is pretty straightforward: If it’s bad enough to warrant EBM attention, that means it’s bad enough that I don’t want to watch it again. Time had dulled my memory of how awful “Batman & Robin” is, but it all came rushing back when I rewatched it, compounded now by the fact that I knew what was going to happen. At least the first time had the element of surprise, that flavor of fresh badness. The second time was like re-taking a crap.
Next week: a movie starring someone who has already been featured in “Eric’s Bad Movies” as a director, and directed by someone who has a prior directorial offense on our list, too. Using those clues, the EBM archives, and IMDB, you could actually figure out exactly what next week’s movie is. The first person to post the correct answer wins … something. Possibly nothing. But it would be cool, right?
July 17th, 2008 at 10:26 am
But taking a crap is AWESOME!
Why wouldn’t you want to do it over again? I suppose if it was one of those painful craps, you know, where it feels like you’re pooping out a cucumber, then I’d understand. But you didn’t specify.
July 17th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Ah, what’s not to like? It has Alicia Silverstone, Uma Thurman, Elle MacPherson! =)
July 17th, 2008 at 11:48 am
For starters, the lack of acting talent displayed in this movie by Alicia Silverstone, Uma Thurman, Elle MacPherson…
July 17th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Sylvester Stallone directed EBM “Staying Alive” and starred in “Stop or My Mom will Shoot!” That film was directed by Roger Spottiswoode, who has a production credit on “Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend.”
And, while I’m not saying I gave you the idea, “Stop or My Mom will Shoot!” was a film I suggested on the “Give me EBM ideas” post.
There may be others that fit the category, but this one does. I used IMDB to find an answer, and I don’t really expect to win anything. It’s just fun to play. Thanks!
July 17th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Good, because you’re wrong. I’ve added a word to my clue to make it more clear: “directed by someone who has a prior directorial offense on our list, too.”
July 17th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Over the Top starring Sylvester Stallone, and directed by Menahem Golan whose prior movie was Delta Force. What do I win?
July 17th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
You win the honor of being awesome! Congratulations!
July 17th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
You know, I actually enjoyed Batman & Robin more than I did Batman Forever. At least Batman & Robin knew it was a campy, silly movie. Batman Forever felt more like it was badly co-directed by Schumacher and Burton. And, George Clooney is basically a real life Bruce Wayne (minus being Batman), and Val Kilmer was stiff as a board in the role. AND, Uma Thurman was like seven different kinds of hot as Poison Ivy.
And, mind you, I’m not saying one movie was better than the other (they’re basically a turd, and a bigger turd).
I should also point out that Joel Schumacher wanted to do basically what Chris Nolan did with Batman Begins, even using the same source material. Then the studio decided everything needed to be a toy, and we got the Freezemobile.
July 17th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Joe, don’t try to tell me that Schumacher would have produced a dark, gritty piece of superhero realism were it not for the interference of studio execs. Did the Batsuit need nipples for toy-marketing purposes?
July 17th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
But…. You actually have a review of this one on your site. You’re breaking your own rule here.
Oh well. (reads)
July 17th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
And I see you already pointed that out yourself. Oh well. Reading stuff before you post a reply is for nerds anyway.
July 17th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
There are only a few films that I found myself unable to sit through. Batman and Robin was one of the most painful. See also: Congo.
July 17th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
According to Schumacher, he was inspired by sculptures of ancient Greek and Roman gods. That doesn’t make it right, and I’m not defending the nipples. But at least it’s something more than him being gay (which he is).
6.5 hours until The Dark Knight!
July 17th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
I have never seen Batman & Robin in its entirety. I’ve tried a couple of times but just couldn’t do it.
As for Over the Top, I’ll admit I liked this movie as a kid, but it definitely deserves a place in the Pantheon of bad movies. Please make special reference to scene where the wussy, cry baby son (who you think would be tougher after being in military school) beats the older bully at arm wrestling in the restaurant after Stallone’s “inspiring” speech. Even as a kid, I knew that was absurd. But the guy who drank a quart of motor oil…that was awesome.
July 17th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Is Eric done taking suggestions for bad movies? Hard Rain, Eric, if you are. Hard Rain. That was, as the French say, un tas de merde.
July 17th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I almost punched my monitor when I saw you give a bad review to B&R.
July 17th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Hilarious!
Eric said:
“…the Batsuit has nipples. Why would this be? Is it to accommodate Clooney’s own nipples? Are they so protuberant that they create discomfort when squeezed into an unnippled Batsuit? I’m guessing Clooney tried on the original costume the first day and was like, ‘Wow, how did Val Kilmer ever fit into this thing? Does he just not have nipples?!,’ and the costumers had to make alterations. Meanwhile, all of Hollywood began whispering about George Clooney’s bulging nipples.”
Just hilarious!
July 17th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Batman & Robin made me laugh once, at least once intentionally. I found Robin’s ‘Holy Rusted Metal, batman’ quip to be funny. Or was that from Batman Forever?
July 17th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Rifftrax for this is pretty funny, for the first hour or so. Of course, I don’t think there are many people who want to watch B&R just for the pleasure of riffing it. If you watch it for the camp only, then maybe you can stand it.
Over The Top, on the other hand, is hilarious with or without rifftrax. But I recommend rifftrax anyway because those MST3K guys are so clever. “Is his name Hawk or Hawks? They keep changing it on us.”
July 17th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
The cable channel TNT is running B&R right now. They’re calling it a “new classic.” Apparently TNT has very loose definitions of both the word “new” and the word “classic.”
John Doe, some friends and I watched this movie a few months ago with the Rifftrax on. It made the experience slightly more palatable, but a pig with lipstick on is still just a pig (or some other folksy aphorism like that). I can’t believe that they had so much money and so much talent working on this movie and it still turned out to be so utterly terrible in every way. This has got to be one of the highest ratios of money-to-crap in movies.
For those of you bulking up on your movie trivia for your next appearance on Jeopardy, Wikipedia informs me was that Jesse Ventura, former governor of Minnesota, had a bit part as an Arkham Asylum guard. So despite the fact that the movie is crap-tastic, it’s got a lot of brawny governors in it.
This is the last paragraph in my comment, I promise.
July 17th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
The quip’s from “Batman Forever” when they go the Riddler’s island/lair thingie. I actually kinda liked that movie as a kid when I watched the Animated Series after school everyday.
The Animated Series, however, is still good after all these years.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:35 am
We were at the gym last night and I got on the cardio machines, which face several big TVs, just as “Batman and Robin” was starting to play on a cable station. The gym TVs have no sound, but closed-captioning is enabled. I have never had such a hilarious gym experience, watching the first 20 minutes of this movie with the captioning on. Mr. Freeze would say something and the captions would display, “Ahhh!” which was obviously said in an Ahnold-y voice, and the dialogue was even worse when you read it and didn’t hear it. I kept giggling and disturbing my neighbor on the cardio machines, but it was my husband and he just shook his head and turned to watch CNN. So much fun, but I probably couldn’t have stood more than 20 minutes. (Clooney looked very cute when not wearing the nipple suit, though. Mmm. But why make pre-Poison Ivy’d Uma look like Carol Burnett’s janitor character?)
July 18th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Eric, your brother seems like a smart guy.
July 19th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
In addition to the bulging nipples, he also appears to be wearing a codpiece.
July 20th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Not wanting to see the entire movie, I recently watched the Preview of this abomination. I don’t know anything about lighting or cinematography, but EVERY shot was PAINFULLY obviously on a badly lit sound stage. There’s nothing wrong with sound stages, but they made it look awful on a consistent basis. Am I just crazy, or is the whole movie really like that?