Eric D. Snider

Eric D. Snider's Blog

What’s to become of Snide Remarks?

Greetings, friends! ‘Tis I, fictional Internet character Eric D. Snider! I would like to update you on what is happening in the realm of Snide Remarks, the weekly column I write in the English language for people who can read English.

A while back, I ran a Kickstarter campaign to fund the production of 50 Snide Remarks columns. I am pleased to report that last week’s entry, “Requiem for a Chair,” was the 50th. My obligation is complete. And only three and a half months later than originally promised!

Here they are, added to the archives as #619-668. These last 50 all have audio versions now, too, except for a few where the format of the column makes it unfeasible. I’ve been enjoying recording those more and more recently, especially the ones that are written as monologues anyway. It’s like I get to perform but without anyone having to see me!

And may I add that audio versions were not even part of the original contract. Threw those in for free, I did! That is added value for you, the customer.

Do I wish to continue writing Snide Remarks? Indeed I do! But must I make money writing it? Indeed I must. Such is the life of a professional writer: always needing to get paid for writing.

The Kickstarter thing worked well last time. Those who wanted to pay a dollar or five or a hundred for 50 Snide Remarks columns cheerfully (I assume) did so. Those who preferred not to contribute didn’t have to — and they still got to read the columns! Everybody was a winner.

Soon I’ll be launching a new Kickstarter campaign for another cycle of 50 columns. It’ll work basically the same as the last one, with a few tweaks. It will start soon. Don’t worry, once it starts it will not be possible for you not to know that it has started.

In the meantime, Snide Remarks is on hiatus. Think of it like a TV show. We ran 50 episodes, and now we’re on break until the new season starts. Except that the new season won’t start at all unless the people who make the show raise enough money. I even ended the last column on a cliffhanger, on purpose, just to mess with you. Better pony up the bucks, readers, or you’ll never know what happened to the chair!!

All laffy-laffs aside, I hope the regular readers know that I love writing Snide Remarks. There are things I write just for the money, but Snide Remarks isn’t one of them. I’ve been writing Snide Remarks since 1997, and similar weekly columns under different titles since high school. But I hope you also understand that as someone who makes his living as a freelancer, I can’t afford to write something regularly without getting paid for it, no matter how much I enjoy it.

Consider your gynecologist. You think she doesn’t love performing hysterectomies? Of course she does! That is why she became a gynecologist, because of the thrill she gets pulling uteruses out of ladies. But she still has to make a living. (The same applies if your gynecologist is a “he” not a “she.”) She cannot just go around doing hysterectomies in her leisure time. I mean, now and then, sure. At a party or whatever. But in general, we writers and gynecologists have to make a living.

So anyway, Kickstarter, coming soon. Thanks for your support. I love each one of you deeply, to the point that it is uncomfortable.

UPDATE: As threatened, the Kickstarter is up and running from now till July 20!

18 Responses to “What’s to become of Snide Remarks?”

  1. Jeremy Says:

    Back when I was at the BYU, Snide Remarks was the pretty much only reason to read the Daily Universe. (I say “the BYU” because I’m an old person now, but fortunately not quite as old as Eric.) Put up another Kickstarter campaign, and you’ll get my funding!

  2. Me Says:

    YEA!

  3. Eric Says:

    When one is paid to do something in a specific time frame that they themselves decided, then they should do it in that time frame. I will donate again to the kickstarter fund but if you say you are going to write 50 articles in a certain time, then please write those articles in that time. I have been reading snide remarks since they were in The Daily Herald here in Utah County. I love your wit and the way you write. Keep up the good work.

  4. Larry Says:

    The Eric commenter has to be kidding. Just has to.

    Anyway, unlike the last Kickstarter effort, I’m in a position to contribute! And will.

    Huzzah!

  5. aaron Says:

    I’ll donate. And I don’t really give a furry rat’s [nether regions] when the columns are published.

  6. Big D Says:

    Even if I were unemployed…in Greenland!!!…I would still donate to make this happ’n, cap’n.

  7. Sarah Clark Says:

    I suddenly know why my gynecologist had that goofy grin on her face every time she came into my hospital room 2 years ago. Of course, I’ve enjoyed not having a uterus as much as she enjoyed removing it, so I guess we’re even.

    Too much?

    This kickstarter campaign is going up on my blog as an “Awesome Product” as it did last year. And I’m with Aaron. Write them when you can. I read them no matter when they’re posted.

  8. Berkeley Says:

    I’ll donate, but only if you promise to not meet your self-imposed deadline.

  9. Kevin Says:

    Can those who donate above a certain amount get an official Snide Remarks T-Shirt? I would wear mine proudly.

  10. baguioboy Says:

    My donation got held up by a credit card issue, but I still corrected it and sent the money, even after Kickstarter had released the rest and I knew Snide Remarks had been fully funded.

    What I’m trying to say is, I’m in.

  11. wheawix Says:

    I enjoy these get-rich-quick schemes. Any day now, I will be a millionaire, thanks to that prince-guy in Africa because I did not hesitate to forward that chain letter e-mail. In for a new Snide Remarks!

  12. Anthony Afterwit Says:

    PIF. I’d like a picture of a EDS drawing a picture of EDS to infinity, please. also, please include a newt, but not the gingrich type, unless that’s all that is left.

  13. Katherine Says:

    I am warning you in advance that my comment will not be witty. My 17 year-old daughter has an advanced case of Lyme disease. She has been bedridden and in constant, excruciating pain for more than two years. She often is unable to read anything, watch anything or listen to anything because her sensitivity issues are so severe. In an effort to find something to entertain her, I have often turned to Snide Remarks. I can’t tell you how much I’ve appreciated your columns. They are the perfect length for her to listen to, and they can make her laugh when nothing else does. We found them after your last Kickstarter campaign had ended, so I am thrilled to be able to contribute now.

  14. Firebyrd Says:

    While I understand the point of Eric the commentator’s comment (after all, you wouldn’t want to pay for something and have someone decide to take five years to complete it), I’m rolling my eyes at this specific incident. We got 50 columns in 15.5 months, so around 66 weeks. That’s a column every 1.32 weeks on average. Eric the columnist didn’t exactly leave us high and dry, with the money going to hookers and blow while we sat around not receiving what we’d paid for.

    I didn’t help fund the kickstarter last year, but I’m satisfied enough with his performance that I’ll contribue this year.

  15. Ian Says:

    Consider me in again this year… I feel I got my two dollars worth and then some!.

    One tiny request Mr. Snider…. Woudl it be possible to update the audio player on your site to one that does not use flash? So that I might be able to listen to your wonderful (too pandering?) performances via my mobile device or non-flash-running-tablet-of-time-wastery (also known as iPad)… Just a thought… I mean, i woudl love them as a podcast feed too… but i’ll take whatever I can get.

  16. Ian Says:

    Apparently I am so excited about the prospect of more SnideRemarks, and the epic conclusion of the chair that I have forgotten how to type the word “would”. My appologies.

  17. Cynthia Says:

    “Eric the columnist didn’t exactly leave us high and dry, with the money going to hookers and blow while we sat around not receiving what we’d paid for.”

    Firebyrd, While I agree with your point generally, this sentence’s grammar construction makes it a little bit confusing. I know you were saying that the money didn’t go to hookers and blow *while* we had nothing. But the way it is written, it sounds like the money didn’t go to hookers and blow at all. I bring this up because I don’t want confusion over that to prevent donors from donating who are only interested in donating if some of the money is going to hookers and blow.

  18. Eric D. Snider Says:

    I promise to only use the money on hookers and blow and to deliver the 50 columns never.

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