One of the reasons I used to admire Defamer.com was that you had to basically audition to be allowed to post comments. If you weren’t sufficiently literate, witty, and intelligent, they wouldn’t let you post. (They seem to have eased up the restrictions in recent months.) If I weren’t eager to increase traffic to my site — which is the one and only reason that any website allows comments — I’d implement such a system myself.

But in the meantime, here are some of the dumb things that dumb people have said in recent weeks.

(P.S. Most of you post comments that are smart and useful and contribute to the discussion! Really! Keep doing it! And especially, keep coming back to see if anyone has responded to you! That’s the important part!)

DUMB COMMENTS POSTED AT ERICDSNIDER.COM

“Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed”:

Hey Ericdsnider,

i want you to go into a office and say something about God you will soon see that almost everyone will stop talking to you. but if you talk about Darwinism they start asking questions. Ok Ericdsnider i want you to get out a $1 bill there something wrote there. Something that deals with…..GOD not Darwin. Maybe Everyone needs to remember what our fore-fathers based America on.

[The problem with Creationism isn't that certain elements of it are incompatible with science. It's that so many of its followers are semi-literate idiots.]

* * * * *

“Iron Man”:

“IRON MAN WAS A BLAST!” You people on this site are “PICKY PICKY PICKY.”

I’m glad this wasn’t a la “CUTESY SPIDERMAN MOVIE.” Finally Hollywood comes out with a movie for everyone. Iron Man is funny, serious, has great special effects,

a great soundtrack and terrific acting by Robert Downey Jr. “WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?” [He has a point there. Once you have a great central performance and a great soundtrack, the other elements -- like plot, direction, supporting performances, screenplay, sets, costumes, makeup, lighting, editing, and cinematography -- really don't matter.] Hollywood came through this time people. You can really tell they tried to please all ages. I can no way complain. Iron Man was pure entertainment and “THIS TIME” I give Hollywood credit for their effort and Eric you should have too with a “A” review rating. “Shame on you!”

[Sometimes I put "quotation marks" around things because I think "quotation marks" are used for "emphasis." And "shame on you," movie critic, for failing to hold the same "opinion" that I "hold"!]

Continue reading…

When you e-mail me through the site, there is a notice that says this:

STOP: If you are going to ask Eric how to contact a celebrity, DON’T. Eric has no such information for ANY famous person. If you ask him anyway, despite this warning, Eric will write back and tell you how stupid you are. And he’ll be right to do so.

You’ll need to know that as you read this e-mail that I received recently, with the subject line “contact Bill Fichtner”:

Eric, I’m not stupid I would just like to get this message to Bill. I meet a lot of celebrities at the Greenbier hotel where my shop is but I ran into Bill in Costa Rica.
If you can help, thanks, if not, don’t bother telling me how stupid I am.

Hey Bill, I met you and a friend at the Orquideas hotel in Costa Rica. Had a bit of breakfast with you and didn’t realize until later that I had seen you in many movies.
If you’re ever in Greenbrier Co. WV please look me up. My website is [website provided].
good luck with your career and it was nice to meet you
Tom [last name]

True to my word, I wrote back to Tom:

You’re actually among the stupidest. You read the notice that said I don’t know how to contact any celebrities, then wrote to me anyway and even acknowledged that you’d read it. What part of “I don’t know how to contact any celebrities” don’t you understand? You thought maybe Bill Fichtner was the ONE exception? Seriously: stupid.

That’s kind of mean, I know, but I did warn him. Bill Fichtner, by the way, is usually credited as William Fichtner, and you’d recognize him. He’s one of those “Hey, it’s that guy!” guys. He’s on “Prison Break,” or at least he was.

The vast majority of comments that people post on EricDSnider.com are relevant, reasonable, and useful. But a small minority are dumb. I have cataloged some recent ones here for your enjoyment. My favorite parts are in bold type.

DUMB COMMENTS POSTED ON ERICDSNIDER.COM

“27 Dresses”:
I have no idea what your talking about 27 dresses IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER!!! IF YOU THINK ITS STUPID THAT PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU NEVER WATCHED A GOOD MOVIE~~~ IT IS WORTH WATCHING DON’T LISTEN TO ALL THOUGHT FREAKS!

[You make good points, and you make them very well.]

* * * * *

Snide Remarks: “The Nayme Gaimme”:
I am a teacher and we come across lots of “unique” names. There are two sisters I had Royalty Knight and the little sister Ya’Hinnis Knight is in pre-school. I have had a Scipio, he was from down south ( I teach in MO) There is a Fuchsia!! I could go on as well but I want. It isjust interesting to me to each its own. As for the changing the spelling I am guilty myself with my own children. My daughters’ names are Kaprice and Kamryn i wanted to stick with the K’s

["Boy, have I ever seen some stupid names! There were two sisters, Royalty and Ya'Hinnis! Then there was a Scipio and a Fuchsia! And what about the idiot who named her daughters Kamryn and Kaprice -- which isn't even a name! Oh, wait, that was me. I am deeply ashamed. P.S. Even though I am a teacher, I write at a remedial level. That is why your children are so stupid."]

* * * * *

Continue reading…

Most of the comments people post in this site — on movie reviews, on “Snide Remarks” columns, and on this blog — are highly intelligent and insightful. (OK, maybe not most. Some.) A small percentage are hilarious misguided, illiterate, or in some other way risible, and it is those that we celebrate — with our favorite parts cast in bold type — with this occasional feature:

DUMB COMMENTS POSTED ON ERICDSNIDER.COM

“Phat Girlz”:
I loved this movie because me as a F.A.T. gurl it has gave me the confidence to go out there and face the skinny world ecsecially those skinny b****z hate them H**z. [Her censoring, not mine.] It made me to be the teen that i am come out of my box and fell better about myself and that I can do anything i want to thank Mo’Nique gurl l U gave me Confidence I would Luv to meet you.

[I am delighted that the movie helped an overweight girl feel better about her size, truly. Let's just hope she never has to do anything that requires expressing herself through the written word, or all that newfound self-confidence will evaporate.]

* * * * *

“Resident Evil Apocalypse”:
I find this review very incorrect. Resident Evil is one of my favourite movies [Oh! My review was incorrect, then. I said you hated it.], I saw the first one when I was younger and it scared me so much, I loved it. You are obvivously not a Horror Film lover, [Because all horror film lovers love all horror films?] because as all Horror Film lovers, such as me love how much blood and gore thier is in the movie. Of course all Horror Film’s can use a good zombie or two. 28 days later is pretty good it’s self, but I didn’t like it as much as Resident Evil, why you may ask? [No, no, actually I wouldn't ask.] It’s simple. Resident Evil Movie’s I can remember every detail, after the first time I watched it, 28 days later all I can remember is the beginning where they show the main actor’s crotch area and after that he walks out. I’m not a typical girl either, just remembering the movies that show a man’s crotch. I find that Milla Jovovich has great passion for this movie.

Her Co-actor’s has the same passion for Resident Evil as she does.

This is why I feel that your reviews are complete Stupidity.

* * * * *

“Bratz”:
your gay i thought his movie was good

you idiot

[That's a great dumb comment by itself, but it gets better: The person's e-mail address is "daddyloverjw1001@[something].com.” “Daddy Lover”? Ewww.

Continue reading…

A girl named Janet sent me this e-mail through my website’s e-mail page:

hi how are you doing? no im no writing to ask for any other celeberties my name is janet when i saw you on resident evil i thought it was scary at first but then i watched it over and over because u were in it and i like your blue eyes. and when i found out u came out on ugly betty i started watching it i have never watched it before not even when it first came out. but now im starting to wait for thursdays just to see u in it.if i ever get to make a movie ill get you as one of the characters. i really hope i can meet you one day. itll be cool if itll be on my graduation from high school this year, i would probably fall of the stage if u get a chance u can go onto my space [link provided] and see the pictures i have of u on there. well first ill have to add u as a friend i have it on private. well i really hope u do write soon i would love to hear from u keep in touch keep up the good work from janet

The funny part was that while Janet had read the warning indicating that she should not write to me for celebrities’ contact info, she failed to notice that the name “Eric D. Snider” was plastered all over the site. Whoever she thought she was writing to, it obviously was not Eric D. Snider. I have never appeared in a “Resident Evil” movie. I didn’t even want to appear in the audience of “Resident Evil.”

So I responded:

Continue reading…

Let’s start the new year with a fresh batch of unwitting hilarity, shall we? It’s always nice when people post comments on the columns and reviews here at EricDSnider.com; when those comments are flawed, it is only slightly less nice. We collect them here for you to enjoy, with our favorite parts cast in bold type.

DUMB COMMENTS POSTED ON ERICDSNIDER.COM

“Underdog”:
I think I was an excellent movie. [I think you were an excellent movie, too!] My son loved it and that was all that matters. He won’t stop talking about it. He is 3 yrs of age and There couldn’t of had been a better movie for him.

The dog in the movie I thought was cute and a perfect fit. I really didn’t sit and analyze the movie as others have done, but rather watched my son as he stared into the movie screen theater with and anxiety that was overwelming. ["Anxiety": I do not think this word means what you think it means.]

I think Disney has done a great job entertaining our kids and will continue doing so.

Think about what kind of entertainment there is for a child these days. Praise God

* * * * *

“Picasso at the Lapin Agile” (theater production):
You are a moron. Lapin Agile is the name of an actual bar in Montemarte in Paris. Steve Martin did not make it up, therefore it is not “a very Steve Martinian name for a bar”.

[It is true that I was not aware that Lapin Agile is a real place. Whether my lack of familiarity with the bars of Paris makes me a moron is debatable. However, the fact that Steve Martin did not invent it does not preclude it from being "a very Steve Martinian name for a bar." On the contrary, the name's Steve Martinianness is no doubt why he was attracted to it.]

* * * * *

“Just My Luck”:
when i was this movie i feel im a lindsay lohan and my partner is chrise pine.thank you

[Parents of America, please take a moment to reflect on this question: Why are your children so stupid? Thank you.]

Continue reading…

Here at EricDSnider.com, we love it when our readers post comments! The fact that some of the comments our readers post are stupid does not diminish our enthusiasm! If nothing else, it provides us with fodder for this occasional feature:

DUMB COMMENTS POSTED ON ERICDSNIDER.COM

“Step Up”:

hi im sherry sieler from caldeon on i ove tyler gag he is sexey her is a kiss for u tyler gage

[Tyler Gage is the fictional main character's name. Comments like this one are sadly typical in their illiteracy. I've actually started deleting some of them when they appear, just because I'm tired of the collective I.Q. of the site dropping every time there's a movie with a cute boy in it.]

* * * * *

“Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”:

I HATED IT! IT SUCKED! If People Even READ The Book They Would Agree It Sucked. They Left Out Like 99% Of The Whole Story. I’d Like To See How They Try To Shove Everything They Needed Out Of This Part For The Rest Of The Series Into The Movies They Aren’t Supposed To Be In. Stupid Directors.

[Yeah, that's the problem. The only reason so many people liked the movie version of "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" is that no one ever read the obscure book it was based on.

By the way, this person's strange system of Capitalizing Every Single Word was mentioned by another poster, causing this one to explain: "I'm Just Used To Typing Like This." But that begs the question. WHY are you used to typing like that?]

Continue reading…

It’s been far too long since we’ve shined a spotlight on some of the less intelligible comments that people have posted on EricDSnider.com. Here’s a batch, taken mostly from movie reviews.

DUMB COMMENTS POSTED ON ERICDSNIDER.COM

“Romeo Must Die”:

Ummmm Hmmm Thas a Lie I love romeo must Die n always will coz ever1 in ther is ma favourite actors but serioursly man u need to ummm hmmm i don no go ova tha movie and actualli get it from a person that has a lyphe point of view… and then mayb you would come back to earth… just a thought dont take it the heart….

[I believe this comment was written by a kitty cat.]

Continue reading…

It’s been a few months since we implemented the comment feature on EricDSnider.com, and you readers have certainly gone all interactive and comment-y on us! We’re up to 1,300 total comments (not including the blog, which is counted separately), which is like 11 comments a day. Not bad, considering we only have about 12 visitors a day.

Anyway, while I welcome any and all comments, and am grateful to have any readers at all, please don’t think this means that if you post something really, really stupid I will just overlook it. I will do no such thing. Rather, I will copy and paste it into a file on my desktop called “dumb comments,” and at a later date, I will take several such comments and reprint them here so everyone can look at them. These are mostly from movie reviews, except as noted.

“The Grudge 2″:
Unfortuantely,what other considers as “horror” does not relly on “gimicks” or suspense rather it rellies on slasher movies and opening people up w/ all the blood and gore.I disagree I think the movie was great not as great as the original japanese version but it’s nice that it tackle some of the loose ends. And like other great stories it does not rely on spoon feeding the audience to the true nature of the plot and leaves us to make our own conclusions. I do however not recommend it to those who doe not like to use their brain and imagination that often.

[This isn't too bad, but I do like how the commenter suddenly learns how to spell "rely" midway through.]

* * * * *

“The Grudge 2″:
i think the movie was wonderfull and funny even when the girl peed on herself

[Even when, or especially when?]

Continue reading…