Eric’s Bad Movies needs yet more bad movies
It is time once again for you to tell me the names of movies that I should cover in “Eric’s Bad Movies” at Film.com. Whenever I think I have run out of good (i.e., bad) options, I issue a request like this and you people come through with films I never would have discovered on my own.
The guidelines are below, along with a list of what I’ve already covered. I’m also posting a list of movies that, while probably suitable for the column, are off the table because they’re not available from Netflix. (I’m not gonna buy an out-of-print DVD from Amazon, or watch something on Hulu, or track down a VHS copy. I’m just not.)
Post your recommendations in the comments, or send me an e-mail or a tweet. As always, thank you for your suggestions! And thank you especially for the suggestions that follow the guidelines!
UPDATE: “The Room” is on my radar. Stop saying “The Room.”
Guidelines for Eric’s Bad Movies
1. It needs to be really bad. Films that are merely mediocre are a waste of time.
2. The film should be considered bad by most people, not just you. I don’t want to have to convince the reader that the movie is bad; I want us to be on the same page from the get-go. I know it’s hard to gauge a consensus sometimes, but use common sense. No matter how much you happen to hate “Titanic” personally, surely you understand that yours is not the prevailing opinion.
3. It needs to have been released theatrically. No straight-to-video or TV movies.
4. Nothing that I wrote a review of when it came out. I probably gave it a nice savaging in my review. To make this easier for you, just assume that everything released since 2000 is off-limits.
5. No comedies. No matter how many times I explain the rationale for this guideline, some of you adorable knuckleheads don’t get it. I love ya! Now shut up and listen. Comedies are very hard to make fun of because they already don’t take themselves seriously. Whether the jokes are funny or not is beside the point. It’s not that it’s impossible to make fun of a bad comedy; it’s that I’m not very good at it. Usually all I can say is, “Boy, this sure isn’t funny!” Comedies that have a supernatural or fantasy twist, like “Teen Witch,” give me a little bit more to work with, so those are OK. But the ideal “Eric’s Bad Movies” candidate is a movie that takes itself quite seriously. Focus on those.
6. I prefer well-known titles over obscure ones. This is the guideline that’s most flexible, since there’s a finite number of famous terrible movies and I’ve already done a lot of them. But it’s more fun when the reader is at least vaguely familiar with the subject, so try to think of those first.
Eric’s Bad Movies so far:
The Adventures of Pluto Nash
Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold
American Ninja
Anaconda
The Apple
The Arrival
The Avengers
Baby Geniuses
Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend
Bangkok Dangerous
Batman & Robin
The Beastmaster
Beautician and the Beast
Bio-Dome
Body Rock
Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo
The Care Bears Movie
Cobra
Cocktail
Congo
Cool World
D-War: Dragon Wars
Death Wish: The Face of Death
The Delta Force
Double Impact
Dracula 2000
Ernest Saves Christmas
Exorcist II: The Heretic
Firewalker
The Forbidden Dance (is Lambada)
Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare
Frogs
Gooby
Garbage Pail Kids
Glitter
The Good Son
Grease 2
Gymkata
Heartbeeps
Hercules (1983)
High School Musical
House II: The Second Story
Howard the Duck
Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf
Hudson Hawk
The Ice Pirates
I Know What You Did Last Summer
Inspector Gadget
The Island of Dr. Moreau
It’s Pat
Jack
Jack Frost (killer snowman)
Jack Frost (family movie)
Jaws 3-D
Jaws: The Revenge
Judge Dredd
Kazaam
King Kong Lives
Kull the Conqueror
Krull
Leprechaun
Leonard Part 6
Mac and Me
The Mangler
The Manitou
Masters of the Universe
Meteor
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
The Neverending Story III
The Next Karate Kid
Night of the Lepus
976-EVIL
On Deadly Ground
The Other Sister
Orca
Over the Top
The Pagemaster
Patch Adams
Power Rangers: The Movie
Rambo III
Red Sonja
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
Shanghai Surprise
Showgirls
Silent Night, Deadly Night
Sleepaway Camp
Sleepwalkers
Speed 2: Cruise Control
Spice World
Star Trek V
Staying Alive
Stone Cold
Street Fighter
Supergirl
Superman III
Superman IV
Super Mario Bros.
Surf Ninjas
Surviving the Game
Tarzan, the Ape Man
Teen Witch
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation
The 13th Warrior
Timecop
Troll
Two of a Kind
Under Siege 2
Virus
Volcano
Waterworld
The Wiz
The Wizard
Wizards of the Demon Sword
Xanadu
Zardoz
Probably good suggestions that are unavailable, so don’t suggest them:
At the Earth’s Core (1976)
Ator the Fighting Eagle
Can’t Stop the Music
Captain America
Chopping Mall
Cool As Ice
Def-Con 4
Double Dragon
Dungeonmaster
Gleaming the Cube
Happy Birthday to Me
Hercules in New York
Invasion of the Bee Girls
Joysticks
Kingdom of the Spiders
King Solomon’s Mines
Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park
Land of Doom
Megaforce
The Mod Squad
No Holds Barred
North
Nukie
The Peanut Butter Solution
The Phantom
Prayer of the Rollerboys
The Punisher (1989)
Rad
Rawhead Rex
Remo Williams
Santa with Muscles
Saturn 3
Sextette
Steel
Super Fuzz
Tentacles
Timerider
Yor, Hunter from the Future
August 10th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
You, sir, have officially watched a lot of bad movies.
August 10th, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Georgia Rule
Troll 2
The Guyver
Lost in Space
Prehysteria
Rad
Sidekicks
Street Fighter
Super Mario Bros.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III
Undiscovered
3 Ninjas
August 10th, 2010 at 12:59 pm
I second what Jason said, but can attest to the fact that the Manitou Bad Movie column made me squirt Diet Coke out my nose. From laughter, even.
Has anyone ever suggested “Love Potion No 9?” I love the hell out of that movie, but it is truly terrible. Maybe considered a comedy though. Bonus: Sandra Bullock. Double Bonus: Anne Bancroft ???
August 10th, 2010 at 1:00 pm
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
August 10th, 2010 at 1:02 pm
These two came ot mind.
Total Recall – 1990. For that matter, any movie that takes place on Mars.
Godzilla – 1998.
August 10th, 2010 at 1:03 pm
It’s crazy that every time I see your list of bad movies………I think to myself, I must have missed reading a few reviews. Then when I located the few that I think missed, I recognize the review. I’ll again recommend “Code Name: The Cleaner”. I went to the movies and watched this one. I guess it’s considered a comedy but instead of being funny and using Cedric the Entertainer’s comedy talent, it tried to be a serious action movie. I’m not kidding, it must be seen to be believed.
August 10th, 2010 at 1:07 pm
Encino Man
August 10th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Also you haven’t done the classicly bad ‘The Room’ – 2003
August 10th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
I retract my Encino Man comment, as apparently it was intended to be a comedy.
August 10th, 2010 at 1:11 pm
Don’t Answer The Phone is horrible, so very horrible.
August 10th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
The Bonfire of the Vanities
August 10th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Santa Claus – The Movie
August 10th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
Mannequin
Prelude to a Kiss
August 10th, 2010 at 1:31 pm
Heaven’s Gate
Ishtar
Howard the Duck
Bulletproof Monk
Cradle 2 the Grave
Billy Jack
Also, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. It’s a comedy, but it intentionally tries to be “so bad it’s good” and ends up being so bad it’s… bad. Very, very bad. IOW, it even fails at failing.
August 10th, 2010 at 1:31 pm
I see you didn’t review Endless Bummer, even if it is a recent movie. Bonus: the title warns you how you’re going to feel about the movie when you see it!
I still recommend Fortress (1992), which is available on Netflix AND not a comedy AND awful.
Maybe you could have an April 1st edition of Erics Bad Movies where you ridicule a revered classic, pretending that everyone knows it’s awful. Something like Chariots of Fire or the Sound of Music or Gone with the Wind.
August 10th, 2010 at 1:33 pm
Teen Wolf Too
August 10th, 2010 at 1:42 pm
Magic in the Water (1995)–stars Mark Harmon and Jabba the Hut as a lake monster named Orky.
August 10th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
The King And I (1999)
August 10th, 2010 at 2:04 pm
Ugh, Don’t Answer The Phone isn’t at Netflix. Alas.
August 10th, 2010 at 2:05 pm
Worst movie of 1999: Twin Dragons (starring Jackie Chan and Jackie Chan). It was actually made in 1992 but got an international release in 1999. So dumb.
August 10th, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Does released theatrically in Japan count? The Last Dinosaur (1977) is one of the most ridiculously-bad movies I’ve ever seen.
This may be treading on the sacred, but would anybody really give “Temple of Doom” a pass if it didn’t happen to have the name “Indiana Jones” in front of it? It was easily worse than “Romancing the Stone.”
August 10th, 2010 at 2:11 pm
First of all you did the original Jack Frost horror movie but you should also review the sequel which features killer snowballs on a tropical island! I kid you not.
Secondly, The Ice Cream man is an awful horror movie about a killer ice cream truck driver that chops up his victims and serves them in his ice cream.
August 10th, 2010 at 2:17 pm
In re: requirement #6, 75% of the time I have not heard of the movie before reading its EBM entry. This column is still the funniest thing I read all week. Also, may I suggest telling us which movies you’ve watched at our suggestion but weren’t bad enough? I’m just curious, and also I need to know if I should stop recommending Babylon AD (2008–but you didn’t review it).
August 10th, 2010 at 2:27 pm
“Solar Crisis” with Charleton Heston (1989)
August 10th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
“Babylon A.D.” is on my to-do list.
I don’t think I’ve watched a suggested film and then had to reject it for not being bad enough. More common is that I don’t bother watching it in the first place because I’ve seen it and know it won’t work, or because my research leads me to suspect it won’t be suitable.
August 10th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
I thought “Red Dawn” was pretty bad, but I don’t know if enough people would disagree with me. People, they love their 80s crap.
As for King Solomon’s Mines, I certainly hope you’re not referring to one of the classic versions. A bad movie that is not.
August 10th, 2010 at 3:12 pm
Predator 2.
August 10th, 2010 at 3:14 pm
The Net
August 10th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
Double Team, starring Dennis Rodman, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Mickey Rourke
August 10th, 2010 at 3:48 pm
The Room. Terribly awesome.
August 10th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
I second TMNT II: The Secret of the Ooze. With Cool as Ice unavailable, you’ll still be able to critique a performance by Vanilla Ice in this “gem.”
August 10th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
“I don’t think I’ve watched a suggested film and then had to reject it for not being bad enough. ”
I thought that was the case with Wild Wild West not long ago.
Anyway, most of the bad movies that spring to mind are comedies, so I won’t mention them.
Instead I’ll suggest Star Knight from 1986. It’s a violation of Rule 6, but I hope you’ll forgive that.
August 10th, 2010 at 4:34 pm
I think I actually have a good suggestion this time. The only problem is that it might be too obscure, although it does have Samuel L. Jackson in it. I’m referring to the 1995 movie Fluke. I thought this movie was bad, even when I was twelve.
The premise: A man dies in a car crash and is reincarnated as a puppy. Sounds hilarious, right? The thing is that this movie takes itself COMPLETELY seriously, and the result is horrible. I know it sounds like a comedy, but I promise that it’s not.
It’s old enough that there’s not many reviews online, but I did find this good one:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/longterm/movies/videos/flukepghowe_c0193b.htm
There is plenty to make fun of in this movie. I also realize that you like to have timely themes for your article, so you could keep this on the shelf until Jackson’s next movie comes out, or until there’s another crazy animal movie. Now that I think about it, last week would have been perfect. Oh well.
August 10th, 2010 at 4:43 pm
Highlander 2: the quickening. A movie so bad, even future highlander movies ignored it in their continuity.
The Room. This movie is actually really entertaining. It’s the best example I can think of a movie that is so bad it’s good.
Road house. Another hilariously awful movie. The dialogue is bizarre, with lines like, “pain don’t hurt” and ” i use to —- guys like you in prison.” wtf!?
Boy in the plastic bubble. It’s got John Travolta , who so far hasn’t been properly represented in an EBM column. This would be a good one to pick, you could easily make jokes about home schooled kids, Scientology and the 70′s.
August 10th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Argus: Oh, yeah, “Wild Wild West.” Forgot about that one. That was my own fault, though. I’d seen it in 1999 and should have trusted my gut that it wouldn’t be suitable for EBM.
Marc: I looked into “Highlander II,” and the trouble is that the original theatrical and VHS version — apparently quite laughably incoherent — isn’t readily available. What you find on DVD is the “Renegade Version” (i.e., director’s cut), which apparently is quite a bit better, if not exactly “good.” I’d want to see the original version, not the one they came up with when they took a second pass at it.
August 10th, 2010 at 5:26 pm
I still maintain that The Burbs is pretty damn awful. It’s technically a comedy but really more of a toothless satire of suburban life (plus there isn’t a moment that feels natural).
August 10th, 2010 at 5:48 pm
Dude!
If you are seriously going to keep doing this to yourself (and I suggest you do as it is hilarious!) then I must “recommend” Entrapment, starring Mr Connery and Ms Zeta-Jones. I do not recall seeing a film in the cinema that was quite that awful. Although Mission to Mars did come a close second.
Enjoy
Tim.
August 10th, 2010 at 5:57 pm
Slipstream (1989), a post-apocalyptic dystopian film starring Bill Paxton, Mark Hamill, and Ben Kingsley, and one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.
You’re welcome.
August 10th, 2010 at 5:57 pm
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension
The Golden Child
The In-Laws (1993)
Labyrinth
Little Monsters
Operation Condor
Mr. Nice Guy – or is that meant to be a comedy?
I second Asur’s nomination for Godzilla (1998), incidentally.
August 10th, 2010 at 6:01 pm
Only 18% of the films suggested so far are comedies, so we’re doing better than last time!
August 10th, 2010 at 7:01 pm
That’s a shame about Highlander II, oh well…Here are some other suggestions. Oh, and looks like I was wrong about John Travolta, he has appeared in an EBM column already (“Staying Alive”).
Spawn – pretty wretched comic book movie, doesn’t help that it has Jon Leguizamo (sp?) in a fat suit the entire time.
Robot Jox – Really poorly made movie from the early 90′s about giant robots fighting each other. From what i remember of it, it is better than Transformers 2, barely.
Maximum Overdrive is really really corny, and would definetly be easy to make fun of. Murderous automobiles coming to life? That’s comedy gold.
Dang Snider, I’m running out of movies to suggest, because you’ve reviewed them all! This is getting hard!
August 10th, 2010 at 9:20 pm
Some Girl (1998 film with Juliette Lewis)
Cutting Class (1989 slasher film with Brad Pitt)
Fear (1996 film with Reese Witherspoon)
Poison Ivy 2 (1996 film with Alyssa Milano)
Urban Legend (1998 film with Jared Leto)
She’s All That (1999 film with Freddy Prince Jr.)
Flowers in the Attic (1987 film with Kristy Swanson)
Embrace of the Vampire (1995 film with Alyssa Milano)
The Crush (1993 film with Alicia Silverstone)
Goodbye Lover (1998 film with Patricia Arquette)
A Thin Line Between Love and Hate (1996 film with Martin Lawrence)
August 10th, 2010 at 9:27 pm
I Dreamed of Africa
August 10th, 2010 at 10:03 pm
3 Ninjas
August 10th, 2010 at 10:12 pm
I know the rules but the director who made the comedy I suggested compared it to the Bourne movies. That’s the feel he was going for.
August 10th, 2010 at 11:36 pm
Oh my gosh, Little Monsters. I’d forgotten that one. I guess Nothing but Trouble was supposed to be a comedy, but it was just odd and uncomfortable.
Dangit.
August 10th, 2010 at 11:49 pm
Some thoughts on rec’s so far:
Slipstream – excellent choice, but sadly not on DVD.
Buckaroo Banzai – Um, sorry this film is awesome.
The Golden Child – Interesting choice. What about a bad film that was poorly reviewed, yet was a box office smash?
Labyrinth – This film along with Flash Gordon and the Last Unicorn keep showing up here. They really aren’t films that most people think are terrible.
Suggestions:
* Space Camp: Lea Thompson! Joaquin Phoenix! Kelly Preston! Beyond-belief terrible!
* Quicksilver: No one remembers this Kevin Bacon bomb but me apparently. 8% on rotten tomatoes.
* Kevin Costner’s The Postman: far worse than Waterworld, and that’s saying something.
* Runaway Bride: I can hardly think of a film more insulting to its audience.
* Event Horizon. Sci-fi or just slasher film cliches?
* Along came a Spider. I know this was made in 2001, and I don’t know if you’ve reviewed it, but please take a look. There has never been a film with more “you’ve got to be kidding me” moments.
*The Bad News Bears go to Japan: I believe is the worst film every made. A comedy? I don’t think so. The Bad News Bears Breaking Training certainly wasn’t a comedy. Tony Curtis, did you need the work?
August 10th, 2010 at 11:51 pm
Ok, this one breaks rule number 4, but I checked through the archives and did not see a review for it.
In the Name of the King: Dungeon Siege
I started watching in a couple weeks ago when if came on SyFy (Does their new spelling remind any BYU alums of the nickname for the Smith Family Living Center?) and thought I’d give it a try since I did enjoy playing the game and I couldn’t watch more than the first 30 minutes of it. Of course, Eric may automatically disqualify this one for being a Uwe Boll film…
August 11th, 2010 at 12:26 am
Sphere (1998) – Dustin Hoffman and Sharon Stone pretending to care about each other! Samuel L. Jackson on helium! Queen Latifah, killed by jellyfish! The pillaging of a perfectly serviceable Michael Crichton novel! Surely this is a cornucopia of badness.
August 11th, 2010 at 1:33 am
“Laserblast” is a great terrible sci-fi from 1978.
“Monsturd”, now available on Instant Play from Netflix, is a horror movie about a giant poop monster. It’s actually worse than it sounds.
By the way, after watching all of these terrible films, is “Freddy Got Fingered” still your choice for worst movie you’ve seen, or has it been dethroned?
August 11th, 2010 at 1:46 am
Demolition Man – Sylvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes, Sandra Bullock, Benjamin Bratt, and even Rob Schneider makes an appearance, and it’s set in the future! Also sex is replaced by virtual reality, and Wesley Snipes has bleached hair.
August 11th, 2010 at 6:24 am
No Holds Barred, Suburban Commando, Mr. Nanny, and Santa with Muscles. Honestly, Hulk Hogan, we love you for being a good entertainer, but you can’t act your way out of a paper bag.
Looking on IMDB, I realize that the Hulkster was also in 3 Niinjas, so I second (or 24th, or whatever) that one.
August 11th, 2010 at 6:32 am
“The Pirate Move” -supposed to be based on “The Pirates of Penzance.” Absolutly horrible move.
August 11th, 2010 at 7:24 am
Planet of the Apes 2.
August 11th, 2010 at 8:02 am
Ooh, that’s right! How could “Fear” not have been covered yet?
I recently watched “Cutting Class” and second that it’s certainly terrible, but mostly in a harmless way.
August 11th, 2010 at 8:03 am
So far these are the worst choices for bad movies. Most mentioned above aren’t half bad, are enjoyed by a lot of people, or actually got critical praise. Of course, I am not Eric S., so I don’t pick them. However, I really think the “James Bond Moonraker” really needs to be done. That is not only the worst Bond film, but considered among the worst films ever by most critics and viewers.
I will second, from the list “Lost In Space,” and anything with Hulk Hogan.
August 11th, 2010 at 8:46 am
Sorry iAlex, “The Pirate Movie” is not only a comedy, but it doesn’t take itself seriously on any level whatsoever. Incidentally, I personally find it rather endearing. But then, I really like Krull, and that made the list, so what’s my opinion worth?
August 11th, 2010 at 8:52 am
I recall seeing a movie on HBO a long time ago called Shrunken Heads that was absolutely terrible. Looking it up, it seems that it was released in 1994, but I can’t tell if it was ever in theatres.
August 11th, 2010 at 9:32 am
I second Marc’s Robot Jox (1990), but it might be too obscure.
Also, might step on some toes here, but Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
August 11th, 2010 at 9:51 am
You probably already know this, and perhaps it’s would be too time consuming anyway, but just in case we don’t come through for you this time: you can do a search on Rotten Tomatoes for movies with a < 10% rating. There were 621 when I searched.
August 11th, 2010 at 9:52 am
Star Trek: The Motion Picture – Ether on film.
August 11th, 2010 at 9:54 am
“it would” NOT “it’s would”
What I wouldn’t give for the power to edit my comments!
August 11th, 2010 at 10:13 am
Agree on Lost in Space and Maximum Overdrive.
Also agree John Travolta is hugely under represented (it’s not the number of awful movies covered- with Travolta it’s the percentage). Try Perfect (1985) it’s about a Rolling Stone reporter investigating aerobics and features the least erotic workout scene I’ve ever seen, complete with Travolta pelvic thrusting. IMDB gives it 3.8.
I’d like to see Robin Williams represented more, but his stuff that’s not comedy is usually good.
US Marshals- depressing all star crapfest follow up to The Fugitive. (I’ve asked for this before- maybe it isn’t bad enough- but it’s not on the no go list).
Lawnmower Man Two: Beyond cyberspace (1996).
Graduation Day (1981)- horror thriller.
Shame Saturn 3 is off limits.
August 11th, 2010 at 10:32 am
I only saw the trailer for “Warriors of Virtue” back when the special edition Star Wars trilogy was doing the rounds in theaters, and my instincts told me it would be bad. My instincts also told me the same thing when I saw a trailer for “Robocop 3″ a few years earlier.
“Ishtar” was featured in a Far Side cartoon as the only selection available in hell’s video store, so it must be a good (e.g. bad) choice. “Heaven’s Gate” once had a spot in the Guiness Book of Records as the most unprofitable movie ever ($1 million revenue on a $44 million budget, if I recall), and there has to be a reason for that.
Going onto thin ice here, there’s “Toys,” another Robin Williams film in which I’m pretty sure he isn’t funny.
August 11th, 2010 at 11:02 am
Timeline. Time travel and medieval knights in the same movie. It’s automatically bad.
August 11th, 2010 at 11:10 am
So far these are the worst choices for bad movies. Most mentioned above aren’t half bad, are enjoyed by a lot of people, or actually got critical praise. … However, I really think the “James Bond Moonraker” really needs to be done. That is not only the worst Bond film, but considered among the worst films ever by most critics and viewers.
While “Moonraker” generally is considered the worst Bond film, I’ve never heard anyone seriously refer to it as one of the worst movies of ANY kind. It’s just the worst Bond movie. It’s at 64% at Rotten Tomatoes — more positive reviews than negative.
This is probably a corollary of the law that says if you correct someone else’s grammar, your correction will have a grammar mistake itself.
Other notes:
“Ishtar,” while famous for being bad, is 1) a comedy, and 2) actually not bad. I refer you to this very enlightening piece written by a talented fellow named Eric D. Snider.
“In the Name of the King: Dungeon Siege” is on my to-do list.
“The Postman,” as I understand it, is three hours long. That’s about twice as long as I prefer my Bad Movies to be. I don’t think I’m man enough to endure it.
I keep thinking I already did “Demolition Man,” but apparently that was “Judge Dredd,” which apparently is not the same movie as “Demolition Man.”
August 11th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
Rhinestone Cowboy
DC Cab
Suburban Commando
Solarbabies
C.H.U.D.
Manos, the hands of fate
Stop or my mom will shoot
August 11th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
I second Event Horizon.
Also, what about another Chuck Norris movie, seeing as how you’ve already done Firewalker and Delta Force? I’d suggest A Force of One, which was insanely stupid, but there are plenty of other candidates out there.
August 11th, 2010 at 3:09 pm
Oh, yeah. The In-Laws was a comedy. Totally spaced on that one. Sorry! But I really want to know: IS Mr. Nice Guy supposed to be funny? I don’t recall laughing at any part of it, but if it is, then I’m sorry about that one, too.
August 11th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
I actually do like Buckaroo and Labyrinth, but in my social circle, such as it is, I’m in a minority of one. I put them out on the off chance I was wrong. Also, Roger Ebert aboslutely loathed Labyrinth to a point where he didn’t bother checking all of his information before he published the review. If anyone knows a terrible movie, it would probably be him (yes, I did let myself fall for the “if someone smarter and more famous than me didn’t like it, then he’s probably right” fallacy). Ah, well, it IS nice to see that there are other people out there who think those films are not bad enough.
August 11th, 2010 at 3:53 pm
Actually, I suggested Labyrinth two or three times before I went and checked its Rotten Tomatoes rating, and saw that it was net positive. Apparently, there are people in non-trivial numbers who think that Jim Henson on LSD constitutes valid entertainment.
August 11th, 2010 at 4:59 pm
I just remembered this one; “Fright Night” would make a great Eric’s Bad Movies. The film’s protagonist would provide enough material by himself.
August 11th, 2010 at 8:14 pm
Someone earlier suggested “Moonraker” as the “worst” Bond movie. That may be, but (surprisingly) another Bond flick scored even lower on Rotten Tomatoes — “Octopussy,” at 47%. I dunno — maybe the outer space lasers on “Moonraker” momentarily blinded moviegoers and critics to its awfulness. In fact, yet another Bond movie (“A View to a Kill”) scored even lower than that, at 39% (careful, don’t tell Grace Jones).
Anyway, here are some other suggestions:
“Beneath the Planet of the Apes” (or any of its further sequels) — this one is laughably bad because of the “church” worshipping the “bomb.”
“Return to Oz”
“Return to the Blue Lagoon”
“Bolero”
“Nothing But Trouble”
But, like others, it’s increasingly difficult to think of more ideas.
August 11th, 2010 at 8:26 pm
Demolition Man? Hm. It was a box office success, it has a “fresh” rating on rotten tomatoes, and a good score on imdb. Perhaps you’re thinking of it because its cast has collectively made approximately 200 terrible movies. Stallone, Snipes, Sandra Bullock, Rob Schneider and Denis Leary.
So I’ll suggest one bad film from each of them.
Passenger 57 (Snipes)
Get Carter (Stallone)
The Thomas Crown Affair (Leary)
Knock Off (Schneider) With Jean-Claude Van Damme. What’s not to hate?
and finally, I haven’t seen “Fire on the Amazon” starring Sandra Bullock, but it’s a Roger Corman film, and if it isn’t terrible, then I don’t know Corman. Apparently it was shelved and released only because Bullock became popular.
August 11th, 2010 at 8:57 pm
I’m with Mark, Suburban Commando is a MUST for bad movies.
August 11th, 2010 at 10:19 pm
“Shanks” with Marcel Marceau.
August 11th, 2010 at 10:31 pm
Havoc. It’s on Netflix Instant & ‘only’ 85 minutes long. Pretty please.
August 11th, 2010 at 10:42 pm
“Phantom Raiders” (1988).
August 12th, 2010 at 1:06 am
I offer again my suggestion of Return from Witch Mountain – a truly awful sequel with villains played by Bette Davis and Christopher Lee trying unsuccessfully to make something of an inane plot.
August 12th, 2010 at 9:49 am
“Beneath the Planet of the Apes” is pretty awful, but since we are going by Rotten Tomatoes, then who knows? Might as well do as someone else suggested and just go and pick what is listed as worst there. The problem is that all movies can get a cult following no matter how bad. The fact “Moonraker,” my own personal absolute worst movie I have ever seen, doesn’t make the bad list is shocking to me. Then again, there are those who still like the old 30s action and sci-fic serials as if they are works of art.
August 12th, 2010 at 9:53 am
I meant “Moonraker” is among the absolute worst I have ever finished watching, not the most absolute worst movie ever.
August 12th, 2010 at 10:58 am
Suggestions: I Spit on Your Grave (seeing that a remake is coming, but the “original ” was BRUTAL), The Bodyguard (Kevin Costner & Whitney Houston), The Lord of the Rings (Ralph Bakshi’s 1978 animated version), Harlem Nights (Eddie Murphy’s first of many unfortunate cinematic disasters), Inchon (with more suggestions to come)…
August 12th, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Eric your bad movie reviews brighten my dreary, data entry heavy, coma inducing, work days. Here is a small list I have concocted that I would love to read your take on:
Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives! – Whaaaaa that guy with the mustache that looks like Eddie is Eddie!? A precursor to Hannah Montana .
Airborne – A story about a teenage boy and his love of rollerblades.
Ghoulies – If only to see a young a Mariska Hargitay consumed by tiny toilet dwelling monsters.
Skeeter – A movie about giant toxic mosquitoes, need I say more?
Day of the Animals – Forget the animals, Leslie Nielson you so crazy!
The Return of the Living Dead – “I love you that’s why you have to let me eat your brains!”
August 12th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
I totally agree with Eddie and the Cruisers II. I turned my girl friend on to this and she agrees that it’s terribly awesome.
Also, Commando is a must. I mean Arnold fights an entire army by himself.
Imagine Arnolds voice:
Arnold: remember when I told you I’d kill you last Sully?
Sully: yes Matrix.
Arnold: I lied.
Or Arnold kills a man on the plane and when the stewardess asks about him Arnold says not to disturb him cause he’s dead tired.
August 12th, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Eric –
There are SOOOO many 80′s flicks to see. I have 2 that aren’t on your list but probably should be:
THE LAST DRAGON. No, this is not a medieval time story of a boy who slays “the last dragon”…no,no,no. This is a story of a Bruce Lee wannabe who protects a a pop singer from a street gang. Epically bad!
BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA. It’s not Tango and Cash…it’s not Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles…and it’s not The Golden Child yet it feels like the worst pieces of each of them was pulled into this Kurt Russell / Kim Catrell flick. good times!
Enjoy
August 12th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
The Boondock Saints.
August 12th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
Night of the Comet (1984)
Also, I recently saw Hope Springs with Colin Firth and it was mind-numbingly awful. It was released in 2003 though, so maybe it’s off-limits?
August 12th, 2010 at 3:35 pm
There’s nothing mockable about “I Spit On Your Grave.” It’s just a hateful, grimy, exploitative mess of a movie, and it wouldn’t work as an EBM because its incompetence takes a back seat to its disgusting brutality and unapologetically gratuitous rape scene. It’s a bad movie, but that’s not why it became infamous.
August 12th, 2010 at 4:48 pm
The Wraith
August 12th, 2010 at 5:24 pm
If it’s available and hasn’t been suggested-I vote for Cyborg w/ Van Damme. Terrible but never boring.
August 12th, 2010 at 5:55 pm
Meteor Man?
August 12th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
Marmaduke?
August 12th, 2010 at 7:11 pm
The Nora Ephron disaster, “Mixed Nuts” starring Steve Martin and Madeline Kahn.
August 12th, 2010 at 8:09 pm
I know you mentioned Cool as Ice with Vanilla Ice would qualify but it is unavailable. I noticed this week that it is now available on Netflix to watch instantly. I confirmed this as I wrote this posting. I think it is time for its Eric’s bad Movies treatment.
I would also suggest Flash Gordon
August 12th, 2010 at 8:10 pm
The Worm Eaters (1977), Directed by Herb Robins.
I’m not sure if this got a theatrical release or not… in fact, I’m not sure if this a comedy or not. My apologies for breaking the guidelines.
I begged my grandma to buy me a beat up VHS copy at a yard sale when I was 8 and I knew immediately after the first viewing that it was one of the worst movies ever made.
I think that’s why I still love it.
August 12th, 2010 at 8:27 pm
Super Fuzz is indeed available from Netflix now!
August 12th, 2010 at 8:49 pm
How about Mimic 2? It came out in 2001, but it’s not in your archived movie review list. It has a 9% tomoatometer rating. I actually thought that the original Mimic (1997) was horrible despite a talented cast, but it has a 57% rating – much higher than I think it deserves.
Eight-year-old me LOVED SpaceCamp, but that was largely because of SPACE! and ROBOTS! and THE PRETTY GIRL from “Back To The Future”! Part of my childhood will disappear if this movie is actually an EBM.
I disagree with Clumpy, The ‘Burbs is hilarious, I watch it about once a year. Besides, it’s a comedy, and has a 46% Tomoatometer rating, so those are good reasons for it not to qualify as an EBM.
August 13th, 2010 at 1:02 am
I suggested it before and do it again: Slipstream (1989) with Mark Hamill
and some mediocre ones according to IMDB but they made me scream because how bad they are
Murder at 1600 (with Wesley Snipes)
The Generals Daughter (with John Travolta)
I am always laughing so hard when reading your bad movies. Great fun! I hope to read many more.
August 13th, 2010 at 7:36 am
Solarbabies (1986)
From the 0% rating at Rotten Tomatoes: “A futuristic sci-fi adventure film about a group of roller-skating orphans who try to save a mystical alien from destruction”
Also, Jamie Gertz and Jason Patric in their glorious 1980′s prime.
August 13th, 2010 at 9:11 am
Death Bed: The Bed that Eats People.
Patton Oswalt used it in a comedy skit, and one of my co-workers has seen it and confirmed that it is absolutely hideous. It’s one of those low-budged 1980s-style cheesy horror movies. It seems like it’d be perfect for this kind of article.
August 13th, 2010 at 10:37 am
I think a good place to start would be films that were trying to grab hold of the internet phenomenon in the mid-90′s. Classic example would be Hackers starring Angelina Jolie.
August 13th, 2010 at 3:48 pm
Try Bloodmoon (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118745/). It’s a buddy cop movie with grudges from an ultimate combat tournament in the backdrop. I’m sure you can find some worthwhile awfulness in it, from the fact that a main character is obsessed with doing magic in the first ten minutes and doesn’t mention it afterwards to the deus ex machina at the end.
August 13th, 2010 at 10:11 pm
Virtuosity, Russell Crowe and Denzel Washington
Just Cause, Sean Connery and Laurence Fishburne
Candyman, Virginia Madsen
Lying in Wait, Virginia Madsen and Rutger Hauer
It’s Alive III: Island of the Alive, Michael Moriarty
August 14th, 2010 at 12:45 am
I just remembered a great one! From 1995 comes the family movie “The Amazing Panda Adventure.” Come one, how can you NOT do an EBM on a movie called “The Amazing Panda Adventure”? I was afraid Netflix wouldn’t carry it, but not only do they have it, they have it on Instant Play. Definitely worth checking out.
August 14th, 2010 at 8:49 pm
“Shark Attack” (1999); I’d rather you do “Shark Attack 3: Megalodon” (2002) but it’s not yet available on Netflix.
August 14th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
“Shark Attack 3″ is mind-blowingly hilarious! Every Blockbuster in my area has a copy; why can’t Netflix? If they ever do, this is a must.
August 15th, 2010 at 10:27 pm
I watched “Percy Jackson” over the weekend and was sad to see that you seem to never have reviewed it. Don’t know if it’s widely accepted as bad enough for EBM or not.
August 15th, 2010 at 10:52 pm
Please remove Xanadu from your list & replace with The Lady of the Water. That movie was so bad it pissed me off. And Pirates of the Caribbean II, HORRIBLE. I didn’t even see 3 cause 2 was so horrendous.
p.s. I got to see Tommy Wiseau’s (only the star, not writer or director) new movie “The House That Drips Blood on Eric” Of course it was a stinker, but it was intentionally bad.
August 16th, 2010 at 7:15 am
You have Remo Williams listed as Unavailable, but it’s actually available for live streaming on Netflix.
Lady in the Water is easily the most painful movie I’ve endured since Batman Forever.
August 16th, 2010 at 8:13 am
Solar Babies is a perfect candidate!
August 16th, 2010 at 10:04 am
Sinbad of the Seven Seas with Lou Ferrigno. It’s on Netflix and is horrendous.
August 16th, 2010 at 12:08 pm
“The Ghost and the Darkness.” Mike Nelson can’t be wrong.
August 16th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
Also, I’m surprised you haven’t done “The Gate” (available on Netflix), seeing that you mentioned it as being absolutely awful in your piece on Ishtar. So how about that?
August 16th, 2010 at 12:59 pm
If by “The Gate” you mean “Heaven’s Gate,” all I said in the “Ishtar” piece is that it’s usually included on lists of epic Hollywood failures. I haven’t seen it, so I don’t know if it deserved to be the expensive flop that it was.
There is actually a movie called “The Gate,” though, that has to do with pulling up a tree out of a backyard and thereby opening a hellmouth, or something. I am intrigued by it.
August 16th, 2010 at 2:14 pm
I second the vote for the Percy Jackson movie. I wasted a free Redbox promo code on that stinker.
August 16th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
I meant “The Gate” -tree-extravaganza film. Whatever it is, it can’t be good.
August 16th, 2010 at 9:01 pm
Center Stage is unquestionably awful.
August 17th, 2010 at 10:10 am
I was excited to suggest King Solomon’s Mines but I see it’s too bad for NetFlix. My backup movie is Cutthroat Island. Awful. Enjoy.
August 17th, 2010 at 3:43 pm
Wing Commander 1999 starring Freddie Prinze JR. and Matthew Lillard as hot shot space fighter pilots based on the hit computer game series. Prinze JR. takes on the role played by Mark Hamill in the video game cut scenes. 11% on Rotten Tommtoes,and the first and only movie to be directed by Chris Roberts who also worked on the video games series.
It’s really bad when your 12 years old and dislike a movie based on you favorite game.
August 19th, 2010 at 10:53 am
“Armed Response” (1986)
“Scarecrows” (1988)
“Curse of the Swamp Creature” (1966)
August 19th, 2010 at 10:54 am
Actually, I think “Swamp Creature” was only on TV, so strike that one.
August 19th, 2010 at 10:56 am
“Planet of the Vampires” (1965) contains no actual vampires. Not one.
August 20th, 2010 at 2:08 am
The movie I always mention as the worst movie I’ve ever seen is “Rollerball.” Like the criteria you mentioned regarding bad movies, a worst movie can’t just be some crappy straight-to-dvd Steven Seagal movie that you know going in is terrible. There has to be some small sense that the movie could have been good based on who was involved in the making of the movie.
In the case of “Rollerball,” that would be the director John McTiernan. This is the man that gave us “Die Hard,” “Predator,” “The Hunt for Red October” and “Die Hard 3.” I even really like “The Thomas Crown Affair,” but this horrible mess of a movie is almost the sole reason he’s only made one movie in the eight years since it was released (The other reason being his involvement in a wiretapping scandal involving the FBI.)
It doesn’t help that your three main stars are Chris Klein, LL Cool J and Rebecca Romijn, but even the action sequences are terrible. I mean there’s literally a chase scene that lasts for at least five minutes that is done entirely in night vision. I really hope that if they end up making one more Die Hard, John McTiernan is directing just so he can recover what’s left of his career.
August 20th, 2010 at 3:06 am
http://www.ericdsnider.com/movies/rollerball
http://www.ericdsnider.com/movies/center-stage
August 21st, 2010 at 1:28 pm
I would have to suggest “Bad Girls” (1994) starring Drew Barrymore, Andie MacDowell, Mary Stuart Masterson, and Madeline Stowe. Never have I hated a Western more! Watch out for ridiculously gratuitous nudity. I checked; it is available on Netflix. Or I could send you my copy – I’m ashamed to have it on my shelf!
PS ~ Love your reviews and your snide genius.
August 25th, 2010 at 7:50 pm
“The Men’s Club” (1986)
“Gor” (1987)
“R.O.T.O.R.” (1988) — Not sure if this one had a U.S. theatrical release though.
August 26th, 2010 at 8:34 pm
Didn’t read all the replies, but the Star Wars prequels would have to qualify, whether you’ve done them or not. You could do a “Celebration” edition that includes all three.
August 27th, 2010 at 7:36 am
How about D-Tox (known in America as ‘I See You’)?
D-Tox was after 2000, but isn’t listed on your website. Its theatrical release was delayed for two years, despite staring Stallone. Then it wasn’t released theatrically in America but got a wide European release, I even remember it showing at my local in England. Really, doesn’t that fact on its own make it tempting to cover? It was judged too terrible for American audiences, but fine for Europeans.
In fairness-
It’s not THE worst movie ever released, but it’s worse than some on the Eric’s Bad Movies list, and it enthusiastically covers many action/thriller clichés i.e.
- Respected character actors who show up briefly so they can die
- Nonsensical plotting
- Suspects who occasionally behave like a***holes, just so they look suspicious.
- Mentally unstable people trapped in a building that will inevitably become cut-off from the rest of society (again by the weather). Clearly the weather is something that cannot be predicted.
- Set in a generically threatening building but that’s clearly not equipped for the ill-defined d-tox/therapy i.e. it doesn’t seem like a proper medical establishment and possesses only one councillor.
August 31st, 2010 at 9:03 pm
Bless The Child….one of the worst movies I’ve ever watched (for the dentist thing. They wanted to sacrifice? (I’m not sure, I tend to repress bad memories) the girl but still cared enough to take her to the dentist.)
I know these don’t count, being released after 2000, but The Forgotten and Knowing for having the same stupid ending (I hate it when [people put spoilers in comments about movies they had no reason to bring up anyway other than that they like to hear themselves type].)
September 8th, 2010 at 9:06 am
“Popeye” starring Robin Williams. I don’t remember whether it’s a comedy or not — I don’t think so — but I do recall that it sucked.
September 14th, 2010 at 11:21 am
How about “Young Einstein”? 18% on Rotten Tomatoes and available on netflicks. Yet it apparently grossed 100 million worldwide–not bad enough perhaps?. I remember seing commercials as a child and thinking it looked lame, andI always wanted someone to make fun of a guy named “Yahoo Serious”
September 14th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
I was going to ask how it was possible that you hadn’t already done Manos: Hands of Fate, but I just checked on netflix and all they have is the Mystery Science Theater version.
You haven’t done Battlefield Earth?
September 14th, 2010 at 3:19 pm
NM, I see that you have.
What about Sheena?
September 15th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999) – According to Rotten Tomatoes: “As a dark comedy-thriller, this movie lacks humor and thrill.”
Virus (1999) – A stupid sci fi thriller starring Jamie Lee Curtis and the great Billy Baldwin.
Tank Girl (1995) – The cast (Lori Petty, Malcolm McDowell and Ice-T) pretty much speaks for itself.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993) – When I was a kid I actually like the first two movies, but even at the age of 8 I recognized that the third one was a travesty.
Jawbreaker (1999) – It’s a dark comedy/satire, but I figured it was worth mentioning.
Eye of the Beholder (1999) – Ewan McGregor and Ashley Judd not making sense for an hour and a half.
The Postman (1997) – After Waterworld Kevin Costner thought it was a good idea to go on another 3-hour post-apocalyptic adventure. Go figure.
The Scarlet Letter (1995) – Demi Moore plays an iconic character from classic literature. Hilarity ensues.
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002) – A ridiculous action flick starring Antonio Banderas and Lucy Liu with the distinction of having a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
Mary Reilly (1996) – Julia Roberts in a gothic period piece. Shockingly, it doesn’t work.
September 15th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
I would recommend Private Resort, with Johnny Depp. I’m a huge Johnny Depp fan but I must admit I found this movie pretty horrendous. Though it is meant to be a comedy so don’t know how well that fits your criteria…
And I would also agree with other posts in recommending Young Einstein, a truly god-awful movie
September 19th, 2010 at 7:43 am
My kids stumbled on “Mac and Me” on Netflix last night. I’ve only seen peripheral bits and pieces, but it looks like a crass rip-off of ET. RottenTomatoes gives it the rare “0%” and quotes your buddy Scott Weinberg as calling it, “Quite possibly one of the worst movies of the past 435 years.”
September 20th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
The original Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie. Ugh. Also, it is driving me slightly insane that I cannot italicize the title of the movie.
September 20th, 2010 at 4:15 pm
You can if you use HTML tags. Or you can just use quotation marks, which are available on most modern computer keyboards.
September 21st, 2010 at 7:03 pm
Thank you, Eric. I’ll look up the HTML tag for my own sanity. Also, I’m uncomfortable using quotation marks considering that they are wrong.
September 21st, 2010 at 8:54 pm
Oh, but they aren’t wrong! Newspapers use quotation marks for titles of things (as a holdover from the pre-computer days, when italicizing words was complicated), and it’s what the AP Stylebook calls for. If italicizing is not an option (or underlining, which was the typewriter equivalent of italicizing), quotation marks are perfectly acceptable.
September 22nd, 2010 at 7:14 am
I stand corrected then. AP Style is not my forte. I work with MLA and Chicago. Thank you for the information. I’ll still look up the HTML so that I can have the option, but I will keep this in mind.
September 24th, 2010 at 8:08 pm
“An American Werewolf in Paris” (1997)
September 28th, 2010 at 10:06 am
“Quintet” (1979)
September 28th, 2010 at 11:03 am
Ok, I know nothing about “Hell Comes to Frogtown” other than you referenced it in your film.com article, but you’e got to do that one. Note: I am assuming the movie is bad. I suppose I could be wrong, of course.
October 6th, 2010 at 12:00 am
The Core!
Stealth!
Message From Space!(this is going back to 1978)
I chose these films not only for the bad writing and horrid acting, but also because
they make a complete mockery of basic science- even by Hollywood’s incredibly
low standards.
October 6th, 2010 at 5:31 pm
“Cyclone” (1987)
October 7th, 2010 at 6:16 pm
how about the quest? It’s DIRECTED by jean claude van damme. he also helped ‘write’ it and he stars in it. it’s also on netflix instant. SO SO bad! teaser: in his first scene he is dressed as a clown. on stilts. and is the foster father to a group of teen boys?!
October 9th, 2010 at 7:48 pm
“Bats” (1999)
“The Graves” (2009)
“Graveyard Shift” (1990)
November 19th, 2010 at 9:54 am
“Repo! The Genetic Opera” (2008)
November 19th, 2010 at 2:46 pm
“The Touchables” (1968)
November 22nd, 2010 at 10:40 am
The “Green Berets”, John Wayne as a 70′ year old Special Forces, fighting white man dress as Vietcong in the woods of NC and promoting the use of force in Vietnam, (sponsered by President LBJ, Hitler sponserd movies too, just saying), its on Netflix worth a look.
December 2nd, 2010 at 4:03 pm
“The Crush” (1993) with Alicia Silverstone.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:19 am
“Next of Kin” with Patrick Swayze, Liam Neeson, and Ben Stiller features Appalachian hill folk taking on Chicago gangsters using diverse weaponry such as crossbows and a bus full of snakes. It definitely had that “how weird can this get? Oh my gosh…” quality of a truly bad movie.
I hope you’re still checking these comments.