Eric D. Snider

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An epiphany at Starbucks

Sometimes I go to Starbucks and get a piece of coffee cake. Often they have two varieties, regular and Portland. I get the Portland kind, and every time I get it, I ask, “What makes it Portland-y?” And then I always answer my own question with a joke along the lines of, “Does it taste like hippies?” or “Is it made from vegetarians?” I try to keep it fresh by mentioning something different every time, just in case it’s the same cashier that I’ve made the joke with before. But the other day I realized that I’ve never actually listened to the answer, which means I still don’t actually know what the difference is between Portland coffee cake and regular coffee cake. So maybe instead of cracking jokes I should shut up and listen? Is that the lesson here? Was my dad was right all along?

9 Responses to “An epiphany at Starbucks”

  1. Lohengrin Says:

    Portland coffee cake is made with Salmon.

  2. Savvy Veteran Says:

    Portland coffee cake has weed in it.

  3. Randy Tayler Says:

    Portland coffee cake is the only thing Michael Moore eats.

  4. Melissa Says:

    I think it just doesn’t have all those crumbly things on top…like it’s flat…minimalistic…clean.

  5. Jen Says:

    Portland coffee cake is baked on a hot stone in the sun so that no energy is wasted by using an oven.

  6. Niall Says:

    Have you ever actually gotten a sensible answer or do they just laugh at your wisecrack?

  7. Sean Says:

    The Potland variety is made of cement.

  8. CoolBoy Says:

    Yes, your Dad is right.

  9. Karen Stout Says:

    Portland coffeecake is flown in from Maine. I will never tire of jokes confusing the two Portlands.

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