NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“Puss in Boots” (B)
“The Rum Diary” (C+) [Film.com]

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III” (1993), the glorious conclusion to the groundbreaking trilogy. [Film.com]

What’s the Big Deal?: “Frankenstein” (1931), about a nice man who only wanted to make a friend. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Monster’s Ball” (2001), which despite its title is not a Halloween movie. [Film.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “Soda Speak” — What the new Dr Pepper means to you.

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: Reviews of “Puss in Boots,” “The Rum Diary,” and “Anonymous,” plus other fun and/or games. [Cascadia.fm] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: This is a new thing that was just invented. [Twitter]

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

Darrell Hammond was on “SNL” for 14 years, but often only appeared in one sketch per show. Maybe this is because he was ADDICTED TO CRACK. [The Hollywood Reporter]

If it’s wrong to laugh at someone’s pain, then I was wrong a lot during this: tough guy terrified of puppies. [Buzzfeed]

Joe Piccirillo takes a very funny look at the differences between fiction and reality with regard to “Weird Science.” [Movies.com]

Drew McWeeny is showing the “Star Wars” films to his young sons and writing about the experience in a marvelously poignant manner. He’s showing them in this order: “Star Wars,” “The Empire Strikes Back,” then the prequels, and finally “Return of the Jedi.” (That’s brilliant, by the way. We find out Darth Vader is Luke’s father, flashback to Vader’s story, then go to the finale.) Here’s the latest entry, on “Revenge of the Sith.” Links to the previous ones are at the end. [Hitfix]

Mississippi’s Oxford Film Festival, of which I’ve been a guest a few times, needs sponsors! Couldn’t you throw ‘em a few bucks? This is a terrific cultural event for the region, and the people are nice, and they cook good food. [Oxford Film Festival]

Johnny Depp meets with Ricky Gervais to settle an old Golden Globes score. [YouTube]

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“The Three Musketeers” (F) [Film.com]
“Johnny English Reborn” (C) [Film.com]
“Paranormal Activity 3″ (B-)

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “The Allnighter” (1987), best known as the movie that launched Bangles lead singer Susanna Hoffs’ film career, and also un-launched it. [Film.com]

What’s the Big Deal?: “Sophie’s Choice” (1982), starring Meryl Streep and her huge acting muscles. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Atlantis: The Lost Empire” (2001), a film whose praises I couldn’t sing loudly enough in 2001. And now? Um… [Film.com]

One Year Ago: Catching up with “Paranormal Activity 2,” “Hereafter,” and more. [Movies.com]

How the ‘Paranormal Activity’ Formula Would Work in Other Genres: Some scintillating possibilities are proposed! [Film.com]

The Timeline for Winning Best Picture: Pay heed, filmmakers, for this is your checklist. [Film.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “The Super Bowl of the Mind” — Taking part in some fantasy football

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We both really hated “The Three Musketeers,” I’ll tell you that much. [Cascadia.fm] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: Actually, my last 100 tweets have been about “The Three Musketeers,” so maybe you don’t want to follow me after all. [Twitter]

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

Here is a soundboard with the various noises one hears from a devoted audience member at an art-house movie. [Wonder-Tonic]

Jonathan Poritsky wrote about a frivolous lawsuit that someone filed against “Drive” for having a misleading trailer and for being anti-Semitic. The attorney representing the case — Martin H. Leaf — posted insane comments in response. It’s pretty awesome. [The Candler Blog]

Another good reason to read Kris Straub’s webcomic Chainsawsuit regularly. [Chainsawsuit]

This awkward “Wheel of Fortune” moment is the result of clever editing and didn’t really happen, but it’s funny. Timing is everything. [YouTube]

What an adorable baby cyclops albino shark! [Daily Mail]

Finally, here’s a montage of moments from Very Special Episodes of various ’80s and ’90s TV shows. “What is it, a potluck?!” [YouTube]

Things are hoppin’ over here at Eric D. Snider headquarters! The Laotian kids who work in my sweatshop are barely able to keep up with the demand. This calls for some reorganization — but don’t worry, nothing is being discontinued. (A column being discontinued would be a weird thing for you to worry about anyway.)

My overlords at Film.com have requested that we rearrange my schedule with them, which I’d been contemplating on my own for a while. “Eric’s Bad Movies,” previously a Thursday feature, will now appear on Mondays, while “What’s the Big Deal?” moves from Tuesday to Thursday. “Re-Views” stays on Wednesday.

In conjunction with this, I’m moving “Snide Remarks” from Monday to Tuesday. Part of the reason is that “Eric’s Bad Movies” is on Monday now, and I’d rather not have the two jokey-joke ha-ha columns run on the same day, even though they’re on different websites. Another reason, as you might have noticed, is that I have trouble delivering “Snide Remarks” first thing Monday morning anyway. To do so requires me either to work on Sunday (which I want to avoid) or to have it done by Saturday night (which is generally not possible for a variety of mundane reasons). Moving it to Tuesday will enable me to start my workweek in a mode other than panic. This will be a refreshing change.

So here is the lineup for the new fall season of programming:

Monday: “Eric’s Bad Movies,” in which I make fun of a bad movie. Pretty straightforward, really. (Film.com)

Tuesday: “Snide Remarks,” in which I talk about whatever I want, theoretically with the intention of producing comedy. (EricDSnider.com)

Wednesday: “Re-Views,” in which I find a movie that I either loved or hated many years ago but never watched a second time, and watch it a second time. This is evolving into a column about how a film critic’s brain works, and might only be of interest to film critics. Luckily, there are at least a million film critics in the world, so I have plenty of potential readers. (Film.com)

Thursday: “What’s the Big Deal?,” in which I choose a “classic” movie and try to figure out what the big deal about it is. (Film.com)

Friday: “One Year Ago,” in which we reflect on what films opened exactly a year earlier, and what ever became of them. (Movies.com)

New movie reviews will continue to appear on Friday, of course, as specified in the Constitution. I also do a random free-floating column at Film.com every week that runs wherever there’s a slot. You can always check my blog over the weekend for a roundup of links to everything I wrote over the previous seven days, lest you miss even one precious word to drip from my Internet pen.

Thank you for your support! Feedback and baked goods are always welcome.

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“The Thing” (C+) [Film.com]
“The Big Year” (C+)

Why no “Footloose” review? Because while the movie screened several times in Portland, the only screening critics were allowed to attend was the one that conflicted with the actual only screening of “The Thing.” Well, up yours, “Footloose,” I thought, and chose “The Thing.”

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

What’s the Big Deal?: “Marty” (1955), starring Ernest Borgnine and his thick, meaty face. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Amelie” (2001), a movie I adored ten years ago. Do I adore it still? That is the question. [Film.com]

Things Nicolas Cage Could Do That Would Theoretically still Shock Us: a comprehensive list. [Film.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Reject Radio: I was a guest on this fine podcast, joining Rob Hunter in a head-to-head movie news quiz and subsequent discussion of, I don’t know, something else. (The ‘cast includes a bit of naughty language.) [Film School Rejects]

Snide Remarks: “Open Mike Night” — Some observations about everyday life.

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: We legitimately reviewed a couple movies, and we also semi-reviewed “Footloose,” based only on the trailer. [Cascadia.fm] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: Twitter Twitter Twitter Twitter Twitter Twitter Twitter. [Twitter]

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

Did you see last week’s “Breaking Bad” season finale? If you did — and ONLY if you did (or if you don’t mind huge spoilers) — here’s an animated GIF that is relevant to your interests. [Vulture]

Here’s a 22-year-old German weirdo who’s a champion arm wrestler thanks to his Popeye arm. [Mail Online]

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“Real Steel” (C+) [Film.com]
“The Ides of March” (B+)
“Tucker and Dale vs Evil” (B+)
“The Human Centipede 2″ (D)

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

What’s the Big Deal?: “Sullivan’s Travels” (1941), an affectionate Hollywood satire that has barely aged a day. [Film.com]

Re-Views: “Dr. T and the Women” (2000), a film I hated the first time around. The second time around? You’ll have to read the column and find out! (Fine. I don’t have it anymore.) [Film.com]

One Year Ago: Catching up with “Life As We Know It,” “Secretariat,” and more. [Movies.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: Didn’t run this week. Or the week before, I know. There have been some issues. It’ll be back Monday, I promise. PROMISE.

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: Regular listeners will be thrilled to know that we debuted a new game on this week’s show! Somehow it ended up involving Batman, Santa Claus, and ’60s housemaids. [Cascadia.fm] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Twitter: I have established a beachhead on this social networking blathering device. [Twitter]

* * * * *

MISCELLANEOUS MERRIMENT:

Marie Brian, aka The Cotton Floozy, is a talented maker of (according to her card) “subversive embroidery, crocheted oddities, custom orders, and anything else granny wackadoo.” She asked me for my favorite movie quote, and I told her, and she embroidered it! For reals! (It’s from “Anchorman.”) Then she mailed me the actual item in a lovely frame and everything! This is fantastic. I love it. [The Cotton Floozy] [Twitpic]

I tweeted this question a few days ago: Who did we use for hyperbolic comparisons before Hitler? “That Teddy Roosevelt, he’s worse than” … Genghis Khan? Jack the Ripper? Who? Almost simultaneously, Slate was publishing this column that addresses that very question. The answers include Judas Iscariot, the Egyptian Pharaoh of Exodus, and … Abraham Lincoln? Man, we were really hurting for evil icons. [Slate]

Here is a collection of movie posters where it looks like one or more of the characters is farting. [Uproxx]

I got this email a few weeks ago from a Film.com reader. It will be relevant for you to know that my author bio at Film.com says this: “Eric has been a film critic since 1999, and a beard wearer since 2008. He holds a degree in journalism and used to work in ‘the newspaper industry,’ back when that was a thing.”

Hi Eric,

May I call you Eric? Ok, how about Mr. Snider? Mr. Mencken? Mr. Pulitzer?

I ask because it appears that you consider yourself a “journalist.” It appears that you seem to feel that writing movie reviews for a Web site puts you above those who write for newspapers — or, at least, when newspapers were actually “a thing.”

I mention this because, as a fairly recently retired sportswriter for a decent-sized paper in Massachusetts, I am fascinated by the cultural change I must face; a change marked by the total reliance on the electronic media by  teenagers.

And we all know that, as Al Capp said, “the only thing a teenager is better at than me is fixing cars and acne.”

I’m sure that Capp won’t mind your stealing his line and using it as your own, mostly because he quite dead. You may Google Al to find out who he is.

At any rate, after spending 40 years pounding keyboards — many that were part of … GASP … a typewriter — I am reasonably upset by your dismissal of words on actual paper. [Yeah, I don't think "reasonably" is the word you're looking for.]

Exactly what are you giving the world of journalism, other than your arrogant use of the word “journalist” to describe yourself?  Well, you are helping to prove that a world of limitless electronic “paper” anyone and everyone can find a publisher. You are giving us the letter “u” as a pronoun, and countless other bastardizations of what used to be a beautiful language — the language of Shakespere [sic], Keats, Shelley, Lardner, and, even in their own way, Woodward and Bernstein.

What used to be essays — some thought-provoking from people like Barnicle; some fantastically funny, from people like Buchwald and Woody Allen — have become “tweets, simple, rarely pithy, often moronic and mostly just another way from Sally to tell the rest of the teenage world that, in the last half-hour, she’s applied “vagina pink” to her fingernails, broken up with Jimmy, and taken an absolutely wonderful crap.

Yes, Eric, you are a 2011 journalist. Aren’t you proud?

M.B.
Agawam, Mass.

 [His email has this signature line at the end of it:]

A sense of humor is what takes a problem and whittles it down to a size where you can handle it. — Billy Clyde Puckett, Semi-Tough

My response:

I think there’s been some misunderstanding. I’m not a teenager; I’m 37 years old. I’ve only been an “online writer” since 2003. Before that, I wrote for newspapers for 18 years, starting when I was 10 and did a news column about my elementary school for the community paper. I earned a B.A. in journalism (print journalism) in 1999. Like you, I love the English language (particularly the word “pontoon”), and I haven’t done anything to bastardize it — nor can I imagine where in my writing you’ve found any indication that I have.

As far as I can tell from your email, your objection is not to anything in particular I’ve written but to the wording of my bio paragraph at Film.com. When I made light of the declining state of the newspaper industry, it was from the perspective of someone who loves newspapers and was part of that world for most of his life, not that of some 20-year-old brat snarking about his forefathers’ ancient means of communication. I’m sorry if your feelings on the subject are too sensitive to allow for jest, but as a wise man once said, a sense of humor is what takes a problem and whittles it down to a size where you can handle it.

In short, your assumptions about me are entirely incorrect. For a journalist, you sure jump to a lot of conclusions!

Best wishes,
Eric D. Snider

I didn’t get a reply.

My schedule has been all cattywampus lately because of getting ready for Fantastic Fest, and then going to Fantastic Fest, and then recovering from Fantastic Fest. Some columns haven’t been running on their regular schedule, which is normally the very model of precision and discipline. But things should be back to normal this week — so dry those tears, buckaroo!

Fantastic Fest was an absurd amount of fun. Most of the movies I saw were good or at least good-ish, and it was great to see so many friends and meet new people who used to exist only on the Internet.

NEW MOVIE REVIEWS:

“50/50″ (A-)
“Take Shelter” (B+)
“Dream House” (D-) [Film.com]
“Archie’s Final Project” (B+)
“Dolphin Tale” (B-)
“Killer Elite” (C) [Film.com]
“Moneyball” (B)

* * * * *

MOVIE COLUMNS:

Eric’s Bad Movies: “Molly” (1999), starring Elisabeth Shue as a mentally retarded woman who gets smart(er). [Film.com]

What’s the Big Deal?: “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” (1966), a masterpiece of marital loathing. [Film.com]

One Year Ago: Catching up with “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps,” “The Owls of Ga’Hoole,” and more / Catching up with “The Social Network,” “Let Me In,” and more. [Movies.com] / [Movies.com]

Star Wars on Blu-ray: It’s time to move past anger and into acceptance. [Film.com]

My Fantastic Fest reviews. [Film.com]

A Proper Gentleman from 19th Century England Reacts to Seeing “Human Centipede 2″ [Movies.com]

* * * * *

MY OTHER STUFF:

Snide Remarks: “Jews Your Words Carefully” — A dumb girl gets the wrong impression

Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider: A weekly podcast hosted by Jeff Bayer and Eric D. Snider, one of whom is me. [Cascadia.fm] or [iTunes]

In the Dark: Subscribe to this weekly e-mail and get all the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info delivered to your electronic mailbox. [Eric D. Snider's In the Dark]

Where tweets come from. [Twitter]