Devoted reader Joe sent me photographic evidence of something shameful he did recently, which was to edit (some would say “vandalize”) the Wikipedia entry on Utah Valley State College to reflect something I said about it in a recent column. The joke was OK when I wrote it; somehow it’s much funnier when it appears in an official-looking context. It’s at the bottom:

I am flattered to have received today an e-mail from Gary Larson’s people with regard to my using a Far Side cartoon in this “Snide Remarks” column from last year. Apparently my reprinting of the comic infringed on their copyright (which was not news to me) and they noticed (which was news to me) and wanted it taken down. So it’s gone, replaced with a Ziggy that serves the same purpose in the context of the column. You can read the cease-and-desist letter in the “Comments & Reaction” section of the column.

Here’s your Monday update, a little tardy today because I was finishing some of the materials.

“Snide Remarks” re: the Catholic Church’s new feelings re: limbo. Note that the column has visual aids, along with the SnideCast® audio recording (which you can listen to on the page, or here, or by subscribing to the podcast here).

I’ve recently started having a little more fun with the podcasts by including thematically appropriate songs at the beginning and end. Today edition, for example, uses a song about limbo and a song about the afterlife. Songs are fun!

By the way, there is a mailing list you can get on so you can be alerted every time a new “Snide Remarks” is posted, which is supposed to be every Monday but which sometimes is every other Monday, or every third Monday, or whatever. Or you can keep an eye here on the blog (which has an RSS feed), as I usually mention new columns here, too. The point is, I would hate for anyone to live a single day without knowing there was a new column to read.

It was a shockingly productive weekend for me, and I have reviews of three current films to offer you: “In the Land of Women” (meh), “The Invisible” (hmm), and “Kickin’ It Old Skool” (bleh). If that sounds like a lousy way to spend a weekend, well, it is. But I also watched “Reds” (1981), Warren Beatty’s excellent historical epic, and that at least partially made up for it.

Today the mailman brought me a package postmarked Orem, Utah. I know plenty of people there, but the name and address were unfamiliar. Was this the mail bomb I’ve been expecting for so long?

I opened the package to find a lovely card addressed to me, and a beautiful gift bag. I read the card. It said, in part:

I loved your “Muckoo for Mocoa Muffs” column. Imagine my delight when, that very day, I walked into Harmon’s grocery store and saw the best-named fake Cheerios ever on the end-cap of one of the health food aisles. I bought a box, intending to send it to you, but I have a little procrastination problem and am only just getting around to it.

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Monday again? Already? Didn’t we just have one of these like a week ago?!

Because it is Monday, here is your “Snide Remarks,” with the podcast version embedded right there on the page. I was going to write about the Don Imus thing, but then I decided to just make a casual, careless reference to it instead.

ALSO! Here are reviews of Friday’s not-screened-for-critics “Slow Burn” and “Redline.” The reason they weren’t screened for critics, of course, is that they’re bad movies, but in this case I think that plan may have backfired. “Redline” made only $4 million this weekend, debuting in 11th place, while “Slow Burn” managed just $800,000 and about 19th place. Those numbers suggest a lack of public awareness. If they’d been screened for critics, there would have been reviews in all the papers and online on Friday. Yeah, most of the reviews would have been negative — but at least it would have increased the films’ visibility. Ultimately, all publicity is good publicity.

“Redline” has an amusing backstory. As reported by the Los Angeles Times, it is the brainchild of Daniel Sadek, a millionaire real estate mogul who wanted an excuse to show off his fancy cars, and also to give his actress girlfriend a starring role. He dreamed up the story and handed it over to an unknown screenwriter and director, appointing himself producer and financier. He put about $55 million of HIS OWN MONEY into the film’s production and marketing, and is distributing it himself, too. (Usually, people who produce movies independently sell them to studios to handle the distribution. That’s what Sundance is all about: “Here’s this movie we made; will you please use your money and resources to put it into theaters for us?”)

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I hope you enjoyed your Easter or Passover or Nothing weekend, whichever it was at your house. Here’s a big Cadbury Creme Egg full of Monday goodness: a new “Snide Remarks” here, and a podcast recording of it here.

Speaking of the “Snide Remarks” podcast, my fat brother Jeff and our tooly friend Jason have implemented a snazzy new feature allowing you to listen to the recorded version of a column from the column’s page itself. If there’s a recording available, you’ll see a “SnideCast” player in the infobox at the top of the page. Just click the “play” button and listen! You can even read along! I’ve retrofitted the older columns with this feature, too, where applicable.

Now the only way it could be easier for you to hear my voice is for you to actually become friends with me in real life! And that won’t happen, so this is as close as it’s going to get.

(And of course you still have the option of subscribing to the podcast through iTunes, if you prefer; the URL for that is here.)

Recording these podcasts is good for the column, actually. It’s always been a practice of mine to read the columns aloud while writing them, to make sure they flow naturally. And now I’m finding that sometimes as I’m recording the podcast, I’ll stumble upon a better way of phrasing something, and I’ll actually go back and change the text version to match the spoken version.

One last note on the podcasts: I know the recording quality is bad. I have good software; it’s the microphone and the general acoustics of my recording studio (i.e., my living room) that are subpar. Unfortunately, there’s not much I can do about either one right now. I’m going to try tweaking some things in the post-production to see if I can manipulate it into sounding better, and we’ll see what that yields. But bear in mind that I am always going to sound white and weaselly, no matter what.

Whichever one of you jokers ordered a Monday, here it is. The rest of us were enjoying Sunday just fine, thank you.

The new “Snide Remarks” is posted here. It will not be brief, and you will not enjoy it. The podcast version is forthcoming; I’m hoping the scratchy throat I have will clear up.

Meanwhile, as promised, I have reviews of the five movies that opened Friday that I didn’t already have reviews of. They are:

“The Last Mimzy” (YAY!)

“The Hills Have Eyes II” (BOO!)

“TMNT” (MEH!)

Pride” (DOUBLE MEH!)

“Shooter” (YAY, SORT OF!)

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Today we bring you the rich, buttery taste of a new “Snide Remarks” column, which you will find at this Internet location. There is no accompanying podcast recording of it, not out of laziness on my part (though that’s a good guess), but because the column has visual aids and relies heavily on quotes, both of which are hard to convey accurately in audio form.

And I’ll warn you right now: There will be no “Snide Remarks” next week. But that is because I will be in Austin for the South By Southwest Film Festival, and you will have my daily reports to enjoy instead (here’s last year’s diary), thus rendering “Snide Remarks” unnecessary. In fact, a new “Snide Remarks” next week (and maybe the week after, too, because I’ll still be traveling) would just get in the way. It would be an irritant, a nuisance.

Meanwhile, my review of “Black Snake Moan” is up. It’s good. (The movie, I mean. The review is badly written as usual.)

Finally, you’ll recall that I reported a couple weeks ago that my crappy, unfunny books and CDs are almost gone. Well, their almost-gone-ness has become even more pronounced since then, and I’m now looking at the last six copies of “Will Make Jokes for Food” and the last FOUR copies of “Monkeys and Pirates Are Funny.” If ever there has been a time to buy these items (by going to the merchandise page), surely that time is now. Make haste! Buy before it is too late and all is lost!

[UPDATE: Wow, that didn't take long. "Monkeys and Pirates Are Funny" is now sold out.]

No “Snide Remarks” today, on account of I didn’t write one. But as consolation, let me offer you the hilarious shoulder of “Wondermark” to cry on. It is a comic strip in which the artwork comes from 19th-century book illustrations while the jokes are distinctly modern. And it is funny.

Since I was late in posting this week’s “Snide Remarks,” and later still at doing the podcast for it, I give you this unrelated item to ponder. This is a conversation I overheard on the Portland State University campus. First speaker is a wispy Asian hipster boy with bleached hair. He is talking to his female friend. They are both about 18 years old.

WISPY ASIAN BOY: I don’t have style.
FEMALE FRIEND: How are you going to make a clothing line if you don’t have style?!
WISPY ASIAN BOY: I’m just kidding. I’m all about style.

The end.