Eric’s Bad Movies: Bad movies needed!
I write a weekly column at Film.com entitled Eric’s Bad Movies, in which I watch a bad movie and then tell you about it. Aside from the watching, the hardest part is often choosing a film that’s suitable. I’m not aware of every bad movie ever made, and certain types of bad movies make better fodder than others.
And so I occasionally come to you for suggestions. Which is what I’m doing now! Post recommendations below, but please look at the requirements first, as well as the list of what I’ve already covered. If you don’t want to post a comment, you could always send me an e-mail or Twitter me.
Here are the criteria. I reserve the right to ignore these as I please, but you should stick to them when making suggestions.
1. It needs to be really bad. Films that are merely mediocre are a waste of time.
2. The film should be considered bad by most people, not just you. The column works much better when the reader sees the movie I’ve selected and already agrees that it is appropriate, or at the very least understands why I chose it. I know it’s hard to gauge a consensus sometimes, but use common sense. No matter how much you happen to hate “Titanic” personally, surely you understand that yours is not the prevailing opinion.
3. It needs to have been released theatrically. No straight-to-video or TV movies.
4. Nothing from the 2000s. I probably already reviewed it when it came out, and I’m trying to avoid double-dipping. I’m already aware of the few exceptions to this. So think ’90s and earlier.
5. No comedies. Comedies are very hard to make fun of because they already don’t take themselves seriously. When I have tried, I have usually failed. (I’m in good company: The “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ crew, in 200 episodes, only heckled one or two comedies.) Should I feel a need to dip into comedies, I already have a lengthy list of suitable ones.
The Adventures of Pluto Nash
Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold
Anaconda
The Avengers
Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend
Batman & Robin
The Beastmaster
Beautician and the Beast
Bio-Dome
Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo
The Care Bears Movie
Cocktail
Congo
The Delta Force
Double Impact
Ernest Saves Christmas
The Forbidden Dance (is Lambada)
Garbage Pail Kids
Glitter
Grease 2
Gymkata
High School Musical
Howard the Duck
Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf
Hudson Hawk
The Ice Pirates
I Know What You Did Last Summer
Inspector Gadget
It’s Pat
Jack Frost
Jaws: The Revenge
Judge Dredd
Kazaam
Kull the Conqueror
Leprechaun
Mac and Me
The Mangler
Masters of the Universe
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
The Neverending Story III
The Other Sister
Orca
Over the Top
Patch Adams
Power Rangers: The Movie
Red Sonja
Shanghai Surprise
Showgirls
Silent Night, Deadly Night
Speed 2: Cruise Control
Spice World
Star Trek V
Staying Alive
Street Fighter
Supergirl
Superman IV
Super Mario Bros.
Tarzan, the Ape Man
The 13th Warrior
Timecop
Waterworld
The Wiz
The Wizard
Xanadu
Zardoz
July 13th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Are you willing to do silent movies? There’s a 1925 version of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz that’s…uh… very weird in that twenties-y way, to say the least.
Also, Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man.
July 13th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
Batteries Not Included
Who’s that Girl
Making Mr. Right
Batteries Not Included may be on the borderline for some people as “a fun sentimental movie”, and with Spielberg producing, the effects were good for the 80′s, but c’mon…it was really terrible.
July 13th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Surf Ninjas
July 13th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
How about Cutthroat Island? I think it single handedly killed the career of Geena Davis, which is not a bad thing, but the movie was still horrible.
Independence Day. May be too popular or mediocre, but I watched it the other day and it was horrible.
Don’t tell Mom the babysitter’s dead. May be a comedy.
Volcano
Flash Gordon…great soundtrack and funky costumes but still horrible.
Hocus Pocus. May be a comedy, but it won many razzies.
Rocky V
July 13th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Return to Oz
July 13th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Nokie, i seriously doubt you’ve even hard of it but anyone who has seen it readily agrees its one of the most mentally and emotionally offensive movies ever.
July 13th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
sorry Nukie is the correct spelling
July 13th, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Mr. Wrong.
July 13th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
The Pirate Movie
July 13th, 2009 at 10:28 pm
How about the Disney animated films after Walt left but before the Little Mermaid, like “The Black Cauldron”. Maybe the reason I dislike that film because I was a fan of the book, but it sure seamed stupid to me. Or how about one of the Disney live action sequals from that same era, like Man from Snowy River II or perhaps Return from Witch Mountain.
July 13th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
I like — well like is not the right word — I enjoy watching the Pirate Movie. It’s a comedy and a parody of a parody, so it might be hard for Eric to mock.
July 13th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
the pest
spartacus
class of nukem high
July 13th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Happy Birthday to Me. An amazingly awful horror movie from 1981.
How about Mannequin? Or Dragnet? (Although I DO love Dragnet, I can say that it is very, very bad.)
And The Pirate Movie is so bad it is fabulous.
July 13th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
I love when you ask for suggestions because it means that people will leave crazy comments and/or break 1-5 of your rules for the column.
On an unrelated note, someone suggested Spartacus.
July 13th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Since you have done some of the movies I had listed before, I will reiterate some of them
Caligula – Honestly, I’m kinda surprised you haven’t done this one yet. It is notorious in bad movie circles for reasons that would be inappropriate to go into in this post. Let me just say this, its one of the few movies that Roger Ebert walked out on. And he NEVER does that.
Night of the Lepus – A really unintentionally hilarious horror movie from the late 70′s starring that one guy from Star Trek (can’t remember his name). The monster of the movie is giant rabbits. And it is even more ludicrous than it sounds.
Yor, Hunter from the Future – I urge you to take a look at this slice of 80′s cheese. Its got Reb “Crunch Buttsteak” Brown from the famous MST3K episode Space Mutiny as the lead character. It is about a caveman who must fight against aliens and the occasional poorly constructed SFX dinosaur. Just the trailer on youtube is hilarious.
Captain America – This is a giant piece of crap. I have no nice things to say about this movie. Hopefully the upcoming Avengers movie is a lot better.
Island of Dr. Moreau – This is another classic “bad movie”, its got Val Kilmer and Marlon Brando rides around in a pope-mobile. Really, you just have to see this movie to believe it.
Highlander II: The quickening – great WTF moments are in this one.
The Room – I had never heard of this movie until it appeared on rifftrax one day. It looks god awful though, and perfect for EBM. It has some of the most terrible acting I’ve seen in a long time. Here is a clip… Warning: PG-13 language http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISXiFJS9D5A&feature=related
And the rest…..
Road House
Krull (no, its different than Kull)
Steel w/ Shaq O’neil
Spawn
The Phantom
And though I know it doesn’t qualify…but consider The Star Wars Holiday Special. Seriously, it is pure dreck taken to a whole new level of awfulness. The first 10 minutes have nothing but wookies talking back and forth to each other. It’s probably the worst….thing…I’ve ever seen.
Have fun with these Eric! Let us know if you need anti-depressants after watching some of them!
July 14th, 2009 at 12:23 am
You should do Crimewave. It’s one of Sam Raimi’s early movie that he wrote with the Coen Brothers. You’d think that it’d be a good combo but it’s bad, really bad.
Another great bad movie is Cool as Ice, the Vanilla Ice vehicle from the early 90s. This movie paved the way for 8 MIle and all movies with rappers.
July 14th, 2009 at 4:59 am
Have you done Flash Gordon yet? The 1980 version. I just saw it the other day for the first time.
Oh.
My.
God.
To some degree it’s intentionally bad, but it’s just so RIDICULOUSLY over the top that it would easily give you enough fodder for TWO EBM columns!
July 14th, 2009 at 5:38 am
Morgan Deane suggested “Rocky V,” but I think “Rocky IV” would be much better suited for your purposes. (V is just plain boring, not to mention pathetic in the way it tries to recapture the magic of the original.) People remember IV fondly because it’s such an entertaining movie, but–seriously–the thing is just downright awful. Movie, your straining my belief as it is by having Carl Weathers get freaking KILLED (literally) in the opening fight (after being sung in by James Brown), but then to have Rocky win over THE ENTIRE Russian crowd and end the Cold War on Christmas? Well that’s just ludicrous. Awesome, though.
And that’s failing to mention the fact that basically the entire second half of the film is a music video. Heck, there’s enough montages in this thing to make “The Karate Kid” blush! (/lame joke). Seriously though, you should do it, it would be hilarious, and I bet you’d have a fun time watching the movie as well.
July 14th, 2009 at 5:50 am
Ishtar
Brazil
Batteries Not Included
July 14th, 2009 at 5:50 am
The Black Hole
July 14th, 2009 at 5:58 am
How about Purple Rain?
To be honest, I’ve not seen the whole movie, just one scene where Prince get’s really angry or something and I started laughing hysterically because, how could anyone take that little purple guy with the hair seriously?
July 14th, 2009 at 6:27 am
I second Spawn.
Also Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins (Bonus, it has Wilford Brimley).
Rollerball (although it may not qualify since it is newish)
Second Sight – 1989 (Bronson Pinchot and John Larroquette) – John Larroquette is the head of a detective agency that is hired to find a missing person, probably kidnapped. They employ the help of a mystic/psychic (Bronson Pinchot)to help find the missing girl.
July 14th, 2009 at 6:28 am
It should be “Also:” then the list of movies…
July 14th, 2009 at 6:32 am
I guess Second Sight was supposed to be a comedy, so that may rule it out.
So, how about Wing Commander instead?
July 14th, 2009 at 7:03 am
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
July 14th, 2009 at 7:06 am
Leonard Part 6 with Bill Cosby. It is a comedy even that isn’t the least bit funny. An apt description at one site says, “Retired espionage agent Leonard (Bill Cosby) is called back into service when avenging animals attack the human populace in this very-unfunny film.” Think about it, cosby in a helmet rides an Ostrich down hallways.
Another I have stated before that really needs treatment is James Bond Moonraker, probably the worst in the whole history of the films. It has been panned by just about everyone – critic and fan both. Perhaps Bond is too much of a sacred cow, but this really needs the Bad Movie mockery treatment.
July 14th, 2009 at 7:07 am
I second the vote for “Black Cauldron.”
July 14th, 2009 at 7:09 am
My husband thinks I should recommend The Last Unicorn – an 80′s animated flick, but I loved it so.
July 14th, 2009 at 7:47 am
I suggest “Dance With Me” with Vanessa Williams. Infuriatingly awful.
July 14th, 2009 at 7:56 am
I’ll put in a second vote for “Highlander II: The Quickening.” It’s one of those unforgivable bad movies that completely rewrites the rules of the previous movie.
“Karate Kid III” and “The Next Karate Kid” are also extremely awful movies that I try to forget about, but am dragging back up for your potential torture.
July 14th, 2009 at 8:08 am
I second Leonard Part 6, but those Ernest films are just horrible. I’ve watched Ernest goes to jail last week, no laughs. It was like being punched in the gut and kicked at the shins at the same time.
July 14th, 2009 at 8:12 am
Tortillas Again was by far the worst movie I have ever seen.
July 14th, 2009 at 8:15 am
Patch Adams was a fine comedy.
July 14th, 2009 at 8:23 am
You could always do the abominable Paris HIlton vehicle “the Hottie and the Nottie”. I can guarantee it’s probably worse than Beth Cooper.
July 14th, 2009 at 9:01 am
I know you said no comedies, but “Car 54, Where Are You?” can hardly be considered a comedy. That was an hour and a half of my life I’ll never get back. Along with the horrible comedies, I would include all of the “Ernest Goes to…” movies. I vaguely remember a Halloween one being terrifyingly awful.
“Scamper the Penguin” was my favorite animated movie as a 4-year-old, along with “The Care Bears Movie,” so I’d check that one out since the Care Bears were a huge hit with you.
“Alien from L.A.” is a particularly terrible 80′s movie.
And finally, “The Final Sacrifice” from the early 90s is hysterically bad. There’s a cult of ancient Canadian wrestlers, secret maps, magical idols, and a kid named Troy. I mean, come on!!!!!!
July 14th, 2009 at 9:07 am
High School Musical 2.
I realise it breaks a lot of the rules, but so did High School Musical and you included that.
I can assure you that HSM2 is much worse then the first.
July 14th, 2009 at 9:15 am
Allow me to once again second Remo Williams:
http://www.amazon.com/Remo-Williams-Adventure-Fred-Ward/dp/B000092Q5C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1247588077&sr=8-1
July 14th, 2009 at 9:18 am
Vibes (“starring” Cyndi Lauper)
July 14th, 2009 at 9:27 am
The Saint
July 14th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Dark Passage
The Vampire Bat
Last Unicorn
July 14th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Ator Fighting Eagle
It’s like Beastmaster, but worse. Which is really, really saying something.
Also known as “Ator the Invincible”
July 14th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Greg, O’MAllen: Brazil and Remo Williams aren’t bad movies (at least according to the Academy…they were both nominated for something). They are both odd and quirky, but not bad movies at all.
Flash Gordon yes, (or any movie that stars SAM JONES, ugh!) but not Remo.
I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a million times: GWGumby’s right, dammit! Highlander II is the WORST steaming pile of celluloid that EVER existed. How this director gave us the first Highlander film (which I found to be fantastic), I’ll never know.
My picks: Higlander II, Jane and the Lost City (another 1987 clunker proving once again that artistic creativity died in the late 80′s–with Sam Jones! Again!), and Who’s That Girl? (oh, 1987 why do you taunt me with your lameness?)
July 14th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Anything starring Shaq should get nominated. Shazaam and Steel were both terrible. Also, Blair Witch Two was dreadful.
July 14th, 2009 at 10:55 am
You haven’t watched Super Fuzz since my last recommendation? Oh, man, you’re in for a treat.
July 14th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Cop and 1/2
Stop or my Mom will Shoot
July 14th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Savvy Veteran mentioned Rocky IV….which has both Bridegette Nelson, and Dolph Lundgreen….which are both almuni of the Erics Bads Movies treatment. That has got to be some sort of bad movie alignment of the stars or sign of the apocalypse.
July 14th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Last American Virgin. This rotter was a coming of age movie, found In the Bargin Bin. I threw the disc away after viewing because I didn’t want anyone to know I’d paid money for it. It’s a train wreck with a soundtrack and loaded with fodder.
July 14th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Can I put in a negative vote for Remo Williams? (Granted, pretty hokey compared to the books, but still enjoyable.)
I submit Dungeonmaster, which I saw in the theater:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089060/
July 14th, 2009 at 11:31 am
The “Remo Williams” issue is moot, as the DVD is out of print and Netflix doesn’t have it.
Also unavailable: “Dungeonmaster,” “Cool as Ice,” Shaq’s “Steel.” Sorry.
July 14th, 2009 at 11:44 am
“Cloak and Dagger” (1984), featuring Dabney Coleman and Henry Thomas in probably his only post-”E.T.” role.
July 14th, 2009 at 11:49 am
Ernest movies don’t fit the bill, they are comedies, so, BACK OFF!!! Just kidding. They are certainly lame in their own lovable right.
Besides Purple rain, I nominate Troll II which actually had no connection to the first movie called Troll. I’m sure someone has brought this one up before. It may actually be available.
July 14th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Also unavailable: “Super Fuzz,” “Captain America,” “Yor, Hunter from the Future,” “Happy Birthday to Me,” “Nukie.”
July 14th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
“Super Baby Geniuses”!
July 14th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
I don’t know how most people feel about “Commando” but it is quite awful. Though the way it was filmed could viably turn into a pretty cool video game>:)
July 14th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
I’ll second the motion on Highlander II. The original version, not the one where they tried to clean it up. I also recommend:
Wild Wild West
Space Camp
The Next Karate Kid (Hilary Swank!)
C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud
Meteor (Look at the cast!)
Jungle 2 Jungle
Also, these three films may be “comedies,” but come, if this is comedy, who needs tragedy?
The Bad News Bears Go to Japan
Neighbors
Popeye
July 14th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
The Last Unicorn, great choice people!
Krull-liam Nelson I believe is the cyclops?
Flash Gordon would be awesome! Totally can make fun of the green tights
I apoligize if this has been done but Jaws III in 3-d? (again, I am sorry if it’s been done)-you know, where the shark is caught in that pipe, that’s classic!
Who’s that Girl-come on, Madonna, tight clothes, a lion? What is not to hate!
Iron Eagles
The Flinstones? That was bad-it was just on the other day too
Boxing Helena-I love the Lynch movies but it was pretty bad
Bulworth
Final Voyage-Ice-T, need I say more?
Jury Duty-1995 w/Pauly Shore and Sandra Bullock..haha
Lost in Space-Joey saying anything that was scentific was great
The Phantom Menace-now hear me out-Jar Jar Binks’ voice…, “now this is pod racing” comment in the fighter-makes you want to cover your ears doesn’t it?
July 14th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Sorry, I just totally posted my comment on the wrong thread (in fact, on last year’s request for bad movies). Anyway, here it is again:
“Sextette”. It was released theatrically in 1978 and is relatively well-known. It’s also mindblowingly catastrophic, with a current score of 2.3 on IMDB. And it’s full of big names like Timothy Dalton, George Hamilton, Tony Curtis, and the recently departed Dom DeLuise.
In some ways, it perhaps fails the last of Eric’s criteria – but it’s a musical first and a comedy second. And it’s a brilliant film to make fun of – it’s just so far off the charts.
July 14th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
And if “Sextette” is unavailable, I’ll personally buy him the DVD.
July 14th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
“Sextette”: DVD out of print, not on Netflix. Apparently some of these really awful movies are being withheld from the public.
Some of these suggestions are very useful, by the way. My to-mock list is growing! And by all means, keep suggesting straightforward, non-supernatural, non-sci-fi comedies, so I can keep ignoring them!
July 14th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
A few oldies but baddies:
Death Race 2000
Hard to Kill
Hooper
Race With the Devil
July 14th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Lynch’s version of Dune.
July 14th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Please choose “North.” It may be considered a comedy, but I think there’s plenty to mock without saying that it’s not funny.
July 14th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Oh wow! “Scamper the Penguin!” I had buried those memories deep and now they’re back!
Speaking of horrible animated children’s movies, “Ferngully” (1992) should be ripe for railing. Filled with tree-hugging propaganda which brainwashed kids like me, it abuses the talents of Tim Curry and Robin Williams.
“Mr Magoo” (1997) with Leslie Nielsen is apparently so awful and offensive that Disney actually added a disclosure apologizing for it at the beginning of the film. I’d give that a looksie.
July 14th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Godzilla, 1998
July 14th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Flowers in the Attic
July 14th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
King Kong Lives
Godzilla (85 or 98)
The Swarm
Gor
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3
July 14th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Marc makes some good suggestions up there.
Here’s some more:
Heaven’s Gate
Maximum Overdrive
Give My Regards to Broad Street
Youngblood
Megaforce
King Solomon’s Mines
Perfect
July 14th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Action Jackson,
Highlander II,
Cleopatra,
The Santa Claus,
Cool As Ice,
One Tough Bastard.
July 14th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Race With the Devil scared the ess out of me as a kid. The ESS, I tell you!
July 14th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Also scared me to death as a kid (but a bad, bad movie): The Uncanny
July 14th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Merc Force,
Dark Wolf
Sweet Movie
July 14th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Labyrinth, starring David Bowie. Latex trolls and Bowie in tights. Ouch.
July 14th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Wait, how has BATTLEFIELD EARTH not been mentioned?
July 14th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Battlefield Earth ss too recent. Eric reviewed it and gave it an F.
July 14th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Speaking of evil cats (re: The Uncanny), there is also 1982′s Cat People.
July 14th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
What about Flubber, with Robin Williams?
July 14th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
I’m with Marc on Night of the Lepus. Bad, bad, bad. Might be so bad that it’s unmockable, though. It’s like that really bad MST one we watched last time you were home.
The Last Unicorn, too. The conversations in that one are so stilted, it sounds like it was translated from another language.
July 14th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Another not-comedy that I have superhate for: Year of the Comet.
July 14th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
I know this one doesn’t qualify, only because people like it (i’m not sure why), is Ghost.
I think that, in honor of the election of Al Franken, you should do Stuart Smalley saves his family.
July 14th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Someone mentioned the bond movie Moonraker. That’s a bad movie, but even worse is Man with the Golden Gun. Its the definite low point in the franchise, what with the villain with his third nipple, (whom at one point Bond impersonates by donning his own latex nipple) and 007 fighting a midget. Also seeing him in a 70′s leisure coat is traumatic experience that I wish on no one.
Here are some other potentials
Troll – While Troll 2 is the more famous of the two (for all the wrong reasons) its prequel is by no means good cinema. This one has a cameo appearance from Sonny Bono mugging for the camera. And Julia Louis-Dreyfuss is in it dressed as a plant lady who writhes around alot. And the main characters name, and I am not making this up, is Harry Potter. Honest. Just one of those movies that reeks of 80′s badness. If you chose this film, the jokes would pretty much write themselves.
Lawnmower Man II: Beyond Cyberspace – This is just an all around wierd movie, at least the first (which wasn’t so great either) had Pierce Brosnan in it.
Robot Jox – I remember seeing, and loving, this movie when I was a kid. But kids have crappy tastes in film. Now I see it for what it is, an absolutely hilarious giant robot movie. Its a bad, bad movie. But I will always enjoy it more than the new Transformers film. My favorite part of this clip is when a chainsaw is fired up from one of the robots, um… more questionable areas. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Kd642
Sorceress – Made in 1983. Haven’t seen this movie, but I laughed really hard at the plot description from imdb. Apparently, its about two girls, who for some reason think they are men (WTF?) Its typical sword and sorcery flick, that gets everything about the genre wrong. A commenter said the movie was so bad, its almost a religious experience. Hey, sounds like good material for EBM! The trailers hilarious too.
Oh, and as far as those movies that have been previously mentioned. I know for a fact that some of them can be watched in their entirety on youtube. Thats where I watched bits and pieces of Yor, Hunter from the Future. Robot Jox is also on their too. So, if you can’t get the dvd, thats always available I suppose.
July 14th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
I am unyielding on the “it needs to be available from Netflix” rule. There are too many good candidates available that way to be chasing down the ones that aren’t. I don’t expect anyone to verify a film’s DVD availability before recommending it, though. I can handle that part.
July 14th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Why all the hate for the Last Unicorn?? It was one of my favorites as a kid, and I own the DVD? Oh well, different strokes…
I’d like to 2nd (or 3rd) Mannequin. Only You is terrible, but may be too recent. Encino Man is also quite stupid (and co-stars Pauly Shore, to boot).
July 14th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
I second The Saint. I recently watched it for nostalgic reasons and finally realized how bad it is.
July 14th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Sleepaway Camp
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Blood Beach
Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th (any of them, I thought they were great when I was a kid, but I tried to watch them a few years ago, ugh!)
July 14th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Wes Craven’s “Shocker” was bad. And I could include a shockingly bad pun about that but I will refrain.
July 14th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Jesus Christ Superstar
July 14th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Army of Darkness was pretty bad. Having Bruce Campbell couldn’t even save it.
Invasion USA (both 1952 and chuck norriss versions). Although the 52 version was skewered by MST3K.
July 14th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
The Gingerdead Man. It might be The GingerDEAD Man, which is how the posters made it look. Oh, and The Apple (1980).
My father suggests a movie called Pete ‘n’ Tillie.
July 14th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
I still have nightmare from The Peanut Butter Solution. It may not be as bad as I remember, but I’m pretty sure it is.
July 14th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
You could also craft a companion to your Power Rangers entry with a write-up of the second film TURBO:A POWER RANGERS MOVIE!
July 14th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Land Before Time
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure or Bogus Journey
Clash of the Titans
The Last Unicorn
Labyrinth
Only You
Polar Bear King (Foreign film, only released to theatres in Norway and Germany)
Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer
The Slipper and the Rose
Thumbelina (1994)
Alex Rider: Operation Stormbreaker
Rock a doodle
Parent Trap 2 or 3
Bram Stoker’s Dracula
Encino Man
What a way to go
Strictly Ballroom
Stepmom
July 14th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Flash Gordon, Flash Gordon, Flash Gordon.
Lots of material in that “Gem”. My favorite is when they practically beg to make a sequel by putting a question mark after “the end”, but it was so bad that there was no sequel.
July 14th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
Rainbow Bright and the Star Stealer
Transformers (1986)
Sextette
Ghosts can’t do It
Car 54, Where Are You?
Can’t stop the music
The Concorde … Airport ’79
The king and I (1999)
I know many of these are ‘comedies’ but still…
Hell, I’m sure theres something on the bottom 100 imdb.
July 14th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Beyond the Poseidon Adventure.
July 14th, 2009 at 10:00 pm
Oh, and The Specialist! Worst shower sex scene ever. EVER!
July 14th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Whoops! The Gingerdead man was direct-to-video. Sorry, Eric!
I second Caligula.
July 15th, 2009 at 12:04 am
Some of these movies are fine movies = Land Before Time, Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure, Clash of the Titans, Labyrinth, The Saint.
All fine movies, not bad enough for Eric.
But if you want to review a real Klunker that may be the worst movie ever =
Bloodsport with Van Damme…Wow thats stupid!
July 15th, 2009 at 12:43 am
You guys. These movies have to be considered bad by more people than just you.
Brazil has a 98% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Army of Darkness: 77%
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (a comedy anyway): 81%
Might I suggest instead movies that people hold dear but really suck, like Legend (52%) and Willow (46%). The Saint is also good – and by good I mean bad – (30%).
And I throw my hat in for Island of Dr. Moreau every time (23%). When will our pleas be heard?
July 15th, 2009 at 3:20 am
Road House
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever
Universal Soldier: The Return
Torque
Adrenalin: Fear the Rush (or basically any Christopher Lambert movie following Highlander…but trust me, THIS MOVIE is definitely his all time worst)
I STILL Know What You Did Last Summer (Makes the first movie look like Psycho)
Black Dog
Color of Night
Darkman 2: The Return of Durant
Deadly Outbreak (oh lord, this one is soooooooooo bad)
Drop Zone
Eye of the Beholder
Fire Down Below
Friday the 13th Part 5: A New Beginning (a bad movie even by this franchise’s standards)
Graveyard Shift
Highlander 2: The Quickening
Knock Off (Van Damme’s worst…THAT’S saying something)
Phat Beach
Random Hearts (Harrison Ford’s worst cinematic atrocity)
Raw Deal (Hands down, Schwarzenegger’s funniest movie ever, and it’s not a comedy)
Species 2
The Rage (1997 straight to video release with Gary Busey and Lorenzo Lamas. need I say more?)
Rollerball (the remake, of course)
The Story of Us
Supernova
Virus
July 15th, 2009 at 3:25 am
Never mind about Rollerball…just realized it’s from the 2000′s and you already have it reviewed…very accurately I might add.
July 15th, 2009 at 3:29 am
Oh and one more…Volcano with Tommy Lee Jones
July 15th, 2009 at 3:36 am
Also please ignore Torque and Ballistic Ecks vs. Sever
July 15th, 2009 at 6:02 am
Eric, I own a copy of Remo Williams that I will be glad to let you borrow.
July 15th, 2009 at 7:37 am
I am shocked by the hate for Last Unicorn! Shocked, I tell you. And Flash Gordon and Remo Williams, too. Quality cinema all.
Battle Beyond the Stars might be worth a look. Seven Samurai in space, starring John Boy, George Pepard, and Robert Vaughn.
July 15th, 2009 at 7:38 am
Exit to Eden- Rosie O”Donnell and Dan Aykroyd in bondage gear, enough said
…
July 15th, 2009 at 8:30 am
I TOTALLY SECOND “Alex Rider: Operation Stormbreaker” and “The Saint”. Oh. My. Gosh.
Too bad “Captain America” isn’t available. The dialogue…WOW.
July 15th, 2009 at 8:34 am
The Black Crystal was by far the worst movie I have ever suffered through. Weird muppet-like characters chasing something with magical powers…I don’t remember the rest because I’ve blocked it from my memory.
July 15th, 2009 at 8:36 am
…and by the Black Crystal I mean the Dark Crystal…which might be the same movie as Labyrinth, but I don’t really care to try and find out because it gets me shivers.
July 15th, 2009 at 8:37 am
Oh, has anybody suggested Brainsmasher: A Love Story? Surely the best Andrew Dice Clay/Teri Hatcher movie yet! I have only vague recollections, but it seemed Hudson Hawk-a-riffic at the time.
It could even be a double feature with The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.
July 15th, 2009 at 8:45 am
I second (or third, or whatever) Krull and Labyrinth.
Krull is like a textbook for bad movies. It’s got bad acting, awkward dialog, random nonsensical prophecies, flagrant foreshadowing, and the dude sticks his hand in flowing lava to get the spinning knife thingy, but his hand is totally fine.
Labyrinth has David Bowie in those stretch pants kidnapping a baby for its “dance magic” or something like that (and there’s even a musical number about the baby and its dance magic). And not to belabor the point, but it has David Bowie in stretch pants. And he kidnaps a baby for its “dance magic.” And there’s a musical number with David Bowie in stretch pants, and trolls, all dancing around singing about the baby and its “dance magic.” And if I remember correctly, Jennifer Connelly defeats David Bowie by chanting a line from her school play or something like that.
July 15th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Solaris with a befuddled George Clooney. maybe after 2000?
July 15th, 2009 at 9:36 am
The Quick and the Dead- Never has a film shown so little respect to its audience
July 15th, 2009 at 9:52 am
Dante’s Peak…let’s all watch grandma wade through a lake of ACID!!! Good thing our truck can drive OVER lava!! Right…
July 15th, 2009 at 9:53 am
Oh, and I compeltely agree with the Bloodsport suggestion
July 15th, 2009 at 10:01 am
My favorite part about bloodsport is the scene where Van Damme gets the sand (or whatever it is) in his eyes. Could they not be anymore dramatic or could they not drag that scene out any longer. One of the stupidest uses of slow motion in motion picture history!
July 15th, 2009 at 10:03 am
I know Ian, it was so ridiculous you can even see one shot of people laughing in the audience.
July 15th, 2009 at 10:07 am
One I liked, but lots of people tell me is A-grade garbage:
Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves
July 15th, 2009 at 10:44 am
You haven’t done “The Postman” yet? I thought that and Waterworld were always spit upon in the same sentence together.
July 15th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Oh yeah, and “The Shaddow” (1994 version). That was horrible. And “The Phantom” with Billy Zane while we’re at it.
July 15th, 2009 at 11:11 am
I have to agree with the nomination of Surf Ninjas, as well as all of the Three Ninjas movies (especially the one with Hulk Hogan).
July 15th, 2009 at 11:50 am
What about “Just One Of The Guys” from 1985? The one about the girl who cross-dresses to write for the school paper ideally to be more credible as a male writer? Like “She’s The Man” but 80′s style!
From IMDB: “Terry believes her teachers don’t take her serious, just because she’s a pretty girl. When she fails to win a journalism contest, she decides to switch schools – and gender. She plays her role well and is accepted as one of the guys. However then she meets Rick… and likes him.”
July 15th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Sean – I had forgotten Labyrinth was a musical–a fantasy-genre musical. What an underused format! At least Jennifer Connelly was cute…
July 15th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
“Toys.” Robin Williams. (Not a comedy – even though imdb.com lists that as *one* of the genres. It isn’t one.)
July 15th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
The 1989 version of The Punisher starring notoriously bad actor Dolph Lundgren.
1999′s Beowulf with Christopher Lambert. If only comedies were allowed I would suggest Chairman of the Board (Carrot Top…nuff said)
July 15th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
How about In The Army Now starring Pauly Shore. It’s quality is about the same as Bio-Dome, and it features Andy Dick. Could a film be any worse?
July 15th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
All this Jim Henson movie bashing (Labyrinth, Dark Crystal) must be from the young whippersnappers. These movies are sacrosanct among Gen X. Plus Labyrinth has a 58% freshness on Rotten Tomatoes and Dark Crystal has a 70%, so they aren’t that bad!
July 15th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
It sure has it’s fans, but don’t you feel like Runaway Bride has the worst premise for a movie of all time? Take this review by IMDb user:
“Ike Graham, New York columnist, writes his text always at the last minute. This time, a drunken man in his favourite bar tells Ike about Maggie Carpenter, a woman who always flees from her grooms in the last possible moment. Ike, who does not have the best opinion about females anyway, writes an offensive column without researching the subject thoroughly. The next day, Ike gets fired by his publisher (and former wife), because he went too far and faked the facts, which real journalists don’t do. Ike’s only way back into the business now is to do a fact-based report on Maggie and her upcoming fourth wedding attempt, which Ike predicts to fail again.”
July 15th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Bull Moose, I am 100% Gen. X. And you would have to be stoned to enjoy Labyrinth. Come to think of it, much of Gen. X was stoned. Maybe there is no mystery to that Rotten Tomatoes rating.
And did you have to go and tell me that Labyrinth came from the same genius mind that gave us the Muppets? I was blissfully unaware of that fact, and now you’ve gone and mixed all the good memories with the memories of evil, and in my mind I see David Bowie’s stretch pants singing “Bork Bork Bork!” and flinging food.
July 15th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
And yes, I know that many Gen. X’ers fondly remember Labyrinth as their first fling with having the hots for Jennifer Connelly. That still does not make it a good movie.
July 15th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
No Way Back starring Russel Crowe. This was released in 1994, well before Crowe became the respected actor we all know. In this movie he plays the part usually reserved for JCVD or Steven Seagal. Its the kind of cheesy action movie where you’d expect to see the actors name worked into the title, like Russell Crowe has No Way Back! Anyway, it looks like crap, and for some reason just got released on Blu-ray.
July 16th, 2009 at 5:08 am
Seriously? Aside from the bulge in the Goblin Kings pants, Labyrinth is a great movie. While Bowie’s parts might be ridiculed, that would be all you could get out of the review to mock really. It was pretty good, I still watch it occasionally.
You have no power over me!
Dark Crystal and bad movie don’t belong in the same sentence.
July 16th, 2009 at 8:07 am
I would like to add another endorsement for KRULL. You will be surprised to see Liam Neeson at his finest. You could wrlite an article just about the lightning horses that you will eventually encounter in the film.
July 16th, 2009 at 9:23 am
Spider Baby. Perhaps the funniest horror movie I’ve ever seen, and available on Netficks.
Also plug for any of the Iron Eagle sequels (if you though the first one was bad, just wait until II and III, with the stereotypes so bad they’re funny, but then actually become bad again).
I know it’s purportedly a comedy, but Throw Momma from the Train is still a punchline to many a joke even today.
It’s not on Netflicks, but worth tracking down – Condorman.
Lastly, I’ve seen that Remo has been on cable twice in the last few months, so with DVR it’d be obtainable, if you’re privy to such technologies.
July 16th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Someone posted Commando but honestly, it is a great/bad movie. Arnie looks good and it was a big hit in the time it was produced.
I want to say Flatliners but I know it made some cash and probably has a good rating on Rotten but wow that movie is bad? Getting your ass kicked by a ghost? With a Scyth, really?
The Last Boy Scout-Bruce Willis must have needed the cash
And because we love it when you do the monster movies-Carnosaur with Diane Ladd of all people! hahah that would be super
And I confirmed these should be out on DVD-Prehysteria, I, II and III!!!
July 16th, 2009 at 9:33 am
How about The Road Killers, with Christopher Lambert and Josh Brolin? It’s painfully awful, and I had a hard time refraining myself to mock it too loud and too often (the friend I was watching it with didn’t like me to do that – even though he agreed on how bad the movie is)
Blind Horizon, with Val Kilmer and Neve Campbell is also a WTF-fiiled crappy movie. An hour and a half that seemed to last forever
Jonathan Livingston Seagull — I must admit I haven’t seen it, but the very thought of it makes me cringe: cheap feel-good philosophy, presented by dubbed seagulls in a National Geographic – Lorne Greene’s New Wilderness set-up, all livened up by the music of Neil Diamond…
All three are available on Netflix.
I also thought of Electra, with Shannon Tweed (which we watched with friends one night and laughed out loud because of its sheer stupidity), and The Ripper, with Tom Savini (and including a dance scene on minute 7 or 8 that made me stand up to check whether it was the same movie I’d put on the VHS or not – out of WTFfulness) — both available on Netflix, but also direct-to-video crap…
July 16th, 2009 at 11:06 am
If you are going to do one Steven Seagal movie, it has to be On Deadly Ground. It was directed by him, and co-stars Michael Caine (wtf?) and has a bit part by Billy Bob Thornton (double wtf). The plot has to do with Steven Seagal fighting against an oil company in Alaska. The movie takes itself WAY too seriously. A good example is when Steven plays a hand-slap game (don’t ask) against the fat guy from Dumb and Dumber, after he beats him the mood and music turns serious and he says, “What does it take to change the essence of a man?” Needless to say, the scene is unbelievably hysterical in all the wrong ways. Heres the clip from that part. Contains PG-13 language http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDgxmhApOo8
July 17th, 2009 at 12:18 am
From Dusk till Dawn 2 (might nog have had a theatrical release)
Slipstream (1989, with mark hamill)
Short Circuit 2
Even worse than Dante’s peak: Volcano (with Tommy Lee Jones)
Daylight (with Sylvester Stallone)
The Phantom (I endorse as well)
July 17th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Red Rock West. Awful on every level. I sat down and wrote a letter to a friend afterwards detailing the plot holes. It took about 8 pages just for the first 30minutes of the film.
July 17th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Marc, On Deadly Ground is a great choice. That hand slapping scene is awful. The tortue scene involving the old man and john c. Mcginley doesn’t make you hate him, he’s laughable.
July 17th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
I vote for Night of the Comet.
July 18th, 2009 at 3:11 am
is it possible that Frogs has not been mentioned? the best part is that it’s not even about frogs. haha-i’m laughing just thinking about it.
July 18th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
I agree with DB above, ‘Frogs’ a supposed horror movie from 1972 is a great choice. It’s so pathetic, the worst movie ever made with lots of horrible acting, lots and lots of day-for-night shots and many, many terrifying shots of…frogs sitting and doing nothing…or being thrown across the shot. Utterly ridiculous and one I’d love to see Eric review
July 18th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Oh, also a film called ‘Tentacles’, from 1977. The real surprise is that it has a pretty good cast (Shelley Winters, John Huston and Henry Fonda), considering the film’s plot (a giant mutant octopus that kills people via really crappy special effects) says all it needs to say about the quality of the film being made. The actors actually act like they’re in another movie though, or maybe it’s just the awful dialogue they’re forced to say…Anyway, a film truly worthy of ‘Eric’s Bad Movies’.
July 18th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
I know, “no movies from the ’00s”
So call me a douche, then show SURFER, DUDE to your bad movie night buddies and you’ll thank me. Or curse me. Either way I haven’t seen it anywhere on your website. It will give you a new appreciation for Matthew Mcconaughey’s utter lack of acting ability.
It’s weird, confusing, ridiculous, with the most strangely bizarre “plot” I’ve seen in a movie which also has a lot of famous people in it.
There’s lots of weed smoking and surfers and more weed and goats and Willy Nelson (smoking weed) and then something about making a video game because the waves have magically disappeared and I’m pretty sure the entire cast, crew and post-prod team was ACTUALLY high during the entire thing.
July 18th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
OH YEAH! And Brainscan! THAT one follows all the rules to the letter!
July 20th, 2009 at 12:25 am
Critters!
July 23rd, 2009 at 6:23 pm
I second Maximum Overdrive, even though it is a guilty pleasure of mine. It’s basically in the same category as The Mangler, the terrible Stephen King movie Eric reviewed previously. They Live! with Rowdy Roddy Piper is pretty bad, too.
July 29th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
Movies we cringed all the way through
1.) Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging
2.) Adventures of Johnny Tao (aka The Quest of the Dragon)
August 6th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
I’ll add it here too. Check out the horror movie “House” (1986) It will not disappoint…or maybe it will.
December 10th, 2011 at 4:24 pm
–>Okay, the Basket Case…I recently watched it on Netflix because my older sister said “lets watch it!” but I must say I was extremely pissed by the end of it…I mean THEY BOTH DIE??! What the HELL was that about…?
–>And DON’T get me started on the Garbage Pile Kids…again, my sister’s choice of a movie and another (my sister is 28 so she loved these before I was even thought of) called Howard the Duck, Though I thought Howard was a bit scary yet strangely adorable…A DUCK saves the world people..? AND then becomes a musical sensation…? FAIL!!!!
–>The Blair Witch Project, I had seen this when I was child, a wee lil one and it TERRIFIED me, yet at 15, three years ago, I wondered what the hell was i SO afraid, I watched it and I must say I’m ashamed of myself for fearing that
–>And I know you said no movies of the 2000s but The Seed of Chucky in 04 and let’s not forget the Bride of Chucky which came out in 98 or 99 I forget when…Unnecessary and completely worthless movies of a killer doll we all loved and oddly feared…
–>Let’s give it up for two very poor movies about sharks: Deep Blue Sea and Jaws III, the first was retarded and the second didn’t need to come out since we got it already: Sharks were out to kill people, I heard it the first two movies
–> SpiceWorld, Loved it as a child since I adored the Spice Girls but looked back on it for want of memories…again FAILURE
–> I consider 2000 apart of the 90s so forgive me again, but Urban Legend 2 Final Cut, I remember because the first one was AWESOME and I saw part 2 on DVD the other day and was ashamed
–> And how could I forget CLIFFHANGER, HANDING FROM A CLIFF….!!! Will he fall? Or will he DIE?? I only remember how terrible that movie was because they did a special everyday on Between the Lions that I watched yesterday with my nephew, oh yeah, did he fall?? Can’t remember it was so terrible… and those are the worst movies I can remember off the top of my head of the90′s if you need 2000 worst movies, I’m your lady because if theres anything I know, its movies and novels xD