The good news is, we got you a part…
My friend Luscious Malone and I like to say this when we’re watching a movie or TV show in which an actor appears onscreen only briefly and only to do or say something dumb, demeaning, or embarrassing. For example:
“The good news is, we got you a part. The bad news is, you play Adam Sandler’s Elderly Sexual Partner #3 in ‘Zohan.’
Or:
“The good news is, we got you a part on ‘Lost.’ The bad news is, you’re going to emerge from one of the Others’ houses just in time to get shot.”
Last night I was watching an old TiVoed episode of “Law & Order: SVU” when I found myself saying this:
“The good news is, we got you a part. The bad news is, you play a forensics technician whose only line is telling Detective Benson at a Central Park murder scene, ‘My team’s looking for sperm clusters and foliage smears.’ Learn that line really well! Deliver it with gusto! Then be sure to put it on your demo tape!”
My team’s looking for sperm clusters and foliage smears. Yeesh. Thanks, SVU. You’re delightful.
August 25th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
“Honey Nut Sperm Clusters! Now with Niacin and 12 other essential vitamins and minerals!”
I feel sorry for all of those losers in the Spider-Man movies whose only job was to point up in the air and yell “LOOK!” It’s worse than nothing at all.
August 25th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Sorry for the double-post, but as long as you’re mentioning SVU. . .
The worst role of all would be your first as a child actor on SVU, whose only role is to be pulled into a basement and used as a human shield for some time before being rescued by the police. That show makes my skin crawl, it does.
August 25th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
Is her name really Luscious?
August 26th, 2008 at 6:17 am
It could be worse, at least he didn’t play the guy who was caught recording women peeing in a coffee shop restroom. Although, that guy got to have Amy Sederis play his sister, which kind of made up for the embarrassing part.
August 26th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
*names have been changed
Back in the day Eric used to write that whenever he referred to certain people. There was also a Tanny Tan Tan though I don’t remember any others.
August 27th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Ah, I see. Thanks Kevith.
August 27th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
I recall there also being a Mr. and Mrs. Pants.