Eric D. Snider

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Angry letter contains no facts!

Land sakes! We’ve got ourselves a good old-fashioned angry letter! It’s been so long. Nowadays people usually just post their angry comments directly on the article that upset them. Very few people take the time to send an angry e-mail anymore. It’s a lost art.

This one came from someone calling himself Arlo Fisher, from an AOL address, which probably means that he is actually somebody’s elderly aunt. “Arlo Fisher” writes:

What credentials do you have to be a reviewer?  Some wanna be filmmaker who can’t even get a legitimate or respected periodical to review movies on.  You start your own website from you basement office and some how finagle your way on to rotten tomatoes…You’re never invited to any real screenings with respected credits so you have to pay your own money or download illegally on bit torrent sites to see the movies…you got a picture of Kubrick on your wall somewhere….You’re in the film business, is that what you tell you friends at your Dungeons and Dragons parties.   Sucks to be you….

Sadly, Aunt Arlo didn’t indicate which specific review of mine he disagreed with. What’s fascinating about his diatribe is that every single detail is wrong. He knows very little about me, of course, and has to guess — and everything he guesses is incorrect. Wannabe filmmaker… don’t write for any legitimate publications… basement office… not invited to screenings… illegally download movies… picture of Kubrick… tell people I’m in the film business… Dungeons and Dragons… Wow. Not a single true thing!

From a statistical standpoint, this is amazing. If I were to make up a bunch of facts about someone that I only knew a couple things about, and if I tried to logically come up with things that might be accurate given what little I knew, I’d probably get at least ONE thing right. But not Arlo! Somehow he managed to be wrong even in matters where he had a 50/50 chance of being right, like whether my office is above ground or in a basement. That level of complete wrongness takes skill, my friends.

29 Responses to “Angry letter contains no facts!”

  1. Reeder Says:

    I’m sorry to be the one to point this out, but you actually ARE on rottentomatoes. :)

  2. Marc Says:

    WOW. That’s the best angry letter I’ve seen in a while. How the heck did he jump to from pirating to Kubrick, I mean, wtf?? I laughed at the D&D rant, just classic. All i want to know is this: what review did this lady (or nerd, its written the same way) read that got him so riled up?

  3. Andrew Says:

    This should be easy to find out who “Arlo” is. Just look for a movie that you panned and critics in general loved. Then filter for filmmakers with incredibly large heads and egos that bruise easily. Finally, in order to narrow it down further, try and find someone whose life likely matches the description they penned for you. I think you’ll find that the mystery author is clearly Michael Moore, upset about getting a C- from you on his latest capitalism expose.

  4. Side Show Rob Says:

    Actually, Reeder, of the items that Arlo actually guessed on, he apparently missed them all. I read his letter like he knew EDS was on RT, so that doesn’t count as a guess.

    Unfortunately, this angry letter was only mildly amusing. One yearns for the old days when Eric was accused of everything from being the anti-christ to a softball reviewer. It’s good fun to go back and read some of the letters he received after a negative review, anything negative for that matter, on a local community theater production.

    I guess we’ll have to wait ’till the next twilight installment.

  5. Side Show Rob Says:

    Eric, are we to believe you never played D&D? How ’bout the modern-day equivalent; World of War Craft?

  6. MPot Says:

    Arlo’s claim was not that Eric is ON rottentomatoes, it’s that he FINAGLED his way on to rottentomatoes.

  7. Braden Says:

    Ha ha, but come on, Eric, no where near 50% of offices are underground.

  8. Eric's Brother Chris Says:

    Eric never played D & D, but I happen to know he enjoyed Kid Icarus in the late 1980s. In fact, we mispronounce the name of the game to this day.

  9. Eric D. Snider Says:

    Ha ha, but come on, Eric, no where near 50% of offices are underground.

    Good point! So he actually had like an 80/20 chance of getting it right, and for some reason he went with the 20. That’s just bad guessing strategy. Do not go with Arlo to Vegas.

    As for D&D and World of Warcraft, no, I’ve never played either of them, and I’ve been pretty consistent in making fun of those who do. Old-school Nintendo games, though: That’s where I’m a Viking!

  10. peptidefarmer Says:

    Arlo is what the kids would call ‘Fractally Wrong.’ He is not just wrong – he is wrong at every conceivable scale of resolution:

  11. Rob D. Says:

    He would have got one fact right if he wasn’t so specific. Eric’s picture of Kubrick is on a desk by his bed……..not on his wall.

  12. Dave the Slave Says:

    Its hard to pay attention to an angry letter written by a brand of dog food. Seriously, ALPO?

  13. kuri Says:

    Wow, that was really an amazing e-mail — who knew that AOL is still in business?

  14. Jacob Says:

    Peptide farmer~ what kids you heard that from?

  15. Paul Norman Says:

    Actually, you could do pretty well with Arlo in Las Vegas. You just have to bet against him. E.g. have him bet colors on the roullete wheel. When he bets on red you bet on green and vice versa.

  16. Neil Says:

    Well, he is sort of right. You haven’t been invited to any Allied screenings in a while. If he thought you were born after mid-06, that would mean you had never been invited to one. Sort of.

    i hope he/she writes again.

  17. Shelby Says:

    Given that Arlo mentioned Rotten Tomatoes, I’m thinking he was offended by some snarky quote about his favorite movie and just followed the link to the website to get Eric’s email without bothering to look at Eric’s bio or anything. It’d take a bit of research to find Eric on RT through his website given that Eric doesn’t mention when he’s quoted on there.

    Just out of curiousity, Eric, do you choose the quote to put on RT or do they?

  18. Jill Says:

    Hi Eric. I just barely missed the years at BYU when you had your column in the DU, but luckily one of my friends had kept them all in a binder so I got to read them. I’m with you on old school Nintendo Games. My little bro and I played them last Christmas and somehow I still remembered all of the cheats on Super Mario 3 circa 1992.

  19. Stacy Says:

    I’m just impressed by how well written it is for an angry letter.

  20. barry Says:

    I have a question, too, Eric. I noticed for a while that you were rated a “Top Critic” on Rotten Tomatoes. Tell me more about this.

  21. richrich Says:

    yes he is a finagler.finnagaler?fynaghlir? furnagerler?phynajheler> is that even a real word, or just a coloquialism?

  22. Bob Says:

    No basement office? I’m disappointed; I rather liked the idea of getting movie reviews from Eric D. Snider’s Underground Lair of Doom.

  23. Christina D Says:

    I still have an AOL address. Does that make me an old person? :( We had AOL for browsing the internets since pretty much version 1.0 while I was growing up and I just kept my email address because I’ve had it for nigh on 14 years now or something. (I’m 23 by the way and I like technology… I use Ubuntu and Firefox, for example). And I actually like AOL’s email interface, so HA! It’s almost as good as G-mail’s, once you set up the Spam filter properly, though it does take time to load. I think you are being unfair to AOL. *sniff*

  24. Rob D. Says:

    Paul Norman needs to learn roulette. If Eric just bets green when Arlo bets red and vice versa……….they will both lose 18 out of 38 spins.

  25. Paul Norman Says:

    Hey Rob D. The point is that Arlo is so consistently wrong. He seems to have some kind of inverse ESP that would cause him to pick the wrong color each time. Of course I understand that there is no way, really, that would work. My observation was in response to Eric’s remark that he would be a disastrous companion in Vegas.

  26. Bob Says:

    This reminded me a scene from The Muppet Movie, when Detective Columbo shows up and sees Kermit holding Miss Piggy’s shoe. So Columbo comes up with this wild story about why Kermit is holding the shoe and what significance it has. Kermit responds, “Sir, wow. That is amazing. You are 100% wrong. Not even a single thing you said is close to the truth.”

  27. haha Says:

    Scratch the d&d and add bongos at 3 in the morning.

  28. donignacio Says:

    I hate AOL, but I miss AOL.

    It doesn’t take a mad genius to be on rottentomatoes. I’m on rottentomatoes and I’ve personally disowned all those reviews.

  29. Nate Says:

    Mr. Fisher, what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought.

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